CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

How to turn a thin utilitarian onesie into an adorable little mini-dress!

 

 

First, gather your materials:

• Your victim onesie – I used a Gerber 12 month onesie that comes in a 5-pack.  Fits my (admittedly monster tall) 2-month old perfectly
• Fabric (I used cotton seersucker but any cotton or cotton-poly should do just fine)
• Thread
• Scissors
• Ruler
• Pencil or marking pencil (I only had pencil, but it didn’t wash out as easily as I’d hoped, so I recommend a marking pencil if you can get your hands on one)

Wash your fabric.  For me, it’s always frustrating to have to wait to begin the project, but I’ve learned over the years that it’s really worth it.

For the approximate ruffle size you see in the picture, cut two 9 inch strips of fabric that go the entire width of the fabric.  If your fabric is more than 45″ wide you may want to trim it at 45″ so you don’t have TOO much ruffle.

Fold each strip lengthwise with the right sides together. Stitch the long side with a very small seam allowance as shown here, making the strip into a tube.

Then, zig-zag the raw seam allowance flat – this means the fabric won’t bulk up when you turn it right-side-out to make your ruffle.  Of course, if you’re lucky enough to have a serger (hint, hint, Engineerboy), you can skip this step b/c you will serge this edge.

After that you’ll have two tubes of fabric:

Turn your tubes right-side out and iron them flat.

On each open end of the tube, fold the raw edge under to the inside of the tube (I did about 3/8″) and iron flat.

Now you have the makings of your ruffles!  Lay them out on your onesie to determine approximately where they should go.  Safety note: I keep the ruffles low on the onesie, like a skirt, so that there’s no way they can flip up to cover her face when she sleeps.

Once you figure out where you want your ruffles, mark a line on the onesie for where the top of each ruffle should land.  Remember to keep them at least 1″ apart so that you have room to sew both ruffles on the onesie without sewing them on top of each other.

Taking your fabric tubes, insert one end inside the other.  Lay that down on the sewing machine and topstitch.  Now your fabric tube is a fabric cylinder.

Next come the basting stitches to make the ruffly-ness.   Set your machine on the largest straight stitch possible.

Then sew basting stitches around the TOP edge of each ruffle-cylinder (the top edge is the one without the lengthwise seam).  Leave a large seam allowance on this one; I did about an inch.  Remember not to backstitch!

Pull on your bobbin thread to gather the ruffles (technically you should use two strands of basting stitches but heck one works pretty well as long as you pull delicately and don’t break the thread when you gather the fabric).  When you’re done you’ll have two gathered cylinders of fabric:

Starting with the lower ruffle, pin your ruffle onto the body of the onesie, aligning the top edge of the ruffle with the line on the onesie.  I aligned the seam of the ruffle (where you made the tube into the cylinder) on one side seam of the onesie. You may have to adjust the gathers to make the circumference fit the onesie.  The ruffle should be just slightly larger around than the onesie, but not a lot.

Once your ruffle is pinned, slide your onesie around the arm of your sewing machine and stitch the ruffle to the onesie (remember to make your stitch length smaller than the basting stitches!).   For the bottom ruffle, I slid the onesie on from the bottom, so the ruffle was actually out to the right.  I sewed with straight stitches, aligning the right edge of the presser foot with the basting stitches.  Make sure not to stretch the onesie a lot when you do this, because the knit of the onesie is much weaker than the cotton ruffles – it won’t be able to bring those ruffles back into line and you’ll end up with a garment that makes it look like your little one has a hula hoop inside the onesie.

Now you have a onesie with one ruffle!

Repeating the same process, pin the second ruffle on the upper line you’ve drawn on your onesie.  Pick the opposite side seam of the onesie to align the side-seam of this ruffle.  (This makes sure you don’t have a “droopy” side where both side seams live).  Then put your onesie on the machine (this time I put it on via the neck opening) and stitch.  Again, stitch the straight seam between the basting stitches and the top of the ruffle.  I aligned the left edge of the presser foot with the basting stitches.

Now all you need to do is use the seam ripper to take out the basting stitches.  It’s often easier to do this from the underside of the ruffle so that you don’t accidentally take out the stitches attaching ruffle to onesie.

Et voilà, your plain utilitarian onesie is now transformed into an adorable and easy outfit with an attached ruffled skirt!

And here’s my little angel gamely modeling it for me!

The color combos are endless, and it really only takes 1/2 yard or so of fabric to make this.  You can also dress it up by trimming the end of the ruffle with a coordinating bais tape or other fun trim.  Here’s my other favorite one – retro cherry print on pink gingham.  Next up is leopard print on a pink onesie!

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It’s Oscar Sunday again!!

We will be posting live updates during the broadcast all night! (Well… sort of live… we run about an hour behind on the TiVo cache to capture these images for your amusement. Do you see how we bleed for you, anonymous public? Do you SEE?!)

We hear Diablo Cody is wearing diamond shoes tonight but haven’t seen them yet. However, if they do appear, rest assured that those pics and MANY more will be posted throughout the evening and into the wee morning hours. Look for extra dishiness, cattiness, and typos as we get progressively more punchdrunk and actually drunk as I start to nip into the limoncello. 🙂

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Top Honors

Jennifer Garner

Okay, so I’m biased here because I we used to watch Alias (yes it’s true, okay, there, I admitted it), but damn she is just too beautiful. She looks fabulous, I love the soft messy hair, normally I would diss the black mermaid and collared necklace but she’s too great. I just love her dress! And she’s so nice, she name-checked her stylist when asked for ‘her secret’ to looking so great.

 

 

 

Hillary Swank

Rocks the Versace, also earning high marks with black sleekness and illustrating the one-shoulder trend to come for the evening.

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Couples Fever

Heidi Klum & Seal

Seal & Heidi looked dashing. Seal as always dapper in a conservative tux with a special shout out for the tiny curved-point collar (I’m sure there’s an official name for it but I don’t know what it is). Oh, and the back of Ryan Seacrest’s head as a lapel pin. Heidi showed up in a Galliano stand-up collar red gown that looked a bit like she was a villaness in a Disney flick but no matter; she was wearing it so that it would raise heart disease awareness and money by being auctioned off afterward for charity. All together now…awwwwww!

George Clooney & Girlfriend

They said her name earlier but I don’t remember. But they are a dapper couple — I like how she matched her silver dress to his hair color! Seriously, though, I don’t recommend any floral prints at the Oscars, honey. You’re adorable but that dress looks a wee bit like a shiny couch. I’m sorry, it’s the truth.

 

 

 

Scullcap Boy and Mango Girl (I mean, John Travolta and Kelly Preston)

Wow, this is a pair of atrocities. Engineerboy speculates that Travolta’s hair is actually just shoe polish delicately applied. I disagree, I don’t think it was delicately applied at all. Kelly P’s tropical marinade of a Cavalli dress isn’t actually bad if a little boring (I’m fairly partial to the orange tones myself) but it’s so hard to give that dress its due when it’s next to Barber-elly. Two emphatic sets of Donkey Ears down!! But we are entertained. Especially because we’re now into the Limoncello. We are really entertained.

 

The Rock

Honarary mention here for The Rock. Although he’s not seen with wife/etc in this pic, we simply had to put him after John Travolta so you could see the duplicate skullcap.

 

 

 

Jessica Alba and Jim Henson

Jessica Al-boa, I mean, Jessica Alba, flaunts the full figure and drapes the bump in a garnet Marchesa frock that looks a bit like a Muppet was sacrificed for the cause. But we love her anyway because she’s cute and glowing with impending motheringness.

 

 

 

Double Date Superbadness Lookalikes!!

OMG we are seeing double! Seth Rogan of Superbad fame and his lovely date in the low-cut bronziness are on the left, Jonah Hill who PLAYED Seth in Superbad. Rock on! Dig Seth’s date, too — boy, she really looks like she knows how to take a… oh, nevermind. This is a family website. But if you’ve seen Superbad feel free to crack up. Assuming my joke was funny, that is.

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Redrum

Anne Hathaway

Man, like what is the trend for the one-shoulder dress this year? Anne sported the blood red flowery drapey Hawaiian lei version by Marchesa with an arm swoop, and a cute-but-not-too-cute fall of the hair. It’s a pretty dress and she’s a pretty girl, but wow does she look pale with that bright red color! Better than the spray-on-tan, though, right?? And props for the small elegant diamond earrings. (Kimora Lee Simmons could learn something here, see below).

 

Ruby Dee

Ruby also rocks the red, this time in satin. We like.

 

 

 

 

Miley Cyrus

Miley showed up à la rouge as well, in Valentino. Nice, demure, cute and age-appropriate. Clever Donkeys approve. Just be thankful I didn’t make an Achey Breakey joke.

 

 

 

 

 

Katherine Heigl

Girl just knows how to look good. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Love hair. Love makeup. Love jewelry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Helen Mirren

Lovin’ the red. But the silver sleeves are a little weird. But still, she’s classy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bow-ring

Amy Ryan

The “Gone Baby Gone” actress sported a boring but elegant navy Calvin Klein.

 

 

 

 

 

Amy Adams

Amy Adams is truly beautiful, there’s just nothing like the natural fair-skinned loveliness of a true redhead, especially in emerald. Unfortunately, she doesn’t wow in this Prouenza Schouler dress, but that’s more about the dress than her. She’s gorgeous. It may also be a fabulous-in-person-but-boring-on-camera type thing — the dress, I mean.

 

 

 

Laura Linney

The dress has interesting lines (good bustle in the back, if you know what I mean and I think you do) but … yawn. I’ve already forgotten it and I’m still typing.

 

 

 

 

Keri Russell

Too skinny, too beige, too boring. These ladies need to do the Cher-in-the-movie-Clueless-polaroid-check to see how that ‘cute dress’ actually looks on camera! I should be a stylist. Okay, email me at [email protected] to hire me.

 

 

 

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Um… hunh?!

Here’s the section where we collectively snort and ask… okay, what were you thinking?!

Daniel Fey Lewis… I mean Daniel DAY Lewis

Wow, dude. Some guys can pull off the two earring look. I’m thinking like Egyptian Pharoahs about 3000 years ago and maybe Rob Thomas but only when he sings that hot latin song with Santana. But you, sir, I am not sure you’re in the camp of Dudes Cool Enough to Rock the Two Earrings Without Looking Decidedly Non-Hetero. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

 

 

Daniel Day Lewis’ Wife in Crazy Ass Bejeweled Black and Random Red Bow Strapped Super Weirdness!!!

And keeping the Day-Lewis clan in the running as the ONLY folks in this category so far, is… his wife! Okay, this is so far the odds on favorite of the night for bravest fashion choice. That is really and truly one of the most unflattering, ugliest, randomest, part-A-does-not-match-part-B-and-they’re-both-slapdashed-on-dress-C items of fashion I have ever seen in my young and hitherto sheltered life. I think my retinas are bleeding. I must move on. Cleverdonkey.com not responsible for screen burn or other pixelated injury to users’ computers because of this image.

 

Marion Cotillard

This dress so almost works. Squint your eyes a little and it’s a beautiful silhouette on a beautiful lady. But why make a mermaid tail dress that you actually embroider fishscales on?! Was the designer afraid we wouldn’t get what he/she was attempting to evoke here? Disappointing, because this could’ve been the gown of the evening were it not for the salmon skin texture. Mmmm… now I want sashimi.

 

 

 

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Oh, Honey.

Cameron Diaz

Ok, Cam, honey, was there not, like, a shower at the Bikram studio before you came to the awards? I’d love to give you props for the ultra-casual non-pretentious hairstyle, but, sweetheart, the Independent Spirit awards were yesterday. Let’s get some style going, hunh?!

 

 

Renée Zellweger

I know I should be kinder because she’s a local girl and all. But yet again I say. TOO SKINNY. Too stressed. Looks like she has a pillbug in her mouth (Engineerboy submits picture #2 as proof of said pillbugs). Gorgeous dress (presumably Carolina Herrera) but horrible Edward Furlong hairdo. I just wish I could give that girl some happy.

 

 

 

Jennifer Hudson

As a fellow well-endowed woman, I think I can safely assert that gathered white halter empire waist dresses are not for our type of figure, sweetheart. You look good from the back but that front view… harsh, girl. Way harsh.

 

 

 

Tilda Swinton as Ziggy Stardust

This dress looks like it was made from the rayon you use to sew a dress pattern before you sew the real one out of silk. This dress looks like the thick rubber liner you install when you build a concrete shower pan. This dress looks like a shiny-wifebeater on the left and a Hefty bag on the right. This dress looks like her real dress ripped on the way over so she stole the upholstery on the ceiling of the limo. This dress looks like one of those suits that make you sweat to lose weight while you run on the treadmill. This dress looks like what the CGI department gives you when they need you to film a digital sequence where your body is engulfed by a giant blob. This dress looks like the inmate gown at a trying-to-be-ritzy mental hospital. This dress looks like the first dress a West Virginia lottery millionaire buys after she cashes in the winning ticket. This dress looks like a bullet-resistant Sari worn by a Welsh congresswoman at a state dinner in India. This dress looks like it was made out of the bolstering from Johnny Cash’s casket. This dress looks like it was recut from Tim Burton’s baby blanket.

Catching breath now. Don’t get me wrong, Swinton was freaking fantastic in Michael Clayton, and I think she’s brilliant. But that is one super freaking ugly dress.

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The Young and the Restless

Saoirse Ronan

The young nominee wears a beautiful jade 1930’s-inspired chiffony thing by Alberta Ferretti. She’s absolutely adorable and sweet.

 

 

 

 

Ellen Page

The Juno star stays safe but that’s okay. We like the young ones to go conservative rather than outlandish. Too many Britneys in this world already. Bravo Ms. Page.

 

 

 

 

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Backgrounders

Sometimes the folks wandering by have some fun and brave looks. Here were some of our faves.

Purple Furwrap’s Majesty

No idea who this is, but that is one furry purple thing that’s attacking her elbows.

 

 

 

 

Got my hand in my pocket and I’m waiting for my rocket to come…

I never have understood the pocket-on-the-formal gown thing. I mean, isn’t the point of an Oscar dress to be as smooth as possible?? I would worry about natural lumps showing through my gown without adding tailored ones!!! (Much less contrasting piping at the breast, under the breast, and at the waist!) Ohhh, and it’s purple, too. Tacky Lilac Trend Alert!!! We’re on a roll!

 

And now

appearing… the singer for “Blue Day”!

The Purple trends marches boldly on with this India Ink hairstyle in the background!

 

 

 

OMG I so, like, totally, omg, like, LOVE your dress!

I’m sure this girl is a nice person and may not necessarily deserve to be pilloried on some random website such as your correspondent’s, but this is a funny picture of said assumed-nice-person telling Jennifer Garner how much she absolutely loves Jen’s dress. Dig the whites of the eyes.

 

 

Random Actor’s Wife with the Heavily Kohled Eyes (oh wait, James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff, whoever they are)

I’m sure this lady is actually lovely in real life, but purple went back on trend with the wackies with this dark indigo silk thing and some dark makeup that I’m sure is intended to look sophisticated but instead makes Random Actor’s wife look a bit like a strung out meth addict. But with better teeth and some bitchin’ earrings.

 

 

Yeah, That’s Right. You’re a BACKGROUNDER now, Mr. Busey.

Holy cow, live TV is hilarious and scary sometimes!! Gary Busey — seemingly born to go off-script at a moment’s notice, has a hilarious bit of presumably-alcohol-fueled interrupt-y badness as Seacrest gamely tries to field Busey’s off-camera shouted rant while simultaneously attempting to interview the lovely Jen Garner.

 

Gary Busey, The Return

And it continued, with Busey babbling congratulations at Laura Linney and then grabbing Jennifer Garner and — apparently — kissing her on the neck. That was some class-A live-TV Gary Busey Academy Awards weirdness!

 

 

 

Oh, Honey – Backgrounder Edition. Tsk Tsk.

Is that gold lamé or is it sequin? Is it live or is it Memorex? Is it Victoria’s Secret or is it Frederick’s of Hollywood? I do not know the answer, but I know she was asking the wrong question. Fo’ sho’.

 

 

 

Tweety Couture

Wow. That is one yellow dress. As a rule, normal women should definitely leave yellow dresses to angel-haired three-year-olds at Easter and sassy elderly black women who can pull it off without batting an iron-clad eyelash. I don’t think this woman is either of those.

 

 

The Worst Coat in the Universe

LA must be like Houston, in that whenever the temperature dips below sixty degrees, the women who feel they must flaunt fur drag their poor pelts out of storage for that one or two days of conspicuous consumption that the tropical weather meagerly affords them. This is a particularly fabulous example, stolen from the exact same picture as Marion Cotillard… I don’t even have words to describe this getup. ‘Tacky’ doesn’t even do it justice. ‘Ugly’ would be kind. Unfortunate is the word that leaps to mind, although that word regrettably absolves this satin-gloved Clairol-haired black-hose-wearin’ star-gawker of a woman of any responsibility in said clothing choice. And she must be held responsible. Someone, somewhere, has to pay.

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The Presenters

Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest is going balls-out with a Dolce & Gabbana he-hopes-it’s-trendy black-and-chocolate-brown shawl collar tux with inky black tie and shirt. Brave one. But, he is Ryan Seacrest after all, so we’ll go ahead and cut him a little slack and say we like it.

 

 

Giuliana Rancic

Very reminiscent of Beyoncé’s Armani Privé from last year. Her amethyst-colored Zuhair Murad was nice but boring. Which I guess is what you want in a presenter.

 

 

 

 

Kimora Lee Simmons

J Mendel gown was really flattering but the overload of diamonds-that-look-like-cheap-rhinestones just sort of killed it. I liked the million-dollar-hair clip but the other stuff was too much. Does this woman ever just trust her natural beauty to show through? I’ve never seen her when she wasn’t dripping in diamonds. C’mon girl, let’s downshift a bit and realize that sometimes just you can shine.

 

 

Jillian Barberie Reynolds (Some Weather Chick?)

Tricycle-handlebar-streamer earrings too long. Zebra stripe chiffon boring. Yawn.

 

 

 

 

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Major Nominees (and Winners) for 2008 Academy Awards

Supporting Actor

• Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”
• Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War”
• Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild”
• Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton”

Supporting Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There”
• Ruby Dee in “American Gangster”
• Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement”
• Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone”
• Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton”

Best Actor

• George Clooney in “Michael Clayton
• Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood”
• Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
• Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah”
• Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises”

Best Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
• Julie Christie in “Away from Her”
• Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose”
• Laura Linney in “The Savages”
• Ellen Page in “Juno”

Best Screenplay (Original)

• Diablo Cody – “Juno”
• Nancy Oliver – “Lars and the Real Girl”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Brad Bird (Screenplay), Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird (Story) – “Ratatouille”
• Tamara Jenkins – “The Savages”

Best Screenplay (Adapted)

• Christopher Hampton – “Atonement”
• Sarah Polley – “Away from Her”
• Ronald Harwood – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Joel Coen & Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Director

• Julian Schnabel – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Jason Reitman – “Juno”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Picture

• “Atonement”
• “Juno”
• “Michael Clayton”
• “No Country for Old Men”
• “There Will Be Blood”

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www.bareminerals.com

Ok, seen this makeup on TV?  It sure looks amazing — so much so that engineerboy even told me one morning, "Wow, I saw this infomercial on TV last night and almost ordered it for you without even checking for you!".  The unretouched photos looked amazing.

So I ordered it, despite my *extreme* reservations about buying anything that entails a membership/subscription/crap-showing-up-at-my-door-regularly type deal (anyone else have about 5 million bottles of ProActive toner from a subscription-gone-wild?!)  But this stuff just looked so great, and a friend recommended it as well.  I'm a sucker for anything that professes to look "natural", as any cakey/liquid makeup is the fru-it of the dev-il as far as I'm concerned.  I think they clinched the deal with the slogan "makeup so pure you can sleep in it".  Now I'm hooked — natural AND I can be lazy?!  Sign me up!!

So the stuff arrived in this gorgeous pink/brown box, and so far I really like it.  I was already tired of the tap-tap-tap sound before I'd even tried it after watching the online video of "swirl-tap-buff" application technique (which they trademarked, believe it or not).  And the tap-tap-tap shenanigan does waste a lot of powder in the tiny trial size — you don't so much tap the excess powder back into the lid as you do liberally apply it to your bathroom counter from a 2' height. 

However, the stuff is really beautiful.  My face looks very fresh without looking "done".  Using the same powder with different brushes to get different coverage actually works — I was able to decently cover up a blemish with the "concealer" brush without that horrible real-life-Photoshopping effect that most liquid concealers give.

And it seems to be very friendly to my skin so far, no breakouts or anything.  My nose is a bit dry around the edges but that could be the approach of fall and me getting lazy with my moisturizer.

All in all, a good recommendation so far. 

Anyone else love it or hate it?  Email me!

One quick additional note: if your company's job is to sell makeup that makes your skin look flawless, shouldn't you go ahead and splurge for a full-quality video on your website rather than a low-res crappy one?  Because you're just not really giving a good sales pitch when your video shows your model's beautiful new face as represented in dull, pixellated tiny-screen mode.  But maybe that's just me!

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Red, V’d, and Black

There was a trifecta trend this Emmy season — everyone seemed to either be wearing some shade of cranberry or fuschia, a deeply v’d halter dress, or basic black — or some combination therein. Satin was the texture of choice as well, with very few folks going for the old guard designers, preferring instead newer designers such as Loris Azzaro or Bottega Veneta.

Red Goddesses

Heidi Klum was the reigning red goddess in a deep cranberry tone; she was absolutely a vision in Dior, soft hair, and earrings of her own design.

Katherine Morris (of Cold Case) was beautiful from the front but a bit shocking from the back with the “Cupid’s Dungeon” version of the red satin gown that dominated many a form this evening.

Kate Walsh also chose Pamela Dennis red satin drapeyness and paired it with dopeyness — if that dress wasn’t so clingy I’d swear she had a hip flask concealed on her somewhere. She really seemed a bit out of it and loopy, and the lopsided ponytail wasn’t helping, since it looked like one of those get-my-hair-of-the-way-so-I-can-throw-up kind of ponytails. Um, not that I would know.

Ali Larter also sported bright red satin, opting for the sorority-sister-towel-wrap silhouette. And oh my gosh she could not have been more happy to be on camera, moueing and prancing at every opportunity.

Lisa Edelstein (from House) kept the red trend going. She seemed cute and happy (if a little severe) with her pulled-back hair and deep halter in red.

Felicity Huffman shrouded her shockingly bony frame in a too-revealing David Meister draped halter. Seriously, Felicity, please gain some weight. Cleavage isn’t supposed to show bone.

Sally Field also opted for fuschia, seen here presenting with Patrick Dempsey in a scene we like to call, “I took my Mom to the prom!” (I know, we’re horrible).

Julia Louis Dreyfus slid the pink to magenta in Narcisco Rodruiguez, while Tina Fey did the cute-but-serious-writer look in a simple black halter.

The normally spot-on Helen Mirren seemed a bit messy and out of sorts, combining satin, halter shape, extra straps, a diamond brooch, and an eggplant color along with some major bedhead. Engineerboy dubbed this “Mother of the Bride of Frankenstein”.

Patricia Heaton rocked the slinky halter in glittery gold and gilted earrings. Very pretty.

Other Ladies in Black

Mariska Hargitay, consistently one of the sweetest celebrities at these events, didn’t really wow (but was still adorable) in her black-and-pleated Zac Posen.

Rachel Griffiths was ennh in vintage 1980’s Lagerfeld/Chanel black as well, although that was one heck of a black diamond cuff bracelet.

Jennifer Love Hewitt didn’t break any boundaries in Reem Acra black with diamonds, either.

Jaime Pressly wore a really beautifully drapey gunmetal-and-glitter St John Couture (I didn’t even know they had a couture line!). Never did get a good full-length shot of it, but it was really pretty.

Edie Falco was in black floral Randi Rahm.

The Cream Team

Quite a few ladies opted for creamy tones, either solo or with black.

Jane Krakowski did the ubiquitous halter shape in cream.

Debra Messing was gorgeous if unexciting in Ralph Lauren’s interpretation of a tiered tuxedo cake.

Katherine Heigl was truly beautiful in an oragami-armed barely-off-white Zac Posen that I at first didn’t like. I fell in love with it, however, when I saw the 6″ beige lining on the hem. Don’t know why that seems to “make” the dress, but it does. Hmm, I’m either changing my taste or Zac Posen is getting more conventional, because this is the second award show where I’ve liked one of his dresses.

Marcia Cross looked radiant as always (hard to go wrong with that porcelain skin and red hair) but I didn’t really dig the beige-y Georges Chakra gown with the randomly accessorized giant turquoise earrings.

The other two Desperate Housewives opted for pale tones as well… Teri Hatcher in pale pink and Eva Longoria in a pailletted cocktail-length Kaufman Franco.

Hayden Panettiere, a beautiful girl, chose an unhappily flesh-toned taffeta Marc Bouwer monstrosity that looked for all the world like Scarlett O’Hara’s maternity gown. This is why I hate beige tones.

Trend-Breakers

Not everyone showed up in red satin. America Ferrera once again chose a very flattering jewel tone with her cobalt blue column. Could she be any cuter?

Minnie Driver was neon in Citron.

Chandra Wilson opted for a very flattering color of dove grey / periwinkle Randi Rahm.

Wacky Stuff

Vanessa Williams’ seafoam feathery am-I-an-underwater-maiden-or-a-flashy-land-bird dress immediately became known as the “MerCock” in the CleverDonkey household. She was also quite wild and possibly attention-seeking when she jumped into Judith Light’s planned segment during the pre-show festivities.

Joely Fisher opted for a buttercream deep neckline that didn’t quite work. Decided I’d be evil and pick an unflattering shot where she was adjusting just prior to realizing she was on camera :-).

Wacky Stuff Highlight: You’re Outta Here!

Jenna Fisher, who really does seem like a sweetheart, was swimming in a gold-foiled pouf by Zuhair Murad, which she hilariously described as having an “Umpire Waist”. In her defense, she apparently had back surgery and had to wear something that would keep her lower back unconfined. So I’ll cut her a little slack. Still, unless that’s a support brace of a bow, I bet she could’ve done better than that!!

Wacky Stuff Dishonorable Mention

Wow, the Fox anchoress’ shapeless lemon beatnick chick smock was totally horrific!

Emmy Nominees and Winners

Oh yeah, like, if that’s what you’re interested in. Whatever.

DRAMA SERIES
Boston Legal
Grey’s Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
Hugh Laurie, House
Denis Leary, Rescue Me
James Spader, Boston Legal
Kiefer Sutherland, 24

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Michael Emerson, Lost
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos
T.R. Knight, Grey’s Anatomy
Terry O’Quinn, Lost
Masi Oka, Heroes
William Shatner, Boston Legal

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
Aida Turturro, The Sopranos
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Tim Daly, The Sopranos
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal
John Goodman, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
David Morse, House
Eli Wallach, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
Forest Whitaker, ER

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Kate Burton, Grey’s Anatomy
Leslie Caron, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Marcia Gay Harden, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Elizabeth Reaser, Grey’s Anatomy
Jean Smart, 24

COMEDY SERIES
Entourage
The Office
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty

ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men
Jenna Fischer, The Office
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Beau Bridges, My Name Is Earl
Martin Landau, Entourage
Sir Ian McKellen, Extras
Giovanni Ribisi, My Name Is Earl
Stanley Tucci, Monk

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Dixie Carter, Desperate Housewives
Salma Hayek, Ugly Betty
Judith Light, Ugly Betty
Laurie Metcalf, Desperate Housewives
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock

REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SPECIAL
The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner
The Kennedy Center Honors: A National Celebration Of The Performing Arts
Lewis Black: Red, White & Screwed
Tony Bennett: An American Classic
A Tribute To James Taylor (Great Performances)
Wanda Sykes: Sick And Tired

MINISERIES
Broken Trail
Prime Suspect: The Final Act
The Starter Wife

MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Inside The Twin Towers
Longford
The Ron Clark Story
Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Jim Broadbent, Longford
Robert Duvall, Broken Trail
William H. Macy, Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From The Stories Of Stephen King
Matthew Perry , The Ron Clark Story
Tom Selleck, Jesse Stone: Sea Change

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Queen Latifah , Life Support
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Helen Mirren, Prime Suspect: The Final Act
Mary-Louise Parker, The Robber Bride
Gena Rowlands, What If God Were The Sun

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Edward Asner, The Christmas Card
Thomas Haden Church, Broken Trail
Joe Mantegna, The Starter Wife
Aidan Quinn, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
August Schellenberg, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Toni Collette, Tsunami, The Aftermath
Judy Davis, The Starter Wife
Samantha Morton, Longford
Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Greta Scacchi, Broken Trail

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Weirdest Trend of the Night: Bruise Chic

So, black and blue is an unusual combo, but both Maggie Gyllenhaal and Portia DeRossi combined them with elegant results.

Maggie wears the one-shoulder well, although I’m not sure if her hair accessory is feathers or an oil slick. I guess neither is very PC, though, given this is the first environmentally friendly Oscars, eh?

Portia’s slender frame works quite well with the cutaway and shimmery fabric.

Things I Normally Don’t Like That I Liked For Some Reason

I have never ever seen a Zac Posen dress I liked… ever… until this gorgeous terra cotta pleated sheath.

I generally think Celine Dion dresses terribly and I don’t care for low-cut gowns, but this elegant emerald creation with just-the-right-amount of diamond bling was just perfect.

Ditto for Anika Noni Rose — not usually a big fan of the low cut but she looks radiant, or at the least irradiated!

I normally diss beigey neutrally colors, but this satin quicksilver Vera Wang gown on Rachel Weisz is absolutely stunning.

Stuff I Loved

Jodie Foster (also in Vera Wang) is fabulous in cornflower chiffon.

Reese Witherspoon once again proves she’s not hurtin’ post-breakup — at least not visibly — in this plummy Nina Ricci.

Love the dress on Queen Latifah and absolutely adore anything Carmen Marc Valvo.

Simply stunning. Can’t say enough good things about Helen Mirren and her ability to just look flat out gorgeous.

Cate Blanchett models one of the nicer costumes from ‘300’. No, seriously, she absolutely wins top Mynagirl honors with her unerring ability to look like a bronzed (or in this case, pewtered) goddess — top notch in Armani Privé.

Although normally I ignore men’s fashion during my little reviews, I have to give a shout out to Ryan Seacrest’s Calvin Klein underpants. Britney, take note, honey.

The Everpresent “Enhh” Category

If only they could’ve gold-plated her smile… Jada Pinkett Smith’s gown isn’t horrible, but she looks wicked tense.

The flappity gold wings don’t quite work… I wish Jennifer had gone for the clingy diva look she wore onstage during her singing number — this one didn’t do anything for me. But she’s enjoying herself, for sure!

Hey, you can play Bejeweled if you get bored during the awards! Beyonce sports a beautifully colored but slightly too encrusted Armani.

Taking a cue from Bjork, Cameron Diaz wears her interpretation of a paper origami bird.

If the Devil is in the details, neither dress does it. Both Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt disappoint in Valentino and Calvin Klein, respectively.

I know what boys like… I know what guys want… Jessica stumbles after her Golden Globe stunner, showing a little too much in her thin late-80’s fuschia-and-black halter.

Enh. Beige/peach/strapless/ruffled/yada/yada/yada. Penelope Cruz once again goes daring with the exact same type of dress she always wears.

ROFLMAO

It never ceases to amaze me that these people with all this money, with designers and stylists at their every disposal, can wear stuff this wacky.

Kelly Preston is wearing the Grrranimals Couture collection by Dolce & Gabbana.

Message for you, sir!! Catherine Deneuve models the “Sweet Concord” collection by Python Couture.

It’s like an Anime Horror Story… believe it or not, Kirsten Dunst’s schoolgirl-necked frock includes feathers at the bottom.

E! correspondent Giuliana DePandi models the Ace Bandage collection from Monique L’Huilier.

Okay, I normally don’t pick on non-honorees/non-famous people, but Steve Carrell’s wife really looks like she’s just waiting for the rest of that dress to “accidentally” fall off in front of the cameras. Hmmm.. anyone know if she got a body piercing in Houston yesterday??

Modeling the “Mother’s Little Helper” collection is a slightly glazed-looking Jennifer Lopez, who continues to not quell rumors of pregnancy in her second empire-waisted Marchesa gown in a row.

Okay, I know Elisabeth Shue hasn’t really been in a major movie in a while, but… Dress Barn? C’mon, Liz!!

And the Worst Outfit of the Evening goes to Nicole Kidman, who sports the “December to Remember” collection by Lexus.

Oh yeah, and in case you’re one of those people who, like, watches because it’s about acting — or something like that…

The Nominees and Winners for 79th Academy Awards

Best Actor

Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond

Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson

Peter O’Toole, Venus

Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness

Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

Best Actress

Penélope Cruz, Volver

Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal

Helen Mirren, The Queen

Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Kate Winslet, Little Children

Best Supporting Actor

Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine

Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children

Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond

Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

Mark Wahlberg, The Departed

Best Supporting Actress

Adriana Barraza, Babel

Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal

Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

Rinko Kikuchi, Babel

Best Director

Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima

Stephen Frears, The Queen

Paul Greengrass, United 93

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel

Martin Scorsese, The Departed [YAY!!! FINALLY!!]

Best Picture

Babel, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Steve Golin, Jon Kilik

The Departed, Graham King

Letters from Iwo Jima, Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg, Robert Lorenz

Little Miss Sunshine, David T. Friendly , Peter Saraf , Marc Turtletaub

The Queen, Andy Harries , Christine Langan , Tracey Seaward

Best Original Screenplay

Babel, Guillermo Arriaga

Letters from Iwo Jima, Iris Yamashita , Paul Haggis

Little Miss Sunshine, Michael Arndt

El Laberinto del Fauno, Guillermo del Toro

The Queen, Peter Morgan

Best Adapted Screenplay

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, Sacha Baron Cohen , Anthony Hines , Peter Baynham , Dan Mazer , Todd Phillips

Children of Men, Alfonso Cuarón , Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata , Mark Fergus , Hawk Ostby

The Departed, William Monahan

Little Children, Todd Field , Tom Perrotta

Notes on a Scandal, Patrick Marber

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Am I just getting old and crabby? Maybe the chardonnay is making me more catty than normal. Either way, enjoy.

Likes!

Kyra Sedgwick’s asymmetrical goddess gown was a delight

The Clothes-er

Living well is the best revenge — Reese Witherspoon is radiant (if a bit thin) in kicky yellow satin with some fiery red shoes

These Laboutins are made for walkin’

24’s Mary Lynn Rajskub was adorable in her white column and shoulder duster earrings

Satellite uplink achieved!

Renee Zellweger, despite looking like she always has a pillbug in her mouth, was indeed beautiful in emerald satin

Mmmbllhdbblldlds… blech

What all the Grecian cheerleaders are wearing!!

Hayden Pannettiere’s Grecian Monique L’Huillier frock and fall are lovely and young

The always adorable and fresh Kate Winslet in Ungaro

Wull Hullo Darling!

America Ferrera was lovely in Lapis-colored Brian Reyes

Georgeous America

Sienna Miller’s messy Grecian ‘do with simply lined but busily printed Marchesa gown was quite radiant on her slender frame

I will be laying down some Law of my own

This breaks all my rules — low cut, etc, but damn… she just pulls it off!! Beyonce shimmers with straight hair and a curvy gold-clad body

Ok, so the Golden Globe joke is too easy, right?

The Arquettes let their freak flag fly in leather and lace

Arque-a-licious

Hilary Swank was put together and precious as the Black Dahlia

Finally, back together again

Penelope Cruz is gorgeous and classic in Chanel Couture

Volver-ilicious

LOLs

Angelina Jolie did her best Sunny Von Bulow impression

Oh, You Have No Idea

Annette Bening looks pained in an awkwardly tailored gown/blouse/top/thingy

Wow, I forgot about the award show… good thing I had my old Christening pinafore!

Evangeline Lilly and the Amazing Technicolor Speedo Gown (by Versace)

Dammit, I told my stylist I wanted a mermaid gown!

Always good for a laugh is Sharon Stone, here shown sucking the life force out of a much younger man

Hmmm… Cruella de Ville or Gloria Swanson? You decide!!

Ennh.

Sarah Paulson’s too-safe, not-really-there, not-really-doing-anything-for-me strapless champagne left me… bored

Did I take “Sunset Strip” a little too literally, maybe?

Michelle Williams looked beautiful but she stuck with her knack of picking the wrong color for her skin

Yes it’s quite a warm shoulder

Cate Blanchett was flashing back to the 80’s in lace Alexander McQueen. We could’ve stayed in the present, but she is nevertheless radiant and adorable.

Oh Ryan, You’re so Fine!

Jennifer Love Hewitt sports a Dangerous Liaisons bodice green gold gown

Iron-clad, baby

J-Lo was not dispelling any pregnancy rumors in an Empire-waist Marchesa

All worship goddess J-Lo

Dislikes

Cameron Diaz was looking a little harsh. I guess we’ll forgive her given the recent breakup, but… wow, soften up, girl.

So, can I be in the next Batman movie?

Eva Longoria’s navy Ungaro gown with jeweled straps alllllmost won it for us out here in the sticks, but that overly dipped down backview (complete with the lower back tat) lands her in the dislikes pile

Am I cute from behind, too?

Drew Barrymore’s John Galliano for Christian Dior was simply known here in Brenham as “The Pink Towel” (actually when she was on stage it was quite nice, but… well, how can I pass up calling it the Pink Towel?)

Hey, at least I’m contained this year

Ali Larter of Heros was leaving very little to the imagination in her “Creamsicle” chest-less Monique L’Huillier wonder gown

Oh my god, I am so happy to be here, I better make sure I get on camera!!

Vanessa Minillo came as the Golden Glob

This will be on… NBC? Is that, like, the new MTV?

Ellen and J Lo share tips on dealing with huge falls of hair

Mmm, yes, mine’s fake, how’s yours?

Ellen Pompeo sports another Versace Speedo

Rip off this chiffon and I’m ready to slice through the waves

Vanessa Williams was bustin’ out and wild-eyed in a bad frizz and tasteless fur

Are you talkin’ to me?

Although I adore her, I just couldn’t hang with Julia Louis Dreyfus’ chest-dripping-sequins cocktail length affair.

Oh I’m just dripping with gilt

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An involuntary gavotte gave you the willies?

–Engineerboy, after he asked me if I “gavotted” today when I commented that I wore an apricot scarf, and then I had an unrelated “body shiver” because I was cold

Giant ropey strands of chocolate vomit

–Mynagirl, describing what expected would end up on the bed after our dogs ate cocoa and then the vet had us give them peroxide to make them throw up.

Hey, when two guys are standing next to each other with matching white rags in their butt pockets, I tend to notice, generally.

–Engineerboy, commenting in chat that he had indeed seen the two workers seemingly taking a coffe break on the roof of the Masonic temple next door.

Hey, if you put pajamas on him, I’ve seen him twice today.

–Engineerboy, after we saw our third weirdo walking around on the sidewalks of Houston (the first two were wearing loungewear).

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I just have to say, I’m constantly amazed by anyone with artistic vision and a drive to create. The person that amazes me most often in this capacity is my mother — she is a non-stop creative force with endless energy and strength.

In her life, my mom has created wood carvings, jewelry, stained glass, etched glass, oil paintings, watercolor paintings, custom tiled bathrooms, tile and glass mosaics, furniture out of copper pipe, and custom wall collages. Not to mention children’s books. Oh, and she runs a Bed & Breakfast in the Texas Hill Country that’s filled with her signature custom touches, so she’s learned to be a master chef lately as well. Her latest artistic obsession is concrete — specifically, architectural concrete. For the gorgeously flowering and beautifully decorated entry way to her B&B, she decided to create a couch. Out of concrete. With a magnolia blossom made of glass.

The creation is as you see below — bolstering and all accomplished with concrete and glass accents, complete with a larger glass mosaic on the back of the couch.

Couch front

Couch back

I’ve been watching the progress via emailed pictures and I did see it once in person when it was nearly complete. It’s unbelievably perfect nestled in with the garden entry way leading up to the B&B. When you hear “concrete couch” you don’t think of this gorgeous and inviting sculpture. It’s really unbelievable.

Since there’s always a possibility that Mom might want to make another creation on commission, here’s her contact information:

Sherry Gansle

Canyon Lake, Texas

210 316 6203

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Oscar Arrives!

Argent de Poche

Strangely, pockets were a mini-theme this year… both Amy Adams and Sandra Bullock wore blossomy dresses with pockets, and both looked utterly relaxed. I guess a beautiful gown with pockets just makes you feel less stressed, like you’re just hanging out.

Amy Adams’s striped Carolina Herrera was gorgeous and elegant

Sandra chats calmly during the red carpet mixing

Pales in Comparison

It’s official, I will never like pale colors on the red carpet. Color, people, color!!

Naomi Watts was radiant as always, but that washed-out Givenchy did not do it for me… I actually liked the gauzy messiness of it all, but I just can’t stand that pale color on her!!

I had a really bad run-in with King Kong before the show

Naomi’s b.f. Nicole Kidman was similarly milk-toast in her ivory column.

Ice princess Nicole

Even Reese Witherspoon and Uma Thurman chose the pale look.

Reese paled it up as well

Uma… where’s Oprah?

Golden Girls

Going just one shade beyond pale were the gowns ranging from gold to goldenrod. Jessica Alba was radiant with beautiful hair and jewelry, even if her gown did make her look a titch naked at first glance. Michelle Williams’s mustardy dress wasn’t my favorite, especially with those cool, dark colors in her antique-y necklace.

Golden princess Jessica

Mustard princess Michelle

Even radiant Jennifer Garner chose an icy barely-gold sequined number.

Stunt princess Jennifer

And Bahar Soomekh of Crash is so beautiful, I was sorry she spent the night in yellow chiffon, even if it is Calvin Klein.

Persian princess Bahar

But it wasn’t just the young kids in shades of gold… Jane Seymour wore a pale gold gown that showed off her figure (perhaps a smidge too well).

I’m hoping to sub for Dolly Parton if possible

Back in Black

Of course, not everyone was brave enough to go for ivory or pale gold. Some had to get really brave and go with… black. Jennifer Anniston, Felicity Huffman, and Rachel Weisz all opted for black. Although Felicity’s Zac Posen look was a bit more daring than the other ladies.

I’m hoping to stand out as little as possible

Just in case you had any doubts from Transamerica

I think my pregnant belly leaves no doubt at all…

Charlize Theron also chose a blackish green gown whose puffy sleeve was almost matched by her hair-helmet hairstyle.

Well, I have a pillow to use if the telecast gets too boring

Color, although Not Very Much

The most colorful dress of the evening was Salma Hayek by far — in a radiant peacock blue. She was the only one in a bright, however. Keira Knightley was radiant, gorgeous, elegant, fabulous in a darker color — a knocked out burgundy Vera Wang.

Hello, Dahling

Precious, dahling

The Boys

Well, the men were into classic good looks, and hallelujah. The straight-tie look predominated, but there were enough bow ties to remind you that you really were at the Oscars.

Oscar-winner Clooney is charming and good-looking as ever

Matt Dillon is classic, showing up for his nomination for Crash

Eric Bana also shows the classic bow tie tux

Will and Steve both chose the charcoal / silver look for their ties

Giamatti sports the straight tie

Howard wears the straight tie as well as…a diamond brooch?

The documentarians from March of the Penguins showed the crowd how to really wear a tux

Of course, not all the men were classic. Some were against the trend, as with Gary Busey’s confused look and all-black tux. Oh, and Tim Burton was definitely Tim Burton.

Why am I here?

C’mon, Helena, you’re entirely too polished to be my date

Nominees and Winners for 78th Annual Academy Awards

Leading Actor

• Philip Seymour Hoffman, in Capote
• Terrence Howard, in Hustle & Flow
• Heath Ledger, in Brokeback Mountain
• Joaquin Phoenix, in Walk the Line
• David Straithairn, in Good Night, and Good Luck

Leading Actress

• Judi Dench, in Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Felicity Huffman, in Transamerica
• Keira Knightley, in Pride & Prejudice
• Charlize Theron, in North Country
• Reese Witherspoon, in Walk the Line

Supporting Actor

• George Clooney, in Syriana
• Matt Dillon, in Crash
• Paul Giamatti, in Cinderella Man
• Jake Gyllenhaal, in Brokeback Mountain
• William Hurt, in History of Violence

Supporting Actress

• Amy Adams, in Junebug
• Catherine Keener, in Capote
• Frances McDormand, in North Country
• Rachel Weisz, in The Constant Gardener
• Michelle Williams, in Brokeback Mountain

Best Director

• Ang Lee, for Brokeback Mountain
• Bennett Miller, for Capote
• Paul Haggis, for Crash
• George Clooney, for Good Night, and Good Luck
• Steven Spielberg, for Munich

Best Picture

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• Crash
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Munich

Best Cinematography

• Batman Begins
• Brokeback Mountain
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Memoirs of a Geisha
• The New World

Best Original Song

• In The Deep, from Crash
• It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp, from Hustle & Flow
• Travelin’ Thru, from Transamerica

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Hot Yoga Here

1320 W. 34th at Golf St.

Houston, TX

832-483-5787

www.hotyogahere.com

Bikram’s Yoga College of India – Houston

2438 South Boulevard

Houston, TX

713-664-5333

www.bikramyogahouston.com

Note: Bikram’s Yoga College of India – Houston also has another Galleria location

Ok, so if you’ve perused some of the articles on this site, you already know I’m a yoga person. And you may have read my review about Hot Yoga Here, the yoga studio I go to here in Houston. And if you’ve read my review, you’ll know I love Hot Yoga Here so much that I have said that I couldn’t even bring myself to go to another studio, even for the purposes of comparison.

The “Other” Yoga Place

However… this past weekend Hot Yoga Here was closed for a planned event and I needed to get my yoga on, so I decided to give the “official” Bikram franchise here in town a try. I’m glad I went so I know what it’s like and know I can go there in a pinch, but I’ll never choose to go there over Darla’s studio at Hot Yoga Here. Below is what I found at Bikram Yoga College of India, Houston — feel free to discount my review because I’m such a die-hard “Hot Yoga Here” girl, but I call ’em like I experienced ’em.

The studio I went to (they have two locations) was in a nice section of West U, and in that regard it was very much what I expected — freestanding building, nicely labeled, good parking, with a decent-sized dressing room and showers. For a first-timer, I could see that it would be less intimidating than Hot Yoga Here, which rents space in a Krishna temple and until you get used to being at the temple for yoga, you do feel a bit out of place.

Is That a Gucci Sports Bra?

Even as a regular hot yoga devotee, however, I felt more out of place at Bikram Yoga College of India than at the Krishna temple: boy, you can tell that this type of yoga started in L.A. The desk in the lobby is under the photographic presence of Bikram Choudhury himself, in a huge poster print of him sitting in lotus position on a (I do not lie) dead tiger skin. Not a very good yoga environment for this vegetarian. Over the doorway to the yoga room another picture looms, of Bikram and (presumably) his wife, sitting at the edge of a beautiful pool — and she’s wearing a swimsuit emblazoned with the name of an Italian design house. That pretty much encapsulated the BYCIH experience for me — yoga’s cool, but especially if you’re gorgeous and in designer clothes.

The people were much different at BYCIH than at HYH. More West U, maybe, I don’t know. I don’t really have anything against West U or people who live there, but… it’s just a different vibe. Hot Yoga Here is this sort of collection of all types of folks — totally in-shape athletes and housewives, women losing weight, guys looking for an intense workout, older folks trying to stay limber — that I lose self-consciousness very quickly. And if you go to HYH you’re not really going to “see and be seen” — what, at a Krishna temple? But BYCIH was much more like being at a Bally’s aerobics class: people who get a charge from working out in front of other people, especially if it’s something trendy and eastern like Yoga. Before class (when folks at HYH usually lay or sit on their rugs meditating or just resting and soaking up the heat), there was much public stretching going on in the BYCIH yoga room. The tiny blonde in front of me did this whole elaborate routine into the mirror complete with stretches, prayer posture poses, and various non-Bikram yoga postures. It was quite the performance.

I don’t even want to think about the microbes… or this guy’s toes

The yoga room itself was nice enough — indirect lighting and good heat (although cooler than I’m used to). I think there were restrooms right off the studio room, which is a convenient touch, but I think may encourage people to get up in the middle of class; there was a lot of movement and people getting up and leaving and coming back when I was there. And three or four people left early, which is almost unheard of at a yoga class! Very odd — I think now it may have been an anomaly. The place was really packed, surprisingly so, and our friend Bruce who goes to their Foutainview location said his Saturday afternoon class was similarly packed with first-timers. Spring Break approaches, I guess.

The yoga room also is carpeted at BYCIH (a Bikram requirement, I believe) vs HYH and even though I thought I might like it, it freaked me out a little bit… I couldn’t help to think about what might be swarming around down there in that warm, moist carpet. I know, they say they clean it regularly, etc, but… *shudder*. Give me antiseptic linoleum any day.

So the room itself was pretty okay, but we were packed in there like little sardines! And most bizarrely, they lined our rugs up in a strict checkboard pattern — so anyone in rows 3 through 5 was lucky if they got to see a knee and the top of their head. They lined us up like this and THEN admonished us to “make sure we could see ourselves in the mirror”. Um, how, when you lined me up behind Buffy the Zen-Slayer? And — okay, I’m going to sound superficial here but I swear I’m not — this extreme close-up with all my fellow Yoga people during class meant that during Triangle a guy’s 1/2″ long toenails were only about 8″ from my face. Now I’m very accepting of people, especially when it comes to body issues, but… I do feel a bit weirded by yellow overgrown toenails so much in what I think of as “my space”. BYCIH was like a European personal-space zone vs a Wyoming type of personal-space zone at Hot Yoga Here.

Concentrate, Meditate, and Suck in Your Gut

The class itself wasn’t bad — the nice thing about Bikram is that it’s basically the same postures all the time, no matter what studio you’re at. So I was able to settle into the class because I already basically knew what I was doing. But it was very much like an aerobics class at a large gym — somebody with a boom mic exhorting me to “push, push, push”. And this sort of L.A. mass production combined with such an ancient and seemingly whole-soul discipline did make for strange bedfellows; being told to “Concentrate, Medidate” just before being told to “Squeeze your glutes” was brain-snappingly funny.

Ignorance is Bliss: Bikram and Liability

The weirdest part about the whole experience for me, though, was that the extent of my intake process at the official Bikram place was to sign a form stating that I held them harmless, even in the case of negligence. Now, this is a pretty standard form for workout places, I think (Darla has one similar at Hot Yoga Here), but… that was it. That was all they wanted to know. They didn’t get a medical history, they didn’t talk to me about physical limitations… nothing. I don’t know if they just assumed by looking at me that I must be in peak physical condition, or if it (more likely) was that at some point Bikram’s organization decided that if they asked people what was wrong with their bodies, then they could be help liable for someone hurting themselves or aggravating an injury. So better to not know and never be sued. I mean, at Hot Yoga Here Darla runs down a whole host of medical conditions — if you have asthma she makes sure you have your inhaler… if you have a bad back or bad knees or bad hips, she shows you how to modify postures and makes sure you’re doing okay during class. It’s like a religion with her to make sure that you don’t aggravate an injury.

But BYCIH was the total opposite… I had to track down the instructor ahead of time and tell him about my bad back and how I don’t always do the forward bends or the sit-ups. He was very sweet about it and okay with it, but… oh my god, I can’t help but think about what if that had been my first time ever doing hot yoga? What if that had been my first class, I’m in a new environment, not comfortable trying out this new weird popular kind of exercise, and just tried to do everything they told me? I could’ve aggravated my back so badly I wouldn’t have been able to walk (because before I found Darla’s studio one bad episode of bending forward COULD really do that kind of stuff to me). What if I’d had an asthma attack during class? I mean, I always have my inhaler with me and I’ve never really had “an attack”, but what would that place have done if they didn’t know what was wrong with me? I was actually deeply disturbed by this lack of personal concern. It may make for smart business for the Bikram organization, but it made for a really impersonal and kind of scary experience for me. I just kept worrying about first-timers not getting any guidance and possibly hurting themselves, kind of like how you worry vicariously for too-young children in a scary movie. You don’t know that it’s not going to damage them, but you don’t know if they’ll be alright, either.

So, Biased Girl, Any Other Thoughts?

On the positive side, they held the postures a long time, and the instructor really did seem to know his stuff. I did get a good workout. But the repetitive script that must be Bikram-required grated on me and made me feel like I was in a yoga factory, just another mass-produced Bikram sausage being churned out. And really, I’m vegetarian. I’ll take my yoga organic and sausage-free.

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