CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

Wall*E is the story of a little robot who does a big job – cleaning up the Earth and saving humanity.  He’s the last of his kind, left behind by the entire human race who have gone to live in the stars, at least for a while.  It seems that man had finally filled up the Earth with so much trash that it wasn’t fit to live on any more, so they built an army of Waste Allocation Load Lifters – Earth-class, or WALL*Es, and set them to gathering and stacking all the garbage.  Meanwhile, the humans blasted off to live in luxurious, automated, sterile, giant space stations while the robots put the Earth back into a livable state.

Unfortunately, the job was too big even for an army of robots, and over hundreds of years all the machines started breaking/dying/shutting down, until only one is left.  Wall*E spends his days gathering trash, compacting it into cubes in his belly, and stacking it in gigantic, skyscraper sized rows of refuse.  Wall*E is happy in his work, sentient, romantic, and a collector of stuff.  When he finds interesting things he takes them back to his house, and watches old movie musicals to pass the time.  Think “The Omega Man”, only with a plucky robot instead of Charlton Heston, and no mutants.  Oh, but there is at least one cockroach, and he and Wall*E share a symbiotic relationship.

Then, one day, out of the sky comes a huge rocket, which lands just long enough to leave behind a little egg-shaped robot to search for plant life.  She is Eve (Environmental Vegetation Evaluator, I think), and her sleek whiteness and technological advancement make Wall*E look like broken-down Tonka truck compared to the latest iPod/iPhone/iBot/iPhaser/iBrain.  She relentlessly combs the area for some sign of plant life, and blasts any perceived threats with what appears to be a phased-plasma flipper.  Wall*E is, of course, smitten, and manages to survive Eve’s defenses long enough for her to figure out that he’s not a threat.

And just as soon as Wall*E starts working his romantic mojo on Eve, she discovers a plant that he has been nurturing and then things get weird.  Eve goes into some kind of extended hibernation until the rocket returns and takes her away again.  Wall*E stows aboard and gets taken with Eve up to one of the human spacecraft, and that’s when the story really gets started.

Suffice it to say that both true love and the fate of humanity hang in the balance of the story, and the tale is funny, exciting, heartbreaking, and ultimately…well…happy.  What else would you expect from Pixar?

The animation of the film is flawless – not that it’s faking reality or anything.  You know that it’s animated, but it is achingly well done.  You don’t notice that it’s animated, and are quickly immersed in the reality of Wall*E.  It also takes quite a while to realize that Wall*E doesn’t really talk – he can sort of squeak and squeal in an electronic fashion, and kiiiind of form some simple words, but he sounds kind of like what I imagine R2D2 would sound like after a poorly taught crash course in English.  Coincidentally, Wall*E’s “voice” is done by Ben Burtt, who also did the beeping and booping for R2D2.

The story in the film is nearly epic – one pure soul’s quest for love, with the saving of an entire species as the mere backdrop.  My emotions ran the gamut, from happiness and laughter to awe and wonder to tension and excitement to…yes…even a sniffle or two.  And poor Mynagirl, about 15 minutes in I looked over at her and she was already sobbing at the mere anticipation of the perilous quest that Wall*E would surely soon be facing.  After the movie, Mynagirl chatted with her sister who had also just seen Wall*E and who had also sobbed through nearly the entire thing. 

It’s not that the film is maudlin, or anything, but it is emotionally powerful.  Wall*E is loveable and diligent, curious and intelligent, romantic and brave, and so pure of heart that he makes sure his pet cockroach gets a daily Twinkie (which you may never eat again after seeing this movie).  If you replaced the animated characters with human actors, Wall*E could easily be considered one of the greatest space operas ever filmed.  It probably should be considered as such, but the animated nature may make it so that the film establishment only sees this is a kid’s film, which would be a shame.  It could (and should) rank up there with Star Wars, Blade Runner, Galaxy Quest, Alien/Aliens, Idiocracy, and 2001: A Space Odyssey in the pantheon of great sci-fi.  Picture a stew of those films, with a dash of Charlie Chaplin and a pinch of E.T. and you’ll get the ingredients that Wall*E combines and even sometimes transcends.

But it will also still work for your kids, too.  The movie is hilarious and a sight to behold even if the young’uns don’t quite understand why the adults start laughing when “Thus Spake Zarathustra” plays during a key dramatic sequence, or when they figure out that the voice of the ship’s computer is none other than Sigourney Weaver.  Pixar has managed to walk the tightrope between the profound, witty, and poignant adult elements and the funny, loveable, scary kid elements, without doing a disservice to either.  However, know that if you were to change the right 30 seconds of this film, it would become one of the most tragic stories ever told. 

The bottom line is that Pixar has topped themselves yet again.  This is, by far, my new favorite Pixar film.  Take someone you love and I personally guarantee that by the end you’ll be smiling, you’ll be clapping, your eyes will not be dry…and you’ll be holding hands. 

Wallleeee!

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When I heard they were making a big screen version of the Iron Man comic books (sorry, graphic novels don’t exist, losers) it felt like a body blow – yet another crude and artless raping and pillaging of our cultural history by Hollywood in pursuit of dollars.  Then I heard that the lead was being played by…Robert Downey, Jr!??!?  Um, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I didn’t hear that right…did you say Robert Downey, Jr. would be playing Iron Man????  That…doesn’t make any sense…at all.  I mean, once I thought about it, it sounded slightly interesting, but what in the world were the Hollywood studio execs thinking?  You have to have a big name star to go in your big budget picture with the big special effects and the big promotional tie-ins so you get the big box office with a big early summer season opener…

…right?

Well, then I found out that it wasn’t produced by a “major Hollywood studio”, it’s actually the first major motion picture produced by Marvel (the comic book folks).  And the director?  None other than Jon Favreau, who is about as unlikely a director of a big-budget, special-effects-laden, summer-blockbuster movie as Downey is as the star.

So then I started to get mildly interested.  But that always happens to me as the summer blockbuster season approaches, and I am disappointed about 95% of the time, so I was still skeptical.  Then I started hearing early reviews – and they were good.  And not the bought-and-paid-for-blurb-friendly-pabulum that gets associated with crap like Transformers, Cloverfield, War of the Worlds, King Kong, etc.  Actual positive critiques of the film by cineastes.

“Huh…”, I thought, with tremendous insight if I do say so myself.

When the film opened yesterday I found myself really wanting to see it – however Mynagirl was just returning from out of town, so schlepping out to see a movie would have been near-torture for her during her post-travel recovery.  But, we both wanted to see it and vowed to attend the first screening today (the Saturday after opening).

Which we did…and it was magnificent.  Go and see it right now – in fact, stop reading and just go see it.  Then come back here and finish this review.  One and only one caveat – this film is based on a comic book, so, well, don’t expect it to be super-realistic.  It’s a comic book story, right?  Go in with that mindset and you won’t be disappointed, because Iron Man transcends what I’ve come to expect from big-budget comic book films.  Robert Downey Jr. is perfectly cast in the lead.  The rest of the roles are also superbly cast, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, and Jeff Bridges.

The screenplay is intelligent and funny, and the story is engaging.  Yes, the bad guys are a shade stereotypical, but Tony Stark (Downey’s character) is a conflicted hero.  He’s the brilliant son of one of the key players in the Manhattan Project, as an engineer he’s a prodigy, and as a man he’s a charmingly arrogant lothario.  He takes over his father’s company and turns it into gigantic weapons manufacturer, always turning out the latest and greatest technology that the military needs (or at least wants badly after seeing his demonstrations).

Yes, he’s a merchant of death, but on the good side.  Or so he thinks, and thereby hangs the tale – I’ll say no more about the plot because even though this is a big-budget movie with dazzling effects, it’s actually kind of story-driven.

Speaking of the effects, they are also near-perfect.  They aren’t used too little or too much, they appear on screen in what felt like just the right proportions, and they are done with subtly understated mastery, meaning that you don’t get jolted out of the story by cheesy looking effects, they just work perfectly within the context of the story.  For those who want nothing but wall-to-wall effects, this film may not fulfill that jones, as the heavy rocking doesn’t get started until what felt like 45-60 minutes into the story. 

The final scene is particularly satisfying, and be sure to stay all the way through the end credits for a hint as to whether or not there will be a sequel (duh!).

All I can say is, if there is a sequel, I’ll be first in line.

Update 5/11/2008:  Iron Man kicked Speed Racer’s butt at the box office this weekend!!  And this was Iron Man’s second week in release, while it was Speed Racer’s opening weekend!  Hahahahaha!  You may wonder why this makes me happy when I have no direct involvement in either production, but I am filled with glee to see the Wachowski brothers (creators of Speed Racer) fail so spectacularly.  They created “The Matrix”, which SUCKED, but which somehow hypnotized unsuspecting moviegoers into thinking it was good, leading to several sequels and endless imitations – so many, in fact, that it derailed moviemaking for several years, much to my dismay.  Plus, if even half the rumors are true, the Wachowski’s are a couple of freaky weirdos.  So, a big-budget failure of such stupendous magnitude is just what I think they deserved, and maybe will stop them from making any more movies.

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We live in a small country town (Brenham, TX – population ~13,000), and love it.  One drawback, however, is that there is only a single movie theater here, six-screens showing the absolute worst of Hollywood crap…we call it the Yokelplex.  There has been only one exception, which is when they showed Gone With the Wind on the big screen in partnership with a local community theater that was staging a play about the making of the movie.  But other than that – a constant parade of dreck.  For example, here's the current playlist:

• 21
• Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who
• Drillbit Taylor
• Leatherheads
• Nim's Island
• Superhero Movie
• Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns

Not every movie on that list is execrable, but most are, and none are compelling enough to get my entertainment dollars.  We've been to see maybe 5 or 6 films at the theater, and we've lived here for a year and a half and I *love* going to the movies.

What does this have to do with In Bruges?  Well, nothing directly, except that we had to drag ourselves into downtown Houston (90 minute drive, to the sadly decaying Angelika Theater – more on that at the bottom of this article) in order to find a movie worth seeing.  And, to me, this is indicative of the drought of good films being produced by the mainstream American film community.  Are there occasionally good American films?  Yes.  However, most of the mainstream films are simply horrible.

At one point we were so desperate for movie entertainment that we took a couple of weekends to visit the Yokelplex and see the films that were most highly rated by the combination of RottenTomatoes and IMDB.  One weekend it was The Spiderwick Chronicles, which we knew was primarily a kid's movie, but I've got an open mind and have loved many "kid" pics, such as The Incredibles.  Well, Spiderwick was so bad that we walked out, something we rarely do.  It wasn't really bad, it was just incredibly derivative and boring.  As are most mainstream films that we are able to go see.

However, In Bruges, is a different story altogether.  We had seen some brief trailers for it, and it looked kind of like an action comedy, and it is…sort of.  But it's much more than that.  First of all, it's so well written that it shames virtually every American film we've seen in the last few years, with only a few exceptions like Michael Clayton, Superbad, and Stranger Than Fiction.  Second, it defies expectations at every turn – and not in the in-your-face, clonk-you-over-the-head, artless manner of most mainstream American films – but in subtle, unexpected, and even frightening ways.

I really don't want to talk too much about the film because I don't want to spoil it.  Suffice it to say that Bruges is the name of a city in Belgium, and Colin Ferrell and Brendan Gleeson (who also played the father with the little girl in 28 Days Later) are a team of London underworld types who head to Bruges to escape the heat from a recent job.  I'll say no more about the plot of the film, other than to say that it does contain more violence and intensity than is apparent from the marketing and trailers that I've seen.

Colin Ferrell, Brendan Gleeson, and the rest of the cast are superb…SUPERB.  I normally don't care for Colin Farrell – but I have to admit that he does an excellent job here – so good that he deserves an Oscar nom.  So does Brendan Gleeson.  So does the writer/director, Martin McDonagh.  However, I fear that this is the kind of movie that the Academy will overlook.  First, it's not from an American production company.  Second, it's both funny and serious – which tends to confuse Academy voters who seem to like to nominate movies for Best Picture only if they are NOT comedies and only if they are clearly serious films.  And third, well, the taste of the Academy sucks so far this century.  I'll love it if I'm wrong when the nominations come out next year, but I'm not holding my breath.

The bottom line – if you like films that are perfectly cast, tightly scripted, superbly acted, exquisitely directed, action packed, funny, and also serious, go see In Bruges.

A note to local Houstonians – what the hell has happened to the Angelika Theater?  We hadn't been there in nearly a year, and the last time we were there its glory was starting to fade.  Today it was simply a sad, empty shell of its former self.  The staff were surly and uncaring, the refreshments and snacks were unremarkable, the air-conditioning was broken (or set to a hotter setting to save money), and the quality of the picture and sound in the theater was horrendous.  The Angelika used to be an elegant venue in which discerning filmgoers could enjoy a sophisticated night out – and now it feels like a shabby suburban gigaplex.  They still show interesting movies, which is good, but, sadly, the thrill is gone.

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First and foremost, go into this movie with the realization that it is Rated R, and heartily deserves it.  If you are easily offended by nudity and/or sexual situations then you probably want to skip this film.  The scenes in question are not gratuitous and are germane to the plot, and are also some of the funniest scenes in the film.

And that's the key to this movie…it is funny…damn funny.  Judd Apatow and his ensemble have created another winner here, and it's looking to be a habit (Drillbit Taylor notwithstanding).  The screenplay was written by Jason Segal, who is also the star.  His character is a journeyman composer in the film and TV industry, but he happens to be dating the hot, blonde starlet (named, of course, Sarah Marshall) of a TV crime drama.  However, between her success and his professional mediocrity, she decides that they're "just going in different directions" and dumps him.

Peter Bretter (Segal's character, above left) tries several methods to cope with his broken heart, including sobbing, eating cereal, acting out at work, and nailing anything that moves.  Nothing helps – then a friend suggests that a vacation might be just the thing to break the funk.  Peter heads to a resort in Hawaii that Sarah had mentioned, and when he gets there who does he find?  Sarah (above, middle), of course, along with her new beau, the preening pop star Aldous Snow (above, right).

He also meets Rachel, who works the front desk of the resort.  As you might imagine, he and Rachel fall in love, but not without complications, of course.  All of the characters in this film seem like they would fit stereotypes from a hundred other romcoms, but they all seem to defy expectations by being more real and quirky than I expected.  Aldous Snow the pop star, in particular, really ends up differently than one might presume from his initial scenes.

And that seems to be the key to the Apatowian juggernaut – characters that feel real, that develop, and that are funny and poignant in ways that don't seem to be contrived for a film.  Now, I'm not saying that people in the real world would ever act exactly as these characters do in all situations – but it's close.  The characters also draw our instant empathy because of their familiarity, even Sarah.  She's not a demonized vixen, she's more like a confused person who let success go to her head, and now isn't sure how to act "normal" any more.

Jason Segal is the only credited writer for the screenplay, and if wrote all of it himself then it's an astonishing debut.  It was surprising and refreshing to hear snappy, funny dialog that didn't feel recycled or derivative – and he keeps it up throughout the entire film.

I'll wrap up by reiterating my opening warning – if you are offended by nudity and sexual content, you may want to skip this film.  I'll say no more other than to give you a quote from the film's producer, Judd Apatow:

"America fears the penis, and that's something I'm going to help them get over."

Don't say you weren't warned.

 

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Week four – Top 12 – 3/11/2008 (Lennon / McCartney)

Wow. Talk about something to LIVE UP TO!!

Outstanding:

• Chikezie rates a HOLY COW. That was amazing with the bluegrass start and the crazy upbeat stuff and some great vocals
• Carly Smithson was the best of the night, doing a great rock out of “Come Together”
• Brooke White was clearly nervous and having a hard time playing to the crowd from behind the piano but freaking feeling it, which is what the Beatles are ABOUT. She did a great heartfelt “Let It Be”.
• Michael Johns rang clear as a bell with “Across the Universe”. As Engineerboy put it, “you’ve got to be naked to sing that song”. I think he means emotionally naked, so I agree with that for sure. I couldn’t believe the judges didn’t love that performance, it was strong and really moving.

Good:

• Jason Castro – Did a really good job with “If I Fell In Love With You”. That song is a lot harder to sing than it sounds, and he did a great job.
• David Cook – Eleanor Rigby was rushed and didn’t need to be rocked out — until the Chorus that is. The chorus was really good and kind of saved a why-did-he-do-it-this-way performance. Not bad.

Ennh:

• Ramiele Malubay – In My Life is one of the greatest John Lennon songs ever. Boring rendition and the crazy cocktail dress and spectator pumps were distractingly dressy for such a low-key song.
• Amanda Overmyer – This almost worked. It was a good song choice but Simon was right, it was hard to understand her. I think I only liked it because I want to like her and I already knew the song. If I hadn’t heard the song before that would’ve been a muddly mess.

Augh

• Syesha Mercado – Murdered “Got to Get You Into My Life”. Horrible. Soulless. Off key.
• David Hernandez – Hated the Ferris Bueller look. Hated the runs. Hated the cheeseball dancing around. Totally imagined him as a gay stripper. Sorry, dude. That was awful.
• David Archuleta – I would not have thought he could do badly. His voice is so pure but he was 100% uncomfortable trying to do a jazzy rendition of “We Can Work It Out”. I’m glad he’ll be here for another week. I think he tried too hard not to be what Simon called “gloomy” but we would’ve loved to hear his angel voice on “Yesterday”.

God-Awful

• Kristy Lee Cook yodele’d it up with a horrendous Kentucky Headhunters-esqe bluegrass-and-methamphetamine version of “Eight Days a Week”. To her credit, it was the first time she’s looked comfortable and her voice actually sounded good. But that was absolutely beyond words awful.

Week three – 3/4/2008 (The Eighties)

Uh… sorry. Too much work last week! Apologies for the slack off. We lost Luke Menard (no loss), Danny Noriega (that boy makes Barry Manilow look like Clint Eastwood), Kady… uh… Somebody-or-Other (oh, Kady Malloy, I love TiVo) and perky-but-too-hard-to-Google-you-anyway Asia’h Epperson.

Week two – 2/28/2008 (The Seventies)

Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the women.
Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the men.

Standouts this week

Young’un David Archuleta risked a John Lennon and did an amazing job — especially for his age. And Carly Smithson for the women was the only female singer who showed up for 70’s week, apparently.

Facing Elimination This Week – Boys

Luke Menard and Jason Yeager were probably this week’s weakest men. I bet they’re out.

Facing Elimination This Week – Girls

Hard to pick. So many were so awful. But the Donkey household speculates that we’ll see no more of Ramiela and Kady after the round of voting.

Who Got Voted Off This Week (with Broken-hearted Pic Badness)

Jeez, good thing we’re not trying to make money in Vegas. We only had a 25% prediction rate this weedk. Here’s who ACTUALLY got their walking papers:

Jason Yeager – Goodbye!

Alexandrea Lushington – Goodbye!

Alaina Whitaker – Goodbye!

Robbie Carrico – Goodbye!

Week One – 2/21/2008 (The Sixties)

Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the women.
Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the men.

Tonight the remaining Idols performed a medley of 60’s songs – very lackluster. The show also showed the world premiere of Paula Abdul’s new video, produced by Randy Jackson. The combination of music, singing, dancing, and video production showed that Paula is still a pretty good choreographer……………………………..

We lost four Idols tonight, and quite frankly my only concern was that our three or four favorites remained and didn’t really care much about the rest. I mean, I feel for each one and their broken dreams, but hey, the show gave them publicity they would never have gotten before, which gives them a better chance of living their dreams.

One of our faves was actually in the bottom four for the women – Amanda Overmyer – but she was safe for the evening. The fact that she was in the bottom four women was surprising, but she made it to next week so whew!

As for the rest, here are tonight’s eliminated Idols:

Garrett Haley – Goodbye!

Amy Davis – Goodbye!

Joanne Borgella – Goodbye!

Colton Berry – Goodbye!

Well, I can’t complain about any of these eliminations, although we thought Joanne would go a lot farther in the competition, but she really sang poorly last night. The other three were just not good and their elimination seemed logical.

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First off.  Let me just say:

If you have never heard of a particular Beatles song, especially a HUGE Beatles song, like 'Hide Your Love Away', you should not admit this.  You sound like an idiot.  You do not sound like a singer.  You sound like a dope.  And every time you repeat this fact you sound more and more stupid.  Mentioning that you picked it out from the title.  That you heard it for the first time today.  Etc.  You sound like an idiot.  I weep for the future.

Aside from that, our contestants had a little vapor lock having to face the gigantic sheer unscalable rock face that is having to attempt not only a Beatles song, but another Beatles song after having either:

1. Captured lightning in a jar and given a fabulous performance last week against all odds
2. Embarassingly fell on his/her face after running smack into said giant unscalable rock face last week

Either one is painfully awful to contemplate.  I suspect our contestants may have rather wished to move onto Styx Week or Guns N Roses Week or Poco Week or Phoebe Snow Week or Vanilla Ice Week or Leo Sayer Week or anything other than Beatles Week, again.  Just too hard.  Only one person really knocked it out and that was David Cook, rockin' it out Peter Frampton style on "Day Tripper".

• Amanda Overmyer – Did "Back in the U.S.S.R." and should have wrapped her raspy voice around "Oh Darling"
• Kristy Lee Cook – Did "Hide Your Love Away", and… well since Chikezie stole the only Beatles bluegrass song, not sure there was a good one for anyone who doesn't know the freaking Beatles songbook.  Special extra awful points for the Kohl's basement bargain dress and bad boots.
• Michael Johns – Did "A Day in the Life" (which is way too disjointed for Idol-ization), and should have rocked it out with that great vocal control and picked "She Came In Through the Bathroom Window" or "I've Got a Feeling"
• Brooke White – Did "Here Comes the Sun",;should have done "For No One"
• David Cook – Did a ROCKING version of "Day Tripper" and honestly it was great.  He could have done that rocker's scream on "Helter Skelter" (not that they would have let him, Manson Family tie-in and all that), but I can't argue with how he freaking rocked what he did pick.
• Carly Smithson – Did "Blackbird"; should have done "Blackbird" softer and sultrier 
• David Archuleta – Sang "Long and Winding Road" admirably but he might should have tried "She's Leaving Home" (risky especially because it's a linear narrative but he can surprisingly feel some of those songs)
• Jason Castro – Did "My Michelle", should have done "Norwegian Wood" or even "Revolution" (the slow version)
• Syesha Mercado – Sang "Yesterday", should have lost her voice again instead.  Judges on TV liked it but two sets of droopy donkey ears here at the CD household.
• Chikezie – Sang "I've Just Seen a Face" decently if a bit disorganizedly, but probably should have taken a wicket swing for the bowler (or whatever Britishism is the equivalent of "swing for the fences") with "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" 
• Ramiele Malubay (who knew she was still in this contest?) flat-noted her way through the snoozer of "I Should Have Known Better" but "Can't Buy Me Love" might have been more her style — still a lightweight choice but maybe it would've been less silly.

Our pick for goner this week is Ramiele or Kristy Lee Cook.  Please for the love of all that is holy, let poor sweet, adorable, undynamic Kristy Lee Cook go back to her horses and family in Oregon.  I think she'll be happier.

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I haven't been this happy about the outcome of a football game in a long time.  The cheating New England Patriots *LOST* to the Giants in the Super Bowl.  They did *not* achieve their undefeated season.  They did *not* join the 1972 Miami Dolphins in perfection.  They lost, like all cheaters eventually do.

Belichick didn't even have enough class to stay on the field to see Eli Manning take the final knee.  This from the coach who ruthlessly ran up the score unnecessarily against opponent after opponent.  From the coach who cheated his way to victory, including rumors of filming the Rams walk-through before the 2002 Super Bowl, which the Pats "won" in an upset.  But could he stand there like a man and take the loss when it was him on the losing end?  No, he slunk off like a pouting teenager to go cry in his room.  Go cry, emo coach.  Classless to the bitter end.

And frankly, as that last second remained on the clock, as confusion reigned on the field, and as Belichick slunk off, my one thought was that he was trying to somehow create a technical issue with the end of the game so that he could file some kind of complaint with the NFL about the outcome.  Given his actions in the past that type of conniving seemed to fit his style.  But the refs cleared the field, got the Pats players to come back out and officially ended the game normally.  Ha!

Now it's time for the federal government to bring the hammer down on these cheaters.  For those who question why the US government is involved, the answer is that the NFL has been granted a special exemption from anti-trust laws and are allowed to operate as a virtual monopoly.  As such, the government reserves the right to ensure that the NFL is presenting pure, untainted sporting events.

So the NFL needs to break the back of these losers, including (in my opinion) a lifetime ban for Belichick and the GM.  They have tainted the sport with their flagrant, blatant, indefensible cheating.  And if the NFL doesn't act then Congress needs to step in and do the right thing.

Oh, and congratulations Giants on the great, great win.  Eli Manning enters legendary status with that final drive, and his scramble on the long pass to David Tyree was nothing short of miraculous.  And then the top-of-the-head catch by David Tyree was almost unbelievable even though I watched it with my own eyes.  He *wanted* that ball and went up and got it.

And in so doing drove a stake through the heart of the bloodsucking, evil-doing Patriots.  And, at least for today, all is right in the world of sports.

 

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Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the men.
Click here to see our recap of this week’s Idol eliminations.

The Girls (Wednesday Night)

Well, tonight it was the girl’s turn, continuing The Sixties theme. All around there were quite a few lackluster performances, and only one standout – Carly Smithson. As for the rest, was it nerves? Bad picks by the judges? Poor song choices? Bird flu? Who knows, but the fact that the judges said as many positive things as they did leads me to believe that they’re scrambling to recover from a poor batch of lady contestants this year.

Kristy Lee Cook

Sang “Rescue Me” in a very uninspired performance. And maybe this was because she’s a horsewoman, but she stood with a Larry-Craig-worthy wide stance throughout her performance…was she trying to dazzle us with misdirection? It didn’t work.

Joanne Borgella

Performed “I Say a Little Prayer for You”, and it was a very flat and forgettable performance. The song has a lot of orchestration and backup singers and her voice kind of disappeared in the mix – which she may have done purposely to hide her nerves, perhaps? All in all very disappointing.

Alaina Whitaker

Covered “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday”. Her performance was technically pretty good, but completely soulless. The judges liked her, but perhaps they see potential there…you can teach performance skills, but if you can’t sing you can’t sing.

Amanda Overmyer

Sang “Baby Please Don’t Go”, which included one of the great performances by the Idol band, but only honky-tonk-screeching from Amanda who also seemed to be hiding any singing ability behind the band – you could only hear her during the screamed parts. We still like her but her voice was too small tonight to take on the song and front the band, but we hope she sticks around so we get to hear more from her.

Amy Davis

Sang “Where the Boys Are”, and one hopes the boys were somewhere else during this performance. It was simply terrible – flat and off key from the first bar to the last. She was so good in tryouts, flawlessly covering “Blue Bayou”, which is a singer’s song of the first degree. Perhaps she was one of the ones with the flu tonight, but she barely managed to squeak and squawk her way through it to the end.

Brooke White

Covered “Happy Together” in an uncomfortable mess of a performance. What is it with the ladies tonight? Flat, pitchy, nervous, and definitely uncomfortable during the bah-bah-bah-bah scat part. But yet again the judges liked her. So far not one of the ladies tonight showed any star power of any type, and Brooke simply blended in to the mediocrity.

Alexandrea Lushington

Sang “Spinning Wheel” in a completely awful mess of a performance. Her wheels spun right off, she ran out of breath and ended up barely pushing out the last few lines of the song. Yet again Paula and Randy liked it, in the face of all reason. Simon had it right…he didn’t get it, and neither did I.

Kady Malloy

Performed “A Groovy Kind of Love” with a country twist. It wasn’t bad, with some pitchy parts, but she definitely can sing. But, again, just completely soulless. I think that people like Michael Bolton and Celine Dion have tainted the music business with their success – each has a big, powerful voice and zero soul. That’s a soul temperature of absolute zero. And Kady’s performance was wooden and she looked a bit medicated, to be frank.

Asia’h Epperson

Oh my god, did she actually try to cover Janis Joplin’s “Another Piece of My Heart”?!?? OMFG, where do these chiclets get the nerve? I think I’m going to have to stop watching 60’s week on Idol because these young pup contestants simply have no idea of the magnitude of the songs they are singing. They don’t do the songs justice and it seems like it’s because the songs are meaningless to them. That may be the nature of things, but to watch these tyros prance around as if they’re worthy of singing some of these songs is infuriating. Oh, and Asia’h’s performance was simply lackluster. But the judges liked it. Oy.

Ramiele Malubay

And another one, this time covering “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield. Listen, I’m very okay if someone wants to update a song, make it fresh, and/or make it their own. But, if you take on a classic by a legend you better bring your “A” game. And Ramiela did not. Again, another barely tolerable performance for this stage of Idol. But yet again, the judges loved it. I can’t figure out if I’m crazy, the judges are crazy, or if the judges are simply making the best of it because their ultimate goal is to sell records.

Syesha Mercado

Sang “Tobacco Road” in a completely horrible performance. Her voice was way too small for the song, and the end was completely off-key, horribly so, so bad that I got goosebumps but not the good kind – the kind you get from fingernails on a blackboard. But the judges *loved* it. Maybe my sound system is busted? I don’t think so because the backstory parts with their original auditions and Hollywood week contain a lot of good singing.

Carly Smithson

Covered “Shadow of Your Smile” originally done by Nancy Sinatra, and this was my favorite performance of the night. It was by no means a star-making turn, but it was the best of the lot tonight. Kind of torchy and jazzy it showed what a strong, pure voice she has. I’m not sure it was the best song choice, but she sang it with feeling and power.

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It’s Oscar Sunday again!!

We will be posting live updates during the broadcast all night! (Well… sort of live… we run about an hour behind on the TiVo cache to capture these images for your amusement. Do you see how we bleed for you, anonymous public? Do you SEE?!)

We hear Diablo Cody is wearing diamond shoes tonight but haven’t seen them yet. However, if they do appear, rest assured that those pics and MANY more will be posted throughout the evening and into the wee morning hours. Look for extra dishiness, cattiness, and typos as we get progressively more punchdrunk and actually drunk as I start to nip into the limoncello. 🙂

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Top Honors

Jennifer Garner

Okay, so I’m biased here because I we used to watch Alias (yes it’s true, okay, there, I admitted it), but damn she is just too beautiful. She looks fabulous, I love the soft messy hair, normally I would diss the black mermaid and collared necklace but she’s too great. I just love her dress! And she’s so nice, she name-checked her stylist when asked for ‘her secret’ to looking so great.

 

 

 

Hillary Swank

Rocks the Versace, also earning high marks with black sleekness and illustrating the one-shoulder trend to come for the evening.

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Couples Fever

Heidi Klum & Seal

Seal & Heidi looked dashing. Seal as always dapper in a conservative tux with a special shout out for the tiny curved-point collar (I’m sure there’s an official name for it but I don’t know what it is). Oh, and the back of Ryan Seacrest’s head as a lapel pin. Heidi showed up in a Galliano stand-up collar red gown that looked a bit like she was a villaness in a Disney flick but no matter; she was wearing it so that it would raise heart disease awareness and money by being auctioned off afterward for charity. All together now…awwwwww!

George Clooney & Girlfriend

They said her name earlier but I don’t remember. But they are a dapper couple — I like how she matched her silver dress to his hair color! Seriously, though, I don’t recommend any floral prints at the Oscars, honey. You’re adorable but that dress looks a wee bit like a shiny couch. I’m sorry, it’s the truth.

 

 

 

Scullcap Boy and Mango Girl (I mean, John Travolta and Kelly Preston)

Wow, this is a pair of atrocities. Engineerboy speculates that Travolta’s hair is actually just shoe polish delicately applied. I disagree, I don’t think it was delicately applied at all. Kelly P’s tropical marinade of a Cavalli dress isn’t actually bad if a little boring (I’m fairly partial to the orange tones myself) but it’s so hard to give that dress its due when it’s next to Barber-elly. Two emphatic sets of Donkey Ears down!! But we are entertained. Especially because we’re now into the Limoncello. We are really entertained.

 

The Rock

Honarary mention here for The Rock. Although he’s not seen with wife/etc in this pic, we simply had to put him after John Travolta so you could see the duplicate skullcap.

 

 

 

Jessica Alba and Jim Henson

Jessica Al-boa, I mean, Jessica Alba, flaunts the full figure and drapes the bump in a garnet Marchesa frock that looks a bit like a Muppet was sacrificed for the cause. But we love her anyway because she’s cute and glowing with impending motheringness.

 

 

 

Double Date Superbadness Lookalikes!!

OMG we are seeing double! Seth Rogan of Superbad fame and his lovely date in the low-cut bronziness are on the left, Jonah Hill who PLAYED Seth in Superbad. Rock on! Dig Seth’s date, too — boy, she really looks like she knows how to take a… oh, nevermind. This is a family website. But if you’ve seen Superbad feel free to crack up. Assuming my joke was funny, that is.

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Redrum

Anne Hathaway

Man, like what is the trend for the one-shoulder dress this year? Anne sported the blood red flowery drapey Hawaiian lei version by Marchesa with an arm swoop, and a cute-but-not-too-cute fall of the hair. It’s a pretty dress and she’s a pretty girl, but wow does she look pale with that bright red color! Better than the spray-on-tan, though, right?? And props for the small elegant diamond earrings. (Kimora Lee Simmons could learn something here, see below).

 

Ruby Dee

Ruby also rocks the red, this time in satin. We like.

 

 

 

 

Miley Cyrus

Miley showed up à la rouge as well, in Valentino. Nice, demure, cute and age-appropriate. Clever Donkeys approve. Just be thankful I didn’t make an Achey Breakey joke.

 

 

 

 

 

Katherine Heigl

Girl just knows how to look good. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Love hair. Love makeup. Love jewelry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Helen Mirren

Lovin’ the red. But the silver sleeves are a little weird. But still, she’s classy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bow-ring

Amy Ryan

The “Gone Baby Gone” actress sported a boring but elegant navy Calvin Klein.

 

 

 

 

 

Amy Adams

Amy Adams is truly beautiful, there’s just nothing like the natural fair-skinned loveliness of a true redhead, especially in emerald. Unfortunately, she doesn’t wow in this Prouenza Schouler dress, but that’s more about the dress than her. She’s gorgeous. It may also be a fabulous-in-person-but-boring-on-camera type thing — the dress, I mean.

 

 

 

Laura Linney

The dress has interesting lines (good bustle in the back, if you know what I mean and I think you do) but … yawn. I’ve already forgotten it and I’m still typing.

 

 

 

 

Keri Russell

Too skinny, too beige, too boring. These ladies need to do the Cher-in-the-movie-Clueless-polaroid-check to see how that ‘cute dress’ actually looks on camera! I should be a stylist. Okay, email me at [email protected] to hire me.

 

 

 

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Um… hunh?!

Here’s the section where we collectively snort and ask… okay, what were you thinking?!

Daniel Fey Lewis… I mean Daniel DAY Lewis

Wow, dude. Some guys can pull off the two earring look. I’m thinking like Egyptian Pharoahs about 3000 years ago and maybe Rob Thomas but only when he sings that hot latin song with Santana. But you, sir, I am not sure you’re in the camp of Dudes Cool Enough to Rock the Two Earrings Without Looking Decidedly Non-Hetero. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

 

 

Daniel Day Lewis’ Wife in Crazy Ass Bejeweled Black and Random Red Bow Strapped Super Weirdness!!!

And keeping the Day-Lewis clan in the running as the ONLY folks in this category so far, is… his wife! Okay, this is so far the odds on favorite of the night for bravest fashion choice. That is really and truly one of the most unflattering, ugliest, randomest, part-A-does-not-match-part-B-and-they’re-both-slapdashed-on-dress-C items of fashion I have ever seen in my young and hitherto sheltered life. I think my retinas are bleeding. I must move on. Cleverdonkey.com not responsible for screen burn or other pixelated injury to users’ computers because of this image.

 

Marion Cotillard

This dress so almost works. Squint your eyes a little and it’s a beautiful silhouette on a beautiful lady. But why make a mermaid tail dress that you actually embroider fishscales on?! Was the designer afraid we wouldn’t get what he/she was attempting to evoke here? Disappointing, because this could’ve been the gown of the evening were it not for the salmon skin texture. Mmmm… now I want sashimi.

 

 

 

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Oh, Honey.

Cameron Diaz

Ok, Cam, honey, was there not, like, a shower at the Bikram studio before you came to the awards? I’d love to give you props for the ultra-casual non-pretentious hairstyle, but, sweetheart, the Independent Spirit awards were yesterday. Let’s get some style going, hunh?!

 

 

Renée Zellweger

I know I should be kinder because she’s a local girl and all. But yet again I say. TOO SKINNY. Too stressed. Looks like she has a pillbug in her mouth (Engineerboy submits picture #2 as proof of said pillbugs). Gorgeous dress (presumably Carolina Herrera) but horrible Edward Furlong hairdo. I just wish I could give that girl some happy.

 

 

 

Jennifer Hudson

As a fellow well-endowed woman, I think I can safely assert that gathered white halter empire waist dresses are not for our type of figure, sweetheart. You look good from the back but that front view… harsh, girl. Way harsh.

 

 

 

Tilda Swinton as Ziggy Stardust

This dress looks like it was made from the rayon you use to sew a dress pattern before you sew the real one out of silk. This dress looks like the thick rubber liner you install when you build a concrete shower pan. This dress looks like a shiny-wifebeater on the left and a Hefty bag on the right. This dress looks like her real dress ripped on the way over so she stole the upholstery on the ceiling of the limo. This dress looks like one of those suits that make you sweat to lose weight while you run on the treadmill. This dress looks like what the CGI department gives you when they need you to film a digital sequence where your body is engulfed by a giant blob. This dress looks like the inmate gown at a trying-to-be-ritzy mental hospital. This dress looks like the first dress a West Virginia lottery millionaire buys after she cashes in the winning ticket. This dress looks like a bullet-resistant Sari worn by a Welsh congresswoman at a state dinner in India. This dress looks like it was made out of the bolstering from Johnny Cash’s casket. This dress looks like it was recut from Tim Burton’s baby blanket.

Catching breath now. Don’t get me wrong, Swinton was freaking fantastic in Michael Clayton, and I think she’s brilliant. But that is one super freaking ugly dress.

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The Young and the Restless

Saoirse Ronan

The young nominee wears a beautiful jade 1930’s-inspired chiffony thing by Alberta Ferretti. She’s absolutely adorable and sweet.

 

 

 

 

Ellen Page

The Juno star stays safe but that’s okay. We like the young ones to go conservative rather than outlandish. Too many Britneys in this world already. Bravo Ms. Page.

 

 

 

 

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Backgrounders

Sometimes the folks wandering by have some fun and brave looks. Here were some of our faves.

Purple Furwrap’s Majesty

No idea who this is, but that is one furry purple thing that’s attacking her elbows.

 

 

 

 

Got my hand in my pocket and I’m waiting for my rocket to come…

I never have understood the pocket-on-the-formal gown thing. I mean, isn’t the point of an Oscar dress to be as smooth as possible?? I would worry about natural lumps showing through my gown without adding tailored ones!!! (Much less contrasting piping at the breast, under the breast, and at the waist!) Ohhh, and it’s purple, too. Tacky Lilac Trend Alert!!! We’re on a roll!

 

And now

appearing… the singer for “Blue Day”!

The Purple trends marches boldly on with this India Ink hairstyle in the background!

 

 

 

OMG I so, like, totally, omg, like, LOVE your dress!

I’m sure this girl is a nice person and may not necessarily deserve to be pilloried on some random website such as your correspondent’s, but this is a funny picture of said assumed-nice-person telling Jennifer Garner how much she absolutely loves Jen’s dress. Dig the whites of the eyes.

 

 

Random Actor’s Wife with the Heavily Kohled Eyes (oh wait, James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff, whoever they are)

I’m sure this lady is actually lovely in real life, but purple went back on trend with the wackies with this dark indigo silk thing and some dark makeup that I’m sure is intended to look sophisticated but instead makes Random Actor’s wife look a bit like a strung out meth addict. But with better teeth and some bitchin’ earrings.

 

 

Yeah, That’s Right. You’re a BACKGROUNDER now, Mr. Busey.

Holy cow, live TV is hilarious and scary sometimes!! Gary Busey — seemingly born to go off-script at a moment’s notice, has a hilarious bit of presumably-alcohol-fueled interrupt-y badness as Seacrest gamely tries to field Busey’s off-camera shouted rant while simultaneously attempting to interview the lovely Jen Garner.

 

Gary Busey, The Return

And it continued, with Busey babbling congratulations at Laura Linney and then grabbing Jennifer Garner and — apparently — kissing her on the neck. That was some class-A live-TV Gary Busey Academy Awards weirdness!

 

 

 

Oh, Honey – Backgrounder Edition. Tsk Tsk.

Is that gold lamé or is it sequin? Is it live or is it Memorex? Is it Victoria’s Secret or is it Frederick’s of Hollywood? I do not know the answer, but I know she was asking the wrong question. Fo’ sho’.

 

 

 

Tweety Couture

Wow. That is one yellow dress. As a rule, normal women should definitely leave yellow dresses to angel-haired three-year-olds at Easter and sassy elderly black women who can pull it off without batting an iron-clad eyelash. I don’t think this woman is either of those.

 

 

The Worst Coat in the Universe

LA must be like Houston, in that whenever the temperature dips below sixty degrees, the women who feel they must flaunt fur drag their poor pelts out of storage for that one or two days of conspicuous consumption that the tropical weather meagerly affords them. This is a particularly fabulous example, stolen from the exact same picture as Marion Cotillard… I don’t even have words to describe this getup. ‘Tacky’ doesn’t even do it justice. ‘Ugly’ would be kind. Unfortunate is the word that leaps to mind, although that word regrettably absolves this satin-gloved Clairol-haired black-hose-wearin’ star-gawker of a woman of any responsibility in said clothing choice. And she must be held responsible. Someone, somewhere, has to pay.

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The Presenters

Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest is going balls-out with a Dolce & Gabbana he-hopes-it’s-trendy black-and-chocolate-brown shawl collar tux with inky black tie and shirt. Brave one. But, he is Ryan Seacrest after all, so we’ll go ahead and cut him a little slack and say we like it.

 

 

Giuliana Rancic

Very reminiscent of Beyoncé’s Armani Privé from last year. Her amethyst-colored Zuhair Murad was nice but boring. Which I guess is what you want in a presenter.

 

 

 

 

Kimora Lee Simmons

J Mendel gown was really flattering but the overload of diamonds-that-look-like-cheap-rhinestones just sort of killed it. I liked the million-dollar-hair clip but the other stuff was too much. Does this woman ever just trust her natural beauty to show through? I’ve never seen her when she wasn’t dripping in diamonds. C’mon girl, let’s downshift a bit and realize that sometimes just you can shine.

 

 

Jillian Barberie Reynolds (Some Weather Chick?)

Tricycle-handlebar-streamer earrings too long. Zebra stripe chiffon boring. Yawn.

 

 

 

 

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Major Nominees (and Winners) for 2008 Academy Awards

Supporting Actor

• Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”
• Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War”
• Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild”
• Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton”

Supporting Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There”
• Ruby Dee in “American Gangster”
• Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement”
• Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone”
• Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton”

Best Actor

• George Clooney in “Michael Clayton
• Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood”
• Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
• Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah”
• Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises”

Best Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
• Julie Christie in “Away from Her”
• Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose”
• Laura Linney in “The Savages”
• Ellen Page in “Juno”

Best Screenplay (Original)

• Diablo Cody – “Juno”
• Nancy Oliver – “Lars and the Real Girl”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Brad Bird (Screenplay), Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird (Story) – “Ratatouille”
• Tamara Jenkins – “The Savages”

Best Screenplay (Adapted)

• Christopher Hampton – “Atonement”
• Sarah Polley – “Away from Her”
• Ronald Harwood – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Joel Coen & Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Director

• Julian Schnabel – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Jason Reitman – “Juno”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Picture

• “Atonement”
• “Juno”
• “Michael Clayton”
• “No Country for Old Men”
• “There Will Be Blood”

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Carly Smithson

Very few people can sing Heart.  Carly Smithson is one of them.

We've heard some disastrous Heart covers before on Idol, so I was a little worried about anyone attempting it.  However, Carly really did a decent job — she didn't quite slay it, but it was definitely mortally wounded. 

This is what's great about Idol — when you hear this girl sing you think, how is it she doesn't have a freaking recording contract?!  Nice to know that after this season she probably will.

She is a fabulous singer.  I agree with Simon's assessment that she's absolutely the best of the women vocally, she now just needs to pick really perfect songs for her.  Crazy on You was a good choice but there are probably ones that would showcase here even more.

Syesha Mercado

Hunh. Me and "Mr" Jones.

Cool to take a song like this and change the gender around. And she did a decent job on it.

But I'm bored.  Yeah, she can sing and belt and has decent range and control.  And no originality.  And she has that actress' canniness of where the television camera is.  Call me old fashioned and even a bit cranky, but I don't want to feel like I'm getting manipulated.  I mean, I'm young enough that I grew up on MTv (back when it played videos) and I'm comfortable with the singer-singing-into-the-camera paradigm, but in American Idol I still want a little bit of the "omniscient impartial camera" feel like the contestant is actually there, in the auditorium, singing that song for the live audience and the judges, rather than just flashing sly looks and shiny lips to the camera.

Brooke White

Not sure she knew the word 'Gavotte'…

Started off well — and a brave choice, singing Carly Simon's You're So Vain!  But she cannot rock the low notes, her voice just falls off the low end of the slide there.  And, it must be said, her guitar playing was distracting at the beginning… it overpowered the vocal and she didn't seem comfortable enough playing it.

Other than Brooke not being able to sing a good 22% of the song, it was a decent performance. Her voice during the soaring parts it was really quite lovely.  At the very end she had a little husky tone to her voice and it was a really nice treat.  But overall I would have to give it a grade C.

Well, one other thought: now that I know from Hollywood week that she's never seen a Rated R movie, I am thinking she probably doesn't have the life experience to sing that song.  But it didn't feel robotic… at least during the parts where she could hit the notes.

Ramiele Malubay

She left us that way. 

What is up with the wacky sideswept hair?  It's distracting.  Get that damn hair out of your eyes!

Oh wait, she's singing.  At least she sounds like she might start singing soon. So far it's just preparatory noises, the song is going nowhere.

Ok, now she's singing.  Well, she's kind of repeating the same 12 notes.  Donna Summer songs (Don't Leave me this Way in this case) are generally great club jams with awesome baselines, but it wasn't much of a vehicle to show up the vocal talents of anybody.  I mean, she did a decent job of it but there wasn't a good hook or verse to really hold onto and get taken for a ride.  Know what I mean??  So in the end, she just kinda left us there.

Kristy Lee Cook

Honey, you need to take some standin' lessons

Ok, I am all about the outdoorsy girl, horsewoman, athletic thing, it's all cool.  But honey, you're right, you cannot walk in heels.  For that matter, you cannot walk in pants.  Because you walk and stand like a man.  It is REALLY distracting.  Start wearing pencil skirts or practicing with your freaking knees bungeed together.  Anything.  Your voice was startlingly good during the start of You're no Good by the amazing Linda Ronstadt, but then I couldn't hear any longer because I was in shock at your singing posture.

Literally, it's like my ears quit working when you started the pose Engineerboy always refers to as "The Squat 'n Sing". 

Ok.  I'm going to try and finish listening to the rest of the song.  I may have to look away to be able to write an actual vocal review.

The vocals were actually decent, this is the first time I think we've actually heard her voice.  She was clearly comfortable with the song and it showed.  But I cannot watch that strange forward squat.

Amanda Overmyer

Amanda rocks the chaps and sings her some Kansas 

I really wanted to like this performance.  But I'll quote Engineerboy here: "This is one of the lamest songs ever.  Classic rock my ass.  Classic tripe!"  And I'll have to agree with him.

And I love Amanda.  I love that she's consistent; she's her own woman with her own style — both vocally and sartorially.  I love the heck out of her.

But I couldn't quite get into this groove on this pitch-fest… she flat-out could not quite hit those low notes and I'm realizing the husky quality to her voice might actually be a cigarette smoker's death-rattle.  (One HOPES not since she's a nurse but I know several otherwise intelligent people who still suck on those disgusting things).  She rocked the fast parts and the strong note at the end was cool, but… overall it was a bit of a flop.

But that was a cool outfit (special points to Engineerboy for seeing her hairstyle and asking… "Is that Aslan up there??") and I hope she sticks around to wow us again.  I like her.  She should go the Daughtry route and front a band; she'd do really well in that role. 

Alaina Whitaker

'Is someone taking the anal temperature of a cat?!'

So now know you know Engineerboy's opinion.

For me, I liked this about 1000% better than I thought I would.  I mean, I still have a part of me that secretly likes the movie Grease (don't tell Engineerboy) but this is a really corny and stuuuuupid song.  But she allllmost rocked it.  There were flashes of real actual singing in that warble-fest.  But this was one lame song.

 

 

 

Alexandrea Lushington

Alexandrea slaps some boots on her workout outfit and rushes over to sing on Idol
-or-
We finally realize Alexandrea is an alien as she steps through her 'star portal' onto the Idol stage.

Hahahaha, Alexandrea has probably never heard Butters sing this song on South Park when he's trapped in the bomb shelter.  Butters does a better version.

Never pick a song with oo-oo-OOO as the opening to the chorus.  She did a workmanlike job with the vocals but it was overall a sloppy mess.  She sounded nasal and unsure of herself and the song was boring, unoriginal and not one freaking bit current.  Feh, I hope I forget it in the next five minutes.

Oh and BOO HOO on calling herself "the underdog" in the competition.  Wyyyannhhh.

Kady Malloy

Modeling Flinstones couture, Kady murders a Heart song.
-or-
A vortex spontaneously appears behind Kady to suck her back to her universe where that performance would have been in tune.

Tough with Carly, who's probably the best female vocalist they have, already having rocked a Heart song.  There is no way this crazy overly-tanned (even for Houston) chippie is gonna pull off the low growl required for Heart's Magic Man.  It was AN OUT OF TUNE MESS.

Horrible!!

I can't think of bad enough words to encapsulate how out of tune she was on everything other than the chorus.  Oh, and she basically sucked on the chorus too.

I will say I will be amazed if she's still around after tomorrow's vote-off.

Asia'h Epperson

She's gonna be all by herself, alright.

That was awful.  Did her mic cut out or did she just completely fail on that first note? 

Horrible.  This song is one-hundred-percent a singer's song.  And she just couldn't sing it.  It was a risk and she crashed and burned, I'm sorry to say.

Randy and Paula liked it (I can't understand that) but at least Simon agreed with the CleverDonkey household — she couldn't handle that song one bit.

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