March of the Penguins (***)

Posted on August 5th, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

The March of the Penguins is an astonishing documentary that follows one reproductive cycle in the lives of the Emperor Penguins. As the long Antarctic night falls, the penguins jump out of the ocean and onto the ice, and proceed to walk, waddle, and belly slide to their ancient breeding ground, sometimes covering over 70 miles. Once there, the penguins then find a suitable mate and and proceed to remain monogamous, at least for the current season.
After several weeks their relationship produces, at most, one egg. During the entire gestation period the mother and father both remain in the breeding ground, which means they have nothing to eat the entire time, and the only liquid they get is the snow they eat. Once the egg is produced it is handed from mother to the father (they keep it on their feet with an insulating flap of fat to protect it from the cold). The mother then proceeds to walk/waddle/belly slide the ~70 miles back to open ocean to have her first meal in weeks. Meanwhile the fathers all huddle together cheeck by jowl, belly by belly, heads tucked, eggs protected, against the unrelentingly harsh winter storms, with winds of 100 MPH and temperatures of 30 below. All while having had nothing to eat since leaving the ocean.

The mothers eventually return, the couple spend a little time snuggling, and the fathers immediately had off the ~70 miles to get their first meal in months.

The couples continue this tag team for several rotations until the chicks are born. As the season progresses the weather warms, so the open ocean gets closer and the roundtrips get shorter. Once the chicks are born, the mothers return, the fathers spend a little time exchanging chirps with their offspring (imprinting both with each others distinctive voice), and head off to the ocean one last time. Before they return the mothers will also leave, leaving the maturing chicks behind on their own and dependent on the return of their fathers for sustenance and survival.

The documentary follows the entire cycle, and clearly shows the beauty and the harshness of life in Antarctica for the penguins. Be warned, however, that contrary to the trailers and the marketing of the film, and also contrary to what one might presume about the nature of this nature film (heartwarming chicks! crazy antics on the ice!, etc), this film is an unblinking recorder of both the successes and the failures of the cycle of life. And the failures are heartbreaking, harsh, cruel, and explicit.
If you are an animal lover you may find yourself unable to watch some of the more disturbing scenes. However, unlike the gratuitous violence of a Hollywood film, the psychotic violence of “sport hunters”, or the staged violence of a sporting event, this violence is totally natural and unsullied by outside interference. That makes it slightly less disturbing to watch, but not much.

I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying that in the end, the great circle of life continues as expected. And virtually every aspect of the penguin’s reproductive cycle was new information for me, and it was fascinating, humbling, and awe-inspiring. If you can handle the mercilessness of reality and have an interest in seeing one of nature’s most challenging alternative lifestyles, go and see The March of the Penguins.

The Best Petsitter in the Houston Heights (or all of Houston, for that matter!)

Posted on August 1st, 2005 in Houston by mynagirl

Jenny Jurica, Pet Sitter

281 546-5941

[email protected]

www.wetnosenews.com

We recently had the opportunity to take our I guess-it’s-gonna-be-annual cross-country road trip. While the two hounds got to romp the week away at Urban Tails, the kitties were gonna need some in-house attention. At that point, I sort of knew who Jenny was from an email she’d sent me months ago — she’d found our puppies’ web site and let me know about her petsitting service.

Boy am I glad she did… she was GREAT!! We’d used various petsitters in the past — all were competent but none made me feel like the cats were in true pet-lover hands like Jenny’s. When she came to our house for the meet-and-greet before we actually left, our dogs just went right up to her. Weagle the guard-dog Rottweiler didn’t even bark — I think that’s a first!! I think they could just tell she was an animal person. Our tabby Tigger — a lovebug once she gets to know you but pretty reserved with new people — also went right up to her within 45 seconds of her being in the house. Those are all pretty strong recommendations in my book.

And not only do the animals approve, but she gets my vote as well — she is SO organized! She had a “don’t forget” checklist for things to help make the petsitting experience better for your animals and for her (tell your alarm company you’ll be having a petsitter if needed, leave a radio on to a calming station to give the pets a sound of a human voice). She emailed me reports during our trip and left us a full printed report of our cats’ activities for when we returned. She even checked the Urban Tails’ web cam while we were gone and let us know how the dogs were doing!!

All in all she was GREAT and I’m so happy to have really found a petsitter I love. And I’m sure Scout, Bouncie, and Tigger can’t wait until she comes back to visit! I highly recommend her.

The Man With the Screaming Brain (**½)

Posted on July 7th, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

So the CleverDonkey family got to meet the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Bruce Campbell. Yes, Ash, the legendary ghoul ass-kicker of Evil Dead fame himself. Mr. Boomstick. Mr. Workshed. The Man.

It was our good fortune to attend his book signing here in Houston for his new tome Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way (which I have not yet read, so no spoilers here), which was also his film tour for his new movie The Man With the Screaming Brain, directed and co-written by BC himself. Mr. Campbell was nice enough to sign one item of your choice with the purchase of the book, so in the photos below you will see us getting two copies of the book signed, plus our now-even-more-treasured Bubba Ho-Tep poster.

Mr. Campbell was very personable when he signed our things, but we were in the first 60 signees. We came back several hours later for the film and talk and happened to pass by the signing area where he was still just as jovial and accommodating as he had been hours before. They even had staff standing by to use your own camera to take pictures. It was a very low-stress, exciting, and fun event.

After the signing Mr. Campbell spent 20-30 minutes talking to the crowd in the theater before the screening, and he was relaxed, engaging, witty, and apparently unrehearsed. He tolerated the fan-boy questions with aplomb and was quite entertaining.

The movie was better than I was expecting. The film was financed by the SciFi Channel and some German investment company and is playing in selected theaters as part of the book tour. The film will then air on the SciFi Channel and then shortly after be released on DVD. Not the most auspicious characteristics for a film, and usually those stats indicate that the film is complete crap that someone is trying to milk a few dollars more from.

Well, The Man With the Screaming Brain is certainly no Evil Dead II, but neither is it Alien Apocalypse (to pick two films at opposite ends of BC’s bell oeuvre). Screaming is an entertaining trifle, just funny enough and of just high-enough quality to allow you to relax and enjoy it. The acting is surprisingly good (for the most part), as is the casting.

The film was shot on location in Bulgaria, and they worked it into the plot and set the story in Bulgaria. I think this was because there was no way to make Bulgaria look like anywhere else but Bulgaria, so why not roll with it.

The story is…not really important here. What is important is that if you are a fan of Bruce Campbell you should see this film, preferably as part of his tour. Check his site to find out when it’s coming to a town near you. And buy his book and get it signed and get the chance to meet a certified B-movie star and all-around nice guy. Groovy.

Socialopaths

Posted on July 3rd, 2005 in Commentary,Engineerboy by EngineerBoy
Rampant socialopathy - Hummer parked by jerk!

Rampant socialopathy - Hummer parked by jerk!

There is a class of people whom I’ve come to refer to as “Socialopaths”. These people appear to have no empathy, compassion, or sense of right or wrong when it comes to dealing with others. The male Socialopath is more commonly known as a “prick”, while the female is more commonly known as a “selfish bitch”. These people go through life with an apparent sole focus on their own selfish needs and near complete disregard for everyone else. The Socialopath differs from the true sociopath merely as a matter of degree. Whereas a sociopath may see no distinction between disliking someone and killing them, a Socialopath usually stops short of killing or injuring someone, not because they don’t want to but because they know that the potential repercussions are too large.

A Socialopath:

  • Rarely uses blinker when turning or changing lanes.
  • Blathers loudly on cell phone regardless of surroundings (elevator, airplane cabin, movie theater, restaurant, public transportation, grocery store, etc.).
  • Wants to know the price of everything.
  • Blames others when things don’t go their way.
  • Drives a BMW.
  • Steps in front of others if there is any question who was in line first.
  • Takes two parking spaces.
  • Lets breast size impact love life (him).
  • Lets diamond size impact love life (her).
  • Smokes cigars (him AND her).
  • Takes the handicapped spot (because nobody uses it and/or they’ll just be a couple of minutes).
  • Never thinks twice about making others wait.
  • Is bothered by children and pets.
  • Isn’t bothered by cruelty to children and pets.
  • Is only happy with the latest and greatest, even if they don’t really know the difference.
  • Has zero sense of humor about themselves.
  • Undertips when nobody will know, overtips when everybody will know.
  • Eats sushi because it’s cool, but secretly despises it.
  • Insinuates themselves onto the side that is winning.
  • Grabs credit for things they really had nothing to do with.
  • Passes blame for things they really had everything to do with.
  • Respects lawyers (from an income and personality perspective).
  • Sees spending time with family as an annoying chore.
  • Does the right thing only out of fear of consequences.
  • Collects (art-watches-baseball cards-wine-comic books-etc) not out of love but as an investment and/or as an affectation.
  • Regularly plans and throws their own birthday party.
  • Litters.
  • Puts others in danger for their own selfish reasons (drives like a maniac, leaves kids in the car to run into the store, shoots off firecrackers, etc).

Driving Us Crazy

The key element in most of these is a complete lack of thought paid to other people. A more complex example involves a pharmacy that we regularly frequent that is in a free-standing building with its own parking lot. There are plenty of spaces all around for everyone. However, there is a certain class of person who presumes to pull up to the curb right by the door, hop out, and run in to do their shopping. Their car is obviously not in a parking space, and it has obviously reduced the available driving space from two lanes down to one, meaning that all the through traffic must now alternate and creep around this creep’s vehicle. It’s not necessarily causing a total blockage, but it is quite an annoying impediment.

I can only presume that these Socialopath drivers thinks that since people can manage to get by them then there’s nothing wrong with it. However, the problem with that “logic” is two-fold. First, the sheer ego of thinking that it’s okay to inconvenience all other shoppers for one’s own convenience demonstrates a complete lack of social morality. Secondly, if all shoppers decided to park for their own convenience then we would have anarchy. So this Socialopath presumes to flaunt the conventions of a workable society because they know that the rest of us will not follow suit, allowing them to take advantage of our more mature social skills.

This scenario is played out over and over again. At the pharmacy, at the grocery store, dropping off or picking up riders downtown (stopping in moving traffic lanes to let people in or out, oblivious to their outrageous impertinence and selfishness!), all so they don’t have to be inconvenienced to find a parking space or garage.
In fact, I think that driving is one of the primary areas where Socialopathy manifests itself. The participants are fairly anonymous, most of the players follow the rules, and nobody wants to crash their car even if they have the right of way. This is the perfect milieu for a Socialopath to demonstrate their complete selfishness and lack of empathy. Cutting people off, gunning through red lights, not letting people out of parking lots, pulling up past slow traffic in a different lane only to cut into the head of line (a Sneaky Pete, described more fully here), yapping on cell phones, ignoring school zones, etc, etc, etc, etc. Maddening.

Particularly maddening because there is little that can be done, and the Socialopaths know it. If someone cuts in front of the head of a line of traffic, most of us will not hunt them down and confront them. If we see a car taking two spots (usually some over-priced, Euro-trash car that they don’t want “dinged” by the hoi polloi), most of us will not “key” the car (although even I, who attempts to always be a gentleman, have been sorely tempted).

The Socialopathic Boss

The second most common manifestation of Socialopathy, after driving, is as an authority figure, usually a boss or manager of some kind. Socialopaths gravitate towards positions where they can manage others, as their egos do not allow them to think of themselves as workers, only as bosses. They are usually successful in becoming managers because they are driven by an absolutely compulsive need to be seen as being in charge, so they are willing to do anything and everything to move up the ladder, including sacrificing their personal lives in order to achieve power. For a company that is always trying to become more profitable, a driven Socialopath can appear to be the perfect employee, willing to do anything, no matter how morally questionable or just downright wrong, to prove their worth to the higher-ups and so move into a more powerful position.

The problem with this model, however, is that it is not sustainable. Oh, sure, a Socialopath can sometimes produce amazing results, in the short-term, but over time their entire construct falls apart because it is not based in any way on doing the right thing for the company, the customers, or the employees, and is solely based on doing whatever it takes to please the higher-ups and to move up. The Socialopathic Boss (SB) burns through employees like a marathon runner grabbing Gatorade…snatch it up, drain all the usefulness from it, then crumple the empty cup and cast it aside. At first this purging process can be defended as house-cleaning by the SB, telling the higher ups that he has to clear out the slackers and the deadwood in order to produce results.

But eventually the SB starts cutting into known good people, people who are known and respected in the organization, and this can cause the higher ups to take a second look what is going on. Usually at this same point the results being delivered by the Socialopathic boss start to level off or decline, as the people who work for him start to flee his servitude, and this definitely caused the higher-ups to take a closer look. Also at around this point the SB starts looking for a new job, either in another department or outside the company. The SB is usually smart enough to make the move before the whole house of cards can crumble, and so can trumpet his initial, short-term success and use it as leverage in moving to something new. The SB gets out just in time, then looks back on the mess he left behind and might even convince himself that it is failing simply because he’s gone now, instead of seeing that it was destined to fail from the start and all he did was flee like a rat from a sinking ship (that HE sank).

Some of These Apply to Me, But I’m NOT a Socialopath!

Yes, you are. Trust me. You may not have all the characteristics of a Socialopath, but it’s a sliding scale, and you’re definitely on it. And really, you know that you are, don’t you? All your life you’ve had people tell you all these same things, but you’ve always brushed them off as being the other person’s problem, right? And you never accepted the fact that the one common element in all of the belly-aching by these losers is…you. You and your behaviors. It can’t be that everybody else is wrong and that you’re right. The truth is that you are a Socialopath. And here’s a secret for you…having a distorted and unrealistic (to the positive side) view of one’s self is a key characteristic of a Socialopath.

Here’s an exercise for you to demonstrate in a very literal sense just what we’re talking about. For one week, just one week out of your selfish and self-centered life, obey all the traffic laws and also drive and park with consideration for others. Just one week. Don’t blast through yellow lights. Don’t cut people off. Don’t cut in the front of backed up traffic lanes. Signal for every turn and lane change. Let people out of parking lots and into traffic with a friendly wave. Drive no faster than 20MPH in school zones (not 25 or 27 or 28 or 29 MPH, because staying below 30 is NOT the same as driving 20), slow down to let people merge onto the freeway, don’t race the train to the crossing, always park in a designated parking spot, etc.

And what you will notice after a couple of days is just how infuriating it is to see how the few Socialopaths take advantage of the rest of us good folks to selfishly drive however they effing please with no concern or care for the safety of others or for the fact that we all also have just as much of a need to get where we’re going as quickly as we can, but that we don’t sacrifice the smooth operation of the machinery of society simply for our own selfishness.

And, trust me on this one, these same Socialopaths take this same uncaring, unthinking, unfeeling, unkind attitude into every other aspect of their lives. If you have any doubts about the right and/or friendly thing to do, do the thing that you least want to do, because as a Socialopath, that makes it the right thing. You are unable to assess yourself fairly, just as you are unable to comprehend that as a member of a society you must treat others fairly, too, even if there’s no upside for doing it and no downside if you don’t. Do it because it’s right. Follow the slogan of the name brand that I’m sure is on at least some of your possessions…Just Do It.

Wedding Crashers (***)

Posted on July 2nd, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

So, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson may be turning into the new Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. They play off each other with effortless ease and comedic harmony, and the way they treat each other’s absurdities as normal makes them seem both more normal and therefore more absurd at the same time. Vaughn and Wilson play two mediation attorneys whose main hobby is crashing weddings and receptions and taking advantage of the heightened levels of romanticism and drunkeness of the bridesmaids.

They follow an elaborate set of rules that all support the four primary objectives:

  • Bed as many bridesmaids as possible
  • Keep your identity secret
  • No romantic entanglements
  • Make a clean getaway

However, they’re not really young any more and they’re approaching the inevitable end of their youthful hijinks phase, but are in a bit of denial. That is until Wilson’s character falls for the eldest daugher of the Secretary of Commerce, played with menacing fatherliness by Christopher Walken. Vaughn also beds Walken’s nubile and virginal younger daughter, who immediatly gloms onto him as her first and one true love, much to his chagrin.

Hilarity ensues (really). The movie is definitely an “R” rated comedy for adults, and it was refreshing to watch a movie that could be a bit ribald and suggestive without having to bow the the hegemony of the PG-13 ticket buying hordes. Watching this film made me realize just how much spice has been removed from modern Hollywood films in order to make the salable to the multiplex masses. It’s like the viewing public has all been put on a bland diet in order to avoid the flare-up of the bleeding ulcer of “family values”. Not that family fare doesn’t have its place, but sometimes it’s nice to indulge in something a little spicier.

And Wedding Crashers is definitely that. There’s a bit of brief nudity, which I realized I had come to expect only from art films and films with Harvey Keitel. Also, Vaughn and Wilson are quite mercenary in their pursuits and so seem quite unredeeming, at least initially. The plot takes some turns that are unexpected for a com/rom, but things turn out about as you would expect. However, on the way to the expected ending are a lot of laugh-out-loud funny moments, courtesy of Wilson and especially Vaughn.
If you’re looking for a summer movie to make you laugh, tweak your sensibilities, and not demand much mental energy, this could be a must-see film for you.

Crash (***½)

Posted on July 1st, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

Crash is set in current-day Los Angeles and uses a series of entertwined vignettes to illustrate how all of us are driven by our prejudices, preconceptions, misconceptions, and bigotry. The film is not preachy but instead lets us see all sides of each conflict, all viewpoints in each argument, and to understand that each perspective is not only based on emotion and dogma, but is also based, on some degree, on truth. Harsh truths, but truths nonetheless. Car thieves are more likely to be black, modern-day slaves are more likely to be Asian, overt bigots are more likely to be white, and virtually nobody in the US could tell the difference (or even care that there is a difference) between “Arabs” and Iranians.

The film is based on a very strong script, excellent direction, and bravura performances by the ensemble cast. Matt Dillon is first among equals as cop who…well…just see the movie. Also look for strong performances from Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Brendan Fraser, Ludacris, Terrence Howard, Michael Pena, Ryan Phillippe and Thandie Newton. Each of them also gives a strong performance and contributes to the whole being greater than the sum of the parts. There’s even a shockingly good cameo by Tony Danza (yes, *that* Tony Danza).

The character’s lives impact each other in ways that are a bit too closely knit to represent reality, but the quality of the script and story are such that it is easy to suspend one’s disbelief and simply accept that there are some implausible things happening on the screen, but for a good cause.

The story itself is gripping and entertaining, nothwithstanding the message, and the message is also clear and strong. We can’t all really know each other, so we have to judge each other on appearances, and even though those judgements may be rooted in fact, they are not always right nor fair, but neither are they always wrong or unfair. Some message, huh? It actually is a strong message, because in modern day America we’re not longer allowed to discuss racial issues in an open forum, because any acknowledgement that there are any differences between the races is tantamount to pulling a white hood over your head. But the truth is that there are differences, and some of those differences manifest themselves as conflict, while other manifest themselves as savory spices in the American melting pot.

In Crash, writer/director Paul Haggis has dragged raciality and racism out into the light for all of us to see, and seeing things clearly can only help make them understandable. And that’s what we need…more understanding. Understanding enough to acknowledge and tolerate our differences, while also acknowledging that we’re all Americans and we’re all in it together, so we might as well all get along.

Batman Begins (***)

Posted on June 1st, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

When I saw Christian Bale (or almost saw, as he was virtually too thin to actually reflect light) in The Machinist I would never have imagined that he could assume the mantle of Batman. But he does so with stunning authority, and I felt as if I were watching the first major motion picture based on the character. What I was doing, however, was watching the first really good big-budget Batman film. The first one (with Michael Keaton) was passably entertaining, but I have never sought it out to watch it again. The rest of the flock (or would that more appropriately be “colony”?) were not even that good, at least as far as I can remember, and I don’t really remember anything about them, other than Nicholson’s creepy grin and Schwarzenegger’s crazy ice cream man.

But in Batman Begins we finally have what is to me the first worthy representation of the Dark Knight on the big screen. There is no Burton-esque surreality or Schumacher-ian crassness tainting the story, which tells the tale of young Bruce Wayne and his journey to becoming Batman. Christian Bale plays the young billionaire orphan playboy with the right amounts of panache and pathos, and the supporting cast is excellent, including Michael Caine as the best-ever Alfred, Liam Neeson as Obi-Wan, Katie Holmes as Lois Lane, Gary Oldman as not-yet-Commissioner Gordon, Morgan Freeman as Q, and Cillian Murphy as Johnny Depp. Those comparisons to other movies/characters are not meant to be derogatory, but they sum up each performance better than several paragraphs of drivel.

My one big complaint with the film is that way too many of the action and fight scenes are filmed in extreme close-up, meaning that the actual action can only be inferred, not observed. In some cases this makes sense in that the director is trying to show the perspective of Batman’s foes as he attacks them without being seen clearly, but the technique is used to the point of becoming a crutch, perhaps so that the director would not have to deal with the hairy continuity issues that come with ornate digital effects.

One would think, however, that the director would be a master of continuity, as this film is directed by Christopher Nolan, who also directed the time-warping (and iron-man continuity marathon) Memento. However, other than a bit too much jump-cutting and close-up-ing, Nolan sets a very good tone and pace for the film. One wonders if the kaleidescopic nature of the action sequences was a preference of the director or a command from a lunkhead studio moneyman.

Overall, however, the film works, but loses a half-star to the cheap pyrotechnics. Cheap as in unworthy, not cheap as in poor, as all the special effects are first rate, even if what they are depicting is blurred nothingness in a black cape at night in a rainstorm fighting black-suited bad guys. So, if the words “A Jerry Bruckheimer Production” get you excited, then add that half-star back onto this review. Otherwise go see the film anyway — we actually ended up seeing it twice this weekend, once on the IMAX (nice, but the slight cropping made the inscrutable action sequences even more indecipherable), then again with a friend of ours on the regular big screen.

Michael Jackson Verdict: Innocent?

Posted on June 1st, 2005 in Commentary by EngineerBoy

So, Michael Jackson has been found innocent of all charges in his most recent court fight. As this drama has unfolded it has all smelled very fishy to me. The family was just a bit too questionable, for example, and had a history of grifting and shady dealings. Witnesses kept flip-flopping on their stories. The mother was quite a freaky subject on the witness stand. It kind of felt like the prosecution was supposed to fail.

Hmmm. That sure has the ring of truth to it, doesn’t it?

I mean, why would the prosecution go after such a high-profile, and hitherto untouchable celebrity like Michael Jackson when they would have to build their case on such a shifty foundation? It seems ludicrous, in retrospect, as if the final outcome was pre-ordained by the very fabric of the prosecutions case, which was the accuser and his family.

Well, bear with me for a moment and open your mind to an alternate theory.

What if Michael Jackson and/or his people staged this entire thing, with the prosecutors being unwitting/unwilling pawns?

Think about it for a minute. Here is Michael Jackson, whom I think we can all say is an indisputable freak. However, he has never been successfully convicted of any kind of freaky crime. Yes, there are rumors that he has paid off past accusers to silence them. But why didn’t he just do that here? I mean, I think we can all stipulate that this family would have loved nothing more than to score a few quick million from MJ and slink off into the night to blow it all raising emus or something, right?

Why did he choose to stand and fight this time? Why did he decide to allow the sordid details of his freaky existence to be dragged out into the light, confirming to most of us just how bizarre he really is? Why not just pay these people off? I find it difficult to believe that they would not have taken a cash payment. Did MJ finally decide to stand up for himself against false accusations? Or did he do something else? Did he choose to damn all his accusers with the faint praise of his current accusers? Think about it for a minute.

Michael Jackson (or his talking heads) can now point to these accusers as unquestionable rip-off artists who brought false claims to the public. They can then easily spin this to defuse any future claimants, and to discharge the built up negative static electricity of previous claims.

“See, Mr. Jackson has been set upon by money-grubbing liars, just like we told you.”

I think that a distinct possibility is that Michael Jackson bided his time and finally picked an opponent he knew he could beat, in the hopes of quelling some of the negative publicity and preventing future accusers from coming forward, based on their fear of suffering the same fate as the current scumbag family.

Think of it as a team of oil rig fighters, who actually blow out the rig fires by exploding dynamite in the middle of the conflagration. Or think of a team fighting a forest fire, who set controlled containment fires to try to subdue and control the out-of-control wildfire. It’s not exactly intuitive to think that something so destructive can have a positive effect, but I think it’s certainly possible that this is exactly what happened in the current Michael Jackson trial.

Believe and Belong: American Politics, Religion, and Sports

Posted on May 9th, 2005 in Commentary,Politics by EngineerBoy

I consider myself an impartial observer of politics, religion, and sports. I don’t stake my belief system on any particular political party, deity, or team. I also don’t believe that my beliefs are right and other beliefs are wrong, but I do believe that my beliefs are right for me. There are certain philosophies which I categorically reject (e.g. terrorism, straight-ticket voting, designated hitters), but for the most part I am tolerant of other’s beliefs and do not think they are idiots for not seeing things my way (even though many are).

And from my lofty perch of impartiality it appears that American’s views on politics, religion, and sports are morphing into one giant pep rally. People label themselves and then adopt the trappings of their self-imposed pigeonholing. One says, “I’m a Conservative, Catholic, Red Sox fan” and you can just visualize almost all aspects of that person. How they dress. What they say. Where they live. What they eat. Whom they vote for. Which news network they watch. Etc.

Another says, “I’m a Liberal, Unitarian, soccer fan” and you can, once again, grok the gestalt of this individual.

On the one hand, I applaud people for being able to so narrowly define their views. I see good and bad most places, and can usually see the merits of both sides of an argument, and so find myself in a perpetual state of re-evaluating my personal philosophies. It’s very confusing, often tiring, but ultimately invigorating. So on the other hand, I find it difficult to understand how people can adopt a canned set of views and then go through life without constantly questioning themselves.

The World Is Grey

I’ll give you an example of a hot-button topic: capital punishment. Now, from a philosophical perspective I am both for and against capital punishment. How, you say, can you be both? Well, first of all because I reject the polarized views espoused over this issue in America. I am for capital punishment because there are times when a crime is so heinous and the proof is so incontrovertible that nothing short of execution is a fitting punishment. However, I’m also against capital punishment because the fallible nature of humans means that sometimes innocent people are executed, which is unconscionable.

I’ll use two hypothetical examples to explain. In the first, picture a man who is so angry with the boss that recently fired him that he pockets a gun and drives to his bosses house to confront him. The boss ends up shot dead, but there are no witnesses. The fired man says that they exchanged angry words and he pulled the gun, but then changed his mind and tried to leave. He then goes on to say that at that point his former boss attacked him and tried to take the gun away, and in the ensuing struggle the gun went off accidentally, killing his former boss. In this instance I wholeheartedly disagree with the death penalty, as there is no proof of what happened. Yes, he was angry, took a gun, and confronted his ex-boss. But there really is no way to know what really happened.

In the second example, a man puts on a flack jacket, loads up his car with a couple of rifles and a lot of ammo, drives to a tall building, climbs up onto the roof and begins randomly shooting (and killing) people in the streets below. This goes on for an hour, until the police can locate and corner the man, who drops his rifle and puts up his hands in surrender. In this case he is clearly the shooter, clearly premeditated, no question of identity or motive, no possible forensic or legal tricks to allow him to wriggle out of the charges. In this case the man clearly should be put to death.

However, death penalty cases are rarely so clear cut. Hence my statement that I am both for and against it. The fact that people have turned this into a Liberal vs. Conservative issue oversimplifies the complexity of the problem.

Patella Twitching

Another example is the movement afoot to “reign in activist judges” by removing lifetime appointments and/or using some other methods to make judges accountable to “the American People”. However, the entire purpose of the judiciary system in America is exactly and precisely to have judges who are NOT able to pressured politically, and who are NOT required to answer to “the will of the American People”. That’s called “checks and balances”, if one were to remember one’s GRADE SCHOOL teachings. However, a large percentage of self-described “conservatives” are backing this movement, seemingly without a second thought to the fact that it completely destroys one of the great founding principals of our country.

There is also the example of a movement afoot to implement a new tax system, such as flat-tax, national sales tax, or value-added tax (VAT). There is a hue and cry from the self-described “liberals” that such a tax would be “regressive”, meaning it would punish the poor and middle class with an unfair burden of taxes. However, the current tax system is so Byzantine and opaque that only upper-income folks can actually work the system to their advantage, meaning that the rich are always able to find loopholes in the existing system that skew reality so that it has no relation to published tax tables. A national sales tax that exempted basic necessities (medicine, rent, utilities, unprepared food, etc) would be unavoidable by all, however, and would allow lower- and middle-income folks to survive with little taxation on the basic necessities of life. The wealthier folks, however, will blithely pay the sales tax on their luxury purchases, as will criminals (who don’t file tax returns, but do buy over-the-counter goods and services). So the “regressive” argument seems like nothing more than the beating of a partisan drum for no good reason.

Team Spirit

In fact, all of the pontificating, boasting, and arguing in America today seems to me to be melding into a strange type of “Team Spirit”, where people’s political and religious personas are shaped by the “team” they choose to support, rather than on what the person actually thinks and believes. I always root for my favorite sports teams, and think they’re going to win (be right), and always look for favorable signs and trends, and disparage the opposing teams, and complain about the officiating, and feel elation or pain with each win or loss, and never think to question my devotion to the team, because they’re my team, and I love my team and support them, even when they lose (are wrong).

But I do all that because sports is, ultimately, meaningless. It is simply a pastime, an enjoyable diversion from real life. But religion and politics are important. They are a part of real life. They deserve and require deep thought and evaluation. There is no dogma that is always right or always wrong, and choosing one side without contemplation is simply taking the easy way out. However, I think that the powers-that-be are going out of their way to foment partisanship instead of critical thinking, because it’s easier to get people excited about a catchy slogan and an appealing spokesperson than it is to get them to read, evaluate, and understand a position paper or plan for dealing with real problems. It’s also easier to get people excited by pointing out the failings of their opponents and then uniting supporters against a common enemy.

But, unfortunately, our common enemy is blind faith. Faith that the people who say the things we want to hear will actually end up doing the things we want them to do. Faith that the people leading the cheers actually have the greater good as their goal. Faith that people who tell us things we don’t like to hear are wrong rather than just the bearers of unpleasant, but accurate, truths.

So remember that breaking with the status quo of your selected flock does not equate to treason. If everyone simply accepted the pontifications of their figureheads we’d still have slavery, women wouldn’t be able to vote, and nobody would be able to drink. Not even at a baseball game, and that would be positively un-American…wouldn’t it?

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (*½)

Posted on May 4th, 2005 in Movie Reviews by EngineerBoy

Oh, what might have been. Great source material, big budget…pretty good casting…fair acting…somewhat lazy directing…un-involving characterizations…completely unfunny script…no sign of the wit and humor of the source…all this equals a complete waste of time and money.

Where to begin? Poor Sam Rockwell, perfectly coiffed and costumed as Zaphod Beeblebrox, chewing up the scenery as befits the character. But with no script he’s like a toothless abominable snowman, all sound and fury signifying nothing. Martin Freeman, very everyman-y as Arthur Dent, but his blandness should be contrasted against a backdrop of adventure and excitement, but it isn’t, so he’s just boring. Zooey Deschanel as Trillian is…transparent. Mos Def as Ford Prefect is…struggling with and without his accent. Alan Rickman as Marvin the depressed robot is just whiney. John Malkovich (Humma Kavula) and Helen Mirren (voice of the computer Deep Thought) are just wasted in their semi-cameos.

The effects are clean and crisp, but unimaginative and unoriginal. It looks like they took Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Fifth Element, put them in a blender and then poured the whole thing over Galaxy Quest. It may be that we’ve reached the saturation point where original and creative space films are no longer possible, but I doubt it. It just feels like a lazy, slapdash amalgamation where everyone assumed that since it was based on great underlying books that it would somehow all work. It doesn’t. The producer has no clothes.

The story just lays there. It’s unexciting and un-involving. I think a mistake was made in that the creators of the film looked at the books and thought that their success was based on the actions of the characters, when in fact the books are so wonderful because of the subtle absurdity and wit of the characters and situations. The books are about the adventures of Arthur Dent in space in the same way that Monty Python and the Holy Grail is about the adventures of King Arthur and his quest for the grail. The quest is a backdrop for all the silliness. In the movie version of Hitchhiker’s Guide, the adventure *is* the story, rather than being the backdrop.

So, yawwwn, another big-budget, soul-less, overblown, saturation-marketed, franchise-ruining movie has been made by Hollywood. I really don’t know why I expected anything different.

« Previous Page — Next Page »