CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

Holy sacred cow, what a hilarious movie! I’ve never seen Da Ali G Show nor the character of Borat created by Sacha Baron Cohen (other than in all the ads for this film). We went to go see it tonight based on the universally positive reviews, coupled with the hilarity of the clips in the ads and talk shows, and the film definitely lived up to, and even exceeded, our expectations. To put it into context, we walked out of this movie and I immediately got on the phone with my friend Bruce to tell him to go see this film. I can’t remember the last time I did that, if ever, and Bruce is my movie-watching-hermano to whom I would NOT make such a recommendation lightly.

Borat (the film) is smartly dumb and dumbly smart, whereas Borat (the character) is a Frankenstein’s monster amalgamation of Christianity, Islam, Judaism (…NOT!), Eurasian, nomad, disco dancer, sex machine, journalist, pilgrim, and tabula rasa. The parts don’t fit together well, but through the sheer force of his laserlike dumbness, Borat manages to orchestrate his many facets into a compellingly hilarious and sympathetic whole.

I’m struggling in this review not to give away plot points and gags, as they should be experienced without preamble, but suffice it to say that I don’t believe there is a single major taboo that is not broken, nor a single demographic group that is not mocked in this film. And mocked effectively. Borat holds a mirror up to “America”, to our faults and to our greatness, and the dissection is as painful to watch as it is revelatory and uproarious. The theater literally screamed with laughter during the vast majority of the film, and there were times when I had to simply look away as my sensibilities couldn’t take any more, and I’m a pretty jaded, worldly, not-easily-offended movie-goer.

Almost lost in the film is the absolutely pitch-perfect portrayal of Borat by Cohen. Cohen reaches Spinal Tap levels of believability, where you easily forget that what you are seeing is a double fake-out…a mock documentary about a completely fictional character. When Borat and his producer scream heated gibberish at each other, I don’t know what they are saying, but I’m sure it has nothing to do with what’s being portrayed by the English subtitles, and it’s probably some amalgamation of nonsense and Hebrew (Cohen is Jewish), but it sure *sounds* like what I, as an ignorant American, would expect a Kazakstani to sound like.

Just to be clear about this review and film, I’m not the arrested-adolescent type who laughs at crude jokes simply because I find them funny. Borat is the offensive joke as an art form and as social commentary. If you go see this film, and you should, be prepared to be horrified and disgusted and to laugh yourself to tears and to walk out wiping your eyes and having conversations about human nature, bigotry, international relations, and poop.

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We’re in the process of buying a new house, selling our existing one, and moving. Combine this with our always-hectic work schedules and we’ve been up to our eyeballs in things to do for quite a while. We decided to take a respite from the storm and stopped off at the Alamo Drafthouse at West Oaks Mall to see Beerfest. For those who don’t know the Alamo Drafthouse, it’s a theater where they serve you food and drinks, including alcohol, at your seat before and during the film. A couple of cold beers and a Broken Lizard laugh-fest were just what we needed in the middle of our busy weekend.

Beerfest isn’t quite up the standard set by Super Troopers, but it’s still funny as hell, and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The story is about two brothers who help their grandmother run a restaurant in the US. Their grandmother (Cloris Leachman) is a German immigrant, and the boys are of stout, beer-drinking German stock. The boys are charged with taking their dearly departed grandfather’s ashes back to Germany to be laid to rest in the traditional place, which turns out to be a super-secret beer-Oympics called BeerFest, which takes place in Munich during Oktoberfest but is attended only by the kegnoscenti.

The boys end up being humiliated by their German kin, and vow to return the following year to exact their revenge. They use the year to assemble and train a team of great beer drinkers, made up of the usual Broken Lizard crew.

As you may imagine, R-rated hilarity ensues. There are a lot of laugh-out-loud moments, and just enough plot to keep things interesting. There’s nothing too deep here, but the whole purpose of this film is to make you laugh and keep you engeged for 90 minutes, and it does that very well. We really liked Super Troopers and The Dukes of Hazzard, and haven’t yet seen Club Dread but plan to very soon, if for no other reason than completism (all are part of the Lizard ouvre).

So, BeerFest is good fun, Broken Lizard continues to get more interesting, and we can’t wait to see what they do next. I’m not sure if the hint about their next movie that appears at the end of BeerFest is on the up-and-up, but if it is it looks to pretty damn funny as well.

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So we went to see The Descent on Friday, after much hemming and hawing on what to see. Also on our radar were Miami Vice, Clerks II, and Talledega Night. We decided on The Descent, and the most convenient showtime was the 7pm at the Cinemark Tinseltown on 290. Note that we almost walked out of the theater, not due to the quality of the film but because since we were last at this particular theater it has decayed into a smelly, frayed, unpleasant venue, and we won’t be returning.

The film, however, was scary, tense, and very good. There’s nothing really deep here, although there are some serious plot developments unrelated to the overarching storyline. The gist of the story is that five women go a-spelunking and discover two things: a) catfighting is always popular with the multiplex masses and b) it sucks to be trapped in an uncharted cave system with beings who:

• Appear to be an evolutionary offshoot of humans.
• Hunt by sonar, like a bat.
• Are blind, supposedly due to evolving in caves, but they also hunt on the surface, so WTF?
• Can dodge swung pickaxes, even though they are blind.
• Can’t sense heat, as they can walk within six inches of a human body (or flaming torch) and not sense it.
• Have no sense of smell or touch, as they can stand on top of a human body, and not feel or smell that it’s not the rock floor of a cave (I guess these women all have 0% body fat and don’t use any personal care products?).
• The survival skills of mutant cave humans are no match for an angry Asian woman, who kicks their ass in a fair fight, presumably using the innate fighting ability that Hollywood imbues into all Asian characters.

But idiotic plot holes don’t matter in a film like this. Please understand that in spite of the above list, this film is actually more intelligent than most Hollywood films I’ve seen in the last few years, which is sad. However, this film isn’t about logical integrity, it’s about claustrophobia, paranoia, compound fractures, puncture wounds, eye-gouging, rock-climbing, chimney-falling, and mutant-fighting.

This film was originally released in the UK in 2005, and I’ve heard that version had a different ending. I’m there will inevitably be a DVD with all the alternate endings, and I’ll probably get it just to see the director’s original ending, which one presumes is different from the ending required by Hollywood before distributing it to the US masses. That last part is conjecture on my part, but please, you know it’s right, don’t you?

Intact, however, is the excellent mood and feeling of tension the film creates. I’ve always known that I would never be a caver, but this film cemented that decision. There are many shots of tight squeezes and near-falls, sheer face climbs and dangling traverses, all of which look and feel completely real, as if they are taking place in a dank, dark cave system. The stuntwork and special effects are completely seamless, and there aren’t any forehead-slapping obvious moments of special-effects-trickery, continuity-lapses, or physics-defying-tricks. The film is not about supernatural events, and keeps things fairly realistic, once you suspend your disbelief enough to accept the basic storyline.

So overall this was a good, tense, scary film, and was worth seeing. I will reiterate that the Tinseltown theater on 290 is now basically a cesspool and we will not be returning to that venue unless there is a dramatic facelift or change in ownership or something.

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So we went to see The Devil Wears Prada and it was really good. Meryl Streep gives yet another amazing performance as the head of the world’s most influential fashion magazine. She plays the character as a cross between Cruella de Ville, Vito Corleone, and Margaret Thatcher. The movie is very biting and very funny. I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with the message, but I’m at least 75% there.

The movie tells the tale of a young, earnest, pretty, smart, normal-sized girl (Size 6, maybe?…normal-sized by Hollywood standards is what I mean). She shows up for an interview for a low-on-the-totem-pole clerical opening at the world’s leading fashion magazine, specifically the assistant to the assistant to the editor in chief. The girl is very well played by Anne Hathaway (who?), and she holds her own on-screen with heavyweights La Streep and Stanley Tucci. Her character knows nothing about the fashion world and is confused by the seriousness and reverence with which the fripperies of style are looked upon by the priestesshood.

Of course, that’s where the movie starts. By the middle she has moved up to be Streep’s characters right hand gal, and becomes a starry-eyed true believer, hypnotized by the power and beauty of being in the upper echelons of the fashion world.

This being Hollywood, of course, she comes to her senses by the end and goes back to her standard-Jetta-commercial-issue boyfriend, leaves the fashion world behind, and seems to content to be an earthbound girlfriend of a wannabe-chef.

The part I’m on board with is leaving the cutthroat world of high fashion behind. But the part I’m not on board with is going right back to her starter-life with her zero boyfriend. It doesn’t help that the film doesn’t really capture any chemistry between the two.

But, this is really Ms. Streep’s film. She doesn’t chew up the scenery, she simply gives it withering looks until it self-destructs in self-defense. Her character is fully realized and completely unredeemable. She sacrifices everything (family, love, happiness) to maintain her iron grip on the helm of the fashion world, and it is her example that first dazzles Hathaway’s character, and then ultimately educates her into the true cost of “success”. That is a point with which I am very much on board – sacrificing everything for professional success is like making sure you have the largest, most impressive bucket of air. It doesn’t matter how big or fancy or jewel-encrusted or rare it is, it’s still just a container filled with nothing.

I’ll take a houseplant in a terra cotta planter, made with happiness and love, any day of the week.

That’s all.

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Unfortunately for a film like The Break-Up, the marketing dweebs in Hollywood feel compelled to over-publicize the film and let many cats out of many bags. As such, many of the best parts of this film were reruns due to their placement in the vast number of trailers and commercials for this film. Even so, the film is *still* funny, Aniston and Vaughn have the actual chemistry of an actual couple (and I don’t mean that as a reference to their supposed involvment, I mean it from a script+acting+directing perspective), and the story is fresher than it has any right to be.

For those living under a rock, the story is that Aniston’s and Vaughn’s characters meet (cute), fall in love, buy a condo together, spend a few years together, then break up during a wicked fight about pent up resentments. However, neither will leave the condo, and thereby hangs the tale. This isn’t a film as dark as something like The War of the Roses, but it’s also not When Harry Met Sally or (insert title of any Hugh Grant film). My gut feeling is that anybody who has been both in and out of love will find something to relate to in this movie.

For example, there’s a scene where the couple prepare for having both their families over for dinner. Vaughn’s sole job was to bring home 12 lemons. He brings three. When Aniston asks why he didn’t bring the 12 lemons she asked for, he wonders why she would need 12 lemons. They were for a centerpiece, and when he realizes they were “show lemons” that nobody would eat, he cares even less that he got the wrong number and suggests practical (for a man) alternatives like making the centerpiece in something smaller, like a glass, or not having a centerpiece at all and instead putting the lemons on the chicken that he tasted, implying it needs a little something.

After the dinner party, he proceeds to crash on the couch playing video games while Aniston is left with the cleanup.

Most of this information has been related in trailers, clips, and commercials, so I don’t feel bad about repeating them here, and they present the crux of the ensuing argument that causes the eponymous break-up.

There is an interesting point to this film, as with almost all films about relationships, which is that the man’s viewpoint, due to its lack of emotional sensitivity, is “wrong” and must be changed, while the women’s is “right” and long suffering. This film doesn’t paint it quite that black-and-white, but in the end it does tend in that same direction. I’ve always disliked that viewpoint, as it discounts the thoughts and feelings of men out-of-hand.

For example, *his* job involves owning a business with his three brothers, while *her* job involves working in an art gallery selling art. Having been both a business-owner and an employee, I can tell you that owning a business is orders-of-magnitude more stressful, and at the end of the day when they’ve both worked 10 hours, *he* has every right to be more spent than she does. And that’s not about gender, that’s about responsibility, risk, and stress. Now, men generally tend to hold the more stressful positions, and one may see that as gender-bias in the workplace. One might also see that as women being smart enough to *not* sell their souls to a job, or being sensitive enough to let the job rank second to the family, or simply being the one that fate decided needed to bear the children for humanity.

Also in question is the need to cleanup right away after the party. *She* has the compulsion that doesn’t allow her to sleep with a dirty kitchen, and his offer to help in the morning is seen as work-dodging (which, honestly, it probably is, but that’s not true until the next morning when he tries to get out of helping!). Aniston’s character also rejects Vaughn’s suggestion of having a pool table in the house. It doesn’t matter that it’s been a dream of his his whole life, it just doesn’t fit with her idea of their house so, poof, no pool table.

In any case, it would be nice to see Hollywood take a more balanced view of male/female relationships, but I guess there isn’t a lot of comic fodder in a balanced viewpoint. Well, one notable exception to that is Billy Crystal’s film Forget Paris, which is a wonderful and funny film that doesn’t show just a courtship or a breakup, but shows a courtship, marriage, troubles, separation, reconciliation, and all the other stuff of life. Like The Break-Up it has some serious moments as well.

In any case, in spite of all of that, The Break-Up is a solid, funny, serious/funny film about relationships. Also notable are the supporting cast, with John Favreau and Jason Bateman as friends of the couple, Vincent D’Onofrio (nearly unrecognizable and uncredited) as one of Vaughn’s brothers, and Judy Davis as the scarifying owner of the art gallery where Aniston’s character works. The bottom line is that this film was far better, to me, than most of the reviews I have seen, which I attribute at least in part to the fact that the film has much more serious content than one would be led to expect by the trailers and commercials. For me, that was a good thing.

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After seeing this movie it became clear to me what low expectations I have from Hollywood films these days. This film was a solid, well written, well acted, intricately plotted action flick, and I realized I hadn’t seen anything like it since…well…since a very long time. It’s not quite as good as Die Hard, but it’s better than Collateral, to give you an idea of where I’d put it in this genre. It’s a bit unfair to compare anything to Die Hard, since that’s the film that both defined this genre and has ruled as the best intelligent action picture ever made ever since, IMHO.

However, Inside Man is right up there. First of all, it was astonishingly refreshing to see Denzel Washington not play Denzel Washington for the first time in a long time. Here he plays an NYPD hostage negotiator who gets pulled into a Dog-Day-Afternoon-like standoff at a bank robbery that isn’t what it appears to be. Denzel’s character is extremely competent, but he’s not a super-sleuth or a John McClane-like bad-ass. However, he uses a combination of his instincts, street-smarts, and determination as he attempts to unravel the mysteries with which he is presented.

Also refreshing to see is Jodie Foster, looking exactly her age, playing a character her age, showing wrinkles and laugh lines and looking spectacular doing it. Not only that, but she plays an amazingly amoral “consultant” who helps people’s problems go away. Her character can be summed up by noting that after she has blackmailed the Mayor of New York City into doing what she wants, he responds by saying “You, my dear, are a magnificent cunt.” And she is.

Clive Owen and Christopher Plummer also both shine in their roles, and the supporting cast is nearly perfect. All of this is directed with flair by Spike Lee, and also with a bit of Spike Lee-iness. There are some trademark shots and scenes that mark this as a Spike Lee Joint, but he has proven here that he can deliver the big-studio, big-budget, big-grossing ($66 million and counting) hit, while still making a great film. That skill seems to have escaped most directors today.

I’m curious if Spike was able to leverage his status as a premier director to keep control of his film and maintain the intricate and sometimes nearly opaque plotting. My take is that today’s studio execs fear films that challenge audiences to pay attention and think, and instead seem to reflexively add in slow-motion kung fu, slow-motion gunplay (with pistols held sideways in that “cool” way), techno-music-driven flash-cut montages in nightclubs run by the bad guys, any time they think a film is getting too cerebral.

In any case, I really liked this film, and if you’re a fan of action movies that challenge you to keep up and don’t mind that there’s not any kung fu or sex, then this might be a film you’ll enjoy.

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This is one of those rare instances where I read the book before seeing the movie, and the cliche holds true, the book was better. Much better. That’s not to say that the film was bad, but the pecking order is great book followed by slightly above average film. One of the best parts of the film is the performance of Aaron Eckhart as Nick Naylor. Nick is a lobbyist for Big Tobacco, and he hasn’t so much as sold his soul as he has failed to control his awesome power for convincing. He’s managed to convince himself that Big Tobacco is being unfairly treated and mis-characterized by the government and the press, and with his pure belief he is able to charm and sway just about anybody to open their minds, even if just a smidge, to consider the fact that Big Tobacco just may not be the incarnation of the Devil.

Now, if you’ve read much of this site you’ll know that I’m not pro-smoking (he understated), but intellectually I’ve also felt that the government is acting quite hypocritically with regards to tobacco. Since tobacco is legal, the constitutionalist in me says that it should be treated as such and not harassed and over-taxed. If we as a people say that tobacco is legal, let it be legal. Now, that’s not to say that I believe it should be ubiquitous, and in fact I would happily agree to having tobacco legal to smoke, but have it be illegal to inflict others with one’s effluvia. In other words, I won’t tell you you can’t smoke if you don’t tell me I have to inhale your blow-by gasses.

Parking high horse.

One of the things I like best about the film is that it doesn’t demonize Nick Naylor, and instead shows him to be a superstar, while also beginning to question if he’s playing for the right team. He has a young son, and the film plays up the fact that Nick is ambivalent about how to reconcile his desire to be a good dad with his desire to do a good job. This aspect of the film is what I think weakens the impact, as it attempts to humanize Nick without making him pick sides.

For example, there’s a scene where Nick’s bosses send him to visit an old, cancer-stricken former Marlboro man and take him a briefcase full of cash, no strings attached. No confidentiality agreement, nothing. Just, here, here’s some money from us to you. An implied guilt trip. And Nick not only delivers the money and the message, but he spins the interaction in such a way as to leave Mr. Dying Marlboro Man (played wonderfully by Sam Elliott, who in retrospect seems born to play a dying former Marlboro Man) with only one option – take the money (for his family after he’s gone) and keep his mouth shut (so that he won’t be a hypocrite by taking their money and then saying derogatory things about tobacco).

The kicker is that Nick has taken his son along with him on this visit. You see, his son accompanied him on this business trip to California so that he and his father could bond, and the son innocently backs his father into a corner about going along to make the payoff, because Nick admitting that he didn’t want his son along would be Nick admitting that what we was doing was “wrong”. And Nick doesn’t see himself as a wrongdoer. So Nick’s son gets to see what his dad does for a living. And, like all sons, absorbs it and learns from it.

There are other facets to the film, as well. Nick belongs to the M.O.D Squad, which stands for Merchants of Death. This group of three represent Tobacco, Alcohol, and Firearms, and meet once a week for lunch and spend time comparing yearly mortality rates for each of their respective masters and using that to gauge the toughness of their jobs.

There’s also a vacuous reporter, played by Katie Holmes, who does a little convincing of her own (if you know what I mean and I think you do) and gets Nick to open up to her about his job, and then writes a scorching expose of him and his cohorts. It was only afterwards that Mynagirl told me that the reporter was Katie Holmes, and I have to say she did a singularly unimpressive job, and sort of faded into the background, in my opinion. And got a little bit freaky before doing so, I might add.

The rest of the cast does a good job, with Robert Duvall as the personfication of Big Tobacco, William H. Macy as the prototypical anti-smoking (and Birkenstock wearing) liberal Congressperson, and Rob Lowe (whose porn name should be Raw Blow, if you ask me) as the stereotypically sociopathic and pseudo-spiritual Hollywood movie exec.

Put it all together and you have a fairly good film that could have been great with just a bit of tweaking and enough backbone to stay away from the Hollywood-esque ending. Still it was much more entertaining and different than the usual Hollywood drivel, and that makes it worth seeing.

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So, I really like Seinfeld. On average I probably watch 5-7 episodes each week. The more I watch it the more I appreciate it…you have to watch it for several years to *get* the intricate weave of characters and storylines over the years. It was self-referential without being self-conscious, and it was funny. FUNNY. Sure, there are some episodes or plotlines that I don’t particularly care for, but overall the show is classic.

And I’ve watched with some interest as the former cast members have moved on and tried to go solo, with limited success. Until now.

In The New Adventures of Old Christine, I think Julia Louis-Dreyfus has hit paydirt. I TiVo’ed it out of respect for Elaine Benes, and figured I had to give Julia the benefit of the doubt and at least give her show a chance. I’m glad that I did. Mynagirl and I have watched all of the episodes so far (four, I think), and they have been pretty damn funny. Sure, there are rough spots and some hackneyed sitcom staples (precocious kid, slacker brother, sassy black friend, etc), but it seems to be working.

When I first heard the title I mentally rolled my eyes and figured the show would have to suck, given such a trite title. But after the first episode I got the story behind the title, which is that Christine (Louis-Dreyfus) is divorced, and her ex has started dating a younger girl. Her name is also Christine, and she gets referred to as “the new Christine”, hence the show’s title. In a wonderful rejection of low-hanging sitcom fruit, the new Christine seems really nice and is not scheming, evil, superior, or rude.

And Louis-Dreyfus really seems comfortable in the role and embodies the old Christine quite fully. I watched a bit of her other show (where she was a singer…I forget the title…it really sucked) and she just didn’t seem like she felt at home with the character. This character is older, wiser, and a bit more jaded than Elaine Benes, and with an ex-husband and kid to boot, but still allows flashes of Elaine to show through, which makes me think that they are flashes of Louis-Dreyfus and they just happened to flash through both for Elaine and Christine.

The rest of the cast also seem to fit comfortably into their roles, although I’m not sure yet if the character of her son is cute or annoying, although the kid playing the role does a great job.

And now I’ve actually started looking forward to new episodes, and that’s rare for me. I hope they keep up the good work on the show, because I want it to be good. It would be nice to see a former Seinfeldian do good.

Note to the producers of TNAOOC: if you ever have an episode where Louis-Dreyfus plays both Christine and Christine’s sister Elaine Benes, then your show will have jumped the shark. Just wanted to let you know in case it started to sound like a good idea.

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Note: postings are in reverse order with the most recent listed at the top.

Who Got Voted Off This Week: Week 1, Goodbye Melissa

Week 1

Melissa McGhee
In trouble: Ace Young and Lisa Tucker

Ace is stunned when he learns it’s him and not Kevin Covais in the bottom three.

Um, are you sure you called the right name?

03/14/2006: American Idol — the Final Twelve Perform, Ace in the Bottom Three

Well, of all the theme nights, Stevie Wonder night is both fabulous and scary – I love Stevie Wonder’s music… well, a lot of it, but he is really really hard to sing! Every time so far I’ve heard someone sing one of his songs I think “boy, they shouldn’t really have tried to sing Stevie”.

I’ve watched American Idol long enough now to not be surprised when someone doesn’t know the music of someone as influential and timeless as Stevie Wonder… and of course, it was the two blond country folks, Kellie and Buck. It’s so wild to me to hear someone say they don’t really know his music. I’m like, “naw… you’re just joking”.

I don’t know if it was pressure from the vocal coaches or Stevie holding out some of his catalog, but I was surprised at how many obscure (to me) Stevie songs were chosen. I can understand avoiding the really well known ones like “Ma Cherie Amour” but… man, I was really hoping someone (preferably Taylor Hicks or Mandisa) would sing “Maybe Your Baby” or “You Haven’t Done Nothing”. I mean, those are groovy!

And on a fashion note, sometimes having more stylists is a bad thing. Both Ace’s and Bucky’s hair were WAY too nice and “done” for boys – I agree with Simon that Bucky’s cascading blond waves were a smidge too Jessica Simpson. And some of the outfits! Paris was utterly lost in that pink coat, lace, and ruffly yet tragically cut denim skirt. Katharine McPhee looked to be wearing a silk couch from a successful 70’s psychiatrist’s office, and Lisa Tucker was cute but that belt wore her, not the other way around. I’m never sure if the person’s own misguided fashion sense showing through, or if the stylists go crazy and some people can’t say “no”, or what. But there are some disasters happening, and somebody needs to step up and take care of business.

The girls didn’t really go to town with the Stevie. Lisa sounded stilted – she’d mentioned that Stevie was telling her to feel emotion on the uptempo songs – good advice, but I don’t think she was able to follow it.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered… bland singing

Kellie was reasonably good at the singing but downright adorable when not singing. She’s one of those really rare and true folks who is actually cute, not just “being cute”. You just can’t help but adore her.

Can you tell I just learned this song?

Poor sweet Melissa was pretty terrible, in addition to forgetting the words of her song.

Can you tell I didn’t quite learn this song?

Paris was okay but I didn’t remember the performance at all, so I guess that’s pretty telling.

Somebody give me a hand here… I can hardly move in all these clothes

The boys were only slightly better, at least to begin with. Precious nerdling Kevin Covais jumped into his song with the usual gusto, but it was a bit low for him, plus completely unbelievable… part time lover? Suuuuuure.

Can you tell I don’t quite understand this song?

Ace’s performance was a little too over-the-top and sharp (as in not on pitch) for my tastes. Plus, Ace is really moving into that Constantine thin-lipped-smirky area that I like even less.

Can you tell I think I’m cute?

Standouts of the evening (singing-wise… check fashion note below) included Katharine McPhee… I have to admit that was a damn good rendition of an Aretha song (written by Stevie, in case you’re confused).

Can you tell this dress used to be a loveseat?

And of course Taylor Hicks, who was smart enough to pick a semi-obscure Stevie song but that was very much in his style, was a standout with “Just Enough for the City”.

Can you tell I love this?

The best performance of the night, however, was probably Elliott Yamin. His smooth tone was absolutely perfect for that song.

Smooooooth

Surprisingly, Bucky did pretty well with “Superstition”, despite it being such a well-known song (except, of course, to Bucky). Not too bad.

Surprisingly decent

Chris Daughtry didn’t surprise much at all by singing a dead-on-impression of the Chili Pepper’s version of “Higher Ground”. He was smart to stick to his range, but… kinda boring. I think Simon must not know the RHCP version, because he thought Chris “made it his own”. Hardly.

Sigh… c’mon man, venture a little!

The actual big surprise of the night, however, was how terrible Mandisa did, and how the judges all loved her. She was flat, and then she shouted… it was by far the worst performance (actually, the only bad performance) from her. Maybe she got freaked out by Seacrest taking off her shoes.

Lookin’ good but singin’ off

03/07/2006 – 03/09/2006: The Final Twelve have Made It…

And the final 12 are….

1. Paris Bennett
2. Lisa Tucker
3. Melissa McGhee
4. Mandisa
5. Kellie Pickler
6. Katharine McPhee
7. Bucky Covington
8. Taylor Hicks
9. Ace Young
10. Chris Daughtry
11. Kevin Covais
12. Elliot Yamin

Week 03/07/2006

Kinnik Sky	Ayla Brown
Will Makar	Gedeon McKinney

Week 02/28/2006

Brenna Gethers	Heather Cox
David Radford	Jose Sway Penala

Week 02/21/2006

Becky O’Donahue	Stevie Scott
Patrick Hall	Bobby Bennett

03/07/2006 – 03/09/2006: Mandisa is my Hero

Ok, well maybe the thumb-sucking thing was random. But still… that girl is SO GREAT. She’s just a natural voice, a natural performer, and I *love* that she appears so comfortable with who she is even though she’s a big girl. You go girl! She absolutely blew everyone else away last night… unbelievable!!

I’m every woman

I continue to be disappointed in Paris Bennett… I think my expectations were SO HIGH that it would be hard for her to meet them. That Gloria Estefan song is actually very hard to sing, and she really did a good job, but… man, she is SO great… I just wish it would show a little more in her performances. I have no magic formula in mind, but I just feel like she’s almost there but not quite hitting the extra oomph in her performance.

Paris sings Miami

For instance, I would’ve LOVED to have Paris sing “Think” by Aretha Franklin instead of boppy-awkward-white-girl Katharine McPhee. What a travesty that was… and to make it even worse the judges LIKED it! They hassle people for attempting Mariah songs but I can’t believe there were no smackdowns for that lame and very white “interpretation” of Aretha. That song has an edge to it that completely wasn’t apparent with milquetoast Katharine. Fooey!

Indeed, you should most likely think about that which you are attempting to do to me

My other big disagreement with the judges (well, Simon) was on Melissa McGhee… Engineerboy and I both thought she ROCKED THE HOUSE!! That Heart song was perfect for her, I loved the hard-rock look on her (you know me, though… I would’ve been happy with less belly), overall I thought she was great and very surprising. I couldn’t believe Simon dissed her and I have to wonder if he just doesn’t want her in the final 12 because he doesn’t see her as marketable as the other folks.

Do you think this outfit will look good in Scooby Doo III?

Of course, I did agree with the judges on some things… I am so bored with Lisa Tucker’s stuff, and I DO think her mom is picking out her songs. They’re so BORING, I couldn’t tell you one single song she’s sung. Yawn. She’s got a great voice but… quit singing torch-y songs, it’s weird for a 16-year-old.

If I change my hairstyle, will they notice the song is boring?

The boys were, as always, better than the girls, but Chris Daughtry disappointed a bit. I agree with Simon, his song was boring. I’m glad he’s not trying to do stuff that isn’t his style but… my basic feeling on it was eeennnh. I liked the Bon Jovi cover a lot more.

Really, this is the only pose I have when I sing

Taylor Hicks was wonderful as always — I couldn’t believe Simon could find fault with him. He was great and make no mistake… it is not easy to sing Michael McDonald.

I, on the other hand, have more singing poses than I know what to do with

Nerdling Kevin Covais (who is so polite and self-possessed for his age, I’m constantly amazed) did another great job as far as I’m concerned and he sang the crap outta that song. Go nerdling!!

I’m every nerd-man

Gedeon McKinney, weird as he is, has a good voice and gave a masterful if not soulful performance of “When a Man Loves a Woman”, by Percy Sledge.

When a guy sings a song

And I have to give a shout-out to Bucky Covington, because (A) he just has a fun name to say and (B) tonight’s performance was his best so far. I still agree with Simon that he’s not good enough to be in the competition, but he was pretty good tonight.

Remember my face, I don’t think you’ll see me much longer

Oh, and here’s a picture of Ace for those of you who like him. I think he sang something.

Young hams it up in his pubescent ceremonial garb

02/28/2006 – 03/01/2006: Let’s Define what Diva Means

The girls proved again that it’s a fine line to walk between “doing something more exciting than a Top 40 diva song” and “picking something so raucous that they can’t hear your voice”. Kinnik Sky at least tried to go for the fun factor, but I wasn’t into her performance at all, unfortunately… she just didn’t quite pull off the Gretchen Wilson song.

Let’s kick it up a notch

But I liked her enthusiasm, at least. Same goes for Melissa McGhee. Although I wasn’t a huge fan of the belly shirt, I was very pleasantly surprised by her rendition of a Reba McEntire song (albeit an undemanding pop-y one).

They kept wanting me to sing from my diaphragm…

On the diva (and to me, boring) side of the house, Katharine McPhee proved yet again that being soulless and having a critical voice-coach mother don’t a star make. Her voice is great but it’s like watching Katie Holmes play a singing star up there — I’m bored and I don’t really believe the performance.

Really, Tom and I are very in love

Hmm, I should’ve had the Stepford folks make her a little more pixie-ish

Similarly, the beautiful but playing-it-too-safe-and-risking-comparison-to-a-diva-singer Heather Cox was …. well, beautiful but boring. It is too risky to sing a Mariah Carey song, and the song is SO unexciting! It’s like watching a high school talent show, only with better earrings.

Hey, the Stepford folks did everything right for me except that whole vocal originality thing

Picking a song from a different type of diva, beyond-full-of-herself Brenna Gethers worked her way around the Donna Summer song ‘Last Dance’. At least I got to be reassured that her singing is almost as bad as her attitude, so I feel better about disliking her. She truly is hard to even watch on the screen as she constantly pouts, poses, and talks about making money.

And when I’m bad, I’m oh so… voted off

The actual diva in the whole thing was the incomparable Mandisa… boy can that girl sing. I just love her.

This girl can sing it

And of the young girl prodigies, I still like Paris over Lisa (speaking of stage mothers). Lisa is really good but I just can’t really get into a girl her age singing such torch songs. Although there are 16-year-olds with that much life experience at that age, I don’t think cute tiny Lisa Tucker is one of them.

The battle of the cute and tiny… Paris Bennett and Lisa Tucker

The guys were once again great. I am having to be constantly and consistently amazed by Elliot Yamin. He may not have classic good looks, but that guy has one of the smoothest and best voices I’ve ever heard in my life. As Engineerboy points out, it’s harder for a person to sing a note without doing “runs” on it… you can’t mask any imperfections when you’re going for pure tone. And boy can Yamin nail that kind of stuff.

Smooth voice

Taylor Hicks is still wonderful… hard to sing Lionel Richie and he was great. The judges weren’t too impressed but pooh-pooh on them. I still loved it.

Because I’m Easy…on the ears

And Daughtry lived up to expectations, and I liked his somewhat risky (for an Idol audience) choice of a Fuel song.

Not far away… from the American Idol finals

Plucky little Kevin Covais continues to just be fun… I mean, it’s pretty damn daring for a skinny little white kid to conquer “Heard it through the Grapevine”… I mean, you have to live up to either Marvin Gaye or John Fogarty… and very few people should even think about wanting to maybe attempt that. But, you know what… he was adorable and he was having a good time. Bravo little nerdmuffin Kevin!!

C’mon… how can you not vote for this kid?

Gedeon McKinney is a strange one but can actually sing, so I have to give him some props.

Is it possible to get all of my hair in the frame?

Local boy Will Makar sang a horrible Kenny Rogers song, and not too well at that. I have to admit, local or not, he’s not on my favorites list.

I don’t care if you don’t like my singing… ’cause I’ll get the 12-year-old-girl vote anyway

Crooner David Radford is just atrocious and I hope he gets voted off. Bucky Covington was a little better — his voice is probably too weak to be in the competition but I like that he has heart and he seems sincere. Oh, and Ace sang, too, but I refuse to give him any more pixels on my web site.

Overall, the guys are still better than the girls, though.

02/21/2006 – 02/22/2006: The Boys Rock…

Well, now we get down to business!! America gets to vote, we get to hear big snippets of singing from each of the final 24. Man, I love this show!!

The thing that’s always fun to watch at this point in the season is the “new” name each contest has once they’re in the final 24. I don’t know if this is just the “now that this person is going to be semi-famous, we better bother to get their name right” or if it’s “ok, our stylist thinks ‘Nikko’ is a lot snappier than ‘Ozzie Jr.'”. It’s probably a little from Column A and a little from Column B. William Makar is now “Will Makar”…. Robert Bennett is “Bobby Bennett”… Kinnik Sky was using her first name (Kinnik is her middle name) before she was in the final 24. And Stephanie Scott is now Stevie Scott. It’s kind of cute, actually.

Overall, I’m amazed and impressed at the quality of the male vocals. The boys are so much stronger than the girls this year. And just overall… there is some REAL talent this year. Not that they were all dogs last year, but this year I’m blown away… especially by the guys. You realize how hard a song “Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi when you hear Chris Daughtry NAIL it and you go… damn, any other singer might crashed and burned trying to hit that. And he thrives in the upper power register.

Strangely enough, he sounds good even though he looks like he’s shouting

And Taylor Hicks… our other big fave. I just adore him, he’s doing his thing and I love it!!

Can he get any better?

I even have to admit that Ace Young (another name change) sang well, even though that was one cheesy George Michael song. He’s a good singer but he’s too I-know-I’m-good-looking for me.

Oh, it definitely doesn’t get any better than me

Give me the honesty and natural soul of Taylor Hicks any day. The guys definitely were awesome.

The girls weren’t horrible, but my big hope there in Paris Bennett disappointed me somewhat. She is SUCH a great singer… I was saddened to see her voice get lost by her “performance” and the outer trappings… she seemed a bit too starry-eyed by all the attention and the outfits, etc… she focused so much on bopping around and making cute faces to the camera that she didn’t just SING the song… and that girl can SING!!

C’mon Paris, all we need you to do is sing

Mandisa was fabulous… I wish she’d gone on later in the show, because she really shined but I think was forgotten by the end.

Mandisa does justice to a Heart song

None of the other girls really impressed me very much, so I’m really pinning my hopes on the guys this year. Can’t wait to hear the results!

02/15/2006: And Then There Were 24…

The happy and smiling finalists pose for the camera

So, I’m so excited. Not only does the “real meat” of American Idol start, but all of my remaining favorites made it through!!! (Favorite Tyra Schwarz was cut on yesterday’s episode, much to my disappointment).

The disappointments for the contestants themselves come even harder, though. It’s hard to watch people get that news, and it’s interesting to me what some of the reactions are. I think you can tell a person’s essential character sometimes by how they react to that. Eugenia sobbed (understandable) and wailed that her career was over (sadly, she threw having a child into that equation, which hurts my heart). And then she had to have the final mouth-off parting shot at the camera.

Eugenia goes from crying to complaining

In utter contrast, plucky April Welsh was so classy when she heard a no. “Well, on to the next Audition!”. Bravo.

Sweet April Welsh

I even gained a few new favorites. Robert Bennett, Jr. is ADORABLE!! We’ve never seen him before, but his excited antics in the elevator after hearing a “yes” were not to be missed!

Bennett can’t hide his excitement

Stephanie Scott is a new favorite as well. Not only does she sing well but her “after decision” interview was so humble… “what a privilege to be on American Idol”. She is just too cute! And a heck of a voice.

Scott’s tiny frame hides a big voice and a sweet disposition

Of course, I’ve got to be proud of William Makur, a local Houston boy!! He’s so geek-but-not-too-nerdy and his voice is so full for his little boyishly charming frame.

MakUr sings for the crowd

Rounding out the geek-boy quotient is odd duck Kevin Covais… I’m interested to see how he shapes up during the following weeks.

Well, I can always be an accountant

And of course, the ones we’ve been tracking have all made it into the final 24. I still think Daughtry and Bennett (Paris, that is), have a real shot at the title.

Paris Bennett is happy and ready to go sing for the title

Chris Daughtry’s powerful voice is suprisingly artful

Wonderful Mandisa, adorable Kellie Pickler, and soulful Sway Penala are back as well.

Mandisa is reproachful yet classy with a once-snide Simon

Tiny Kellie is grateful to be in the final 24

Sway puts his whole heart into his singing

02/09/2006: Hollywood week

Early favorites are Paris (the sweet 16-year-old who’s grandma is a famous singer) and Chris (the bald rock singer with the wife and two kids). Early disklikes go to the Brittnum twins, who bad-mouthed the judges and the show after they’d been kept in the competition. No class!! (That’s okay, though, they’ve already been kicked out of the show for fraud charges pending in their home state).

01/25/2006: Don’t Mess with Texas… They’re Messy Enough Already

Updated 02/12/2006

Abdul has already had enough of Austin

Okay, Austin is as close as I have to a hometown. I was excited about Austin’s possibilities to contribute to Idol. There is such a vibrant and wonderful music scene in Austin, I just couldn’t wait to feel pride for my hometown, especially since Houston did so abysmally last season.

Jeez, was I embarrassed. The only defense I can offer for the horrors that were on screen was that Austin’s music scene is often more mature singers and songwriters, those outside the age range for Idolers. At least, I hope that’s what the problem was — because it was definitely a problem, alright. Wailer after wailer came through — people with no smidge of vocal ability. And left the judges with a pretty bad taste of Austin, I must say.

Proud Mary would be ashamed of you

Unfortunatly, Ronny Norman was a good singer… too bad, because I really wanted him to fall on his smirky little smug face. Engineerboy and I about coughed up a lung apiece when he announced he was going to sing “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers… that is a helluva song to try. And how irritating that this beyond-over-confident self-involved jerk actually sung it pretty well. I wonder if Randy’s vote against him was voice-or personality-based?

Ain’t No Sunshine… when my mirror is gone

Funeral director / embalmer Jason Horn wasn’t the best singer in the world, but he was pretty damn good (especially by comparison), and a nice Texas boy to boot.

You Raise Me Up

Ricky Hayes also managed to give Austin some cred as well — he had a beautiful tone to his voice.

Hey, Austin has some good singers

01/31/2006: Vegas, Baby, Vegas

Updated 02/11/2006

Once again I’m struck by the…there’s no other word for it…delusion of some of these contestants. “Jamaica” man Alexia Dylon Lincheta was full of piss and vinegar coming into the audition and crying and remorseful after his lame rap got a “no” with the judges.

Jamaican Me Cringe!

And mullet-head J.C. Graham could not have possibly thought he would get on the show, could he? But the ones that really kill me are the ones that aren’t doing it for screen time — they’re really seriously thinking they can sing and that the judges will want them. It’s just heartbreaking to see someone like poor little David Mandzak announce in a monotone that he wants to “become a performer and express my talents…to the world”. Poor kid wasn’t dynamic at all, nor could his nasal voice sing even a little bit.

Dude, You’re Gettin’ Nowhere!

And sweet but talentless (singing-wise) Princess Brewer was cute but basically atonally shouted her way through Dionne Warwick. But prior to her audition she told Seacrest she thought she sounded like Aretha Franklin. You wonder if it was nerves or if she really just can’t sing and doesn’t know it. It’s hard to watch!

“That What Voice Lessons are For”

Standouts on this one include Heather Ward — and I agree with Randy: about the last thing you expect to hear out of this darling girl’s mouth is “Redneck Woman”! But she was adorable! Her speaking voice is a high titter but her singing voice is quite full. I liked her and am glad that she got through despite Paula’s objections!

Uh… Redneck Woman?

Grey-haired Taylor Hicks (with a Southern-accented speaking voice to match his last name) was also surprisingly good, if a little odd with the delivery (très Joe Cocker). I’m glad they put him through to Hollywood.

Redneck Man?

And I would’ve put adorable Jason Andino (aka Pepe the Gondola Driver) in the standouts list — I couldn’t believe he didn’t make it! (Engineerboy wanted him to make it, too!) They said he wasn’t a “star” but I thought he sang GREAT! Sheesh!

Jason, Row Your Boat Ashore

I’m starting to catch on… whenever we get the “Behind the Amateur Music” documentary on a contestant, that person is definitely going to be able to sing and almost absolutely going to get through. But it’s okay, it suckers me in anyway. Mecca Madison has the frame, look, and even the voice and control to be in the running. She’s got just the right combo of sass and sweetness.

“Really, I’m Pretty Modest. It’s Only My Hat That’s Big”

01/25/2006: Wannabes by the Bay

Updated 02/12/2006

Randy Jackson draws back in horror at one contestant’s singing

Well, San Francisco drew out quite a mix, but with very few noteworthy singers. I just had to cringe along with the judges at the poor earnest folks like Shawn Vasquez and Matthew “Wolfie” Paulson. Vasques is even taking opera lessons to further his musical endeavors but he was just earnestly terrible. These are the contestants I feel for the most. They’re sweet, nice people, but they just don’t have the ability to sing.

What you talkin’ ’bout, Simon?

Daughter-of-voice-teacher Katharine McPhee had a technically perfect voice but (as I think is often the case with “perfect voices”) no sould or passion when she sings. It’s as though any imperfection or personality has been whitewashed from her voice. The judges in San Francisco must have heard something different, though… they fawned over her! They said she was current, on the money, and the best voice they’d heard. But I’ve heard Simon fault other contestants for being on-pitch but off-passion, so they must’ve heard something within her that didn’t translate via TV.

Well, if Hollywood doesn’t work out, maybe I can get work as a nanny.

Jose “Sway” Penala was more like what I love — not too full of himself, strong vocals but with color in them… some passion, thought about what the song means. Bonus that he’s got a friendly, open smile as well.

Sway has soul

The standout of San Fran had to be 19-year-old Jayne Santayana, however. Beautiful, a little funky/punky with the hairstyle and color, and then a gorgeous, gorgeous voice to match. And how many 19-year-old could actually take on Anita Baker. Simon thought she didn’t conquer the song and I very very partially agree with him, but I still would’ve given her the vote. But she got through from Paula and Randy.

Thanks to Randy and Paula

01/24/2006: The Green Fields of Greensboro

Updated 02/12/2006

I am so tired of hearing people say that they’re the Total Package when asked why they’re the next American Idol. I would so much rather hear just about anything else than “I’m the total package”. #1, it’s uncreative. #2, it’s almost never somebody with any talent who says that sort of stuff, so I’ve come to dread hearing those words.

I’ve Got it All! The Squeak, the Screech, the Out-of-Tunes High Notes!

I mean, I’m sure some of these folks are multi-talented but to me the “total package” includes humility and not quite so much self-centered bragging.

I have to say though, Greensboro came extremely close to providing several “total packages” and a lot of talent. First was super-nice heartaching-back-story Kellie Pickler. As for Kelly, I’m not sure her voice is going to take her all the way (I agree with Simon that she shouted her song to some extent), but she’s tiny, blonde, cute, and has that precious North Carolina accent that’s just Southern enough to be cute but not so Southern it sounds ignorant.

I’ve Got Your Total Package Right Here

Also in the roundup of NC talent was completely upbeat Halicia Thompson. Halicia might go farther than Kellie, in my opinion. Although Kellie was sweet and precious, she was a bit nervous singing in public. Halicia, however, seemed completely unflapped by the presence of three famous judges who held her fate in their hands and she simply sung. She was completely irresistable!

It’s a Different World… Halicia’s World

…And the hits just kept coming. Kendra Winston was also a standout — cute, refreshing, and quite the public relations story. And she was another natural vocal talent with a sassy personality to match. She even cracked Simon up with her quick wit!

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough… to keep me from gettin’ to Hollywood!

On the less spectacular end of the scale Air National Guard Reservesman Steven David, Jr. did a passable job of “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye (which is pretty hard to do) but he was so darn cocky and sure of himself that I ended up not really liking him that much. But the judges sure did!

C’mon… military uniform and I can sing? You gotta vote for me.

However, no one in Greensboro or in any other city or in any other season of American Idol came even close to the jaw-dropping head-snapping surprise vocal talents of polite Paris Bennett, granddaughter of Anne Nesmond (whom I’d never heard of but Randy spoke of as singing royalty). I can’t even do her justice with the printed word: she was amazing, incredible, unbelievable, and fabulous. No lie, I give her a 60% chance of winning the comptetion, even without having seen the other folks or even getting to Hollywood yet. This girl probably doesn’t even need the competition. She’s really that good.

Paris could be really wonderful come this springtime.

01/18/2006 Mile-High Expectations

Updated 02/12/2006

Cowell contemplates a singer’s merit in Denver

Keeping pace with other cities, Denver showed some talent but also some pretty deluded or talentless folks.

Straight Up Now Tell Me Are You Sending Me Away For-ever?

Brett “Ace” Young definitely picked the smarmegy of singing to Paula for the votes. He would’ve gotten through even without Simon’s razor-thin-margin’ed yes, but I’m with Simon. This guy better prove himself because right now he’s just a pretty boy with a halfway-decent voice.

Can You Feel the Schmaltz?

And who could help but to root for Rochelle Elaine Dye? With her what-must-have-been her entire family there in T-shirts spelling out her name, serious Rochelle Elaine belted out a great original take on “Chain of Fools”. Anyone who can sing Aretha and get Cowell to say “Great. Can’t fault that.” has my vote as well!

Rochelle Elaine in the House!

Tiny and cute Lisa Tucker wowed the judges and me as well with her unoriginal yet perfectly executed choice of Whitney Houston’s “One Moment in Time”. Pretty impressive for a 16-year old. Her whole family just seems so wholesome, though. Is she for real?

“Maybe someday I’ll sing something racy, like ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand'”

Sweet but possibly a bit high-strung and tortured Garet Johnson the turkey-singing Cowboy from Wyoming was completely precious but I’m not sure he’ll stand up to the pressures of the big city.

I Normally Only Sing in Front of a Turkey

The best of the Denver audition had to be soft-spoken cowboy-hatted Chris Daughtry, who amazed me a raspy yet powerfully voiced interpretation of Joe Cocker’s “The Letter”. Simon the pop producer voted a no stating that he didn’t see much “charisma”, but luckily Randy and Paula put him through — I can’t wait to see him later in the contest!

Get Me a Ticket for an Aeroplane… to Hollywood!!

Of course, no wrap-up of the Denver auditions could possibly be complete without a footnote about definitely tortured Zachary Travis, who was only a pair of B-cups short of being a woman. It’s good that he knows himself well enough to just be “out there”, but it made me cringe that he was so clearly headed for heartbreak by offering himself up to the cruel gods of public acceptance. He even sang “Queen of the Night”, by Whitney Houston, for god’s sake.

“I got more than enough, that’s for sure”

01/17/2006: Tryouts in the The Windy City

I forgot how uncomfortable this show makes me! At least during the first few weeks of winnowing down the available pool of wannabes into the smaller group of semi- and actually-talented. I forgot how badly you feel for the earnest off-key crooners when their face falls and they dejectedly walk out of the room with only their humiliation and a few kind words from Paula ringing in their ears.

Really? You Won’t Even Let Me Sing the Chorus?

I forgot how much I’m embarrassed for those poor souls who actually think they can sing and then they go in there and screech out Celine Dion or Alicia Keys.

…and I shot the sheriff… and I shot the sheriff…and…I shot the sherriff

And, depending on whether or not they accept the reality of a triumvirate rejection, the once-hopeful comes out afterward looking as though his entire world view has crumbled, or reaffirming her belief that the world is against them — that the judges are stupid and they didn’t put her through because they didn’t like her hair/outfit/look/tan/whatever.

What’s a truly spectacular phenomena in all of this is the selective memory of some of these contestants — the willow-shaped Ukrainian girl Yuliya Matus who went in and did her best to belt out a heavily accented version of Bohemian Rhapsody flat-out just wasn’t good enough to get put through.

Mama… I just killed a song…

Simon told her her singing was absolutely awful. But Paula and Randy tried to soothe the rejection by saying what a cute look she had and she was clearly a performer. But her tear-filled post-interview just expressed disbelief that they said she was great and had a different look and “why didn’t she get put through?”. She’d completely not absorbed the actual singing feedback from Simon.

Although the bad ones were bad (c’mon, you know the screeners put some bad ones through just to be able to have some good television), the good ones were startlingly good. Again, I forget how completely amazed I become at the fact that our country has such talent out there, just waiting to be discovered lest they sing in anonymity forever. The two sets of male twins were both fabulous — one pair is only 16 or 17!

The Brittenum Twins: Ain’t Too Proud to Boast…

Joshua and Jarrett Simmons: Supah-Green!

I can’t wait to see those four when we get to Hollywood. I’ll bet you anything the producers will put them in a group of four for one of the ensemble performances. They’ll rock!

And then came Mandisa Hundley — who looked every inch the distinguished member of a Baptist choir — as soon as I saw her (she was so put together!) I thought, “I bet this woman can sing”.

The Gospel According to Mandisa

I’m glad I was right… she was fabulous. Jill Scott, look out — you might have some competition! I’m so glad they put her through, and boo hiss on Simon for cracking a snide about her weight. Oh well, I’m sure if he didn’t do things like that ratings would decline because “Simon lost his edge”. So it’s all just par for the course in the new and exciting season of American Idol.

01/16/2006: Eagerly Awaiting!

Finally, American Idol is ready to start again! Fox has been teasing us with ads of good and bad singers. Two-hour premiere is this week. I almost can’t wait!

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Mynagirl and I have a relationship where, when we are sure that we are alone and have absolute privacy, we share with each other the uncharitable, judgmental, mean, nasty, rude, cruel, and just plain malicious thoughts, jokes, and feelings that pop into our heads. These are the things that one would never ordinarily share with others, lest one be thought to be evil or crude. In most cases these thoughts don’t actually represent our beliefs, but instead represent things that we think are funny even if they are just plain inappropriate.

For example:

What’s the difference between Christopher Reeve and OJ Simpson?

OJ walked and Reeve got the electric chair.

or

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

Now, intellectually I find both of those jokes offensive. I liked Christopher Reeve and don’t really approve of making fun of the dead. However, in my heart of hearts, both of those jokes make me laugh. They shouldn’t, but they do. They’re creative and funny, and Christopher Reeve was enough of a cultural icon for me to be able to disassociate the jokes from the actual tragic circumstances of his accident and his ultimate death.

And I would share with Mynagirl the fact that I found those jokes funny – she may or may not agree, but we revel in the trust and closeness that results from such open honesty with each other.

What, you may ask, do my autobiographical musings have to do with CSA: Confederate States of America?? Well, the parallel is that Kevin Willmott, the writer/director, has put into his script and onto the screen a lot of the same gasp-inducing-yet-funny things that many people might think, but never say.

The premise of the movie is that you, the viewer, are watching a television station, and that station is airing a Ken Burns-like documentary about the CSA. In the reality of this film, the South won the Civil War (or the War of Northern Aggression, depending on one’s roots) and hence we have the Confederate States of America, or the CSA. The documentary (in the film) was produced by British television, complete with typically erudite and accented voice-over. The documentary is interrupted at regular intervals for commercials from the present-day CSA for products that would only have niches in this imagined reality, and also by news breaks reporting news that one would never see today.

I’m trying not to get too specific, as the parade of yelp-inducing moments in this film are endless and diabolically funny, while also forcing us to hold up a mirror to today’s less-than-perfect race relations. Mr. Willmott has taken a great risk in producing a film like this, because even though it is funny, it is also incendiary and I’m sure will be controversial.

I’ll give you a real-world example of how this film is completely relevant today. We went to this movie with our friend Bruce, and it was showing at the Angelika theater here in downtown Houston. The Angelika is an upscale venue for arty, snobby, and foreign films that have some revenue-generating potential (it’s not a gritty, run-down, art-house type venue, is what I mean). We go there frequently and really relish the experience of seeing a film in a calm and serene setting, with comfortable seats, good concessions, and interesting films, without having to subject ourselves to the multiplex masses.

So, today when we showed up for the film, we purchased our tickets and went inside. To picture the scene, please note that the lobby of the Angelika is very beautiful, with artistic touches and over-sized posters of foreign films on the walls of the soaring atrium overhead. Also, the three of us are about as white as you can get – I’m of Czechoslovakian-British descent, Mynagirl is German-British, and Bruce is Polish. That’s about as white as you can get, and we were in a place that, let’s be honest, is traditionally populated with upper-middle-class whites, pseudo-intellectuals, and film-geeks.

However, when we walked in today, the lobby was the fullest that I have *ever* seen it, I’d say between 100-125 people (and if you’ve even been to the Angelika you’ll realize how full the lobby was), and 95% of the patrons were young African Americans, 90% of those male. My immediate thought was that they were here to see CSA (which is billed as being “Presented by Spike Lee”), and based on the interactions of people I could tell this was an organized event, and that they weren’t all here by accident. So, I wondered what organization had gathered here en masse for this film, and I wrestled with the fact that this film might not raise up warm feelings of brotherhood in my fellow moviegoers. I didn’t have any specific worries, but let’s just say I was tracking the potential of ending up on CNN in the worst-case scenario.

After we got our concessions and headed into the theater, we realized that 99% of the African American folks were there to see a sneak preview of the film ATL, which is a coming-of-age story focusing on four black friends. I have to admit to a certain amount of relief-followed-by-white-guilt at my own feelings. Realisticaly, I knew that it was possible that watching a film like CSA could very easily, and understandably, generate feelings of ill-will from a theater full of young black people. And I also calculated that there was a very small, but nonetheless real, chance that those feelings might manifest themselves in some confrontational way.

I was also a bit disappointed that they weren’t going to see CSA, because I think that dragging these kinds of unspoken differences and suspicions out into the light can only be good in the long run, and I was looking forward to playing my part. However, interestingly enough, the black-white viewership ratio swung wildly into the other direction, and I only saw one African American patron watching CSA. On the way out I wondered how he felt, being the only black person in a theater full of whites watching a film depicting modern life pretty much the same as it is today, only with slavery still being legal.

And that was an interesting result of this film, to me. I stopped and examined my own thoughts and feelings about race, and I pondered the thoughts and feelings of someone from a different race and wondered if they mirrored my own.

So that means this film was effective. I laughed, I was horrified, I empathized, I examined my own feelings, and I contemplated the feelings of others.

What more can one ask from a film?

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