CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

Now here you are with your faith
And your Peter Pan advice
You have no scars on your face
And you cannot handle Pressure
Pressure, by Billy Joel

Funny how my memory skips
While looking over manuscripts
of unpublished rhyme
Drinking my vodka and lime
Hazy Shade of Winter, by Simon and Garfunkel

I have my books
and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
…and a rock feels no pain
…and an island never cries
I am a Rock, by Simon and Garfunkel

I mean… I mean… I’m sitting here on the Group W bench, and you wanna know if I’m moral enough to join the Army, burn women, kids, houses, and villages… after being a litterbug?
Alice’s Restaurant, by Arlo Guthrie

You call her home
And you want to move in
But a house is not a home
And a home is not a house
When there’s not enough room for you
She, by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

The whole world is festering with unhappy souls

The French hate the Germans

The Germans hate the Poles

Italians hate Yugoslavs

South Africans hate the Dutch

and I don’t like anybody very much

The Merry Minuet, by The Kingston Trio

All I hear is

“Lyrics, lyrics,” constant controversy

Sponsors working round the clock to try to stop my concerts early

Surely hip-hop was never a problem in Harlem

Only in Boston

After it bothered the fathers

of daughters starting to blossom

White America, by Eminem

and I’m living off of grass

and the drippings from the ceiling

It’s okay to eat fish

Because they don’t have any feeling

Something in the Way, by Nirvana

Standin’ on the sidelines waving and grinnin’

You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun

…

But when I think of it my fingers turn to fists

I never did anything to you, man

But no matter what I try you’ll beat me with your bitter lies

So call me crazy, hold me down, make my cry, get off now baby

It won’t be long before you’re lying limp in your own hands

Limp, by Fiona Apple

Well I never been to England

But I kinda like the Beatles

Well, I headed for Las Vegas

Only made it out to Needles

Never Been to Spain, by Three Dog Night

You been playin’ where you shouldn’ta been playin’

And you keep thinking that you’ll never get burned

I just found me a brand new box of matches, yeah

And what he knows you ain’t had time to learn

These Boots are Made for Walking, by Nancy Sinatra

For somebody who don’t drive

I’ve been all around the world

Brand New Key, by Melanie

Your day breaks

Your mind aches

You find that all her words of kindness linger on when she no longer needs you

…

And in her eyes you see nothing

No sign of love behind the tears cried for no one

A love that should have lasted years

For No One, by The Beatles

No short-haired, yellow-bellied son-of-Tricky-Dicky’s gonna Mother Hubbard soft-soap me with just a pocket full of hope

Money for dope

Money for rope

Gimme Some Truth, by John Lennon

There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be

All You Need is Love, by The Beatles

He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun

In case of accidents he always took his mom

He’s the all-American bullet-headed Saxon mother’s son

(All the children sing)

Hey Bungalow Bill, what did you kill?

Bungalow Bill

…

The children asked him if to kill was not a sin

“Not when he looks so fierce!” his mommy butted in

If looks could kill it would’ve been us instead of him

The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill, by The Beatles

I don’t believe in Magic

I don’t believe in I Ching

I don’t believe in Bible

I don’t believe in tarot

I don’t believe in Hitler

I don’t believe in Jesus

I don’t believe in Kennedy

I don’t believe in Buddha

I don’t believe in Mantra

I don’t believe in Goethe

I don’t believe in Yoga

I don’t believe in Kings

I don’t believe in Elvis

I don’t believe in Zimmerman

I don’t believe in Beatles.

I just believe in me

Yoko and me

That’s reality

God, by John Lennon

How does it feel to be

One of the beautiful people?

How often have you been there?

Often enough to know

What did you see while you were there?

Nothing that doesn’t show

Baby You’re a Rich Man, by The Beatles

She’s well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand

Like a lizard on a windowpane

Happiness is a Warm Gun, by The Beatles

J.T. gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar

After two drinks he’s a loser

After three drinks he’s a star

Gettin’ all nostalic as he sings ‘I Will Survive’

Bleed Like Me, by Garbage

She knew which fork to use

But she couldn’t dance

So he hipped her to the funk

In exchange for the finance

Who’s pimpin’ who?

Nobody gets a second chance

This is the story of Illusion, Coma, Pimp, and Circumstance

Illusion, Coma, Pimp & Circumstance, by Prince

Well was she told when she was young that pain would lead to pleasure

Did she understand it when they said

That a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure

Will she still believe it when he’s dead?

Girl, by The Beatles

First check her brain

To see if she’s sane, deranged, or strange, or crazy as hell

You never can tell these days

Everybody got a little Rick James in they veins

Hip Hop Star, rap by Big Boi, song by Beyoncé

My mom and dad weren’t perfect

But still you don’t hear no cryin’-ass bitchin’ from me

Like there seems to be on everybody’s CD

Click Click Boom, by Saliva

I think she’s found a new religion

Studyin’ the Kabbalah in her J. Crew

Members Only, by Sheryl Crow

IQ is no problem here

We won’t be playing Scrabble for her hand I fear

Seven Days, by Sting

Rattle of bones

Dreams that stick out

A medical chart on the wall

Soft violins

Hands touch your throat

Everyone wants to explode

When your hands get dirty

No one knows you at all

Don’t have a window to slip out of

Lights on, nobody home

Click click, see you later..

Swamp, by Talking Heads

A room full of noise

And dangerous boys

Still make you thirsty and hot

Victim of Love, by The Eagles

Though I know I know you’re dissatisfied with your position and your place

Don’t you understand it’s not my problem?

I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes

And just for that one moment I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes

You’d know what a drag it is to see you

Positively 4th Street, by Bob Dylan

Bowel-shaking earthquakes

Of doubt and remorse

Assail him

Impale him

With monster truck force

The Distance, by Cake

Some voices got treble

Some voices got bass

We got the kinda voices

That are in your face

The New Style, by The Beastie Boys

I’m not the only soul

Who’s accused of hit and run

Tire tracks all across your back

I can see you had your fun

Crosstown Traffic, by Jimi Hendrix

Have to shout above the din of our Rice Krispies

Can’t hear anything at all

Synchronicity II, by The Police

Every time I comb my hair

Thoughts of you get in my eyes

Erotic City, by Prince

Uncontrollable notes from her snow white throat fill a space in which two bodies float

Blood Sugar Sex Magik, by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

If I was twice the man I could be, I’d still be half of what you need

Ringfinger, by Nine Inch Nails

We are vain and we are blind

I hate people when they’re not polite

Psycho killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?

Psycho Killer, by Talking Heads

Well you’re built like a car, you’ve got a hubcap diamond star halo

You’re built like a truck, oh yeah.

Get It On, by T-Rex, also covered decently by Power Station

Silver foxes looking for romance

In their chain smoke Kansas flashdance ass-pants

Hot Wax, by Beck

And bridges are meant for burning

When the people and memories they join aren’t the same

Lover’s Cross, by Jim Croce

A broom is drearily sweeping

up the pieces of yesterday’s life

Somewhere a queen is weeping

Somewhere a king has no wife

The Wind Cries Mary, by Jimi Hendrix

Men just aren’t the same today, I hear every mother say

They just don’t appreciate that you get tired

They’re so hard to satisfy, you can tranquilise your mind

So go running for the shelter of your mother’s little helper

And for help you through the night, help to minimize your plight

Doctor please, some more of these, outside the door, she took four more…

What a drag it is getting old.

Mother’s Little Helper, by The Rolling Stones

When they’ve tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years

Then they expect you to pick a career

When you can’t really function you’re so full of fear

A working class hero is something to be

A working class hero is something to be

Keep you doped with religion and sex and tv

And you think you’re so clever and classless and free

But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see

Working Class Hero, by John Lennon

In a boat in the middle of a raging sea

She would make a scene

For it all to be ignored

And wouldn’t you be bored?

Strange brew kills what’s inside of you

Strange Brew, by Cream

• Leave a comment... (0)

I’m an old hand at “juking” up recipes on the fly — sometimes the results are good, sometimes the results are.. well, edible. In rare cases, I come up with something that tastes REALLY good. This, I humbly submit, is one of those.

Bourbon Chicken and Dumplings

Ingredients

• Organic Chicken Broth
• Organic Beef Broth (optional)
• Chicken breasts, boneless
• Chicken thighs, boneless
• Fresh thyme, parsley and sage
• Fresh carrots
• Fresh celery
• Bourbon (I used Maker’s Mark)
• Half-and-half or cream or milk
• Bisquick
• Milk
• Paprika
• Salt (I used a Garlic Sea Salt Grinder… yum)

Directions
In a big pot combine:

• chicken broth (and beef broth if you want — I didn’t have enough chicken so I used beef as well)
• the chicken breasts and thighs
• carrots (I use whole carrots, skins and all, cut into 4″ lengths)
• celery (I use stalks about 4″ long and leave the leaves on 1-2 stalks)
• fresh thyme, parsley, and sage (don’t chop any of it up)
• many splashes of bourbon

Let cook on med-low for a while until the chicken is tender. I did 1-2 hrs I think. Funny story: the bourbon happened because I snacked on a carrot from the cutting board I’d also used for the semi-raw chicken. I yelped out two seconds after I did it, “augh! I might get salmonella!” and my brilliant engineerboy husband said, “quick, take a swig of alchohol!”. So I did, and then I thought, well, I don’t have any white wine and soup is ALWAYS better with wine, and tossed in a bunch of bourbon. Concern of salmonella is the mother of invention… at least in this case!

Remove the carrots, celery, and spices from the broth (I throw away the spices, carrots and celery but I guess if you like to eat them you can leave them in). I also put a bunch of ground salt, and some black and tri-color pepper in there, freshly ground.

Take the chicken out of the pot and cut it into pieces. Add a little cream or milk into the broth.

Let cook another hour or two on low heat.

Preheat oven to 350. Turn up heat to medium on the broth, enough to get a boil but NOT SCALD. Mix up dumplings:

• Bisquick and milk as per directions on the box
• I ground the Garlic Sea Salt and sprinkled Paprika in the dumpling dough

Drop the dumpling dough in by big heaping spoonfuls. Let boil for 4-5 minutes. Then put pot in oven for about 15-25 minutes, until the tops are brown.

Damn fine! If I do say so myself!

• Leave a comment... (0)

Weirdest Trend of the Night: Bruise Chic

So, black and blue is an unusual combo, but both Maggie Gyllenhaal and Portia DeRossi combined them with elegant results.

Maggie wears the one-shoulder well, although I’m not sure if her hair accessory is feathers or an oil slick. I guess neither is very PC, though, given this is the first environmentally friendly Oscars, eh?

Portia’s slender frame works quite well with the cutaway and shimmery fabric.

Things I Normally Don’t Like That I Liked For Some Reason

I have never ever seen a Zac Posen dress I liked… ever… until this gorgeous terra cotta pleated sheath.

I generally think Celine Dion dresses terribly and I don’t care for low-cut gowns, but this elegant emerald creation with just-the-right-amount of diamond bling was just perfect.

Ditto for Anika Noni Rose — not usually a big fan of the low cut but she looks radiant, or at the least irradiated!

I normally diss beigey neutrally colors, but this satin quicksilver Vera Wang gown on Rachel Weisz is absolutely stunning.

Stuff I Loved

Jodie Foster (also in Vera Wang) is fabulous in cornflower chiffon.

Reese Witherspoon once again proves she’s not hurtin’ post-breakup — at least not visibly — in this plummy Nina Ricci.

Love the dress on Queen Latifah and absolutely adore anything Carmen Marc Valvo.

Simply stunning. Can’t say enough good things about Helen Mirren and her ability to just look flat out gorgeous.

Cate Blanchett models one of the nicer costumes from ‘300’. No, seriously, she absolutely wins top Mynagirl honors with her unerring ability to look like a bronzed (or in this case, pewtered) goddess — top notch in Armani Privé.

Although normally I ignore men’s fashion during my little reviews, I have to give a shout out to Ryan Seacrest’s Calvin Klein underpants. Britney, take note, honey.

The Everpresent “Enhh” Category

If only they could’ve gold-plated her smile… Jada Pinkett Smith’s gown isn’t horrible, but she looks wicked tense.

The flappity gold wings don’t quite work… I wish Jennifer had gone for the clingy diva look she wore onstage during her singing number — this one didn’t do anything for me. But she’s enjoying herself, for sure!

Hey, you can play Bejeweled if you get bored during the awards! Beyonce sports a beautifully colored but slightly too encrusted Armani.

Taking a cue from Bjork, Cameron Diaz wears her interpretation of a paper origami bird.

If the Devil is in the details, neither dress does it. Both Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt disappoint in Valentino and Calvin Klein, respectively.

I know what boys like… I know what guys want… Jessica stumbles after her Golden Globe stunner, showing a little too much in her thin late-80’s fuschia-and-black halter.

Enh. Beige/peach/strapless/ruffled/yada/yada/yada. Penelope Cruz once again goes daring with the exact same type of dress she always wears.

ROFLMAO

It never ceases to amaze me that these people with all this money, with designers and stylists at their every disposal, can wear stuff this wacky.

Kelly Preston is wearing the Grrranimals Couture collection by Dolce & Gabbana.

Message for you, sir!! Catherine Deneuve models the “Sweet Concord” collection by Python Couture.

It’s like an Anime Horror Story… believe it or not, Kirsten Dunst’s schoolgirl-necked frock includes feathers at the bottom.

E! correspondent Giuliana DePandi models the Ace Bandage collection from Monique L’Huilier.

Okay, I normally don’t pick on non-honorees/non-famous people, but Steve Carrell’s wife really looks like she’s just waiting for the rest of that dress to “accidentally” fall off in front of the cameras. Hmmm.. anyone know if she got a body piercing in Houston yesterday??

Modeling the “Mother’s Little Helper” collection is a slightly glazed-looking Jennifer Lopez, who continues to not quell rumors of pregnancy in her second empire-waisted Marchesa gown in a row.

Okay, I know Elisabeth Shue hasn’t really been in a major movie in a while, but… Dress Barn? C’mon, Liz!!

And the Worst Outfit of the Evening goes to Nicole Kidman, who sports the “December to Remember” collection by Lexus.

Oh yeah, and in case you’re one of those people who, like, watches because it’s about acting — or something like that…

The Nominees and Winners for 79th Academy Awards

Best Actor

Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond

Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson

Peter O’Toole, Venus

Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness

Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

Best Actress

Penélope Cruz, Volver

Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal

Helen Mirren, The Queen

Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Kate Winslet, Little Children

Best Supporting Actor

Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine

Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children

Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond

Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

Mark Wahlberg, The Departed

Best Supporting Actress

Adriana Barraza, Babel

Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal

Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

Best Director

Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima

Stephen Frears, The Queen

Paul Greengrass, United 93

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel

Martin Scorsese, The Departed [YAY!!! FINALLY!!]

Best Picture

Babel, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Steve Golin, Jon Kilik

The Departed, Graham King

Letters from Iwo Jima, Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg, Robert Lorenz

Little Miss Sunshine, David T. Friendly , Peter Saraf , Marc Turtletaub

The Queen, Andy Harries , Christine Langan , Tracey Seaward

Best Original Screenplay

Babel, Guillermo Arriaga

Letters from Iwo Jima, Iris Yamashita , Paul Haggis

Little Miss Sunshine, Michael Arndt

El Laberinto del Fauno, Guillermo del Toro

The Queen, Peter Morgan

Best Adapted Screenplay

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, Sacha Baron Cohen , Anthony Hines , Peter Baynham , Dan Mazer , Todd Phillips

Children of Men, Alfonso Cuarón , Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata , Mark Fergus , Hawk Ostby

The Departed, William Monahan

Little Children, Todd Field , Tom Perrotta

Notes on a Scandal, Patrick Marber

• Leave a comment... (0)

Am I just getting old and crabby? Maybe the chardonnay is making me more catty than normal. Either way, enjoy.

Likes!

Kyra Sedgwick’s asymmetrical goddess gown was a delight

The Clothes-er

Living well is the best revenge — Reese Witherspoon is radiant (if a bit thin) in kicky yellow satin with some fiery red shoes

These Laboutins are made for walkin’

24’s Mary Lynn Rajskub was adorable in her white column and shoulder duster earrings

Satellite uplink achieved!

Renee Zellweger, despite looking like she always has a pillbug in her mouth, was indeed beautiful in emerald satin

Mmmbllhdbblldlds… blech

What all the Grecian cheerleaders are wearing!!

Hayden Pannettiere’s Grecian Monique L’Huillier frock and fall are lovely and young

The always adorable and fresh Kate Winslet in Ungaro

Wull Hullo Darling!

America Ferrera was lovely in Lapis-colored Brian Reyes

Georgeous America

Sienna Miller’s messy Grecian ‘do with simply lined but busily printed Marchesa gown was quite radiant on her slender frame

I will be laying down some Law of my own

This breaks all my rules — low cut, etc, but damn… she just pulls it off!! Beyonce shimmers with straight hair and a curvy gold-clad body

Ok, so the Golden Globe joke is too easy, right?

The Arquettes let their freak flag fly in leather and lace

Arque-a-licious

Hilary Swank was put together and precious as the Black Dahlia

Finally, back together again

Penelope Cruz is gorgeous and classic in Chanel Couture

Volver-ilicious

LOLs

Angelina Jolie did her best Sunny Von Bulow impression

Oh, You Have No Idea

Annette Bening looks pained in an awkwardly tailored gown/blouse/top/thingy

Wow, I forgot about the award show… good thing I had my old Christening pinafore!

Evangeline Lilly and the Amazing Technicolor Speedo Gown (by Versace)

Dammit, I told my stylist I wanted a mermaid gown!

Always good for a laugh is Sharon Stone, here shown sucking the life force out of a much younger man

Hmmm… Cruella de Ville or Gloria Swanson? You decide!!

Ennh.

Sarah Paulson’s too-safe, not-really-there, not-really-doing-anything-for-me strapless champagne left me… bored

Did I take “Sunset Strip” a little too literally, maybe?

Michelle Williams looked beautiful but she stuck with her knack of picking the wrong color for her skin

Yes it’s quite a warm shoulder

Cate Blanchett was flashing back to the 80’s in lace Alexander McQueen. We could’ve stayed in the present, but she is nevertheless radiant and adorable.

Oh Ryan, You’re so Fine!

Jennifer Love Hewitt sports a Dangerous Liaisons bodice green gold gown

Iron-clad, baby

J-Lo was not dispelling any pregnancy rumors in an Empire-waist Marchesa

All worship goddess J-Lo

Dislikes

Cameron Diaz was looking a little harsh. I guess we’ll forgive her given the recent breakup, but… wow, soften up, girl.

So, can I be in the next Batman movie?

Eva Longoria’s navy Ungaro gown with jeweled straps alllllmost won it for us out here in the sticks, but that overly dipped down backview (complete with the lower back tat) lands her in the dislikes pile

Am I cute from behind, too?

Drew Barrymore’s John Galliano for Christian Dior was simply known here in Brenham as “The Pink Towel” (actually when she was on stage it was quite nice, but… well, how can I pass up calling it the Pink Towel?)

Hey, at least I’m contained this year

Ali Larter of Heros was leaving very little to the imagination in her “Creamsicle” chest-less Monique L’Huillier wonder gown

Oh my god, I am so happy to be here, I better make sure I get on camera!!

Vanessa Minillo came as the Golden Glob

This will be on… NBC? Is that, like, the new MTV?

Ellen and J Lo share tips on dealing with huge falls of hair

Mmm, yes, mine’s fake, how’s yours?

Ellen Pompeo sports another Versace Speedo

Rip off this chiffon and I’m ready to slice through the waves

Vanessa Williams was bustin’ out and wild-eyed in a bad frizz and tasteless fur

Are you talkin’ to me?

Although I adore her, I just couldn’t hang with Julia Louis Dreyfus’ chest-dripping-sequins cocktail length affair.

Oh I’m just dripping with gilt

• Leave a comment... (0)

The Disclaimer

I am not a vet. Nor a doctor. Nor a pet nutrionist of any kind. So… this is just my experience. I am not advocating anything or recommending that you do anything.

The History

Our one-eared tabby Tigger has been a bag of bones for a while. After our calico Scout died of Feline AIDS we knew that similar complications might develop in our other two cats, and when Tigger started getting thin and throwing up a lot we knew it was time to take her to the vet. She’s hyperthyroidal (read: the hungriest, yowliest, unsatisfiable cat on the planet) and has some heart problems, and constant hairball issues (thus the throwing up). So far she hasn’t tested FIV positive but she doesn’t have any white blood cells either so clearly something is happening here.

After even the meds weren’t putting any weight on her, we went through a series of canned cat food, trying in vain to find her something she would eat. $.77 / can at Wal-Mart Fancy Feast Gourmet Selections Whipped Salmon and Egg Mousse was rejected with a feline sniff and a yowl. Science Diet a/d (the weight gain kind) was liked somewhat, but not consistently. Nothing “stuck”. She wouldn’t eat, she was always hungry, and she was so thin and listless. Eventually we started feeding her pure tuna and salmon, which was doing so-so but she had a hard time eating the big chunks. The one thing she would wolf down was any spare scraps of beef I ever gave her as a treat.

So, I decided I would make her homemade food to try and come up with something that she would actually eat. I started with mostly beef and decided to throw in salmon and some oilier whole fish (sardines / kippers). I went for the fattiest cuts, mostly because Tigger was so undernourished and didn’t keep much down. (Our other cat Bouncie, once a giant fluffball, had lost weight in later years as well, so luckily this was probably okay for both animals). I prepared it all (as below) and threw it in the food processor. Our house smelled like a Norwegian fishing shack for two days, but it was worth it.

The Recipe

Proportions aren’t super important.

Basic Ingredients:

• Pan-sauteed ground beef (I used the cheapest highest-fat beef I could find)
• Kippers or sardines
• Canned salmon (I got the big cans)
• Cooked corn grits from scratch, no salt or butter
• Light cream or half-and-half if desired

The Mixture

In a nice food processor, throw in a couple scoops of the beef (grease and all), a spoonful or two of grits, 3/4 of a can of salmon, one can of kippers or sardines, and a dash of half-and-half or light cream. Blend well into a nice mash. Scoop into tiny Glad containers and freeze, unfreezing as necessary (they will unfreeze overnight in the fridge).

The Result

Tigger is like a changed animal. The change into a bag of bones had been over some years, so we hadn’t even realized the change in her fur and eyes that went with it until all of a sudden her fur was shiny and fluffy, and her eyes were alert and sharp. She was relaxed, contented, happy, an actual cat again! Now, it’s not just the change in food — she takes medicine for the thyroid problem, the heart problem, and a laxative for the hairball problem. But the food really seemed like the final piece in this miracle turnaround for dear old Tigger. It’s nice to have her back.

• Leave a comment... (0)

I just have to say, I’m constantly amazed by anyone with artistic vision and a drive to create. The person that amazes me most often in this capacity is my mother — she is a non-stop creative force with endless energy and strength.

In her life, my mom has created wood carvings, jewelry, stained glass, etched glass, oil paintings, watercolor paintings, custom tiled bathrooms, tile and glass mosaics, furniture out of copper pipe, and custom wall collages. Not to mention children’s books. Oh, and she runs a Bed & Breakfast in the Texas Hill Country that’s filled with her signature custom touches, so she’s learned to be a master chef lately as well. Her latest artistic obsession is concrete — specifically, architectural concrete. For the gorgeously flowering and beautifully decorated entry way to her B&B, she decided to create a couch. Out of concrete. With a magnolia blossom made of glass.

The creation is as you see below — bolstering and all accomplished with concrete and glass accents, complete with a larger glass mosaic on the back of the couch.

Couch front

Couch back

I’ve been watching the progress via emailed pictures and I did see it once in person when it was nearly complete. It’s unbelievably perfect nestled in with the garden entry way leading up to the B&B. When you hear “concrete couch” you don’t think of this gorgeous and inviting sculpture. It’s really unbelievable.

Since there’s always a possibility that Mom might want to make another creation on commission, here’s her contact information:

Sherry Gansle

Canyon Lake, Texas

210 316 6203

• Leave a comment... (0)

“But The User Should Memorize their Training Booklet…”

I find in my life and professional career that there are two types of people:

• Those that live in the land of “should”
• Those that live in the land of “is”

I had a chat with a friend in college, and I asked the question whether or not health insurance companies should pay for preventive maintenance. “Of course they should!” she exclaimed. I countered by saying that insurance companies are essentially financial organizations, if preventive maintenance didn’t lower their costs, why should they do it? Her response was, “Well, well… just because it’s right!”

And that may be… it may be “right” (in the moral sense) to provide preventive care to people, but no company is going to do it just because it’s “right” — they’ll only do it if they’re losing customers because they don’t offer it, or if companies start to pay extra for health insurance in order to attract and retain their own employees. That’s how the free-market economy works. That’s reality.

So if you want to get your health insurance company to offer preventive maintenance, I would argue that the least effective thing you could do would be to tell your health insurance company that you need it. They don’t have really any big financial incentive to do it for one person whose health insurance is determined by their employer. A better idea would be to tell your employer you need it, and/or get other employees to join their voice to the chorus. Then maybe your employer (who actually has the power to change health insurance companies) will ask your health insurance provider for it. An even better idea is that if you’re the one who really needs it, pay for it yourself or go find an employer whose health insurance offers it.

Similar things are rampant at work. Lots of people get caught up in “should” and “it isn’t fair”. Things such as:

• There’s no need to put an intuitive “helper” text on an application form, because everyone should have received training on the app.
• I shouldn’t have to code a “back” button on a web site page, because the browser has a back button, and the user should know to use that instead.
• It isn’t fair that we have to help a customer who caused their own problem; the customer should just fix it themselves.

I find these types of arguments / whining very frustrating, because wanting people (especially customers) to act the way you think they “should” is really an exercise in futility. It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall — it might seem like a good idea, until you do it. And no sane person would think that they could actually break the wall with their skull.

The husband of a friend of mine once said (in response to something I was whining about), “Well, you might be right, but you won’t have any friends”. It was such a great truth I was immediately dumbstruck. He was right: what good was expecting people do X if it didn’t make for a harmonious relationship? What good is expecting users to use the back button if they aren’t web-savvy enough to know about the back button? What good is demanding a customer fix her own problem if it makes her so mad she takes her business elsewhere?

The Reaction Equation

This brings me to another corollary of this same philosophy:

E + R = O

or,

Events + your Reaction = Outcome

I can’t take credit for this one either; it’s from a seminar I attended for work many years ago. The concept is this: in this equation, the only thing you can tailor to affect the “O” is your “R”. The events are just gonna happen, so figure out what outcome you’d like to see and pick your reaction according. Again, this is so simple and logical and practical, yet it was a revelation to me.

Yes, a rainy / stormy day on your tropical vacation sucks. But if your desired Outcome is a fun and relaxing vacation, you can decide that your Reaction on that day is to get that all-day spa treatment you were thinking about: then you’ve tailored your reaction to still ensure that you get a good vacation. Or you can do whatever else you never get enough time to do during the week that would still equal “relaxing vacation” for you: playing chess, napping in the hammock, reading a trashy novel, cross-stitching.

Same thing goes for work: if a coworker slacks off and doesn’t do their job on your project, you can either:

1. Get irritated that the coworker “should” have done their job and refuse to do it yourself, or
2. Send the coworker a reminder email to do their tasks, or
3. Do it yourself to make sure it gets done and be really mad about it, or
4. Do it yourself to make sure it gets done, then address the issue appropriately later

Which one you pick depends on your desired outcome. If your primary desired outcome is to point out that your coworker isn’t doing their job, options #1 or #2 are for you, but they preclude or risk the outcome of successful project completion. If your desired outcome is that the project finish on time / successfully, then you have to pick #3 or #4, since you can’t really affect whether or not the coworker does their job. If you don’t want it to happen all the time, then maybe #4 is the right path.

So the equation doesn’t really mean there’s one right answer, but it does mean that you focus on what you want out of the situation and tailor your reaction. This can be especially helpful in interpersonal relationships that drive you crazy. If you have a friend who constantly whines about her various physical ailments and you wish she would stop, your main choices are that you can ignore it, listen and sympathize, or tell her flat-out that you’re not interested. Assuming you still want to maintain this friendship, #1 is probably your best option. #2 is going to get you more whining, and #3, telling her to stop, risks the friendship. It may seem “cold” to look at friendships this way, but it can actually be quite freeing — or at least, self-educational.

I was friends with a girl once who had gone through a terrible divorce. Initially I didn’t mind listening to her and being her friend, but eventually it became this horrible nightly parade of negativity, much of it heaped on me (long story, but she saw parallels between my life and that of her ex-husband). After a while when nothing I tried could dispel her endless venomous rantings, I quit being her friend. That was the only reaction I could come up with that got me to a good outcome — not having vitriol hurled at me.

Everyone Does What’s Easiest for Them

Now, none of this means you can’t vent if something irritates you. I mean, one of your outcomes is probably to make yourself feel better about a given situation, and if venting to a neutral third party helps, then it’s definitely a good reaction to have. But in general I find when people look at their “R”s, they all do what’s easiest for them. (This bit of wisdom is from my wonderful husband Engineerboy).

You probably know at least a couple friends who go visit relatives regularly, and a subset of those friends would probably prefer not to go visit at least some of the time, but they go anyway. This is because it’s easier for them to be considered a “good son/daughter/grandchild/cousin” than it is for them to disappoint their relatives. Their desired “O” is to be a good family member and not shirk obligations. For someone else, the equation may work out so that it’s easier for them to deal with disappointing their family members then have to leave home for a visit. Their “O” may be to not respond to guilt, or to simply be home more. So everyone does what’s easiest for them and their personal makeup / situation.

One last example: picture an office worker who routinely brings in fancy coffee to the office. She freely shares the coffee with the other team members, because it’s easier for her to pay for expensive coffee for everyone than it is for her to endure the crappy coffee that’s provided. Her desired Outcome is quality coffee every morning. If the company then decides to improve their coffee situation, it would be silly to demand that the company reimburse her for all the fancy coffee she bought in the past — after all, she was just doing what was easiest for her.

So?

Anyway, I just had to get this out of my system and now I feel better. I’ve tailored my reaction to certain people I interact with whose behaviors I don’t understand by driving toward my desired outcome: being able to feel better about it without actively being hostile to people I know. Plus, maybe there are a few of you out there that will find these truisms as much of a revelation as they were to me. And that’s the best Outcome of all.

• Leave a comment... (0)

I have worked in technology for almost all of my professional career. Much of it has been in a consulting or contracting mode, where I would work at a customer company’s site instead of at my employer’s. So I’ve been able to observe dozens of different companies and approach process and change within their oranizations, specifically their IT organizations.

Contrast the following:

• I had a sales call at one international energy firm where they were interesting in really bleeding-edge integration of vendors that weren’t quite ready, and I was told the company’s approach was “if we’re not making mistakes, we’re not moving fast enough”. Wow, that’s like a blank check for a consultant!!
• I worked for three years at another international energy firm where the smallest change had to be submitted a week in advance and a change affecting multiple servers had to be in the system for a MONTH prior to actual implementation.

Which was the more successful firm? Depends on what you’re measuring — is it revenue, is it profit, or is it the company’s long-range investments in future technologies and revenue sources? Besides, the test of a successful energy firm is when prices are below $50 a barrel, so the answer may not appear for a while.

Another dichotomy:

• My first job after college was as a marketing analyst with leviathan insurance company. When I realized I had a knack for programming and systems development, I applied internally for a job posting for a server administrator. I mean, I’d taught myself to program pretty sophisticated stuff in less than a year, I’d be a great internal recruit, right? Cheap and willing to learn. However, HR couldn’t even let me post for the job because it was more than two analyst grades above my own in their job classification system. This is the same company that installed a cube wall in front of a floor-to-ceiling window because the employee sitting there wasn’t a Manager and only Managers got window cubes. Seriously.
• My third job after college was to move to national technology consulting firm, coming from a very small-potatoes tech consulting firm. I told the hiring manager what my salary expectations were… and when it came time for the offer, he actually offered me more (to ensure I was still happy after I started and realized that my ask price was below market). Pretty amazing.

Now, that hiring was during the heydays of the tech boom, I realize that, but (from my persective), “Leviathan Mutual” passed up on a great internal promotion opportunity because of hidebound process and procedure rules, while “Nimble Consulting” broke protocol to accomplish what they needed to accomplish.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I by no means advocate “shooting from the hip” for technical work. (Here is where people who know me in person will start to snicker). On the contrary, I am the Queen of Procedure Docs. (It has been a mostly peaceful reign). I write procedure docs to ensure two things:

(1) The Safety Blanket: The Customer feels reassured that we know what we’re doing.

(2) The Caffeine Factor: The technical team (myself absolutely included) can perform our middle-of-the-night tasks like upgrading servers without having to remember all the steps in our head.

In my mind, the above two reasons are very practical reasons for documentation. Even if you don’t agree with it, your customers will be happier if you show them what you’re doing. And it is simply a good idea to write down anything you plan to do at 3 in the morning. But you’ll notice I didn’t list

(3) Because I Said So: Make sure everyone else adheres to some process simply because the process exists.

But I find as my technical career progresses that process-slavishness doesn’t have to be company-wide. It can exist among people and departments, and I realize as I get older (and crankier, no doubt) that I am having less and less patience with it. I have no patience for those who live in the “World of Should” (e.g., “People should follow the process, because that’s the process”, regardless of the real-world situation). This is a jewel with many facets:

• There’s no need to put “helper” text on an application form, because everyone should have received training on the app.
• I shouldn’t have to code a “back” button on a web site page, because the browser has a back button, and the user should know to use that instead.
• We shouldn’t have to help a customer who caused their own problem, the customer should just fix it themselves.

My issue with all of the above reminds me of something a friend’s husband once said: “Well, you might be right, but you won’t have any friends”.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Oscar Arrives!

Argent de Poche

Strangely, pockets were a mini-theme this year… both Amy Adams and Sandra Bullock wore blossomy dresses with pockets, and both looked utterly relaxed. I guess a beautiful gown with pockets just makes you feel less stressed, like you’re just hanging out.

Amy Adams’s striped Carolina Herrera was gorgeous and elegant

Sandra chats calmly during the red carpet mixing

Pales in Comparison

It’s official, I will never like pale colors on the red carpet. Color, people, color!!

Naomi Watts was radiant as always, but that washed-out Givenchy did not do it for me… I actually liked the gauzy messiness of it all, but I just can’t stand that pale color on her!!

I had a really bad run-in with King Kong before the show

Naomi’s b.f. Nicole Kidman was similarly milk-toast in her ivory column.

Ice princess Nicole

Even Reese Witherspoon and Uma Thurman chose the pale look.

Reese paled it up as well

Uma… where’s Oprah?

Golden Girls

Going just one shade beyond pale were the gowns ranging from gold to goldenrod. Jessica Alba was radiant with beautiful hair and jewelry, even if her gown did make her look a titch naked at first glance. Michelle Williams’s mustardy dress wasn’t my favorite, especially with those cool, dark colors in her antique-y necklace.

Golden princess Jessica

Mustard princess Michelle

Even radiant Jennifer Garner chose an icy barely-gold sequined number.

Stunt princess Jennifer

And Bahar Soomekh of Crash is so beautiful, I was sorry she spent the night in yellow chiffon, even if it is Calvin Klein.

Persian princess Bahar

But it wasn’t just the young kids in shades of gold… Jane Seymour wore a pale gold gown that showed off her figure (perhaps a smidge too well).

I’m hoping to sub for Dolly Parton if possible

Back in Black

Of course, not everyone was brave enough to go for ivory or pale gold. Some had to get really brave and go with… black. Jennifer Anniston, Felicity Huffman, and Rachel Weisz all opted for black. Although Felicity’s Zac Posen look was a bit more daring than the other ladies.

I’m hoping to stand out as little as possible

Just in case you had any doubts from Transamerica

I think my pregnant belly leaves no doubt at all…

Charlize Theron also chose a blackish green gown whose puffy sleeve was almost matched by her hair-helmet hairstyle.

Well, I have a pillow to use if the telecast gets too boring

Color, although Not Very Much

The most colorful dress of the evening was Salma Hayek by far — in a radiant peacock blue. She was the only one in a bright, however. Keira Knightley was radiant, gorgeous, elegant, fabulous in a darker color — a knocked out burgundy Vera Wang.

Hello, Dahling

Precious, dahling

The Boys

Well, the men were into classic good looks, and hallelujah. The straight-tie look predominated, but there were enough bow ties to remind you that you really were at the Oscars.

Oscar-winner Clooney is charming and good-looking as ever

Matt Dillon is classic, showing up for his nomination for Crash

Eric Bana also shows the classic bow tie tux

Will and Steve both chose the charcoal / silver look for their ties

Giamatti sports the straight tie

Howard wears the straight tie as well as…a diamond brooch?

The documentarians from March of the Penguins showed the crowd how to really wear a tux

Of course, not all the men were classic. Some were against the trend, as with Gary Busey’s confused look and all-black tux. Oh, and Tim Burton was definitely Tim Burton.

Why am I here?

C’mon, Helena, you’re entirely too polished to be my date

Nominees and Winners for 78th Annual Academy Awards

Leading Actor

• Philip Seymour Hoffman, in Capote
• Terrence Howard, in Hustle & Flow
• Heath Ledger, in Brokeback Mountain
• Joaquin Phoenix, in Walk the Line
• David Straithairn, in Good Night, and Good Luck

Leading Actress

• Judi Dench, in Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Felicity Huffman, in Transamerica
• Keira Knightley, in Pride & Prejudice
• Charlize Theron, in North Country
• Reese Witherspoon, in Walk the Line

Supporting Actor

• George Clooney, in Syriana
• Matt Dillon, in Crash
• Paul Giamatti, in Cinderella Man
• Jake Gyllenhaal, in Brokeback Mountain
• William Hurt, in History of Violence

Supporting Actress

• Amy Adams, in Junebug
• Catherine Keener, in Capote
• Frances McDormand, in North Country
• Rachel Weisz, in The Constant Gardener
• Michelle Williams, in Brokeback Mountain

Best Director

• Ang Lee, for Brokeback Mountain
• Bennett Miller, for Capote
• Paul Haggis, for Crash
• George Clooney, for Good Night, and Good Luck
• Steven Spielberg, for Munich

Best Picture

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• Crash
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Munich

Best Cinematography

• Batman Begins
• Brokeback Mountain
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Memoirs of a Geisha
• The New World

Best Original Song

• In The Deep, from Crash
• It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp, from Hustle & Flow
• Travelin’ Thru, from Transamerica

• Leave a comment... (0)

Hot Yoga Here

1320 W. 34th at Golf St.

Houston, TX

832-483-5787

www.hotyogahere.com

Bikram’s Yoga College of India – Houston

2438 South Boulevard

Houston, TX

713-664-5333

www.bikramyogahouston.com

Note: Bikram’s Yoga College of India – Houston also has another Galleria location

Ok, so if you’ve perused some of the articles on this site, you already know I’m a yoga person. And you may have read my review about Hot Yoga Here, the yoga studio I go to here in Houston. And if you’ve read my review, you’ll know I love Hot Yoga Here so much that I have said that I couldn’t even bring myself to go to another studio, even for the purposes of comparison.

The “Other” Yoga Place

However… this past weekend Hot Yoga Here was closed for a planned event and I needed to get my yoga on, so I decided to give the “official” Bikram franchise here in town a try. I’m glad I went so I know what it’s like and know I can go there in a pinch, but I’ll never choose to go there over Darla’s studio at Hot Yoga Here. Below is what I found at Bikram Yoga College of India, Houston — feel free to discount my review because I’m such a die-hard “Hot Yoga Here” girl, but I call ’em like I experienced ’em.

The studio I went to (they have two locations) was in a nice section of West U, and in that regard it was very much what I expected — freestanding building, nicely labeled, good parking, with a decent-sized dressing room and showers. For a first-timer, I could see that it would be less intimidating than Hot Yoga Here, which rents space in a Krishna temple and until you get used to being at the temple for yoga, you do feel a bit out of place.

Is That a Gucci Sports Bra?

Even as a regular hot yoga devotee, however, I felt more out of place at Bikram Yoga College of India than at the Krishna temple: boy, you can tell that this type of yoga started in L.A. The desk in the lobby is under the photographic presence of Bikram Choudhury himself, in a huge poster print of him sitting in lotus position on a (I do not lie) dead tiger skin. Not a very good yoga environment for this vegetarian. Over the doorway to the yoga room another picture looms, of Bikram and (presumably) his wife, sitting at the edge of a beautiful pool — and she’s wearing a swimsuit emblazoned with the name of an Italian design house. That pretty much encapsulated the BYCIH experience for me — yoga’s cool, but especially if you’re gorgeous and in designer clothes.

The people were much different at BYCIH than at HYH. More West U, maybe, I don’t know. I don’t really have anything against West U or people who live there, but… it’s just a different vibe. Hot Yoga Here is this sort of collection of all types of folks — totally in-shape athletes and housewives, women losing weight, guys looking for an intense workout, older folks trying to stay limber — that I lose self-consciousness very quickly. And if you go to HYH you’re not really going to “see and be seen” — what, at a Krishna temple? But BYCIH was much more like being at a Bally’s aerobics class: people who get a charge from working out in front of other people, especially if it’s something trendy and eastern like Yoga. Before class (when folks at HYH usually lay or sit on their rugs meditating or just resting and soaking up the heat), there was much public stretching going on in the BYCIH yoga room. The tiny blonde in front of me did this whole elaborate routine into the mirror complete with stretches, prayer posture poses, and various non-Bikram yoga postures. It was quite the performance.

I don’t even want to think about the microbes… or this guy’s toes

The yoga room itself was nice enough — indirect lighting and good heat (although cooler than I’m used to). I think there were restrooms right off the studio room, which is a convenient touch, but I think may encourage people to get up in the middle of class; there was a lot of movement and people getting up and leaving and coming back when I was there. And three or four people left early, which is almost unheard of at a yoga class! Very odd — I think now it may have been an anomaly. The place was really packed, surprisingly so, and our friend Bruce who goes to their Foutainview location said his Saturday afternoon class was similarly packed with first-timers. Spring Break approaches, I guess.

The yoga room also is carpeted at BYCIH (a Bikram requirement, I believe) vs HYH and even though I thought I might like it, it freaked me out a little bit… I couldn’t help to think about what might be swarming around down there in that warm, moist carpet. I know, they say they clean it regularly, etc, but… *shudder*. Give me antiseptic linoleum any day.

So the room itself was pretty okay, but we were packed in there like little sardines! And most bizarrely, they lined our rugs up in a strict checkboard pattern — so anyone in rows 3 through 5 was lucky if they got to see a knee and the top of their head. They lined us up like this and THEN admonished us to “make sure we could see ourselves in the mirror”. Um, how, when you lined me up behind Buffy the Zen-Slayer? And — okay, I’m going to sound superficial here but I swear I’m not — this extreme close-up with all my fellow Yoga people during class meant that during Triangle a guy’s 1/2″ long toenails were only about 8″ from my face. Now I’m very accepting of people, especially when it comes to body issues, but… I do feel a bit weirded by yellow overgrown toenails so much in what I think of as “my space”. BYCIH was like a European personal-space zone vs a Wyoming type of personal-space zone at Hot Yoga Here.

Concentrate, Meditate, and Suck in Your Gut

The class itself wasn’t bad — the nice thing about Bikram is that it’s basically the same postures all the time, no matter what studio you’re at. So I was able to settle into the class because I already basically knew what I was doing. But it was very much like an aerobics class at a large gym — somebody with a boom mic exhorting me to “push, push, push”. And this sort of L.A. mass production combined with such an ancient and seemingly whole-soul discipline did make for strange bedfellows; being told to “Concentrate, Medidate” just before being told to “Squeeze your glutes” was brain-snappingly funny.

Ignorance is Bliss: Bikram and Liability

The weirdest part about the whole experience for me, though, was that the extent of my intake process at the official Bikram place was to sign a form stating that I held them harmless, even in the case of negligence. Now, this is a pretty standard form for workout places, I think (Darla has one similar at Hot Yoga Here), but… that was it. That was all they wanted to know. They didn’t get a medical history, they didn’t talk to me about physical limitations… nothing. I don’t know if they just assumed by looking at me that I must be in peak physical condition, or if it (more likely) was that at some point Bikram’s organization decided that if they asked people what was wrong with their bodies, then they could be help liable for someone hurting themselves or aggravating an injury. So better to not know and never be sued. I mean, at Hot Yoga Here Darla runs down a whole host of medical conditions — if you have asthma she makes sure you have your inhaler… if you have a bad back or bad knees or bad hips, she shows you how to modify postures and makes sure you’re doing okay during class. It’s like a religion with her to make sure that you don’t aggravate an injury.

But BYCIH was the total opposite… I had to track down the instructor ahead of time and tell him about my bad back and how I don’t always do the forward bends or the sit-ups. He was very sweet about it and okay with it, but… oh my god, I can’t help but think about what if that had been my first time ever doing hot yoga? What if that had been my first class, I’m in a new environment, not comfortable trying out this new weird popular kind of exercise, and just tried to do everything they told me? I could’ve aggravated my back so badly I wouldn’t have been able to walk (because before I found Darla’s studio one bad episode of bending forward COULD really do that kind of stuff to me). What if I’d had an asthma attack during class? I mean, I always have my inhaler with me and I’ve never really had “an attack”, but what would that place have done if they didn’t know what was wrong with me? I was actually deeply disturbed by this lack of personal concern. It may make for smart business for the Bikram organization, but it made for a really impersonal and kind of scary experience for me. I just kept worrying about first-timers not getting any guidance and possibly hurting themselves, kind of like how you worry vicariously for too-young children in a scary movie. You don’t know that it’s not going to damage them, but you don’t know if they’ll be alright, either.

So, Biased Girl, Any Other Thoughts?

On the positive side, they held the postures a long time, and the instructor really did seem to know his stuff. I did get a good workout. But the repetitive script that must be Bikram-required grated on me and made me feel like I was in a yoga factory, just another mass-produced Bikram sausage being churned out. And really, I’m vegetarian. I’ll take my yoga organic and sausage-free.

• Leave a comment... (0)