CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

The last TV drama I watched with any regularity was probably…L.A. Law, maybe? That was a long time ago. Since then I’ve never been able to ‘get into’ any of the drama series. Part of the reason is that I found it increasingly difficult to commit to an hour a week at a fixed time. But the major reason was that they just didn’t do it for me. I tried to watch ER, but didn’t care for it. I tried to watch Law and Order, didn’t care for it. I tried to watch some of the family dramas, but I not only didn’t care for them, their treacly contrivances actually offended me, artistically (even though I was allowing for the fact that it was television in the first place).

Then last year I saw the first couple episodes of the first season of 24, at Marie’s request. It was very interesting, well-acted, gripping stuff, and I really liked it, but I still drifted in my viewership habits, and once you miss an episode of 24, you’re really stuck, because each season is one day (24 hours) in real time.

But now I have TiVo (why did I wait!!???), so I don’t have to worry about being home at a certain time, or missing an episode, and I have seen every episode so far this season (2nd season). I look forward to each episode with great anticipation, but also some dread, because the series builds up incredible amounts of tension and suspense, and I find that watching it is a draining experience. For reference, I’m no lightweight entertainment consumer, and regularly watch such tense/suspenseful fare as Apocalypse Now, Clockwork Orange, Eraserhead, etc, all of which are life-changingly intense, so I have a tolerance for that type of thing.

But 24 still manages to get under my skin and make me squirm. It’s not gross or ultra-violent, but it uses the story and the characters to build incredible amounts of tension and anticipation, all while telling a tight, believable story. I’m not going to give any of the plot away, because this series is *very* plot-driven, but suffice it to say that it involves things of global importance as well as things that are of paramount importance to the individual characters as people.

I highly recommend this series. If you’ve missed part of this season, I suggest you wait until it comes out on DVD and/or in reruns. I’m also thinking about getting all of last season on DVD, even though I know how it turned out. That’s how much I like this show.

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2019 South Shephard – between Westheimer and West Gray

While  growing up in Texas, I never developed a taste for bagels. In my small hometown,  the only bagel options were store-bought, like Lender’s, and I found them to be  unremarkable.

Then I moved to the Northeast and worked for 6 years in the  New York/New Jersey area, and learned what bagels were *supposed* to taste like.  And boy oh boy, did I fall in love with bagels. There was a bagel shop a couple  of blocks from my home, and for years I started the day with a fresh, hot bagel,  usually toasted with either chive cream cheese or with butter.

Then I  moved back to Houston. I *love* Houston and moved back because I knew I missed  everything about it (except for the relentless heat), and I have never regretted  moving back. However, I did miss the hot, fresh, real-deal bagels that I had  grown to love. I tried some of the chains (Einstein Brothers, various donut  chains), but found them to be pale imitations and not worth the  trouble.

And then I was introduced to The Hot Bagel shop. Ohhhhh, baby.  This is the real deal. The good stuff. Authentic, legitimate, tasty, hot,  fresh bagels. If you’ve never had anything but grocery store-bought or  Einstein’s, I urge you to head to the Hot Bagel Shop and try their fantastic  bagels. They also have freshly prepared flavored cream cheeses that are  wonderful. Prices are rock bottom.

The place is really a  hole-in-the-wall, and it’s kind of hard to find. I go there regularly and I  still sometimes drive right by it. It’s on the east side of Shephard, just about  halfway between Westheimer and West Gray. It’s in a smallish white two-story  strip center that also contains the River Oaks Nail shop.

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I’m astonished at the number of negative responses I’ve heard from people regarding this film. “Slow”, “Unemotional”, “Bad effects”, “Doesn’t make sense”, “Nothing happens”, etc. For those who “don’t get it”, a primer:

Slow: Movement in space takes a very long time. Astrophysics demands slow, controlled movement, which Kubrick deftly depicts. The pod return scene takes a long time; thoughtful viewers realize the astronaut is dying, and feel tension.

Unemotional: The primary characters are astronauts, who necessarily have steely nerves. Watch Dave control his anguish over his dying friend in the pod return scene. Notice the same thing when he discovers the rest of the crew have been killed by HAL while in stasis. Notice the cold-blooded, murderous efficiency with which Dave decommissions HAL, and notice the heartbreaking decay of HAL and his impassioned (for a computer) pleas to spare his ‘life’.

Effects: These effects still surpass those being done today. Flashier? Louder? No. Technically, visually, scientifically perfect? Yes. Check out the vehicle that transports Dr. Floyd to the Moon…it’s basically a prototype for the Space Shuttle which appeared over a decade later.

Doesn’t make sense: When the ape-man uses the bone as a tool, then tosses it in the air, we flash forward to a spacecraft. The genius of this is that it indicates that once ape-man learned to use tools, it was a straightforward progression to developing a space station. The meaning, purpose, and nature of the monolith are *supposed* to be unknown (and probably unknowable), to illustrate the feebleness of man’s quest to understand the true nature of existence.

Nothing happens: Um, only the evolution of man to the next level of existence (which during the final scenes, is as incomprehensible to us as our world would be to a prehistoric ape-man).

You were expecting what? Car crashes? Sound traveling through (airless) space? Histrionic astronauts? Klingon cloaking devices? Aliens gestating in stomachs? Cute, engaging robot sidekicks? Cliff’s Notes?

Slow and deep does not equal boring and ponderous. In the early stages of the film we see primitive ape-men living a precarious life, barely subsisting and in danger of losing their watering hole to a neighboring tribe/clan/group. The monolith appears and the members of our group touch the monolith in a very inscrutable scene. What’s happening? Why is it happening? What does it mean? The mystery is partially solved when we see one member of the clan idly playing with a bone. As he plays with it, it dawns on him that he could use the bone to hunt the wild pigs that live in the area. The next thing we see is our group of ape-men, looking a little fatter, and the bones of a few more pigs littering the ground.

So, apparently, the monolith has provided this group of ape-men with a heightened sense of logic and reason, through mechanisms unknown. That is, in and of itself, deep commentary on the nature of man and god. But what happens next is even more disturbing. After getting fatter and stronger by using his newfound technique, our protagonist-ape then faces off with his rivals at the watering hole. And uses his newfound learnings to kill the leader of the rival tribe and claim the watering hole. This speaks even more deeply to the nature of man, in that when ape-man acquires knowledge, he first uses it for good (survival) and then for evil (to kill).

There are some who say that they get all these deeper meanings, but still don’t care for the film. For them, I offer my condolences that this film does not bring as much awe and wonder into their lives at it does to mine. There are others (many others, in my experience) who have given up on this film halfway through, and never experienced the entire arc of the story. I would encourage these people to try it again with an open mind and no pressing distractions.

And then there are those who will someday see this film for the first time. I envy you that experience. See it on the big screen, if at all possible. If not, watch it in widescreen with no commercials. Pan and scan will obscure the glorious cinematography, and commercials will jar you out of the funky, contemplative state this movie induces. Enjoy.

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I love MPatHG. It is the pinnacle of silliness, satire and comedy…all the things that make Monty Python great. Personally, I use people’s reaction to this film as an indicator of their potential as an enjoyable friend or acquaintance. One has to be intelligent and free of pretensions to be able to laugh at the enormous stupidity and pretentiousness in this film, and in life.

If you get it, then you’re probably all right in my book. If you don’t get it, then lighten up, relax, free your mind and try it again until you do.

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Perfect from beginning to end…not one false note or mis-step. I am not a fan of fairy tales, period pieces or romantic comedies. This is all three but is still one of my all time favorite films. Watch it with someone you love (spouse, children, family, good friends).

“Life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something.”

“Stop that rhyming now, I MEAN it!” “Anybody want a peanut?”

“Inconceivable!”

Read these again after you’ve seen it and you’ll laugh out loud.

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I had many people, whose movie opinions I respect, tell me that ‘Fight Club’ was an excellent movie…a black commentary on the new twentygoingonthirtysomething angst/disaffection/rage. I see that it is in the mid-30’s on the IMDB Top 250, so many must agree.

I watched it recently, and have to say that it did not engage me to any degree. I have no objection to violence, surrealism, plot twists, or dark themes…all of which ‘Fight Club’ has in abundance. For example, I enjoy movies like ‘Full Metal Jacket’, ‘Blue Velvet’, ‘Apocalypse Now’, ‘Seven’, ‘Goodfellas’, and ‘Memento’. All have violence and/or surrealism and/or plot twists and/or dark themes…in spades. So I had no predisposition to dislike this movie.

But I did. The individual elements are there, but it didn’t work for me. As the movie progressed, I found myself anxiously waiting for it to end. Not to see the end, but for it to just be over. To give you a frame of reference, this movie very much fits into the ‘Usual Suspects/L.A. Confidential’ category for me. I did not like either of those movies, either, even though all evidence/buzz/previews/reviews indicated that I should love them, and disliking them put me in a very small minority.

Nonetheless, both Pitt and Norton do some excellent acting, and the direction sets the mood for which it shoots. It was also refreshing to watch something different from the endless stream of crud being excreted by Hollywood in the last few years. But, in my opinion, the story browbeats you with its point, rather than letting it be discovered.

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I walked in to Sum of All Fears expecting some standard Hollywood least-common-denominator ‘entertainment’. I mean, I love Morgan Freeman, but have a low Ben Affleck tolerance and have grown ever more tired of the string of movies based on Clancy novels. However, SOAF was a very gripping film, Affleck did an excellent job as Jack Ryan, Morgan Freeman was even more perfect than usual, the story was complex and interesting, the writing was significantly above-average, the supporting cast was recruited from the Character Actors Hall of Fame, and each gave a stellar performance.

All in all, this is one of the best big-studio movies I have seen in quite a while. Do yourself a favor and forget the paradox of a newly young Jack Ryan and go see this movie.

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Chris Rock’s Bring the Pain may be the funniest stand-up comedy I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. The barbs are excrutiatingly accurate, raunchy, and hilarious, and are (no kidding) extraordinarily thought-provoking.

Just so you know where my commentary is coming from, I am a 40 year old, white, middle-class male from Houston, Texas. I have seen Rock’s talk show on HBO, and haven’t really cared for it. I thought he was reasonably entertaining on Saturday Night Live, but nothing spectacular. When it comes to stand-up comedy, I’m a big fan of circa 1978 Steve Martin stand-up (Wild and Crazy Guy) and I love Seinfeld’s ‘I’m Telling You for the Last Time’.

Do yourself a favor, rent/buy ‘Bring the Pain’ and prepare yourself for some mind-blowing, prejudice-shattering, side-splitting hilarity.

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When I come across Midnight Run while channel surfing, I always stop and stick (if it’s the uncut version)…instant velcro. It starts with a bang and doesn’t slow down — the script, acting and directing are impeccable. There’s even a scene that gets me choked up. And the movie is funny from beginning to end. Laugh-out-loud funny.

When I was introduced to this movie I hesitated. Robert DeNiro and….Charles Grodin? DeNiro, the Method Actor and Grodin the limp dishrag?? In a BUDDY COMEDY??!? Yecch.

Boy, was I wrong. Every major character is perfectly cast and gives a nearly perfect performance, and I am not exaggerating. DeNiro and Grodin are the perfect foils, and do not slip into the trite ruts laid by a thousand other buddy movies. Yaphet Kotto, John Ashton, Dennis Farina and Joe Pantoliano all take what would normally be two-dimensional, stereotypical supporting parts and imbue them with life, personality and realism.

About the uncut version…don’t watch the broadcast (edited) version. It’s awful. Some of the characters are hard-bitten and street-wise, and the profanity is used as a natural spice, but not gratuitously. If you are easily offended by profanity, even in context, then skip this movie altogether. Watching the edited version of this movie would be like viewing a classic Rubens painting with crude pasties and fig leafs awkwardly drawn over the naughty bits. Watch the premium cable version, or better yet rent (or buy!) the video.

If you’re looking for a comedy with depth, bite, wit and excitement, then catch Midnight Run.

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That’s right, that’s one half of one star. We watched about 90 minutes of this 2 hour mini-series debut episode, and that was all I could stand. I have enormous respect for Steven Spielberg, although that does not translate into liking everything he does. And the first 90 minutes of the debut episode of “Taken” combined the worst Spielbergian traits, in my opinion. The beginning of the show contains a voice-over by what sounds like an 8 year old boy, talking in an inexplicably erudite manner, but with a child’s voice. Think of Harrison Ford’s voice-over in “Blade Runner”, without the cursing, done by an adolescent boy, and you’ll get the idea. Now, picture that what he’s narrating is set in a treacly, plasticized, idealized vision of the 1940’s. Here’s a list of hackneyed clichés from just the first 90 minutes:

1. Blond, square-jawed, blue-eyed Marine who appears to be a good guy, but also seems to have a darker side.
2. The plain-Jane daughter of the colonel, with whom BEM (blue-eyed Marine) flirts, apparently to curry favor with the colonel
3. The bad-girl in the convertible, with whom the BEM flirts a bit more aggressively, and whom the BEM snubs in order to culture favor with plain-Jane, even though he’s *really* attracted to bad-convertible-girl
4. Nazi’s in a dream/flashback/nightmare
5. Gruff-but-lovable dad hiking with his two Boy Scout sons, coming across something otherworldly, then taking BEM there to look at it
6. Brave, efficient American WWII pilots being shot down in a vroomy dogfight
7. Strange lights (like the small ones in Close Encounters) swooping in to “save” the shot down plane
8. Typical 1940’s diner waitress at the end of her shift, being told by the gruff-but-lovable cook/owner to go home, and that her husband isn’t good enough for her
9. Waitress’ good-for-nothing husband leaving on a sudden three week business trip saying, “If you need me, call the home office. They know where I’ll be.”
10. Bad-convertible-girl almost getting decapitated by the crashing saucer in Roswell, NM, then wandering through the crash site and picking up a strange piece of metal
11. Bad-convertible-girl showing up at BEM’s office with metal in a paper sack, telling him she needs to talk to him, *not* telling him what it’s about, he assumes it’s relationship-related, so has an underling send her packing
12. Brave, efficient, shot-down, alien-probed pilot returning home to a world where everything he knows is wrong (and his life is not his own)
13. Lights in the sky making car engines die out
14. UFOs being explained as weather balloons
15. Dead alien bodies laid out in the desert, looking just like the aliens from Close Encounters
16. Crashed alien ship, four dead alien bodies, but the ship had…dramatic music…*five* seats…duh duh duhhhhhhhh (it couldn’t possibly be that there was one empty seat)
17. Mysterious, ailing visitor showing up in the barn (replete with door flapping and banging in the wind), and being taken in by 1940’s waitress (who’s husband happens to have just left on a “business trip”)
18. And on, and on, and on, and on…

I am not even doing justice to the awful triteness of this episode. I understand that the premise of the series is that all the standard UFO conspiracy theories are true, so they have to be trotted out here, but they are portrayed in the most unexciting, uninvolving way possible. Why, oh why, can’t directors who are trying to capture the essence of 1940’s America go back and watch movies that were made in the 1940’s, rather than watch movies that were made *about* the 40’s, and copy their feel? It appears that the director of this episode did the latter, as he/she seems to have presented a hazy vision of somebody else’s dimly realized vision of the 40’s. Blech.

There was not one single scary, surprising, tense, emotional, funny, or thought-provoking event in the what I saw of this episode. I didn’t care about any of the characters. The acting was unremarkable. The special effects were unremarkable.

I was very excited about this series, and sat down with great anticipation expecting, at the very least, to be entertained. I wasn’t, in the least. On the skepticism scale, I lean a little towards the maybe-we-don’t-really-know-everything side of the curve, meaning that I would not be surprised to find out that we (humans) were not alone in the universe, but I also don’t *believe* that aliens have already visited Earth, and the proof is being hidden from us. I believe that it is *possible* they have visited, but not that it is *probable*. So, I am probably right square in the middle of the target market for this series. But it did nothing for me. Less than nothing, in that I resented it for a) giving me expectations that I would enjoy it, and b) not only not meeting those expectations, but actually subjecting me to 90 minutes of discomfort and unpleasantness, instead.

The whole series may turn out to be enjoyable, but I will not be around to find out. If you end up watching it, and it ends up getting better (a *lot* better), please let me know (by posting a response here), because I really want to like this show, and would watch it in reruns if it somehow got interesting.

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