CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

It’s Oscar Sunday again!!

We will be posting live updates during the broadcast all night! (Well… sort of live… we run about an hour behind on the TiVo cache to capture these images for your amusement. Do you see how we bleed for you, anonymous public? Do you SEE?!)

We hear Diablo Cody is wearing diamond shoes tonight but haven’t seen them yet. However, if they do appear, rest assured that those pics and MANY more will be posted throughout the evening and into the wee morning hours. Look for extra dishiness, cattiness, and typos as we get progressively more punchdrunk and actually drunk as I start to nip into the limoncello. 🙂

---

Top Honors

Jennifer Garner

Okay, so I’m biased here because I we used to watch Alias (yes it’s true, okay, there, I admitted it), but damn she is just too beautiful. She looks fabulous, I love the soft messy hair, normally I would diss the black mermaid and collared necklace but she’s too great. I just love her dress! And she’s so nice, she name-checked her stylist when asked for ‘her secret’ to looking so great.

 

 

 

Hillary Swank

Rocks the Versace, also earning high marks with black sleekness and illustrating the one-shoulder trend to come for the evening.

---

Couples Fever

Heidi Klum & Seal

Seal & Heidi looked dashing. Seal as always dapper in a conservative tux with a special shout out for the tiny curved-point collar (I’m sure there’s an official name for it but I don’t know what it is). Oh, and the back of Ryan Seacrest’s head as a lapel pin. Heidi showed up in a Galliano stand-up collar red gown that looked a bit like she was a villaness in a Disney flick but no matter; she was wearing it so that it would raise heart disease awareness and money by being auctioned off afterward for charity. All together now…awwwwww!

George Clooney & Girlfriend

They said her name earlier but I don’t remember. But they are a dapper couple — I like how she matched her silver dress to his hair color! Seriously, though, I don’t recommend any floral prints at the Oscars, honey. You’re adorable but that dress looks a wee bit like a shiny couch. I’m sorry, it’s the truth.

 

 

 

Scullcap Boy and Mango Girl (I mean, John Travolta and Kelly Preston)

Wow, this is a pair of atrocities. Engineerboy speculates that Travolta’s hair is actually just shoe polish delicately applied. I disagree, I don’t think it was delicately applied at all. Kelly P’s tropical marinade of a Cavalli dress isn’t actually bad if a little boring (I’m fairly partial to the orange tones myself) but it’s so hard to give that dress its due when it’s next to Barber-elly. Two emphatic sets of Donkey Ears down!! But we are entertained. Especially because we’re now into the Limoncello. We are really entertained.

 

The Rock

Honarary mention here for The Rock. Although he’s not seen with wife/etc in this pic, we simply had to put him after John Travolta so you could see the duplicate skullcap.

 

 

 

Jessica Alba and Jim Henson

Jessica Al-boa, I mean, Jessica Alba, flaunts the full figure and drapes the bump in a garnet Marchesa frock that looks a bit like a Muppet was sacrificed for the cause. But we love her anyway because she’s cute and glowing with impending motheringness.

 

 

 

Double Date Superbadness Lookalikes!!

OMG we are seeing double! Seth Rogan of Superbad fame and his lovely date in the low-cut bronziness are on the left, Jonah Hill who PLAYED Seth in Superbad. Rock on! Dig Seth’s date, too — boy, she really looks like she knows how to take a… oh, nevermind. This is a family website. But if you’ve seen Superbad feel free to crack up. Assuming my joke was funny, that is.

---

Redrum

Anne Hathaway

Man, like what is the trend for the one-shoulder dress this year? Anne sported the blood red flowery drapey Hawaiian lei version by Marchesa with an arm swoop, and a cute-but-not-too-cute fall of the hair. It’s a pretty dress and she’s a pretty girl, but wow does she look pale with that bright red color! Better than the spray-on-tan, though, right?? And props for the small elegant diamond earrings. (Kimora Lee Simmons could learn something here, see below).

 

Ruby Dee

Ruby also rocks the red, this time in satin. We like.

 

 

 

 

Miley Cyrus

Miley showed up à la rouge as well, in Valentino. Nice, demure, cute and age-appropriate. Clever Donkeys approve. Just be thankful I didn’t make an Achey Breakey joke.

 

 

 

 

 

Katherine Heigl

Girl just knows how to look good. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Love hair. Love makeup. Love jewelry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Helen Mirren

Lovin’ the red. But the silver sleeves are a little weird. But still, she’s classy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

Bow-ring

Amy Ryan

The “Gone Baby Gone” actress sported a boring but elegant navy Calvin Klein.

 

 

 

 

 

Amy Adams

Amy Adams is truly beautiful, there’s just nothing like the natural fair-skinned loveliness of a true redhead, especially in emerald. Unfortunately, she doesn’t wow in this Prouenza Schouler dress, but that’s more about the dress than her. She’s gorgeous. It may also be a fabulous-in-person-but-boring-on-camera type thing — the dress, I mean.

 

 

 

Laura Linney

The dress has interesting lines (good bustle in the back, if you know what I mean and I think you do) but … yawn. I’ve already forgotten it and I’m still typing.

 

 

 

 

Keri Russell

Too skinny, too beige, too boring. These ladies need to do the Cher-in-the-movie-Clueless-polaroid-check to see how that ‘cute dress’ actually looks on camera! I should be a stylist. Okay, email me at [email protected] to hire me.

 

 

 

---

Um… hunh?!

Here’s the section where we collectively snort and ask… okay, what were you thinking?!

Daniel Fey Lewis… I mean Daniel DAY Lewis

Wow, dude. Some guys can pull off the two earring look. I’m thinking like Egyptian Pharoahs about 3000 years ago and maybe Rob Thomas but only when he sings that hot latin song with Santana. But you, sir, I am not sure you’re in the camp of Dudes Cool Enough to Rock the Two Earrings Without Looking Decidedly Non-Hetero. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

 

 

Daniel Day Lewis’ Wife in Crazy Ass Bejeweled Black and Random Red Bow Strapped Super Weirdness!!!

And keeping the Day-Lewis clan in the running as the ONLY folks in this category so far, is… his wife! Okay, this is so far the odds on favorite of the night for bravest fashion choice. That is really and truly one of the most unflattering, ugliest, randomest, part-A-does-not-match-part-B-and-they’re-both-slapdashed-on-dress-C items of fashion I have ever seen in my young and hitherto sheltered life. I think my retinas are bleeding. I must move on. Cleverdonkey.com not responsible for screen burn or other pixelated injury to users’ computers because of this image.

 

Marion Cotillard

This dress so almost works. Squint your eyes a little and it’s a beautiful silhouette on a beautiful lady. But why make a mermaid tail dress that you actually embroider fishscales on?! Was the designer afraid we wouldn’t get what he/she was attempting to evoke here? Disappointing, because this could’ve been the gown of the evening were it not for the salmon skin texture. Mmmm… now I want sashimi.

 

 

 

---

Oh, Honey.

Cameron Diaz

Ok, Cam, honey, was there not, like, a shower at the Bikram studio before you came to the awards? I’d love to give you props for the ultra-casual non-pretentious hairstyle, but, sweetheart, the Independent Spirit awards were yesterday. Let’s get some style going, hunh?!

 

 

Renée Zellweger

I know I should be kinder because she’s a local girl and all. But yet again I say. TOO SKINNY. Too stressed. Looks like she has a pillbug in her mouth (Engineerboy submits picture #2 as proof of said pillbugs). Gorgeous dress (presumably Carolina Herrera) but horrible Edward Furlong hairdo. I just wish I could give that girl some happy.

 

 

 

Jennifer Hudson

As a fellow well-endowed woman, I think I can safely assert that gathered white halter empire waist dresses are not for our type of figure, sweetheart. You look good from the back but that front view… harsh, girl. Way harsh.

 

 

 

Tilda Swinton as Ziggy Stardust

This dress looks like it was made from the rayon you use to sew a dress pattern before you sew the real one out of silk. This dress looks like the thick rubber liner you install when you build a concrete shower pan. This dress looks like a shiny-wifebeater on the left and a Hefty bag on the right. This dress looks like her real dress ripped on the way over so she stole the upholstery on the ceiling of the limo. This dress looks like one of those suits that make you sweat to lose weight while you run on the treadmill. This dress looks like what the CGI department gives you when they need you to film a digital sequence where your body is engulfed by a giant blob. This dress looks like the inmate gown at a trying-to-be-ritzy mental hospital. This dress looks like the first dress a West Virginia lottery millionaire buys after she cashes in the winning ticket. This dress looks like a bullet-resistant Sari worn by a Welsh congresswoman at a state dinner in India. This dress looks like it was made out of the bolstering from Johnny Cash’s casket. This dress looks like it was recut from Tim Burton’s baby blanket.

Catching breath now. Don’t get me wrong, Swinton was freaking fantastic in Michael Clayton, and I think she’s brilliant. But that is one super freaking ugly dress.

---

The Young and the Restless

Saoirse Ronan

The young nominee wears a beautiful jade 1930’s-inspired chiffony thing by Alberta Ferretti. She’s absolutely adorable and sweet.

 

 

 

 

Ellen Page

The Juno star stays safe but that’s okay. We like the young ones to go conservative rather than outlandish. Too many Britneys in this world already. Bravo Ms. Page.

 

 

 

 

---

Backgrounders

Sometimes the folks wandering by have some fun and brave looks. Here were some of our faves.

Purple Furwrap’s Majesty

No idea who this is, but that is one furry purple thing that’s attacking her elbows.

 

 

 

 

Got my hand in my pocket and I’m waiting for my rocket to come…

I never have understood the pocket-on-the-formal gown thing. I mean, isn’t the point of an Oscar dress to be as smooth as possible?? I would worry about natural lumps showing through my gown without adding tailored ones!!! (Much less contrasting piping at the breast, under the breast, and at the waist!) Ohhh, and it’s purple, too. Tacky Lilac Trend Alert!!! We’re on a roll!

 

And now

appearing… the singer for “Blue Day”!

The Purple trends marches boldly on with this India Ink hairstyle in the background!

 

 

 

OMG I so, like, totally, omg, like, LOVE your dress!

I’m sure this girl is a nice person and may not necessarily deserve to be pilloried on some random website such as your correspondent’s, but this is a funny picture of said assumed-nice-person telling Jennifer Garner how much she absolutely loves Jen’s dress. Dig the whites of the eyes.

 

 

Random Actor’s Wife with the Heavily Kohled Eyes (oh wait, James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff, whoever they are)

I’m sure this lady is actually lovely in real life, but purple went back on trend with the wackies with this dark indigo silk thing and some dark makeup that I’m sure is intended to look sophisticated but instead makes Random Actor’s wife look a bit like a strung out meth addict. But with better teeth and some bitchin’ earrings.

 

 

Yeah, That’s Right. You’re a BACKGROUNDER now, Mr. Busey.

Holy cow, live TV is hilarious and scary sometimes!! Gary Busey — seemingly born to go off-script at a moment’s notice, has a hilarious bit of presumably-alcohol-fueled interrupt-y badness as Seacrest gamely tries to field Busey’s off-camera shouted rant while simultaneously attempting to interview the lovely Jen Garner.

 

Gary Busey, The Return

And it continued, with Busey babbling congratulations at Laura Linney and then grabbing Jennifer Garner and — apparently — kissing her on the neck. That was some class-A live-TV Gary Busey Academy Awards weirdness!

 

 

 

Oh, Honey – Backgrounder Edition. Tsk Tsk.

Is that gold lamé or is it sequin? Is it live or is it Memorex? Is it Victoria’s Secret or is it Frederick’s of Hollywood? I do not know the answer, but I know she was asking the wrong question. Fo’ sho’.

 

 

 

Tweety Couture

Wow. That is one yellow dress. As a rule, normal women should definitely leave yellow dresses to angel-haired three-year-olds at Easter and sassy elderly black women who can pull it off without batting an iron-clad eyelash. I don’t think this woman is either of those.

 

 

The Worst Coat in the Universe

LA must be like Houston, in that whenever the temperature dips below sixty degrees, the women who feel they must flaunt fur drag their poor pelts out of storage for that one or two days of conspicuous consumption that the tropical weather meagerly affords them. This is a particularly fabulous example, stolen from the exact same picture as Marion Cotillard… I don’t even have words to describe this getup. ‘Tacky’ doesn’t even do it justice. ‘Ugly’ would be kind. Unfortunate is the word that leaps to mind, although that word regrettably absolves this satin-gloved Clairol-haired black-hose-wearin’ star-gawker of a woman of any responsibility in said clothing choice. And she must be held responsible. Someone, somewhere, has to pay.

---

The Presenters

Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest is going balls-out with a Dolce & Gabbana he-hopes-it’s-trendy black-and-chocolate-brown shawl collar tux with inky black tie and shirt. Brave one. But, he is Ryan Seacrest after all, so we’ll go ahead and cut him a little slack and say we like it.

 

 

Giuliana Rancic

Very reminiscent of Beyoncé’s Armani Privé from last year. Her amethyst-colored Zuhair Murad was nice but boring. Which I guess is what you want in a presenter.

 

 

 

 

Kimora Lee Simmons

J Mendel gown was really flattering but the overload of diamonds-that-look-like-cheap-rhinestones just sort of killed it. I liked the million-dollar-hair clip but the other stuff was too much. Does this woman ever just trust her natural beauty to show through? I’ve never seen her when she wasn’t dripping in diamonds. C’mon girl, let’s downshift a bit and realize that sometimes just you can shine.

 

 

Jillian Barberie Reynolds (Some Weather Chick?)

Tricycle-handlebar-streamer earrings too long. Zebra stripe chiffon boring. Yawn.

 

 

 

 

---

Major Nominees (and Winners) for 2008 Academy Awards

Supporting Actor

• Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”
• Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men”
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War”
• Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild”
• Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton”

Supporting Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There”
• Ruby Dee in “American Gangster”
• Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement”
• Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone”
• Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton”

Best Actor

• George Clooney in “Michael Clayton
• Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood”
• Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
• Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah”
• Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises”

Best Actress

• Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
• Julie Christie in “Away from Her”
• Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose”
• Laura Linney in “The Savages”
• Ellen Page in “Juno”

Best Screenplay (Original)

• Diablo Cody – “Juno”
• Nancy Oliver – “Lars and the Real Girl”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Brad Bird (Screenplay), Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird (Story) – “Ratatouille”
• Tamara Jenkins – “The Savages”

Best Screenplay (Adapted)

• Christopher Hampton – “Atonement”
• Sarah Polley – “Away from Her”
• Ronald Harwood – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Joel Coen & Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Director

• Julian Schnabel – “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
• Jason Reitman – “Juno”
• Tony Gilroy – “Michael Clayton”
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen – “No Country for Old Men”
• Paul Thomas Anderson – “There Will Be Blood”

Best Picture

• “Atonement”
• “Juno”
• “Michael Clayton”
• “No Country for Old Men”
• “There Will Be Blood”

• Leave a comment... (0)

And the top 24 are…

Letting the contestants play instruments was a stroke of brilliance. Not only did it help us see the true performers who are really comfortable up there on stage, but it broke the monotony of Hollywood Week and – thank GOODNESS – meant that we didn’t have to have any more group auditions with pimple-faced-stress-pups forgetting the words to “Baby Love” by the Supremes.

Carly Smithson (a.k.a. Girl with Irish Accent and Half-Sleeve Tattoo)

Carly certainly did better in her audition than at Hollywood, but you can tell that she can actually sing. I just wish she didn’t sound like she was forcing out that voice. Dude and what’s with the blue tongue? A little too much rehearsal chloroseptic?

David Cook (a.k.a. Slightly Balding Rocker Trying for the Green Day Hairstyle)

I like this guy, he is really comfortable singing. I agree with Simon, though — he might be less comfortable when he doesn’t have a guitar with him.

Amanda Overmyer (a.k.a. Skunk Stripe Janis-ette with Surprisingly Good Voice)

This girl really surprised us. When they did the pre-story on her during auditions, I was so already over her with the crazy blonde bits and the no-helmet-wearing-idiocy on the motorcycle. I was waiting for her to be some kind of screechy twit. We were really surprised by the power of her voice, although we’re not sure she can keep up that rocker’s rasp throughout the whole competition.

David Archuleta (a.k.a. Cherub Face, Cherub Voice)

This kid is just too nice and cute!! A surprisingly strong voice for such a young kid. And he’s just too polite.

Kristy Lee Cook (a.k.a. Who the Hell is this Blonde Chick We’ve Never Seen Before?)

I’ve got no analysis here. Don’t remember seeing her before, but she clearly has the cute adorable look.

Brooke White (a.k.a. Blonde Wavy Hair Big Earrings Nanny Who’s Never Seen an R Movie)

She tensed up during the first Hollywood performance, very distracted by playing the piano. But she does have a good voice and seems honestly very sweet. Interesting to see how her nerves stack up over the next week or two!!

Danny Noriega (a.k.a. Good Voice and Slightly Fey)

Good voice but a bit over-the-top with the mannerisms. Can’t wait to see where we go from here. I predict the judges will get annoyed with him.

Jason Castro (a.k.a. Rastafari-ish)

Uh. Commentary pending.

Luke Menard (a.k.a. Chandler Bong)

Never heard him before. But he kinda looks like a doper, we decided.

Alexandra Lushington (a.k.a. Random Contestant Number Four)

I’d make fun of her since I have no singing commentary, but with a last name like Lushington she’s probably already had a tough go of it. We’ll let her off the hook.

Ramiela Malubay (a.k.a. Tiniest Filipino Singer Ever)

She does have a big voice, especially for such a tiny person!

Michael Johns (a.k.a. OMG is he Really Going to Sing Freddy Freaking Mercury?!)

This guy is good. Our early pick for winner. Amazing. Seen here modeling his action wear.

Syesha Mercado (a.k.a. Scarf Girl Who Got Hoarse)

She does have a good voice.

Robbie Carrico (a.k.a. Didn’t That Look Go Out With Bret Michaels?)

This guy has a much better voice than you’d think. Not blown away yet, but he could surprise.

Garrett Haley (a.k.a. “Harold” Stern)

Never heard of him. I guess we will though.

Kady Malloy (a.k.a. Cute, Blonde, Whatever)

I never realized how many of the contestants I’d never heard of at this point in the competition. Now I do. Alas, Kady, I’m already forgetting you. Go ahead. Prove me wrong.

Chikezie Eze (a.k.a. The Search Engines Will Never Find This Dude Because Who Will Know How To Spell This?! But Trust Me This is the Spelling)

I think I remember his original audition. Sounded good I think.

Amy Davis (a.k.a. Auditioning for the next Tim Burton Flick)

La la la. Someday maybe I’ll have something to say about her. But for now: she’s pale. I’ve never heard of her. There, I’m done.

Alaina Whitaker (a.k.a. Witness Protection Program)

Okay, message to all the hopefuls. Do not put your hands over your mouth. We cannot get a good picture of you. There, I’ve said it. See what you made me do?

Jason Yeager (a.k.a. Host of Talk Soup)

Are you still here? I’m not sure I am. He was one enthusiastic dude when they told him. That’s cool.

Asai’h Epperson (a.k.a. Another Search Engine Nightmare)

Don’t parents know by now to pick a unique name but not one that’s hard to Google? Seriously, though, she’s decent singer but I’m not moved at all. And she has the whole Mary J Blige 2000-crunches-a-day put-together “look” down way too pat for me. Shrug. Yawn. Is there any lasagna left in the fridge?

Colton Berry (a.k.a. Ennh)

Don’t really remember him from before. I don’t think he should’ve gotten in over Kyle the Geeky Governor. That stinks!!!

Joanne Borgella (a.k.a. Plus Size Model)

I like her. I’m glad she made it.

Oh my god I cannot believe he didn’t make it!!!

Josiah Leming (a.k.a. Sad Quavery Tennessee Boy Who Lived in his Car)

He’s really something. I cannot believe he didn’t make it. I know he was rough and even a little disingenous, but geez, he had promise. I hope someone signs him, he’s really good. So sad, nobody even there to console him when he came out. That’s a shame. He’s a talented kid. Somebody sign him!! He’s just as sad and a better singer than Bright Eyes.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Click here to see our recap of this week’s performances by the women.
Click here to see our recap of this week’s Idol eliminations.

The Boys (Tuesday Night)

The boys kicked it off with The Sixties. Some real talent this year. And several we’ll have forgotten by the time we’re chattering at the water cooler on Friday.

David Hernandez

An uninspired rendition of… oh I don’t know what. Decent voice, but yawn. He was nervous, didn’t move around the stage very much. His left leg sorta kept the beat in that pelvis-forward-but-brutally-awkward stance that 15 year old boys have at their first high school dance. And, honey, that shirt looked like the “before” picture in a Spray-n-Wash Spot Remover commercial.

Chikezie

I like that American Idol lets people return for multiple seasons, even if they’ve been to Hollywood before. It’s smart for the producers — they don’t put someone in the permanent ‘no’ pile and lose out on a money making opportunity — and it’s great for the contestants — if they just need a little polish or a little voice training or a little confidence or whatever, they’ve got the better part of a year to work on all of that. A drawback to this scenario, however, is that it seems to be spawning the “professional contestant”. Chikezie has the whole schtick down, man… he lost some weight, got the fly persimmon-colored suit, and sported some clearly rehearsed ‘natural stage presence’ bullcrap. But he’s lost that ingenue’s wide-eyed wonderment at the whole process — rather than being amazed by it all, he’s determined to master it. So he’s got the smooth patter with the judges (not even letting Simon talk) and the smart alecky one-liners. Oh yeah, and now he’s just down to one name. I’m so over him already.

David Cook

Wow, super nice guy; totally not enamored of himself. Happy Together by The Turtles was an inspired song choice for 60’s night but unfortunately he was a bit uneven. He’s got the stage presence thing down but I get the impression that he didn’t know the song that very well, because he proved in his original audition that he can do difficult vocals with a lot of range. But the judges loved it, and it was a great take on the song. I’m hoping it was just nerves, because he seems really original and genuinely a good person. I wish he would just comb the hair back, though. The flared-forward rooster tail isn’t fooling anyone dude.

Jason Yeager

Nice kid, seems like a good dad and all that. He’s a bit too plasticly gorgeous, like a Hollywood director took the volleyball scene from Top Gun and put it a giant Central Casting Morph-o-Matic. The vocals were stolid and bo-ring with a capital ‘bo’.

Robbie Carrico

Engineerboy’s high praise is “He’s got a Journey voice”. “Well,” he then clarified, he meant that as “medium praise”, in that Steve Perry has a perfect voice and no soul. “This guy has more soul, but not as great of a voice”. But he rocked the Three Dog Night, which is always a way into this reviewer’s good graces. And there were moments when the soaring background singers weren’t drowning him out and you heard a true rock voice hitting the note just right. We liked!

David Archuleta

I’m always in awe of these young kids that are on this show. I remember what I was like at 17 and boy am I sure glad there weren’t any cameras broadcasting into America’s living rooms back then… at least none pointed at me. But this kid is just so sweet and nice as to almost not be believable. But boy can he SING!! He’s a bit uneven but really talented. And he really got the crowd going! David Hernandez (Spray-n-Wash) could learn some things from this kid.

Daniel Noriega

If I only had to listen to him and not watch him. Or listen to him talk in the pre-interview stage about his “attitude and swagger”. GROSS! He’s a good singer but he’s annoying as hell. And anyone that young attempting Elvis better bring it. He did, I guess. But the arrangement was a little too fast.

Luke Menard

Wow, seriously out of tune in spots. Like the spot where he sang. Even his audition sounded like that to me. Truly Terrible. And the slacker-hoodie-thing is like so Ben-Affleck-pre-Jennifer-Lopez. Blech. I predict Luke Songkiller will be gone by next week.

Colton Berry

So we finally get to see a little more of the kid who kicked out the future governor of Oklahoma. He took on Suspicious Minds (what is with these kids that have the chutzpah take on Elvis?). Hated the blue pants. Hated the vocals. Not a big fan of the performance, either. I think I agree with Simon that he isn’t a recording artist.

Garrett Haley

Sigh. It’s painful to watch these kids try to talk to the camera/America — don’t try so hard, kids!! Just answer Ryan’s questions. But he seems nice. Cool that he auditioned in San Diego on a lark, that he hasn’t been like planning his life around this since he was in grade school. He sounds like he can have a good voice, but this either wasn’t the right song for it or he wasn’t at his best. But there were glimmers. He did really well on the key change at the end. But slow ballads are killer unless it’s got some serious emotion in it. I hope he sticks around for at least another week, because I bet we could see something good.

Jason Castro

Cool song!! Cool playing the guitar! So cool, the audience was clapping along immediately. WOW! I love the interpretation — risky on a John Sebastian “joint” (as Randy would say) but paid off BIG TIME. Damn. Excellent!!! Outta nowhere, totally amazing!! Two enthusiastic sets of Donkey Ears up!!! Dude’s got the look, the voice, the originality, the talent. Amazing that he’d only ever sung in public a few times before auditioning for Idol. Love love love. A true natural.

Michael Johns

He’s been our favorite since he sang Bohemian Rhapsody during Hollywood Week. This performance was good but didn’t blow us away — hard to follow whiteboy-dreadlocked Jason Castro, strangely enough! And that Doors song is so overblown, it’s hard to take anyone seriously who sings ‘and our love become a funeral pyre’. Pleaze! But he’s a good singer, fo’ sho’. We’ll be voting and he should be back, easily.

• Leave a comment... (0)

1/15/2008 – Season Seven Premiere, Philadelphia, PA

Well, here we go again with another season of American Idol!  Tonight’s premiere got things started in the traditional style, with wildly varying singing skills, as well as a large standard deviation on the sanity scale.  The shtick of putting through painfully untalented contestants for either tragic mockery or pitiable foolishness is growing old.  This is a singing competition and the things that count are voice talent and charisma, period.  It’s also nice to get the backstory for the contestants, such as the young lady tonight whose daughter had a neuromuscular disease – she sang her heart out, made it to Hollywood, and couldn’t have had a brighter or sunnier personality, in spite of the challenges she must face as a young mother.

I’m not sure if I respect or detest the AI producer’s decision to stick so closely to the show’s formula.  On the one hand, it’s nice to see a show that doesn’t have a neurotic need to be “new” and/or “different” and/or “revolutionary”.  AI has a good formula and they stick with it.  On the other hand it is also a bit predictable.  But in the grand scheme of things, given a choice of something “new” (and probably stupid) and “old”, I’ll take the tried and true, even if it is a bit stodgy.

Overall the contestants were what you would expect for the opening tryouts.  A dash of crazies, a handful of pathetically misguided souls, a whole lot of mediocrity, and the tiniest pinch of really good singers.  It’s still too early to spot any great ones, but there was some great potential and we’re looking forward to seeing the rest of the tryouts and getting to freaking Hollywood!

• Leave a comment... (0)

One of the enduring mysteries of the series “South Park” are the muffled lyrics sung by Kenny in the opening theme song. For those unfamiliar, Kenny is a young boy character on the animated show who constantly wears an orange parka that is cinched tightly across his face so that it muffles his voice. The lyrics he sings at the end of the theme song are almost completely unintelligible (and also change every couple of seasons – even if the words are difficult/impossible to make out, you can tell that what he’s saying changes every couple of seasons).

In the Wikipedia entry for the series it is claimed that a FAQ on the South Park Studios site revealed the lyrics, but that FAQ is no longer (or never was??) online. That leaves the lyrics in doubt, from my perspective.

Now to the revelation. I regularly fall asleep watching television wearing headphones (so as not to disturb Mynagirl). We also have a TiVo in the bedroom, which means that through the course of the night it will switch channels to record the things with which we’ve tasked it. One of those things is our Season Pass for South Park, which airs at all hours of the night.

So the other night I fell asleep with the TV playing and my headphones on, and the audio from a South Park episode crossed the ear/sleep barrier and invaded my dreams. In my dream I could understand the line sung by the muffled Kenny in the South Park theme song. This realization was so profound that it woke me up, with the newly understood lyrics clinging to my consciousness. I quickly rewound the TiVo to the opening theme and re-listened to it, and I’ll be damned if I haven’t figured it out, at least for the season in question (Season 2).

The episode in question was Gnomes from 1998. And the specific words that Kenny sings in the opening credits are:

“Alligators eat potatoes, alligators eat potatoes…”

Above is the video/audio evidence for your perusal – Kenny says the line starting about 24 seconds in (right near the end, click the play arrow in the lower-left corner of the video window to play).

The Wikipedia entry claims that the lyrics are “I love girls with big fat titties, I love girls with deep vaginas.” Those are certainly South Park-ian lyrics, but my take is that what was actually sung was the nonsensical and poetic “Alligators eat potatoes” and that the more scatalogical decode was released later as disinformation by the South Park producers to build the mystique of the show.

Play the video, give a listen and decide for yourself. Enjoy!

• Leave a comment... (11)

Michael Clayton is an old-fashioned movie, which means that the movie is built on a great script, great directing, and great acting.  It is exciting with minimal special effects.  It is tense with little or no blood or gore.  It is funny without gross-out humor.  There is a hero, but he is a flawed human being.  There are strong male and female leads, but no love story.  There appears to be some type of redemption at the end, but it is of cold comfort.

George Clooney (above, right) plays the title character, who is a cleaner at a high-powered law firm.  When one of the firms big-wig clients gets dirt under their fingernails, the firm sends in Michael Clayton to clean up the mess.  He’s not a trial lawyer, he’s a fixer.  He greases the right skids, spins the right stories, smartens up the clients as to realistic expected outcomes, and then moves on to the next mess.  He’s highly paid, but not a partner, and apparently never will be given the…distasteful…nature of his specialty.  He’s a mercenary fighting for the side with the most money, and rightness and justness are left for children’s fairy tales.

And despite his high wages, Clayton is broke.  He started a bar with his brother as a partner, but his brother fell off the drug wagon and took the business with him.  Clayton also spends too much time at back-room poker games, and also funded the failing bar with loan shark money.  This pressing debt makes it very difficult for him to see that he is mortgaging his humanity for money.

His latest mess involves one of his own firms star trial attorneys, Arthur Edens (Tom Wilkinson), who for the last six years has been leading the defense of one of the firms clients (a gigantic food company a la Con Agra or Archer Daniels Midland) against charges that one of their farming chemicals kills said farmers and their families, and the company knew about it and did nothing.  But Arthur has snapped his cap, stripped naked during depositions, and chased the opposition around a parking lot in nothing but his socks.

Arthur’s madness is not random, it is a breakdown brought on by the fact that while sifting through tens of thousands of documents during discovery he uncovered a report from the client’s own scientists…stating that their product will kill people…escalating the issue to executive management…and with an acknowledgments page containing the signature of the CEO.  In other words, not only the smoking gun, but the gun, the bullets, the motive, the opportunity, the blood, the body, the microbes, the fingerprints, the gunpowder residue, the security cam footage, and the confession. The signed confession.

However, all Clayton knows is that the lead counsel for their largest client has gone off his rocker, and as the fixer he needs to get him under control and not jeopardize the upcoming settlement.  However, as Clayton digs into the facts he begins to learn the truth, and the enormity of the wrongdoing manages to pierce his debt-clouded, mercenary sensibilities and give him a crisis of conscience.

Even further gone in the soul-mortgaging department is Karen Crowder (Tilda Swinton, above left), who is the Chief Counsel for food corporation.  Her character is a vicious dragon lady, or appears to be so, but the film allows us to see her gearing up for battle…rehearsing…nervous…unsure……alone.  In a stunning surprise for a film this major, she is kind of normal sized and kind of normal in appearance.  But when she’s fully prepared and dressed for battle she is quite formidable, as Clayton finds out.

And in this film we get to see both Clooney’s and Swinton’s characters approach the same border…the border between immoral ruthlessness and actual, pure evil.  One of them teeters at the edge, while the other pauses for only the briefest moment to ponder the line passing underfoot as they rush to the dark side.

The performances are remarkable in this film.  Clooney plays Clayton in a $400 haircut, wearing $3,000 suits, driving a $100,000 car and flashing a $1,000,000 smile.  But he has dead eyes, all his smiles have a purpose.  Tilda Swinton plays Karen Crowder as the woman who got it all, then wonders wtf she was thinking by wanting it in the first place, but it’s now too late to turn back and become Betty Crocker.  Tom Wilkinson inhabits crazy Arthur as a latter-day Howard Beale, the mad prophet of the courtroom.

Deserving special mention is the legendary director (and noteworthy actor) Sydney Pollack, as the law firms managing partner.  His role is small, but it is powerful, and he imbues his character with the combination of gravitas, threat, and humanity that all great CEOs have.  You can tell that he truly does care about people, but not quite as much as he cares about money and power.

Put this all together and you get a tense, exciting, wild, and enjoyable ride, well worth the visit to the multiplex.  The ending is exciting and a bit unexpected (and maybe implausible, see below for question with spoiler), and be sure to stay through the end credits to see a Clooney acting tour de force.  The minimalist credits roll in the corner of an extended, uncut scene of Clooney’s character in the back of a cab leaving the climactic finale.  As the cab crawls through New York, Clooney sits and stares and thinks for several minutes.  Much like Marlon Brando’s back in the opening scene of The Godfather or Clint Eastwood’s sneering stare in any number of his films, Clooney conveys pages of dialog and exposition by not doing much of anything except completely becoming the character in that moment.  Clooney continues to amaze, both by transcending his pretty-boy roots and showing that he truly is an actor, and by continuing to make interesting, risky, and challenging career decisions (interspersed with “Ocean’s” films…a man has to eat…and have a villa in Italy).

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Please note:  ending spoilers below — do not read further as the ending is revealed!!!!

Question About the Ending:
Can someone explain the ending to me?  There is a final confrontation between Clooney’s and Swinton’s characters where he asks her for money to go away and take the incriminating document with him.  She finally agrees, and when she does the police swoop in and arrest her and/or the CEO, as Clooney had his phone on so the cops heard everything.  However, as far as I can tell, neither Swinton’s character nor the CEO did or said anything on the call that would cause them to be arrested.  The authenticity of the report certainly hadn’t been established from a legal perspective, and Clooney merely had a copy of a copy.  Even if it were legitimate, it could fall into the legal realm of stolen intellectual property and inadmissable without further legal proceedings.  Clooney asks Swinton for money to go away and not make trouble, and she agrees.  That is the essence of corporate legal representation…make the judgement call of when it makes more sense to pay than to fight.  If anything, Clooney entrapped her into agreeing to the offer.  In any case, Mynagirl and I have discussed it quite a bit and can’t figure out what triggered the arrests.  If you know what it is, please enlighten us by posting a comment below.  Thanks!

• Leave a comment... (0)

Update 9/1/2007: For those of you who feel that Michael Vick is being treated more harshly because he is black, and that a white person in such a scandal would be getting off easier, please see the case of US Senator Larry Craig. He’s resigning after being caught attempting to entice another adult into consensual sex, which is a victimless crime, particularly when compared to the torture and brutal killing of innocent dogs. And Senator Craig could not be any whiter…he’s the Senator from from Idaho, for crying out loud, what’s whiter than that?!!????

Original article appears below.

---

Michael Vick has pled guilty to some of the charges against him, and held a press conference today where he made his first public statements. What I wanted to hear from Vick, the only thing he could have said that would have given him a glimmer of a chance of redemption in my eyes, was to state that his personal enjoyment in the torture and killing of dogs was a mental illness and that he would be seeking therapy for his psychotic behavior. However, he did not.

He tried to be contrite, but referred to his behavior as “bad choices”. However, the choices are not the issue, the issue is that he has a psyche that can torture and kill helpless animals for pleasure. A “bad choice” is getting behind the wheel after you’ve had too much to drink. A “bad choice” would be attending one, single dog fight.

Michael Vick did not make a “bad choice”, he suffers from a mental illness that needs treatment. His affliction is similar to alcoholism or abusive behavior in this regard. A single instance of getting behind the wheel tipsy, striking out in anger, or participating in animal torture are “bad choices”. However a pattern (or in this case a recreational lifestyle) that regularly includes such behavior indicates mental illness.

During the press conference Vick constantly referred to himself in the third-person, one of the surest indications to me of a runaway ego and not of a contrite confessor. This press conference stank of public relations spin, and I got zero sense that Vick actually believed what he was saying. I believe that he is sorry – sorry about losing his NFL salary, sorry about losing his endorsements, sorry he got caught lying to the league, etc. But I do not for one minute get the impression that Vick thinks that there is actually anything wrong with dogfighting – it appears to me that he accepts that society (and the legal system) condemn such actions, and he’s sorry for wrecking his gravy train.

Also, his plea deal is carefully crafted to allow some hope of returning to the NFL. He says he funded the dogfighting enterprise, but didn’t actually place any bets. Please. Even more obfuscatorily, he says that dogs were killed through the combined efforts of the three defendents. He doesn’t come right out and say, yes, I electrocuted, shot, hanged, and drowned dogs for fun. His plea and his press conference lack the full truth and show that Michael Vick is simply playing the odds.

And it appears that the NFL and the Atlanta Falcons are in cahoots with Vick in this endeavor. Shortly after Vick’s press conference, Arthur Blank (owner of the Falcons) held his own conference where he stated: “Cutting him today may feel better emotionally, for us and many of our fans, but it’s not in the long-term best interest of our franchise.” Mr. Blank also said, “We don’t know what the future holds for Michael. Having said that, I do believe in redemption.” That says it all, to me. Mr. Blank is letting us know that Michael Vick will be coming back to the Falcons, eventually. One presumes that he would not have made such a statement without the knowledge and approval of the NFL itself, so it looks like a done deal.

But Michael Vick still needs to stand up and take responsiblity not just for his actions, but for his psychological disorder. Get treatment, Mr. Vick. Deriving pleasure from the torture and abuse of helpless creatures is one of the clearest signs of mental illness that there is. It is particularly reprehensible with dogs, as we have spent generations domesticating dogs to be our trusting companions, to depend on us for shelter, sustenance, and companionship. We have an implied contract with dogs, that they will be our faithful companions and in turn we will take care of them. Turning that dependency into sadistic torture for personal pleasure is a mental aberration of astonishing magnitude.
Michael, I know that you’re sorry you got caught and lost your money train, you didn’t need to say that in your press conference. Now tell me (and the world) that you actually realize the horrific nature of your “hobby” and work to heal yourself.

Short of that, this dog won’t hunt.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Red, V’d, and Black

There was a trifecta trend this Emmy season — everyone seemed to either be wearing some shade of cranberry or fuschia, a deeply v’d halter dress, or basic black — or some combination therein. Satin was the texture of choice as well, with very few folks going for the old guard designers, preferring instead newer designers such as Loris Azzaro or Bottega Veneta.

Red Goddesses

Heidi Klum was the reigning red goddess in a deep cranberry tone; she was absolutely a vision in Dior, soft hair, and earrings of her own design.

Katherine Morris (of Cold Case) was beautiful from the front but a bit shocking from the back with the “Cupid’s Dungeon” version of the red satin gown that dominated many a form this evening.

Kate Walsh also chose Pamela Dennis red satin drapeyness and paired it with dopeyness — if that dress wasn’t so clingy I’d swear she had a hip flask concealed on her somewhere. She really seemed a bit out of it and loopy, and the lopsided ponytail wasn’t helping, since it looked like one of those get-my-hair-of-the-way-so-I-can-throw-up kind of ponytails. Um, not that I would know.

Ali Larter also sported bright red satin, opting for the sorority-sister-towel-wrap silhouette. And oh my gosh she could not have been more happy to be on camera, moueing and prancing at every opportunity.

Lisa Edelstein (from House) kept the red trend going. She seemed cute and happy (if a little severe) with her pulled-back hair and deep halter in red.

Felicity Huffman shrouded her shockingly bony frame in a too-revealing David Meister draped halter. Seriously, Felicity, please gain some weight. Cleavage isn’t supposed to show bone.

Sally Field also opted for fuschia, seen here presenting with Patrick Dempsey in a scene we like to call, “I took my Mom to the prom!” (I know, we’re horrible).

Julia Louis Dreyfus slid the pink to magenta in Narcisco Rodruiguez, while Tina Fey did the cute-but-serious-writer look in a simple black halter.

The normally spot-on Helen Mirren seemed a bit messy and out of sorts, combining satin, halter shape, extra straps, a diamond brooch, and an eggplant color along with some major bedhead. Engineerboy dubbed this “Mother of the Bride of Frankenstein”.

Patricia Heaton rocked the slinky halter in glittery gold and gilted earrings. Very pretty.

Other Ladies in Black

Mariska Hargitay, consistently one of the sweetest celebrities at these events, didn’t really wow (but was still adorable) in her black-and-pleated Zac Posen.

Rachel Griffiths was ennh in vintage 1980’s Lagerfeld/Chanel black as well, although that was one heck of a black diamond cuff bracelet.

Jennifer Love Hewitt didn’t break any boundaries in Reem Acra black with diamonds, either.

Jaime Pressly wore a really beautifully drapey gunmetal-and-glitter St John Couture (I didn’t even know they had a couture line!). Never did get a good full-length shot of it, but it was really pretty.

Edie Falco was in black floral Randi Rahm.

The Cream Team

Quite a few ladies opted for creamy tones, either solo or with black.

Jane Krakowski did the ubiquitous halter shape in cream.

Debra Messing was gorgeous if unexciting in Ralph Lauren’s interpretation of a tiered tuxedo cake.

Katherine Heigl was truly beautiful in an oragami-armed barely-off-white Zac Posen that I at first didn’t like. I fell in love with it, however, when I saw the 6″ beige lining on the hem. Don’t know why that seems to “make” the dress, but it does. Hmm, I’m either changing my taste or Zac Posen is getting more conventional, because this is the second award show where I’ve liked one of his dresses.

Marcia Cross looked radiant as always (hard to go wrong with that porcelain skin and red hair) but I didn’t really dig the beige-y Georges Chakra gown with the randomly accessorized giant turquoise earrings.

The other two Desperate Housewives opted for pale tones as well… Teri Hatcher in pale pink and Eva Longoria in a pailletted cocktail-length Kaufman Franco.

Hayden Panettiere, a beautiful girl, chose an unhappily flesh-toned taffeta Marc Bouwer monstrosity that looked for all the world like Scarlett O’Hara’s maternity gown. This is why I hate beige tones.

Trend-Breakers

Not everyone showed up in red satin. America Ferrera once again chose a very flattering jewel tone with her cobalt blue column. Could she be any cuter?

Minnie Driver was neon in Citron.

Chandra Wilson opted for a very flattering color of dove grey / periwinkle Randi Rahm.

Wacky Stuff

Vanessa Williams’ seafoam feathery am-I-an-underwater-maiden-or-a-flashy-land-bird dress immediately became known as the “MerCock” in the CleverDonkey household. She was also quite wild and possibly attention-seeking when she jumped into Judith Light’s planned segment during the pre-show festivities.

Joely Fisher opted for a buttercream deep neckline that didn’t quite work. Decided I’d be evil and pick an unflattering shot where she was adjusting just prior to realizing she was on camera :-).

Wacky Stuff Highlight: You’re Outta Here!

Jenna Fisher, who really does seem like a sweetheart, was swimming in a gold-foiled pouf by Zuhair Murad, which she hilariously described as having an “Umpire Waist”. In her defense, she apparently had back surgery and had to wear something that would keep her lower back unconfined. So I’ll cut her a little slack. Still, unless that’s a support brace of a bow, I bet she could’ve done better than that!!

Wacky Stuff Dishonorable Mention

Wow, the Fox anchoress’ shapeless lemon beatnick chick smock was totally horrific!

Emmy Nominees and Winners

Oh yeah, like, if that’s what you’re interested in. Whatever.

DRAMA SERIES
Boston Legal
Grey’s Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
Hugh Laurie, House
Denis Leary, Rescue Me
James Spader, Boston Legal
Kiefer Sutherland, 24

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Michael Emerson, Lost
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos
T.R. Knight, Grey’s Anatomy
Terry O’Quinn, Lost
Masi Oka, Heroes
William Shatner, Boston Legal

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
Aida Turturro, The Sopranos
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Tim Daly, The Sopranos
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal
John Goodman, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
David Morse, House
Eli Wallach, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
Forest Whitaker, ER

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Kate Burton, Grey’s Anatomy
Leslie Caron, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Marcia Gay Harden, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Elizabeth Reaser, Grey’s Anatomy
Jean Smart, 24

COMEDY SERIES
Entourage
The Office
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty

ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men
Jenna Fischer, The Office
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Beau Bridges, My Name Is Earl
Martin Landau, Entourage
Sir Ian McKellen, Extras
Giovanni Ribisi, My Name Is Earl
Stanley Tucci, Monk

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Dixie Carter, Desperate Housewives
Salma Hayek, Ugly Betty
Judith Light, Ugly Betty
Laurie Metcalf, Desperate Housewives
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock

REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SPECIAL
The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner
The Kennedy Center Honors: A National Celebration Of The Performing Arts
Lewis Black: Red, White & Screwed
Tony Bennett: An American Classic
A Tribute To James Taylor (Great Performances)
Wanda Sykes: Sick And Tired

MINISERIES
Broken Trail
Prime Suspect: The Final Act
The Starter Wife

MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Inside The Twin Towers
Longford
The Ron Clark Story
Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Jim Broadbent, Longford
Robert Duvall, Broken Trail
William H. Macy, Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From The Stories Of Stephen King
Matthew Perry , The Ron Clark Story
Tom Selleck, Jesse Stone: Sea Change

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Queen Latifah , Life Support
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Helen Mirren, Prime Suspect: The Final Act
Mary-Louise Parker, The Robber Bride
Gena Rowlands, What If God Were The Sun

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Edward Asner, The Christmas Card
Thomas Haden Church, Broken Trail
Joe Mantegna, The Starter Wife
Aidan Quinn, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
August Schellenberg, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Toni Collette, Tsunami, The Aftermath
Judy Davis, The Starter Wife
Samantha Morton, Longford
Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Greta Scacchi, Broken Trail

• Leave a comment... (0)

Update 8/7/2007 – Barry Bonds hits #756 to become the all-time home-run leader.

Well, the anticlimax has arrived – Barry Bonds hit #756 tonight. I think Sports Illustrated summed it up perfectly with this visual on their front-page:

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Barry Bonds has achieved an undeniably impressive milestone and proven that he is indeed a great home run hitter. It’s sad that his legacy (and baseball’s legacy) will be tainted by his involvement in the steroids scandal.

Original article appears below.

---

Here is the simple solution to the controversy surrounding Barry Bonds’ pursuit of Hank Aaron’s all-time home-run record in Major League Baseball:

• Barry finally snaps his slump and hits number 755 to tie Aaron’s record.
• Barry Bonds circles the bases, doffs his cap, waves to the crowd, smiles, and immediately retires from baseball.

Think about that for a moment. Love him or hate him, you know that if Bonds becomes the all-time home run leader in baseball it will be a bad thing for the sport. His “achievement” will cast a pall over baseball until A-Rod breaks his record. Does anyone want that? In this age of declining interest in baseball the last thing the sport needs is to have its most illustrious record held by a dickwad cheater like Bonds.

But, if he hits number 755 to tie and then walks off the field for the last time, he will immediately be embraced by everyone on all sides of the argument, including people who normally could not care less. It would be the classiest of classy gestures – getting number 755 to show that he *could* do it, but then voluntarily stopping short of being the sole, all-time home run leader.

And, quite frankly, as reprehensible as I find his (alleged) use of steroids, there’s no denying that any artificial help he got was merely to enhance his undeniable, god-given natural ability to hit the ball. Drugs don’t perfect a swing or refine an eye – Barry Bonds did that himself. Unfortunately he chose to juice himself up to make himself even better. But I think it would be fair for him to share the record with Hammering Hank Aaron.

Given the competitive nature that drives people to the levels of excellence requires for pro sports, I doubt this will happen. On top of that, given what I know about Barry Bonds’ ego and class, there’s an almost zero chance of it happening.

However, a man can dream. Can dream of Barry Bonds having enough class to not only stop the runaway train wreck that is his chase for the record, but to launch baseball back into being the classy, revered sport that America deserves.

• Leave a comment... (1)

Before going to see Superbad ask yourself if you are offended by crude sexual humor, crude language, underage drinking, underage sex, underage smoking, male bonding, funky geeks, or penile oeuvres. And if you think you might be, ask yourself this: could put up with them in order to see a movie that will have you snorting your soda out of your nose with laughter?? And also ask yourself if you could put up with them if they are not the point of the film (as they are in the vast majority of “teen sex comedies”) but instead are necessary to the plot, because the plot revolves around two male graduating high-school seniors, and those things define their lives?

And also know that the film actually has a message hidden beneath the teen hijinks plot. Not a message that bludgeons you over the head, but a simple and sweet message about being friends and becoming adults. It’s sometimes hard to see the sweetness through the crudity, but then that’s the paradox of all young men on the verge of adulthood, which this film captures perfectly.

The movie focuses on two lifelong friends who are facing the last few days of high school together. They’ve gotten into different colleges and so are facing the prospect of a drastic and unwanted change in their lives. They also both want to get girlfriends for the summer – one (Seth) so that he’ll be good at sex before he hits college, the other (Evan) because he really likes a particular girl. The focus of their goals is a graduation party where both girl-targets will be in attendance, and each couple has engaged in some awkward-teen flirting during the school day prior to the party that night.

The boys have another friend, Fogell, who is the ultimate total geek. And even though neither Seth nor Evan are particularly suave or smooth, they look like James Bond and Cary Grant when compared to Fogell. But Fogell has a trump card – he has gotten a fake ID. Seth’s target-girl Jules thinks that Seth will be bringing the booze for the party she’s hosting, and the three boys quest to acquire and deliver the alcohol is the crux of the movie.

Their quest is complicated by the fact that Fogell’s fake ID shows his name simply as “McLovin” – no first name. When asked why he picked that name, Fogell states that they let you pick any name when you get down there, and he was stuck between “Muhammad” and “McLovin”. By the end of the film the name “McLovin” has muscled its way into the American patois and I predict will forever be used to refer to geeks, with the implication that they will flower into intelligent, successful, sensitive men (as geeks usually do, take note teen girls). It’s nice to see geeky dorks getting a cool archetype – thus is the genius of ‘McLovin’.

Fogell/McLovin gets involved in a liquor store robbery and ends up in the company of two friendly cops. Seth and Evan think Fogell has been arrested and so go off on their own search for alcohol, with the lack of a fake ID now increasing the degree of difficulty. Suffice it to say that hilarity ensues.

Running through the film is a slightly deeper story. Seth and Evan have been lifelong friends and always planned to go to college together – heterosexual life partners, to steal a phrase from Jay and Silent Bob. But Evan got into Dartmouth and Seth didn’t – he got into “State” (where the girls are half as smart and so twice as likely to “fellashe” him). Fogell has also gotten into Dartmouth, and he and Evan are planning to be roommates, but Evan doesn’t want Seth to know that part as he thinks it will hurt his feelings.

During their quest, Seth and Evan have a falling out, but all is bittersweetly resolved by the final frame. Oh, a word about the end credits. Stay. Take my word for it.

• Leave a comment... (0)