CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

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Wow… it looked like every guy there was going to be a groomsman in the same wedding. Nothing was a huge standout, and all the tuxes were very conservative! (I actually approve of this). The women didn’t necessarily stand out, either, although there were a few flashes of elegance. Black predominated, along with plunging necklines. I guess folks are holding out the big guns for the Oscars!! None of the jewel-tones from last year really appeared (although there was a Desperate Housewife in coral):

You’ve Heard of Washboard Abs? I’ve Got a Washboard Chest!

The trend I really loved was no bronzing!! Thank goodness nobody there felt as though they had to look as though they’d flown in from St. Bart’s. There were some absolutely gorgeous ladies with wonderfully porcelain skin. Hallelujah.

Loved:

• For once Johnny Depp looked almost… handsome and dapper in a nice red shirt and pocket square with a nice suit.I’m Gonzo for Scruffy Puffs
• Teri Hatcher’s golden mermaid (Atelier Versace)Hurry. I Haven’t Breathed in an Hour.
• Jesse L. Martin looked quite handsome and classy in a shawl-collar and long-tie tux.I Look Gorgeous, Sensuous, Unpretentious… Outrageous!
• Although I like the long gowns better, Anne Hathaway really did look lovely in her over-the-shoulder sparkly Marc Jacobs. So adorable, and I loved the unfussy close-cropped braid.If I Win, Maybe I Could Afford the Other Shoulder!
• At first I didn’t like Sandra Oh’s Collette Jennigan gown, but it really was very flattering on her and she’s just so darn cute.
  Forget Grey’s Anatomy… Here’s Mine!
• I think on anyone else I might’ve hated Ziyi Zhang’s lime green Giorgio Armani Privé. But she looked fabulous in it, truly a frothy confection to behold.
  I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Really Think So
• Leonardo DiCaprio’s deep blue just-a-bit-shiny tux.If I Only Had a Beard…
• At first I didn’t think I liked Geena Davis’ bejeweled bosom red gown, but given that she was nominated for playing the president, it was actually just the right note – patriotic and elegantly feminine at once.Veto This, Baby!
• Keira Knightly was saintly in her white Valentino. Everyone there should hope to look so classic, so put-together, so utterly unfussy despite an embellished dress.
• Mmm, Yes, Fascinating Darling. Is That the Buffet?
• Maria Bello, another lady in white, also looked stunning in Elie Saab.
  Okay, Now I Just Have To Remember Not to Lean Forward…
• And I never would’ve thought I would’ve liked a velvet tux, but Clint Eastwood would look good in just about anything.Yeah, That’s Right. Fuzzy Harry.
• Producer Cathy Konrad’s gorgeously simply black satin halter sheath. One of the few low-cut dresses I loved.Well, I’ve Really Always Wanted to Direct.
• Eva Longoria looked great in a classy Bob Mackie.
  Are You Sure I Still Look Pretty Even Though You Can’t See My Boobs?
• Kyra Sedgewick looked wonderful in Bottega Veneta. At least she actually wore a color this time!Can You See Me Now?

Mediocre / Indifferent:

• Natalie Portman’s vintage Chanel black lace dress that highlighted her not only her boobs but also too-skinny frame. I know everyone says how classic and Audrey Hepburn she looked, and she would’ve if the top of the dress didn’t look like a bad bustier.What Other Choice Did I Have? I Look Like a Boy Right Now.
• Emmy Rossum’s blah-beige ruffleganza…. Overall the shape was very flattering on her, but I just can’t stand that color in a gown. It’s so … boring!I Didn’t Want to Wear Any of those Flashy, Stare-at-Me Pastel Colors
• Mary Louise Parker’s black dress with draped hair left me… bored.
  So, If I Get the Muchies During Dinner, This Gardenia is History
• Penelope Cruz’s Marc Jacobs almost-has-some-color draped chiffon was very overshadowed by the hair.
  Maybe I Could Donate Some of My Hair to Leonardo DiCaprio’s Chin
• Charlize Theron looked almost too elegant in her John Galliano for Dior. I actually kind of like the dress, and she looks beautiful as always, but… it just seems too safe. I would’ve loved to see her deep green satin or something like that.
  I Actually Burst Into Flames if I Wear a Color More Intense than Peach
• The always-a-train-wreck trying always to look sexy Melanie GriffithCan You See Them Now?
• Ah, the hazards of vintage. Reese Witherspoon in Vintage Chanel Haute Couture looked her adorable self but the dress was a bit ill-fitting.
  Maybe I Could Work out An Exchange Program with Melanie Griffith
• Felicity Huffman looked very nice but the criss-crossing on the dress just didn’t make it for me. I normally like the “Grecian Goddess” look but here it left me kind of lukewarm.Oh Man, did my Parachute Fall Off Again?
• Laura Linney looked nice in Valentino but I’m not sure red was her color. And I didn’t get the strap.It’s Actually a Matching Guitar Strap!

Not a big fan:

• Hillary Swank’s slender black column was boring and (from the side) unflattering. I will give her sympathies, though — she looked tired and barely there. Divorces suck.Girls Do Cry
• Rennee Zellweger was similarly exhausted-looking in Carolina Herrera.
  Ok, Two Carrots and a Celery Stick. No, Only One Carrot. And a Perrier — No, Half a Perrier. No Lime.
• Anthony Hopkins’ wife’s “Boobs in Bondage” criss-cross dress.Are You Sure You Can See Them Now?
• I actually almost like Rachel Weisz’s too-low-cut gold Donna Karan dress but have to put her on this list for the lipstick that looked truly corpse-colored under the stage lights.Hey Cool, It Has a Built-in Napkin!
• Scarlett Johannson proves that red is her color in Valentino, but the swimsuit neckline is kind of boring.
  If Only it Had a Built-in Napkin or Something
• Adrien Brody’s continental look with the self-important cravat was hilariously awful.
  If I Suck in My Cheeks Do I Look Even More Like a Whippet?
• Virginia Madsen’s pale blue mermaid dress was unexciting at best.Damn. Pale Blue Isn’t a Career Saving Color?
• Tim Robbins’ all-black tuxedo wasn’t actually as bad as his horrible shag.Damn, That All-Natural Earth-Friendly Minoxidil Shampoo Sure Does Suck.
• Gwyneth Paltrow’s Disney dress by Balenciaga… to quote Engineerboy “Did she lose the bridesmaid’s contest”? Although I guess she is pregnant and fashion choices may be limited. But… hmmm, not a fan.Duh…Snow White… Apple… Get It?
• I hate to put her in this category, but the puffy sleeves on Catherine Deneuve’s black gown were terribly unflattering.Well, I Was Talking To Gwyneth About Playing Maleficent
• The always-freaky and please-look-at-me Mariah Carey. Doesn’t she ever get tired of her cleavage? I sure do.Don’t Hurry. Take as Long as You Need. Breathing is Overrated.

Oh My God:

• Drew Barrymore’s “Leave Zero to Imagination… or Underwire” sheer green gownFor Ten Bucks I Can Make Them Move in Opposite Directions
• Maybe this should be the booby prize list… Pamela Anderson’s breast-swatch over the slender white column. (At least the darker color was on top). But she so couldn’t stay still up there, it just highlighted her disproportionate-ism. That may be on purpose.When You Absolutely, Positively, Have To See Them

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The Time Has Come

I’ve been waiting to write this article because I wanted to have more breadth of exposure to yoga (and in particular this kind of yoga) before expounding to any degree on this exercise or this particular studio in an article on our web site. I wanted to try another hot yoga / Bikram yoga studio in Houston to be able to compare and contrast experiences. I thought maybe trying other types of yoga might be good, too… nice to have a range of experience before shooting one’s mouth off about something, especially something as trendy and popular as yoga seems to be at the moment.

However, the time has come for me to yap at you about yoga, and it has to be now. Despite the fact that I haven’t gone to any other studios yet. Despite the fact that I haven’t tried any other forms of yoga. It has to be now because this stuff is just too wonderful for me, and the studio where I go now is just so great I can’t bring myself to try another place, even though intellectually I know I should. I mean, if I’m liking and looking forward to exercise this much right now, why should I mess around with that?

Bikram Yoga, or Hot Yoga

Ok, not that I am a yoga historian or anything, but here’s what I’ve gathered. (Insert standard CleverDonkey disclaimer here: feel free to check yer facts elsewheres, as you won’t hurt my feelings). Bikram yoga is not a “traditional” form of yoga, inasmuch as yoga as a discipline is, oh, 5,000 years old, and Bikram, the dude who came up with Bikram yoga, is still alive and holding court in Los Angeles. His philosophy, near as I can make out, is that doing yoga in a heated room gives the body greater pliability and more ability to really achieve something wonderful in the postures. I think there might also be some concept thrown in there about getting toxins out of the body via sweat and that in India, the birthplace of yoga, it’s pretty hot, so you should try and do yoga in an environment more like where yoga was invented and originally practiced.

Bikram himself (full name: Bikram Choudhury), after inventing this type of yoga and presumably getting some folks to really like it, began at some point churning out certified instructors. They go through an intensive training course of some number of weeks where they live on site during the instruction. He also certifies yoga studios, in that they can be “franchises” and authorized to use the Bikram name for their yoga classes. I think there’s even a lawsuit at the moment regarding name licensing against some studios that use the word “Bikram” if they’re not an authorized Bikram franchise. Very zen stuff.

Anyway, onto the yoga itself. It’s a series of 26 particular postures, all of which (to my knowledge) are regular and traditional yoga postures. The trick is the heated room. The place where I go for this stuff (more about that in a moment) heats to about 105 degrees Fahrenheit and the air is fairly humid as well. If this sounds taxing, it can be… but to me it’s really liberating. That may sound an odd word to use, but it’s the word that comes to mind. One of the things I hate about working out is getting to the point of sweating. It always feels like I waste so much of my workout loosening up and heating up my cold muscles and getting through the uncomfortable prickly feeling as my body heats itself up and I start to sweat under my arms and on my forehead.

With this yoga, your body is already warm and you’ve already crossed that barrier…you don’t have to dread the sweat or look forward to it or even worry about it, ’cause it’s already there. You kinda ignore it and just concentrate on the workout itself. Well, you can’t really ignore it, because you’re sweating from your shins and elbows as well as every place you’d normally sweat (well, I do, anyway –but I’m kinda on the right hand side of the sweating bell curve). And for me, who’s one of those people who is ALWAYS COLD ALL THE TIME, it’s freaking excellent to get into that warm room at the end of the day and loosen up and unwind and bliss out and work out and sweat and be tired afterward.

Hot Yoga Here

So, the place where I’ve been doing yoga is called Hot Yoga Here (website: www.hotyogahere.com), and it isn’t really a studio so much as it is a yoga teacher who rents a room and has classes several times a day. The room is in a Hare Krishna temple just outside the North Loop and it isn’t fancy. I actually kind of like that: given that yoga is fairly trendy right about now, the fact that this place is pretty bare bones and not its own stand-alone super-fancy can-I-get-you-a-latte-with-that kinda joint keeps out the gym queen see-and-be-seen West U riff-raff, which is fine by me. Working out, especially in a new discipline, is intimidating enough for me… I don’t really want to have to do it in picture-perfect surroundings with picture-perfect people. Not that there aren’t some pretty fit people at Hot Yoga Here (there are), but there are all types of folks, and no one seems preoccupied with “Look at me everyone, I’m doing yoga”, if that makes sense.

The thing that defines the experience there, however, is the instructor Darla. She’s Bikram certified but her place isn’t a Bikram franchise. She’s extraordinarily experienced and her class is the absolute perfect balance of relaxed enough to put you at ease and structured enough to get you through class. She’s funny and light-hearted and very attentive — she pays attention and knows your particular needs once you become a regular. For instance, I’ve got a herniated disc in my lower back (more on that below), and from my first class she taught me how to modify certain poses to make sure I wasn’t unduly straining my lower back. Even now after a couple months there she regularly checks on me during class and asks if my back is doing okay. That kind of attention is just worth its weight in gold — aside from making you feel like you’re at a place that cares if you’re there (versus a McGym), it’s nice to know she continually checks up and gives you that opportunity to tell her if you’re having a problem with anything.

The Results

Well, I’d tried yoga a couple years ago (loved it) but started again a couple months ago after switching orthopedic doctors from my anti-yoga surgeon (his advice: don’t do any type of exercise involving bending or twisting, so yoga was right out, and by the way I’d be a good candidate for expensive surgery) to an orthopedic guy whose advice was basically exercise a lot and that anything low-impact is good (yoga included). Just to give you a little history, in the four years since my disc was damaged, I’d done the following for relief from back pain:

• Lose weight (about 40 lbs, which I’ve kept off in the intervening 3 or so years… that helped some)
• Steroid injections directly into the disc (not my favorite… they increase appetite and give you wacky hot flashes and other bizarro side effects, plus… what am I gonna do, get drugs injected every couple months for the rest of my life??)
• Celebrex (which, when taken, was a wonder drug for the pain, but… again… what am I gonna do, take a drug for the rest of my life? Oh, and there’s a little matter of whether or not it’s really the best idea to take that particular drug).
• Painkillers when needed (this was the worst decision of them all… these guys give me a nasty tendency towards migraine headaches about a month after I stop taking them, even if I only take one or two pills. Nice, hunh?)

So in the months leading up to trying yoga again I’d gotten in a state of near-constant agony with my back. I couldn’t sit in my office chair at work without constantly shifting around in pain. I would wear ThermaCares at work under my work clothes. I laid on heating pillows every night. Because of my experience with the pain pills and the tendency to get headaches if I used them, I wouldn’t touch pain meds of any kind (Advil, Aleve, Tylenol, and Aspirin included), and the Celebrex wasn’t really looking like a great route to take. I figured the hot yoga would help make sure my back didn’t get further strained (and, actually, it was more just dumb luck I found Darla’s studio — I remembered her web address from when she used to have a Studio on Waugh called Yoga Body that my friend Cheryl and I had tried a few years back, and hot yoga was the only kind of yoga I’d ever tried because Cheryl was a big Bikram buff).

I have to say…this stuff is a miracle for me. I go about three times a week, sometimes four. My back feels wonderful. I have so much more strength in the core of my body — I can do normal household tasks that used to cause me a lot of pain: things like loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing my face at the sink, or putting on socks while I’m standing up. I also now have enough strength to do something I never thought I’d do again — swing a golf club!! I haven’t yet made it back out onto a golf course but I went to the driving range today and it was excellent! I had so much strength in my abs and my back, and I would’ve never thought I would ever be able to play golf again. (Not that I was a huge golf player, but Engineerboy and I would go hack around every so often and it was sort of sad to think of losing that after I hurt my back). In general I never even think about my back anymore, other than I always consciously use my abs when I bend over in order to support my back properly. But I never think about how it’s aching, or how much it’s hurting, and that used to be a major part of my mental energy being drained away every day. I know it sounds dorky, but I’ll say it again. It really has been like a miracle for me.

A Quick Note About Hot Yoga

One quick thing… it really is hot. This means two things:

1. Make sure you take care of yourself and prepare yourself to work out in the heat. I have wickedly low blood pressure naturally, so I work especially hard on yoga days to put salt into my body, along with potassium. Because I will sweat it all right out. I drink V8, nosh on pretzels, and make sure I have Gatorade during the day and while I’m in class. I also have bananas every single day. I don’t know that everyone needs this, but I do, or the combination of the heat plus my already low blood pressure means that I get a little dizzy. I also eat really blandly on yoga days… nothing spicy or nasty that will come back to haunt you. (I actually find that’s a benefit of yoga for me… it really makes me watch my nutrition as well).
2. Not everyone is a big fan of the “work out in the heat” concept. I found this out when I posted something on alt.yoga about Bikram and got a really negative posting in return. I think a lot of folks think it’s nuts. So be prepared if this becomes a thing for you to get a little flak if you tell people about it. Feel free to check with your doctor first (always a good idea) to make sure it’s not a crazy idea for you.

In general, if you’re looking to start yoga you don’t hate the heat, I would at least consider hot yoga. If you’re in the Houston area and the North Loop is convenient for you, I would definitely check out Darla’s place. She’s completely wonderful and I couldn’t recommend the yoga experience there more highly.

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Oscar 2006 Fashion Report!

Click here for the 2006 report!

Oscar 2005 Fashion Report Archive

Well, at least there was some color this year! There weren’t too many standouts – my favorite was probably Helen Mirren. She just looked utterly drop-dead gorgeous, no kidding – fun and elegant but unfussy. A close second was Catalina Sandino Moreno, who was the perfect mixture of classy and sexy with a white Roberto Cavalli and a long, sleek ponytail.

Likes:

• Beyoncé, for the two seconds she was wearing her “on the red carpet” dress looked great in black velvet — almost a disturbingly hourglass figure, but she looked very elegant — simple dress, big earrings, not-too-fussy hairstyle. I was sick of her by the end of the Oscar telecast, however – they should’ve gotten some other people to sing some of those songs.
• 
• Helen Mirren looked fabulous — sexy, eclectic, elegant, put-together, and utterly beautiful. Bravo.
• Virginia Madsen looked very elegant in navy blue Versace — the dress wasn’t a knockout but her overall look with hair, makeup, and earrings was just breathtaking.

Great First Timers:

• Catalina Sandino Moreno, nominated for Maria Full of Grace. She looked flawless in a white Roberto Cavalli body-hugging gown with jewel-encrusted straps.
• Malaak Rock in a gorgeous Pamela Dennis dress in beige with black eyelash lace (although I’m hoping that the collar wasn’t fur).
• Emmy Rossum, who could easily be the new Julia Roberts, looked classicly gorgeous in a red satin Ralph Lauren with some beautiful Harry Winston rubies.(Although hopefully Emmy and Sandra Oh didn’t stand next to each other at any of the after parties, as Emmy’s and Sandra’s Michael Kors dresses looked nearly identical):

Undecideds or so-so’s:

• Loved the color of Kate Winslet’s almost-sapphire dress, but the cut and decoration weren’t my faves. Overall she’s gorgeous, though.
• Scarlett Johansenn’s fuzzy blond, bejeweled hair and oddly gathered black dress.

Not a Big Fan:

• Laura Linney’s dress was ordinary and bland, but she did outstand in one area: her hairstyle was spectacularly unflattering.
• Cate Blanchett’s too-pale yellow silk chiffon with a wow-this-does-not-match burgundy belt. She’s so beautiful, I wish she’d choose brighter colors, like the deep crimson satin at last year’s Oscars.
• Similarly, Penelope Cruz’s too-pale Oscar de la Renta yellow-with-an-ugly-1987-prom-dress butt bow and train.
• Hilary Swank’s navy blue Guy LaRoche dress — the backless part was okay but the swathed front left a little too little to the imagination for my tastes.
• Clive Owen’s velvet tie.

Yucks:

• Like I even have to say it — Johnny Depp’s freaky blue tuxedo jacket. (Editor’s note, 3/6/2005: I saw in People magazine that the collar pin, not very distinguishable on TV, was actually a Hunter S. Thompson gonzo pin worn in memoriam. Okay, that was kinda classy.)
• Rene Zellweger’s emaciated Mrs. Claus outfit.
• Mario and Melvin van Peebles’ bowler hats.

The Red Carpet Coverage:

Ugh. First off — they kept saying it was commercial free and it was FULL of commercials, at least the first hour. Kathy Griffin and Star Jones start out the coverage by ask each other who they’re wearing. Kathy Griffin is pretty engaging but they didn’t use her at all! I guess maybe she said some things that were too shocking at the Golden Globes or Grammys? She’s funny but she was just stuck up in “The Tower” and was relegated to just making comments and not being able to actually interact with anyone.

So that left Star Jones Reynolds, who is somewhat beyond irritating. Oh, and Star Jones I SWEAR TO GOD wore Payless shoes with her Richard Tyler dress (because, of course, she is a paid spokesperson for Payless with her own line of shoes). Y’know what, lady? Who cares. Pimpy stunts like that just make you look tacky. I can understand why you got so much grief about all the sponsorship for your wedding.

More Kathy!! Bring her out more and I won’t even miss Melissa and Joan!

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Mynagirl, the Wolf-Nose

A stand-up comic on David Letterman once told a cute anecdote: He goes shopping with his girlfriend at a candle store (“… because I wanted to buy a candle…,” he notes wryly) and she holds up a candle to him, saying, “Doesn’t this smell like lavender and lilac?” His response: “What are you? A wolf? It smells like a purple candle!!”

Okay, if my husband and daughter are supertasters, then I am a supersmeller. Either that, or American folks, as a general rule, immerse themselves in way too much hair gel, hair serum, hair spray, bath gel, bath splash, bath spritz, body powder, body lotion, body spray, fragranced soap, fragranced makeup, and most of all… cologne and perfume. I think maybe the truth is both a combination me being a wolf-nose and people wearing way too much smelly stuff.

Maybe It Was a Dodge Durango into the ‘Obsession for Men’ Counter

So, I have to say, I am constantly amazed by how unaware (or uncaring) folks are about the amount of heavily fragranced stuff they layer on their bodies, which then places an olfactory assault on those who are unlucky enough to have to be in the cubic footage around them. I hate stepping into an elevator with somebody who’s wearing cologne of any kind — I actually hold my breath as much as I can until I get to leap out on my floor. I don’t mind meeting new people but one of my least favorite archetypes is the extra-cologne-wearer (sales guys seem to fit into the category a lot). I’ve had one co-worker who wore so much I could tell he was in the office before I even saw him — he literally left a smell trail that was about 20 feet long. I mean, you could tell it was nice expensive cologne but oh my god the sheer volume of it was like somebody smashed a Ford Expedition into the Drakkar counter. And it’s not just a few people… the problem is pervasive. At work this week I experienced no less than three instances of severe nasal assault — sometimes I’m not even sure from whom; in one case the scent cloud was so strong that it filled up a whole work area for more than an hour.

When our daughter, aka The G-I-R-L, prepared to get on a flight back to her mom’s house (her boyfriend was also going to be at the airport to pick her up), she said, “hold on, I have to go upstairs to put on body spray”. I cringed, thinking of my own flight two weeks prior back from a business trip next to a seemingly nice woman but who happened to be wearing a particularly pungent perfume. “Sweetie,” I said gently, “try to remember you’re going to be on a flight where you’re sitting right next to other people. Go easy on the scent.” I know she just wanted to be all fixed up to see her boyfriend, but I wanted her to understand what a scent (which quickly becomes the equivalent of background noise to the wearer) can be like to others, especially in close quarters such as a completely-full airplane flight.

The Fragrancing of the American Product Market

The problem is that nearly everything you buy these days is scented, so I think people expect that and then think they should actually smell like that. You have to search and search for something that doesn’t have a massive amount of fragrance added to it. I bought the Nivea body shimmer lotion once… horribly scented; I couldn’t use it. I love Burt’s Bees lip balm (which actually does smell of natural peppermint oil) so I bought Burt’s Bees face moisturizer: it stunk. Unlike the lip balm, which smelled of the peppermint oil because it was an ingredient, they actually added fragrance to the moisturizer to gave it that weird smell. Even Engineerboy hated that smell, I wore the moisturizer for two days and he wouldn’t even kiss me it was so gross. I spent $20 on Sephora for this lip stuff that makes your lips plump out temporarily (it’s called Two Faced, supposedly it has whatever Viagra has in it and that why it works) and while the stuff does indeed make your lips fatter, it has such a strong sticky-sweet smell on it that I won’t use it. Augh! I love how it works but yuck!

And I could write a whole subsection on Aveda stuff — I know aromatherapy is their whole gestalt, but I finally realized the essential oil massages were what was giving me headaches whenever I got my hair cut at an Aveda salon. Just because it’s a natural-based scent doesn’t mean the scent isn’t too strong (at least for me anyway). I’ll give Aveda this, though — the scents in their products don’t usually carry past the person that wears it. If I only smell you when I’m giving you a hug then your fragrance isn’t overdone, by my definition.

But it’s not just makeup and personal care products that have fragrance issues. I used Downy Wrinkle Remover once (you know, that stuff that you spray onto a wrinkled item, let it dry overnight and then miraculously have something without wrinkles in the morning?) The product itself worked GREAT but I spent the next day at work (no lie) being close to gagging from the disgustingly heavy scent coming up from my wrinkle-free slacks. I threw out the bottle and I’ll stick to the dry cleaner or ironing from now on. What a shame — I’d buy the heck outta that stuff if they made a fragrance-free version. Laundry products in general are a very big offender in this category — there is no ‘dark laundry’ detergent that has a fragrance-free version, and all the regular versions have a horrible cloying odor. I like the concept of washing my dark stuff in something meant to keep it from fading, but not at the overly distracting cost of feeling like someone is pushing scented cotton balls up my nose all day.

So What’s a Wolf-Nose to Do?

Slowly, I’ve identified the things I can use that aren’t stinky (to me). Clinique has wonderful fragrance-free moisturizer (I think fragrance- and additive-free is their whole schtick, so I might start looking there for makeup as well rather than Lancôme). Mary Kay’s makeup isn’t fragrance-free but it doesn’t reek or anything, so I use their stuff, too. Aveeno products (available at the drugstore) tend to be fragrance-free; their body lotion is great, as is their hand cream. Lubriderm’s fragrance-free stuff isn’t bad, either. I always buy the “Free” type of laundry detergent (All Free works pretty well) and use Dreft detergent (it’s for baby stuff) and Downy Free for hand washables and lingerie instead of Woolite (boy, does Woolite stink!!). (Actually a lady at a really really uppity lingerie store once told me that Woolite will destroy good lingerie anyway, and that Dreft is the best stuff for washing expensive finery — presumably she had nothing to gain from that recommendation, so I was using that stuff for years before my current distaste for strong smells reached its peak).

I can’t find everything I want in fragrance-free, though. I’m still searching for the right fragrance-free shampoo. You’d think Neutrogena would be the ticket but their shampoo is quite fragranced. Even Dove shampoo has a pretty strong scent. Really your only option for totally smell-free (that I can find at a drugstore, anyway) is Johnson’s baby shampoo and then No More Tears detangler. I’ve done that before but it really is made for kid hair and it’s pretty easy to over-condition your hair with that stuff. Try looking professional at the office with your hair all slicked down with too much detangler. Not pretty. I’ve ended up using L’Oreal stuff — still scented but I can handle it okay. If anyone has any other suggestions I’d love for you to email me.

As for coworkers and acquaintances, I can’t do anything about them. There’s no socially delicate way I can think of to say, “Gee, can you lay off the Obsession for Men there, pal?” I’m just grateful my current situation at work gives me an office of my own and none of my close friends are perfume or cologne overindulgers. I try not to be too obvious in an elevator when I hold my breath or place my hand up toward my nose so that I don’t have to breathe in someone else’s cologne. I really have no idea if the problem is mine or theirs, or how many other people are like me — unwilling ships constantly awash in a sea of others’ perfumes.

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Click here for the CURRENT YEAR’S Golden Globes Report

This is the 2005 report.

Likes:

Angelica Huston was gorgously wonderful in a simple long black dress with loads of diamond necklaces. It was a great look, sumptuous and very sexy.

Mariska Hargitay once again looked stunning in Vera Wang (also her choice for the Emmys), this time in a medium pink silk column with ring detail at the shoulder.

Glenn Close in a beautiful black Geoffrey Beene, worn to honor him (he recently passed away).

Jennifer Garner was classy in a bright red gown; whether or not she chose that color to synchronize with the release of Elektra is anyone’s guess.

Kim Raver from 24 looked great in a pale yellow chiffon wrap Carmen Marc Valvo (but then again I’m super-partial to this guy, seeing as how every fancy gown I own is Carmen Marc Valvo). She accesorized with a gorgeously long and sparkly triple-looped necklace — very nice.

Emily Rossum looked radiant in a white gown although I never got a good look at it.

Eva Longoria was quite elegant in a black Oscar de la Renta.

Kerry Washington from Ray was just knocked-out in a turquoise Narcisso Rodruiguez. She deserves props for dressing so elegantly at her first awards show.

Dislikes:

Joely Richardson in a too-pale aquamarine column, neck-cutting scarf, and too-severe hair bun.

Halle Berre in a mis-matched breastpiece gown.

‘Oh My God’s:

Melina Kanakaredes in a don’t-you-like-my-flat-stomach revealing gown. I guess her red silk keyhole from the Emmys just wasn’t racy enough for her. I swear, that gown is a reject from the Miss America pageant.

‘Oh My God’ Worst of the Night Special Honorable Mention:

Diane Kruger’s horrific gold lamé … towel wrap? (I’m not sure I can call it a dress). A terrible two-piece nightmare: too tight up top, showing flesh on one side, and in general, looking like she should’ve been tending bar at the Luxor. This is why I give props to Kerry Washington for looking so elegant and pulled together at her first awards show — because this is what happens when you aim to stand out.

The Coverage

As a side note, I of course switched from the E! coverage to the TV Guide channel… red carpet coverage just isn’t red carpet coverage without Joan and Melissa. However, it just wasn’t the same type of coverage as E… you couldn’t really see anyone’s dress — I think maybe they didn’t have enough booth space? The coverage seemed a bit disorganized: you could see less famous stars heading up the stairs and then slinking back down as Joan said, no we’re waiting for so-and-so, so they didn’t have handlers ahead of time making stuff work smoothly. It also seemed like a lot of the big stars didn’t really stop by, it seemed. Plus, because it is still the TV Guide channel, they still had to have a “what on what channel” ticker crawl going the ENTIRE time. Very irritating. Reluctantly, I switched over to E to be able to actually see the dresses and get the bigger stars. Hopefully by the next awards show TV Guide will be able to get their show together, because Joan and Melissa are definitely the ones to watch, but TV Guide as an organization doesn’t have it together yet.

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In general, there were no really horrific messes this year and not too many standouts. Mariska Hargitay wins top honors for best dressed at the Emmys in a gorgeous, gorgeous, absolutely classic outfit – a beautiful apple green Vera Wang column dress-and-a-train complete with a tropical flower in the hair. She just glowed and looked every inch the classic Hollywood goddess. (I guess being a newlywed helped, she was just smiling the whole time as well).

For the most part I liked:

• Heather Locklear’s wine-colored goddess dress
• Portia Di Rossi’s classic Givenchy with great Diane Von Furstenburg jewelry.
• Marlo Thomas’s classy white column as she accepted her father’s Bob Hope Humanitarian Award.
• Drea de Matteo’s beautiful and slightly renaissance-looking black and gold frock.
• Kim Catrall in a simple but fun pink Pamela Rowland – her overall look was just so simple and effortless.
• Jennifer Anniston’s gorgeous white tube dress from Chanel with a very Indian gold design.
• Cheryl Hines in an absolutely gorgeous Norma Linay teal beaded chiffon halter.

I found very blah:

• Laura Linney’s black knee-length Prada frock.
• Sarah Jessica Parker’s unspectacular yet somehow fussy black ankle length Chanel couture.
• Amber Tamblyn’s too-old-for-her garnet-colored fishtail gown.
• I almost-liked Debra Messing’s beautifully cut and colored beaded gown, but it was a bit too short for her (and quite see through on the backlit Red Carpet).

I thought the following were horrible!! I officially want to outlaw keyhole gowns.

• Cynthia Nixon’s unflattering brown jersey sheath with a ropes-of-turquoise necklace. Even Engineerboy noticed it was less than Emmy-worthy: “What’s with that turquoise?? Did she hold up Phoenix at gunpoint??”
• Mary Louise Parker’s “Hooray for Boobies” brown keyhole dress.
• Edie Falco’s unflattering black Randolph Duke tulle over beige going in several directions at once.
• Melina Kanakaredes’ red silk keyhole gown – not even bias cut!
• Patricia Heaton’s wacky multi-colored Elie Saab… the drape and cut were nice and fairly flattering on Patricia’s body, but the colors were just a little too out-there for me.
• Jane Kaczmarek’s custom made weird Randy Rohm (sp?) dress … she really does make some strange choices. It had some weird embroidery and beading. If she had this custom made, that makes it even stranger for me.

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Oscar 2006 Fashion Report

Click here for this year’s Oscar report!

Oscar 2004 Fashion Report Archive

This is last year’s Fashion Report. Click here for the 2005 Fashion Report!

 

Wow, one month less of planning and consultation with designers makes an awful lot of difference… the 2004 crop of Oscar dresses was quite disappointing. The best dress I saw was Melissa Rivers’ on the E! pre-game show! Next to hers was probably Jennifer Garner’s vintage Valentino in a gorgeous shade of dark coral… trim, classy, and perfectly paired with some heavy Byzantine gold bracelets and a gorgeous set of gold and crystal earrings.

 

Beyond those two standouts, everyone’s dress was ordinary or awful… mostly just ordinary! Just like at the Golden Globes, Catherine Zeta-Jones once again chose a dress that looked like a long skirt sewed onto a 1940’s swimsuit… she definitely needs to try a more interesting neckline once in a while. Samantha Morton’s dress was more memorable, but the confused accessorization and strange dress just didn’t work. Liv Tyler looked cute and lithe in Givenchy (no surprise, since she’s a print model for them) but the 1940’s side-pin hair was a little overly weird.

 

The main trend was the blahness in beige… Charlize, bless her beautiful heart, looked gorgeous and radiant as always, but the beige sparkly Gucci was a tad uninspired. It could’ve been swapped out with Naomi Watts’ beige sparkly Versace and I don’t think anyone would’ve noticed. Patricia Clarkson’s way-too-close-to-flesh-toned Bill Blass column dress not only accentuated her way-too-close-to-underweight frame, it just didn’t really do anything for how classic her features are!! She’s such a beautiful woman, I wish she would’ve worn something red to match that deep red lipstick she can wear so well.

 

Renee Zellweger was more of a standout in an ice-cream-colored Carolina Herrera gown with a huge bow and train. Julia Roberts also looked elegant… she was also in beige Armani, but at least it was it was shimmery satin with some rhinestone accents. Not my favorite, but she was still radiant and lovely.

 

My least favorite outfits have to go to Marcia Gay Harden’s Star-Trek-gone-wrong violent blue pregnant frock with the strange bee hive hair helmet and Kelly Lynch’s fight with a light blue wrapping paper machine (Kelly lost). Dishonorable mention also goes to Uma Thurman’s diaphanous crumpled white mess with the weird blue belt.

 

All in all, I was hoping the E! pre-game predictions would come true… I was looking for spring colors: bright, fun dresses with a little dare and fun. Instead, everyone played it safe and boring… beige, pale, or black. Yawn! I guess I’ll have to wait for next year.

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Click here for the CURRENT YEAR’S Golden Globes Report

This is the 2004 report.

Classy:

• Reba McEntire in a beautiful black number, low cut but unfussy
• Alicia Silverstone in a boatnecked black sheath with a bit of a cutaway, paired with gorgeous chandelier earrings
• Charlize Theron in pale yellow ruffles
• The always her own style icon Gwen Stefani in a pale white column with a bow at the waist
• The golden Uma Thurman in azure blue satin ruffles
• Bill Murray with the close-cropped white beard and a classy suit

Unimpressive:

• Mary Louise Parker’s black velvet low cut strapped dress
• Renee Zellwegger’s blue and black cocktail dress
• Sarah Jessica Parker in a horrific charcoal sequined explosion
• Catherine Zeta-Jones in a boring blank tank dress

Yuck:

• J-Lo in a persimmon Grecian shift with horrible pale gold lamé (leather?) straps
• Megan Mullally’s unflattering tight and unadorned coffee-colored dress
• Nicole Kidman’s horrifyingly indescribable skinned mermaid number with freaky gold-headband hair
• Sting’s sparse chest hair and pendant necklace (although his wife looked nice)
• Johnny Depp’s overly Johnny Depp’ed outfit with the hat, messy hair, and the glasses

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The Heights Spa

440 W 19th St

Houston, TX 77008

(713) 864-8088

The ambitiously titled Heights Spa is really still just a nail shop, but it’s a nice one. And so far, it’s worth its slightly higher price versus its assembly-line acrylic competitors. The shop is on 19th, in the new section of strip shopping centers just a few blocks west of Yale & all the antiques shops. It tries (and succeeds) for a calm ambiance — the smallish space feels cozy and serene, with curving walls, all indirect lighting, and soothing sage and earth tones throughout.

Their services include manicures, pedicures, facials, and waxing, but I’ve only done the manicure/pedicure route there so far. The shop, although small, is already expanding into the space next door to accomodate its healthy business. Their ‘spa pedicure’ is a little more expensive than other spots (about $40) but it’s worth it: sea salt scrub-down, mint mask, and lots of massage with lotions and oils — all from the very comfy heated and massaging princess pedicure pedestal chair. Their solar nail acrylic refills take longer than at other shops, but for good reason. Their pink and white refills are very precise and even, with a smooth arc of white at the tip. And they take the time to really shape the acrylic all the way back on your nail without grinding your cuticles into a bloody mess. They’re so careful and delicate; I’ve never had ONE slice from the Razor Nail Board of Death so common at other shops.

For the foreseeable future, The Heights Spa will be my new nail shop of choice — decadent pedicures, super careful solar nails, and so close to home. If you’re in this part of the city and you want a salon-quality manicure/pedicure with the convenience of a drop-in nail shop, this is the place for you.

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I’ve decided I’m a vegetabletarian. I might be the first and only. You see, I’ve been in a bind for a couple of years. I am an animal lover, and lately I’ve been feeling flat-out odd about eating them, as I’ve done for all of my life up until now. I’m sure in a post-apocalyptic world I could become hungry enough to kill an animal for food, but as the child of a comfortable and genteel age I am uncomfortable at the thought of a living, breathing creature dying for me to eat its flesh.

But until recently I haven’t seen a practical alternative to being a regular, card-carrying member of normal, meat-eating society. Veganism is, like other religions, a form of deluded zealotry I cannot connect with; even more moderate vegetarians can be a general pain in the ass — the pariah of the group lunch, the impromptu dinner with relatives, the summer bar-b-que, and any other social situation where being an overly vocal picky eater makes the entire event a drag for the normal people who just wanna eat their hot dog.

The other general problem I have with vegetarie-egans is that sometimes they seem to claim that humans aren’t meant to eat meat. Clearly, humans, like many creatures on this planet, evolved to eat meat, and I find it ridiculous to dispute that. For the record, I do, however, revile hunting as the sport of psychopaths and evolutionary retards. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with someone raised in our modern-day society who can consciously cause pain and terror in a living creature for fun. Even if hunters do eat their kill as did our cavemen ancestors, it doesn’t make any difference to me… there are lots of things our ancestors did (raping, stoning an unwanted child, killing a neighbor over a small dispute) that would be illegal or immoral by even the loosest of today’s standards.

But if you look closely at the factory farming industry, I’m not sure they’re much more concerned with animal pain and suffering than the hunting retards (although presumably the guy killing the chicken in the meat factory doesn’t actually enjoy it). Animals, especially the smaller ones, are given such a minimum of space to live that you can’t even imagine it. I read one article that equated the amount of space farmed chickens have to a human living in an elevator with 10 other people for his entire life — doesn’t really seem what nature intended, does it? As a kid, you’re often not really aware of those kind of things; you eat a Happy Meal and you’re happy. But as an adult, I find myself wishing that I could eat the meat my body wants without worrying that my dinner was kept in a cage and force-fed through a tube.

So, let’s imagine for a moment that one factory farming company’s owner (the companies are more likely all multi-national conglomerates, but play along here) decides to be a kinder, gentler factory farmer. Animals get a lot more space to move around, conditions are much more humane, the animals are happier and killed quickly with no suffering. The critters have less hormones put into them, so they’re more like their “natural” selves — they aren’t as big, though, so one chicken produces fewer pounds of meat. Mr. Factory Farmer takes his product to market, making sure he’s still competitively priced with the other meat vendors. And he goes out of business. Americans buy with their dollars, and not enough Americans care or know about the conditions of their food before it becomes food. In a normal day, they go about their business with work, money, love life, kids, and other daily concerns. The buy the meat they can afford, or the meat that’s available to them when they need a meal on the go, and that’s about it.

So what alternative do I have available to me if factory-farmed food makes me queasy but I think vegetarians can be a kooky, unrealistic bunch? I have the same daily concerns as the rest of Americans; I can’t quite move out to a farm and produce my own means of subsistence. I work for a living; if I want to look like I’ve dressed for the office, I wear leather shoes. Well, as far as I can work out in my own mind, the answer is vegetabletarianism — my own personal concoction of a lessened reliance on factory farmed meat products without the dogmatism I perceive in today’s vegetarianism. It means that if I can buy meat that’s raised in a manner I can live with, I might eat it, even if it’s at a premium price. It means that I buy eggs at triple price because they’re from free roaming hens.

However, it means that if I’m at my mother-in-law’s and she’s cooked a big meal with brisket, I won’t refuse to sit down with everyone else. I won’t make a big production about fixing a veggie meal just for myself. I won’t excoriate my fellow diners with how they’re eating cruelly farmed meat. In short, I won’t make a pain in the ass of myself. I’ll try to live in the real world — minimizing my reliance on factory-farmed meat but recognizing that I might sometimes be in a situation where I can’t stick to that 100%. Keeping my eye out for places and companies that sell ‘happy’ meat; ordering it when and if I can. The best way in our country to effect change is with the pocketbook. And who knows, maybe there are other people out there who don’t like factory farming but can’t commit to the only alternative they see in society — vegetarianism without compromise. Maybe a practical approach will catch on with others like me, and you’ll start seeing high-priced, cruelty-free ‘vegetabletarian’ products at your local store.

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