CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

www.bareminerals.com

Ok, seen this makeup on TV?  It sure looks amazing — so much so that engineerboy even told me one morning, "Wow, I saw this infomercial on TV last night and almost ordered it for you without even checking for you!".  The unretouched photos looked amazing.

So I ordered it, despite my *extreme* reservations about buying anything that entails a membership/subscription/crap-showing-up-at-my-door-regularly type deal (anyone else have about 5 million bottles of ProActive toner from a subscription-gone-wild?!)  But this stuff just looked so great, and a friend recommended it as well.  I'm a sucker for anything that professes to look "natural", as any cakey/liquid makeup is the fru-it of the dev-il as far as I'm concerned.  I think they clinched the deal with the slogan "makeup so pure you can sleep in it".  Now I'm hooked — natural AND I can be lazy?!  Sign me up!!

So the stuff arrived in this gorgeous pink/brown box, and so far I really like it.  I was already tired of the tap-tap-tap sound before I'd even tried it after watching the online video of "swirl-tap-buff" application technique (which they trademarked, believe it or not).  And the tap-tap-tap shenanigan does waste a lot of powder in the tiny trial size — you don't so much tap the excess powder back into the lid as you do liberally apply it to your bathroom counter from a 2' height. 

However, the stuff is really beautiful.  My face looks very fresh without looking "done".  Using the same powder with different brushes to get different coverage actually works — I was able to decently cover up a blemish with the "concealer" brush without that horrible real-life-Photoshopping effect that most liquid concealers give.

And it seems to be very friendly to my skin so far, no breakouts or anything.  My nose is a bit dry around the edges but that could be the approach of fall and me getting lazy with my moisturizer.

All in all, a good recommendation so far. 

Anyone else love it or hate it?  Email me!

One quick additional note: if your company's job is to sell makeup that makes your skin look flawless, shouldn't you go ahead and splurge for a full-quality video on your website rather than a low-res crappy one?  Because you're just not really giving a good sales pitch when your video shows your model's beautiful new face as represented in dull, pixellated tiny-screen mode.  But maybe that's just me!

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Red, V’d, and Black

There was a trifecta trend this Emmy season — everyone seemed to either be wearing some shade of cranberry or fuschia, a deeply v’d halter dress, or basic black — or some combination therein. Satin was the texture of choice as well, with very few folks going for the old guard designers, preferring instead newer designers such as Loris Azzaro or Bottega Veneta.

Red Goddesses

Heidi Klum was the reigning red goddess in a deep cranberry tone; she was absolutely a vision in Dior, soft hair, and earrings of her own design.

Katherine Morris (of Cold Case) was beautiful from the front but a bit shocking from the back with the “Cupid’s Dungeon” version of the red satin gown that dominated many a form this evening.

Kate Walsh also chose Pamela Dennis red satin drapeyness and paired it with dopeyness — if that dress wasn’t so clingy I’d swear she had a hip flask concealed on her somewhere. She really seemed a bit out of it and loopy, and the lopsided ponytail wasn’t helping, since it looked like one of those get-my-hair-of-the-way-so-I-can-throw-up kind of ponytails. Um, not that I would know.

Ali Larter also sported bright red satin, opting for the sorority-sister-towel-wrap silhouette. And oh my gosh she could not have been more happy to be on camera, moueing and prancing at every opportunity.

Lisa Edelstein (from House) kept the red trend going. She seemed cute and happy (if a little severe) with her pulled-back hair and deep halter in red.

Felicity Huffman shrouded her shockingly bony frame in a too-revealing David Meister draped halter. Seriously, Felicity, please gain some weight. Cleavage isn’t supposed to show bone.

Sally Field also opted for fuschia, seen here presenting with Patrick Dempsey in a scene we like to call, “I took my Mom to the prom!” (I know, we’re horrible).

Julia Louis Dreyfus slid the pink to magenta in Narcisco Rodruiguez, while Tina Fey did the cute-but-serious-writer look in a simple black halter.

The normally spot-on Helen Mirren seemed a bit messy and out of sorts, combining satin, halter shape, extra straps, a diamond brooch, and an eggplant color along with some major bedhead. Engineerboy dubbed this “Mother of the Bride of Frankenstein”.

Patricia Heaton rocked the slinky halter in glittery gold and gilted earrings. Very pretty.

Other Ladies in Black

Mariska Hargitay, consistently one of the sweetest celebrities at these events, didn’t really wow (but was still adorable) in her black-and-pleated Zac Posen.

Rachel Griffiths was ennh in vintage 1980’s Lagerfeld/Chanel black as well, although that was one heck of a black diamond cuff bracelet.

Jennifer Love Hewitt didn’t break any boundaries in Reem Acra black with diamonds, either.

Jaime Pressly wore a really beautifully drapey gunmetal-and-glitter St John Couture (I didn’t even know they had a couture line!). Never did get a good full-length shot of it, but it was really pretty.

Edie Falco was in black floral Randi Rahm.

The Cream Team

Quite a few ladies opted for creamy tones, either solo or with black.

Jane Krakowski did the ubiquitous halter shape in cream.

Debra Messing was gorgeous if unexciting in Ralph Lauren’s interpretation of a tiered tuxedo cake.

Katherine Heigl was truly beautiful in an oragami-armed barely-off-white Zac Posen that I at first didn’t like. I fell in love with it, however, when I saw the 6″ beige lining on the hem. Don’t know why that seems to “make” the dress, but it does. Hmm, I’m either changing my taste or Zac Posen is getting more conventional, because this is the second award show where I’ve liked one of his dresses.

Marcia Cross looked radiant as always (hard to go wrong with that porcelain skin and red hair) but I didn’t really dig the beige-y Georges Chakra gown with the randomly accessorized giant turquoise earrings.

The other two Desperate Housewives opted for pale tones as well… Teri Hatcher in pale pink and Eva Longoria in a pailletted cocktail-length Kaufman Franco.

Hayden Panettiere, a beautiful girl, chose an unhappily flesh-toned taffeta Marc Bouwer monstrosity that looked for all the world like Scarlett O’Hara’s maternity gown. This is why I hate beige tones.

Trend-Breakers

Not everyone showed up in red satin. America Ferrera once again chose a very flattering jewel tone with her cobalt blue column. Could she be any cuter?

Minnie Driver was neon in Citron.

Chandra Wilson opted for a very flattering color of dove grey / periwinkle Randi Rahm.

Wacky Stuff

Vanessa Williams’ seafoam feathery am-I-an-underwater-maiden-or-a-flashy-land-bird dress immediately became known as the “MerCock” in the CleverDonkey household. She was also quite wild and possibly attention-seeking when she jumped into Judith Light’s planned segment during the pre-show festivities.

Joely Fisher opted for a buttercream deep neckline that didn’t quite work. Decided I’d be evil and pick an unflattering shot where she was adjusting just prior to realizing she was on camera :-).

Wacky Stuff Highlight: You’re Outta Here!

Jenna Fisher, who really does seem like a sweetheart, was swimming in a gold-foiled pouf by Zuhair Murad, which she hilariously described as having an “Umpire Waist”. In her defense, she apparently had back surgery and had to wear something that would keep her lower back unconfined. So I’ll cut her a little slack. Still, unless that’s a support brace of a bow, I bet she could’ve done better than that!!

Wacky Stuff Dishonorable Mention

Wow, the Fox anchoress’ shapeless lemon beatnick chick smock was totally horrific!

Emmy Nominees and Winners

Oh yeah, like, if that’s what you’re interested in. Whatever.

DRAMA SERIES
Boston Legal
Grey’s Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
James Gandolfini, The Sopranos
Hugh Laurie, House
Denis Leary, Rescue Me
James Spader, Boston Legal
Kiefer Sutherland, 24

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Michael Emerson, Lost
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos
T.R. Knight, Grey’s Anatomy
Terry O’Quinn, Lost
Masi Oka, Heroes
William Shatner, Boston Legal

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Lorraine Bracco, The Sopranos
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
Aida Turturro, The Sopranos
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Tim Daly, The Sopranos
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal
John Goodman, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
David Morse, House
Eli Wallach, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip
Forest Whitaker, ER

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Kate Burton, Grey’s Anatomy
Leslie Caron, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Marcia Gay Harden, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Elizabeth Reaser, Grey’s Anatomy
Jean Smart, 24

COMEDY SERIES
Entourage
The Office
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty

ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Conchata Ferrell, Two and a Half Men
Jenna Fischer, The Office
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Beau Bridges, My Name Is Earl
Martin Landau, Entourage
Sir Ian McKellen, Extras
Giovanni Ribisi, My Name Is Earl
Stanley Tucci, Monk

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Dixie Carter, Desperate Housewives
Salma Hayek, Ugly Betty
Judith Light, Ugly Betty
Laurie Metcalf, Desperate Housewives
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock

REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SPECIAL
The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner
The Kennedy Center Honors: A National Celebration Of The Performing Arts
Lewis Black: Red, White & Screwed
Tony Bennett: An American Classic
A Tribute To James Taylor (Great Performances)
Wanda Sykes: Sick And Tired

MINISERIES
Broken Trail
Prime Suspect: The Final Act
The Starter Wife

MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Inside The Twin Towers
Longford
The Ron Clark Story
Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Jim Broadbent, Longford
Robert Duvall, Broken Trail
William H. Macy, Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From The Stories Of Stephen King
Matthew Perry , The Ron Clark Story
Tom Selleck, Jesse Stone: Sea Change

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Queen Latifah , Life Support
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Helen Mirren, Prime Suspect: The Final Act
Mary-Louise Parker, The Robber Bride
Gena Rowlands, What If God Were The Sun

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Edward Asner, The Christmas Card
Thomas Haden Church, Broken Trail
Joe Mantegna, The Starter Wife
Aidan Quinn, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
August Schellenberg, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Toni Collette, Tsunami, The Aftermath
Judy Davis, The Starter Wife
Samantha Morton, Longford
Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Greta Scacchi, Broken Trail

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Update 9/1/2007: For those of you who feel that Michael Vick is being treated more harshly because he is black, and that a white person in such a scandal would be getting off easier, please see the case of US Senator Larry Craig. He’s resigning after being caught attempting to entice another adult into consensual sex, which is a victimless crime, particularly when compared to the torture and brutal killing of innocent dogs. And Senator Craig could not be any whiter…he’s the Senator from from Idaho, for crying out loud, what’s whiter than that?!!????

Original article appears below.

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Michael Vick has pled guilty to some of the charges against him, and held a press conference today where he made his first public statements. What I wanted to hear from Vick, the only thing he could have said that would have given him a glimmer of a chance of redemption in my eyes, was to state that his personal enjoyment in the torture and killing of dogs was a mental illness and that he would be seeking therapy for his psychotic behavior. However, he did not.

He tried to be contrite, but referred to his behavior as “bad choices”. However, the choices are not the issue, the issue is that he has a psyche that can torture and kill helpless animals for pleasure. A “bad choice” is getting behind the wheel after you’ve had too much to drink. A “bad choice” would be attending one, single dog fight.

Michael Vick did not make a “bad choice”, he suffers from a mental illness that needs treatment. His affliction is similar to alcoholism or abusive behavior in this regard. A single instance of getting behind the wheel tipsy, striking out in anger, or participating in animal torture are “bad choices”. However a pattern (or in this case a recreational lifestyle) that regularly includes such behavior indicates mental illness.

During the press conference Vick constantly referred to himself in the third-person, one of the surest indications to me of a runaway ego and not of a contrite confessor. This press conference stank of public relations spin, and I got zero sense that Vick actually believed what he was saying. I believe that he is sorry – sorry about losing his NFL salary, sorry about losing his endorsements, sorry he got caught lying to the league, etc. But I do not for one minute get the impression that Vick thinks that there is actually anything wrong with dogfighting – it appears to me that he accepts that society (and the legal system) condemn such actions, and he’s sorry for wrecking his gravy train.

Also, his plea deal is carefully crafted to allow some hope of returning to the NFL. He says he funded the dogfighting enterprise, but didn’t actually place any bets. Please. Even more obfuscatorily, he says that dogs were killed through the combined efforts of the three defendents. He doesn’t come right out and say, yes, I electrocuted, shot, hanged, and drowned dogs for fun. His plea and his press conference lack the full truth and show that Michael Vick is simply playing the odds.

And it appears that the NFL and the Atlanta Falcons are in cahoots with Vick in this endeavor. Shortly after Vick’s press conference, Arthur Blank (owner of the Falcons) held his own conference where he stated: “Cutting him today may feel better emotionally, for us and many of our fans, but it’s not in the long-term best interest of our franchise.” Mr. Blank also said, “We don’t know what the future holds for Michael. Having said that, I do believe in redemption.” That says it all, to me. Mr. Blank is letting us know that Michael Vick will be coming back to the Falcons, eventually. One presumes that he would not have made such a statement without the knowledge and approval of the NFL itself, so it looks like a done deal.

But Michael Vick still needs to stand up and take responsiblity not just for his actions, but for his psychological disorder. Get treatment, Mr. Vick. Deriving pleasure from the torture and abuse of helpless creatures is one of the clearest signs of mental illness that there is. It is particularly reprehensible with dogs, as we have spent generations domesticating dogs to be our trusting companions, to depend on us for shelter, sustenance, and companionship. We have an implied contract with dogs, that they will be our faithful companions and in turn we will take care of them. Turning that dependency into sadistic torture for personal pleasure is a mental aberration of astonishing magnitude.
Michael, I know that you’re sorry you got caught and lost your money train, you didn’t need to say that in your press conference. Now tell me (and the world) that you actually realize the horrific nature of your “hobby” and work to heal yourself.

Short of that, this dog won’t hunt.

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Update 8/7/2007 – Barry Bonds hits #756 to become the all-time home-run leader.

Well, the anticlimax has arrived – Barry Bonds hit #756 tonight. I think Sports Illustrated summed it up perfectly with this visual on their front-page:

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Barry Bonds has achieved an undeniably impressive milestone and proven that he is indeed a great home run hitter. It’s sad that his legacy (and baseball’s legacy) will be tainted by his involvement in the steroids scandal.

Original article appears below.

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Here is the simple solution to the controversy surrounding Barry Bonds’ pursuit of Hank Aaron’s all-time home-run record in Major League Baseball:

• Barry finally snaps his slump and hits number 755 to tie Aaron’s record.
• Barry Bonds circles the bases, doffs his cap, waves to the crowd, smiles, and immediately retires from baseball.

Think about that for a moment. Love him or hate him, you know that if Bonds becomes the all-time home run leader in baseball it will be a bad thing for the sport. His “achievement” will cast a pall over baseball until A-Rod breaks his record. Does anyone want that? In this age of declining interest in baseball the last thing the sport needs is to have its most illustrious record held by a dickwad cheater like Bonds.

But, if he hits number 755 to tie and then walks off the field for the last time, he will immediately be embraced by everyone on all sides of the argument, including people who normally could not care less. It would be the classiest of classy gestures – getting number 755 to show that he *could* do it, but then voluntarily stopping short of being the sole, all-time home run leader.

And, quite frankly, as reprehensible as I find his (alleged) use of steroids, there’s no denying that any artificial help he got was merely to enhance his undeniable, god-given natural ability to hit the ball. Drugs don’t perfect a swing or refine an eye – Barry Bonds did that himself. Unfortunately he chose to juice himself up to make himself even better. But I think it would be fair for him to share the record with Hammering Hank Aaron.

Given the competitive nature that drives people to the levels of excellence requires for pro sports, I doubt this will happen. On top of that, given what I know about Barry Bonds’ ego and class, there’s an almost zero chance of it happening.

However, a man can dream. Can dream of Barry Bonds having enough class to not only stop the runaway train wreck that is his chase for the record, but to launch baseball back into being the classy, revered sport that America deserves.

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We recently moved from a patio home in the big city (Houston) to a cottage in a small, country town (Brenham). In Houston we didn’t really have any outdoor living space as we shared a common courtyard with neighbors, but here in Brenham we purposely bought a house that could provide a nice outdoor lifestyle. We purchased in the fall of last year and since then we’ve made improvements to the backyard, such as putting up an 8′ privacy fence and driveway gate, giving us a private, shady retreat to enjoy.

However, this being the southern half of Texas, the coming of spring and summer meant that the mosquitos ended up taking over and driving us back inside most mornings and evenings. Also, since we have two permanent dogs, and one temp dog that we’re babysitting, our backyard has a certain amount of…how to say this delicately…um…organic….err…excretions? Natural…fertilizer? Canine compost? Okay, dog poop. And with dog poop come flies. We’re excrutiatingly uninterested in policing the poop, and we feed our dogs a very high grade of dog food, so the volume isn’t huge, particuarly for the size of our dogs (80lbs, 80lbs, and 25lbs). Nevertheless, the flies were also annoying and gross, but fortunately not the biting kind.

So we started on a project of figuring out the best way to take back control of our backyard. I won’t say that money was no object, but we weren’t going to penny-pinch and were willing to spend into the low four figures for a good solution. We first looked at the wide variety of mosquito traps out there, such as the Mosquito Magnet, SkeeterVac, Mega-Catch, etc. What we found was that while the underlying concept behind these devices appears to be sound (catching mosquitoes with CO2 and other lures), the implementations were horribly unreliable and the results were spotty.

These devices almost all work by luring the mosquitos in with some set of attractants, such as CO2, lurex, octenol, lights, and/or heat, then using a fan to suction the little buggers into a holding net where they remain stuck until they die. Also, it seems that most of the mosquitos in your yard actually live in your yard, meaning if you can trap and kill the ones in your yard, you break the cycle of population and then only have to deal with ones that stray in from the surrounding area.

But for every story of success, there were three stories of device failure, with most failures occurring at the start of the second season of use when trying to get the traps to start up again after having been stored away for weeks or months. I wasn’t able to find a single personal account of anyone using one of these devices for more than one season without having issues. Also, the company that originally introduced the product and concept, American Biophysics with their Mosquito Magnet, had gone bankrupt and their acquiring company seemed to be completely disinterested in any type of customer service. This reinforced my take that while mosquito traps could work in the short term, and the scientific concepts appeared sound, the engineering has fallen short. And at $300-$1,000 per device it was a little too expensive to roll the dice and deal with a string of lemons year after year. We’re keeping our eyes peeled and will probably buy one if/when somebody proves they can make one that both works and lasts.

After ruling out these devices, the field of possible solutions became much less clear. We knew that we didn’t want to fog our yard with insecticide or any other toxins. Bug zappers seemed particularly useless. We were so desperate we even considered the SkeeterBag, which appears to be one of the Seven Wonders of the Redneck World (and, truthfully? we’re still considering it because of its simple and logical design). We also didn’t want to have to slather anything onto ourselves, even if it were natural and safe, as having to get gooped/slimed up every time we wanted to enjoy the cool of the evening just seemed like a zen-kill.

Then we came across the CedarCide site. The site itself looks kind of rough around the edges (note to the folks from CedarCide if you read this – we do web site development and would be willing to barter web services for cedar oil goods!) which made us skeptical that they were not a “real” company. But the more we read the more sense their story seemed to make. The basic concept is that the majority of bugs out there are repelled by cedar, including mosquitos and flies. The folks at CedarCide extract the oil from red Texas cedars and package it in various liquid and solid forms for consumer use.

Also compelling was the long, long, list of testimonials on their website. Now, normally, I place no stock in testimonials for products that are placed on the site selling said products, as they are handpicked and in some cases seemingly falsified, as they quote company prose as they describe the wonderfulness of their purchase. But I don’t know how to describe it, these rang true and seemed “real”, for lack of a better word.

The bottom line was we figured that we could try their products for no great cost, cedar oil couldn’t really hurt anything, and if it worked then great, if not then lesson learned for small number of dollars (compared to propane-based mosquito traps). So we ordered the YardSafe concentrate ($49.95 for a gallon, including a hose-end sprayer attachment) and the Vet’s Choice ($99.95 for a quart, but dilutes quite a bit) bath/dip.

We first tried the YardSafe by spraying our whole backyard. I included the wooden fence and the sides of the house as well as the part of the driveway the extends to the back, and I also gave the lawn furniture a light misting. That night we went outside in the late evening and encountered zero mosquitos or bites, whereas previously we would have been chased in with dozens of bites within a few minutes. We still had a few flies hanging around, but greatly reduced from the previous evening. The beneficial effects lasted for several days, then it rained for a couple of days, and on the next non-rainy evening we went out and the flies were back in increased numbers (but still less than before the treatment) but still no mosquitos. I gave area a quick refresher spraying and that chased off all but a few flies.

We’ve been using the spray now for a couple of weeks and we have only a few occasional flies, and after about a week after spraying (or two or three days of heavy rain) the mosquitoes start to return (but only a few). Our general process is to give the backyard a good spraying every weekend after mowing, and then to do quick spot sprayings as needed if the rain interferes with effectiveness.

And that process has given us back our backyard!! It’s actually amazing how quickly and effectively it chases away the mosquitoes. In fact, even if at some future date we get a propane mosquito trap, we’ll probably still use the CedarCide because it is *immediately* effective and it doesn’t take weeks like the propane traps to have an impact.

We also dipped our dogs in the Pet’s Choice and they smelled really nice. Not sure if had any effect on fleas (not sure they had any), but it didn’t hurt them and they smelled really good. Not sure the Pet’s Choice is worth money, but we’ll use up this batch and see if it has a better cumulative benefit.

All in all, we’re going to be buying a lot more YardSafe over the years. If you have a backyard plagued with mosquitoes, flies, and other bothersome pests, you may want to give it a try!

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Before going to see Superbad ask yourself if you are offended by crude sexual humor, crude language, underage drinking, underage sex, underage smoking, male bonding, funky geeks, or penile oeuvres. And if you think you might be, ask yourself this: could put up with them in order to see a movie that will have you snorting your soda out of your nose with laughter?? And also ask yourself if you could put up with them if they are not the point of the film (as they are in the vast majority of “teen sex comedies”) but instead are necessary to the plot, because the plot revolves around two male graduating high-school seniors, and those things define their lives?

And also know that the film actually has a message hidden beneath the teen hijinks plot. Not a message that bludgeons you over the head, but a simple and sweet message about being friends and becoming adults. It’s sometimes hard to see the sweetness through the crudity, but then that’s the paradox of all young men on the verge of adulthood, which this film captures perfectly.

The movie focuses on two lifelong friends who are facing the last few days of high school together. They’ve gotten into different colleges and so are facing the prospect of a drastic and unwanted change in their lives. They also both want to get girlfriends for the summer – one (Seth) so that he’ll be good at sex before he hits college, the other (Evan) because he really likes a particular girl. The focus of their goals is a graduation party where both girl-targets will be in attendance, and each couple has engaged in some awkward-teen flirting during the school day prior to the party that night.

The boys have another friend, Fogell, who is the ultimate total geek. And even though neither Seth nor Evan are particularly suave or smooth, they look like James Bond and Cary Grant when compared to Fogell. But Fogell has a trump card – he has gotten a fake ID. Seth’s target-girl Jules thinks that Seth will be bringing the booze for the party she’s hosting, and the three boys quest to acquire and deliver the alcohol is the crux of the movie.

Their quest is complicated by the fact that Fogell’s fake ID shows his name simply as “McLovin” – no first name. When asked why he picked that name, Fogell states that they let you pick any name when you get down there, and he was stuck between “Muhammad” and “McLovin”. By the end of the film the name “McLovin” has muscled its way into the American patois and I predict will forever be used to refer to geeks, with the implication that they will flower into intelligent, successful, sensitive men (as geeks usually do, take note teen girls). It’s nice to see geeky dorks getting a cool archetype – thus is the genius of ‘McLovin’.

Fogell/McLovin gets involved in a liquor store robbery and ends up in the company of two friendly cops. Seth and Evan think Fogell has been arrested and so go off on their own search for alcohol, with the lack of a fake ID now increasing the degree of difficulty. Suffice it to say that hilarity ensues.

Running through the film is a slightly deeper story. Seth and Evan have been lifelong friends and always planned to go to college together – heterosexual life partners, to steal a phrase from Jay and Silent Bob. But Evan got into Dartmouth and Seth didn’t – he got into “State” (where the girls are half as smart and so twice as likely to “fellashe” him). Fogell has also gotten into Dartmouth, and he and Evan are planning to be roommates, but Evan doesn’t want Seth to know that part as he thinks it will hurt his feelings.

During their quest, Seth and Evan have a falling out, but all is bittersweetly resolved by the final frame. Oh, a word about the end credits. Stay. Take my word for it.

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As China emerges onto the world stage as a budding economic and political near-superpower, the United States has a great big welcome waiting for them, kind of like this:

For those of you unfamiliar with the original source image above, that’s what happened to 26-year-old Robin Ventura when he charged the mound after the 46-year-old pitching legend Nolan Ryan plonked him. That photo catches one of six straight uppercuts to the head that the veteran Ryan delivered before somebody saved poor Robin Ventura. Ryan had announced his retirement and I’m sure that young, brave Sir Robin thought he’d teach the old man a lesson before he left. Nope, wasn’t gonna happen, kid. Ryan said he had perfected his headlock technique wrassling steers for branding at his ranch. That gave Ryan the kind of experience, poise, and confidence that the younger Ventura just couldn’t bring to the table.

And right now I think the same thing is happening to young, upstart China, courtesy of wiley veteran The United States of America. And the uppercuts are being delivered as problems with Chinese goods. Tainted toothpaste, toys with lead paint, defective tires, deadly pet food – the list seems endless, and it seems to grow monthly. And I don’t know about you, but all of this talk of substandard and dangerous Chinese goods seemed to have started happening fairly recently. Before that China was happily mass-producing crappy goods to fill all the Wal-Mart shelves in the US, with nary a peep about quality or safety.

But now, suddenly, scandal after scandal over defective and dangerous goods. And today a Chinese toy plant owner/manager committed suicide, presumably due to his humiliation over the recent toy recall. And a few weeks ago China executed the head of their FDA-counterpart for taking payoffs for drug approvals. None of this is building US consumer confidence in Chinese goods.

And, if looked at from a particular perspective, these events could be interpreted as a deliberate anti-marketing campaign. I mean, think about it…Chinese products are harming our children, killing our pets, causing car accidents, and poisoning people who clean their teeth. That describes the major points of most Americans’ daily morning routine. You get up, brush your teeth (and get poisoned), feed your dog (and poison him), have the kids put down their toys (off of which they’ve gnawed poisonous lead paint chips), then (if you’ve managed to survive long enough) drive them to school on your ready-to-fail Chinese tires. I predict the next two Chinese product scandals will be over breakfast cereal and coffee, which would give them 100% failure in the American morning routine.
When I apply the sniff test to all of these incidents, they come up smelling like something other than random occurrences. Somebody, somewhere is making these things happen publicly at this point in time. I doubt it’s the Chinese trying to committ some kind of geopolitical suicide. I don’t think Russia or any other nation has the resources or skill to create and exploit incidents of this magnitude. That leaves the good old US of A with the motive, means, and opportunity.

Why, exactly, would we do this to China? Let me take you back 25 years, to the rise of Japan in the 80’s. Everything was turning Japanese in the 80’s. They were mass-producing virtually all consumer electronics, buying all of the US real estate, buying up our movie studios, taking over our businesses, buying Senators and even a President (Reagan) with their massive wealth and power. Everyone was told to get ready for the rise of Japan as the new leader of the world, with the US becoming their Britain-ic lapdog. Popular movies like Blade Runner (1982) and Rising Sun (1993) had major themes that Japan would take over and set the tone for the world, not the United States.
In retrospect it seems silly that we were worried, since Japan is now such a harmless and trusted partner of the US, but back then all savvy, up-and-coming MBAs were learning Japanese, embracing sushi, and honing their golf games for the inevitable dealmaking on the links with our new Senpai.

But something happened to Japan. They over-leveraged themselves with investments and real estate, overpayed in artificially inflated markets, and then didn’t have the economic mass to survive the collapse of their real estate and financial markets. I have my doubts that the fall of Japan was a naturally-occurring market correction. Instead, my theory has always been that the US judo-ed Japan by making our real estate, entertainment, and industrial properties very attractive, artifically inflating the prices, and then ever so subtly using their economic momentum against them. I’m no economist, I don’t play one on TV, and I didn’t stay and a Holiday Inn Express last night, but that explanation has always rung true to me.

And it also rings true that it cannot be complete coincidence that a series of horrific Chinese product failures would occur so close together and all hit areas that are part and the heart and soul of America – our kids, our pets, our cars, and ourselves. I mean, what are the odds? Project yourself 20 years into the future and look back over these last few months and apply Occam’s Razor. Would you really think that these were naturally occurring events and revelations that coincidentally all happened in such a short time span and hit such near-and-dear areas of the American economy? I wouldn’t. Instead, to me, these events have all the hallmarks of a Machiavellian program by the United States directed against the economy of the Chinese state.

Now, I’m not saying that the US directly *caused* all of these product scandals. That probably didn’t happen – I mean, I can’t see the US poisoning dog food on the sly then blaming China. Maybe, but doubtful. I also don’t think the US is simply fabricating the issues – too easy to fight back against false charges. No, the two most likely scenarios I can think of are that either the US is *indirectly* involved, such as by developing a network of contacts that are alerting us to existing issues. I give this one about a 40% chance of being the case. The other likely scenario, in my opinion, is that problems with Chinese goods are ubiquitous, kind of like offensive holding on a given football play, and the US is simply “discovering” the issues in ways that are most strategically harmful to China. I give this one a 60% chance of being the case.

And why would we do this? Well, I think that part is obvious. We don’t want to (and probably can’t) simply invade China like some wayward oil state. We also don’t want them to get up so much economic momentum that we can’t exert some kind of control. And with the US being their major market, poisoning the attitudes of everyday Americans against Chinese goods is a great way to show China that we control their purse strings, ultimately. Even with a billion citizens, the Chinese economy goes nowhere without international trade.

And so the US is using a little of the tactics of the old mobster-run unions in the United States. The factory owner or shipping company suddenly finds themselves faced with sick-outs, labor troubles, unexplained equipment failure, missing goods, and spotty work quality. Then they get a visit from the union rep, expressing sympathy for their plight, and intimating that if the owners would just play ball, maybe all these troubles might just…disappear…capiche? And in most cases the math works out so that it makes more sense to play ball than to fight back, particular against an enemy with superior firepower and resources.

And so I predict that in the next 12-18 months the US and China will come to some kind of terms for China’s entry into and position on the world economic and superpower stage. It will all be couched in the language of diplomacy and may seem completely unrelated to these recent product scandals. But in the back rooms and between the lines the message will be clear. The US will make China an offer it can’t refuse. And China will accept it…or remain a frustrated backwater.

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There are occasions when one person stands up and articulates a watershed moment in history, and last night it was Keith Olbermann on his NBC show Countdown:

For those who prefer to read it, the full transcript appears at the bottom of this page.

I could not have said it better myself. This Administration has inexorably eroded the trust placed in them by the American people, and their continued conniving has lost them their right to any moral authority in matters foreign or domestic.

Olbermann refers several times to the Watergate scandal of the Nixon administration. There were at least two positive aspects to the outcome of the Watergate scandal. First, the American public and the media set aside their blind faith in the office of the President and has since subjected the office to high levels of scrutiny and accountability. And second, we got Nixon. He didn’t get away with it. He did wrong – he perverted the government for his own ends, we caught him, and he resigned in disgrace. That doesn’t change what he did, but it forever puts the actions of his administration in the category of “Wrong”.

And that’s what needs to happen with the current administration. They have done wrong and they cannot be allowed to get away with it. Just for context, if you know me or read much of this site, you know that I’m not a Democrat or a Republican, I’m not a Liberal or a Conservative. I’m just an American. And I am fed up. The following excerpt from Olbermann’s diatribe sums it all up for me:

Keith Olbermann:

You both crossed the Rubicon yesterday. Which one of you chose the route no longer matters. Which is the ventriloquist, and which the dummy, is now irrelevant. But that you have twisted the machinery of government into nothing more than a tawdry machine of politics, is the only fact that remains relevant.

Below is the full text:

Keith Olbermann:

Finally tonight, as promised, a Special Comment on what is, in everything but name, George Bush’s pardon of Scooter Libby.

“I didn’t vote for him,” an American once said, “but he’s my President, and I hope he does a good job.” That, on this eve of the 4th of July, is the essence of this democracy, in 17 words. And that is what President Bush threw away yesterday in commuting the sentence of Lewis “Scooter” Libby.

The man who said those 17 words, improbably enough, was the actor John Wayne. And John Wayne, an ultra-conservative, said them when he learned of the hair’s breadth election of John F. Kennedy instead of his personal favorite, Richard Nixon, in 1960. “I didn’t vote for him, but he’s my President, and I hope he does a good job.”

The sentiment was doubtlessly expressed earlier, but there’s something especially appropriate about hearing it now in Wayne’s voice: The crisp matter-of-fact acknowledgment that our form of government has survived, even though for nearly two centuries now, our Commander-in-Chief has also served, simultaneously, as the head of one political party and often the scourge of all others. We as citizens must, at some point, ignore a President’s partisanship. Not that we may prosper as a nation, not that we may achieve, not that we may lead the world, but that merely we may function. But just as essential to the 17 words of John Wayne is an implicit trust, a sacred trust: That the President for whom so many did not vote, can in turn suspend his political self long enough, and for matters imperative enough, to conduct himself solely for the benefit of the entire Republic.

Our generation’s willingness to state “we didn’t vote for him, but he’s our President, and we hope he does a good job,” was tested in the crucible of history, and far earlier than most. And in circumstances far more tragic and threatening. And we did that with which history tasked us. We enveloped our President in 2001. And those who did not believe he should have been elected, indeed those who did not believe he had been elected, willingly lowered their voices and assented to the sacred oath of non-partisanship.

And George W. Bush took our assent, and re-configured it, and honed it, and sharpened it to razor-sharp points and stabbed this nation in the back with it. Were there any remaining lingering doubt otherwise, or any remaining lingering hope, it ended yesterday when Mr. Bush commuted the prison sentence of one of his own staffers. Did so even before the appeals process was complete; did so without as much as a courtesy consultation with the Department of Justice; did so despite what James Madison, at the Constitutional Convention, said about impeaching any President who pardoned or sheltered those who had committed crimes “advised by” that President; did so without the slightest concern that even the most detached of citizens must look at this chain of events and wonder to what degree was Mr. Libby told: “Break the law however you wish, the President will keep you out of prison”?

In that moment, Mr. Bush, you broke that fundamental compact between yourself and the majority of this nation’s citizens, the ones who did not cast votes for you. In that moment, Mr. Bush, you ceased to be the President of the United States. In that moment, Mr. Bush, you became merely the President of a rabid and irresponsible corner of the Republican Party. And this is too important a time, sir, to have a Commander-in-Chief who puts party ahead of nation.

This has been, of course, the gathering legacy of this administration. Few of its decisions have escaped the stain of politics. The extraordinary Karl Rove has spoken of “a permanent Republican majority,” as if such a thing, or a permanent Democratic majority, is not antithetical to that upon which rests our country, our history, our revolution, our freedoms. Yet our Democracy has survived shrewder men than Karl Rove. And it has survived the frequent stain of politics upon the fabric of government. But this administration, with ever-increasing insistence and almost theocratic zealotry, has turned that stain into a massive oil spill.

The protection of the environment is turned over to those of one political party, who will financially benefit from the rape of the environment. The protections of the Constitution are turned over to those of one political party, who believe those protections unnecessary and extravagant and quaint. The enforcement of the laws is turned over to those of one political party, who will swear beforehand that they will not enforce those laws. The choice between war and peace is turned over to those of one political party, who stand to gain vast wealth by ensuring that there is never peace, but only war.

And now, when just one cooked book gets corrected by an honest auditor, when just one trampling of the inherent and inviolable fairness of government is rejected by an impartial judge, when just one wild-eyed partisan is stopped by the figure of blind justice, this President decides that he, and not the law, must prevail.

I accuse you, Mr. Bush, of lying this country into war. I accuse you of fabricating in the minds of your own people, a false implied link between Saddam Hussein and 9/11. I accuse you of firing the generals who told you that the plans for Iraq were disastrously insufficient. I accuse you of causing in Iraq the needless deaths of 3,586 of our brothers and sons and sisters and daughters and friends and neighbors.

I accuse you of subverting the Constitution, not in some misguided but sincerely-motivated struggle to combat terrorists, but instead to stifle dissent. I accuse you of fomenting fear among your own people, of creating the very terror you claim to have fought. I accuse you of exploiting that unreasoning fear, the natural fear of your own people who just want to live their lives in peace, as a political tool to slander your critics and libel your opponents. I accuse you of handing part of this Republic over to a Vice President who is without conscience, and letting him run roughshod over it.

And I accuse you now, Mr. Bush, of giving, through that Vice President, carte blanche to Mr. Libby, to help defame Ambassador Joseph Wilson by any means necessary, to lie to grand juries and special counsel and before a court, in order to protect the mechanisms and the particulars of that defamation, with your guarantee that Libby would never see prison, and, in so doing, as Ambassador Wilson himself phrased it here last night, of you becoming an accessory to the obstruction of justice.

When President Nixon ordered the firing of Watergate special prosecutor Archibald Cox during the infamous Saturday Night Massacre on October 20, 1973, Mr. Cox initially responded tersely, and ominously. “Whether ours shall be a government of laws and not of men,” he said, “is now for Congress, and ultimately, the American people.”

President Nixon did not understand how he had crystallized the issue of Watergate for the American people. It had been, to that point, about the obscure meaning behind an attempt to break into a rival party’s headquarters; and the labyrinthine effort to cover up that break-in and the related crimes. But in one night, Nixon transformed it. Watergate instantaneously became a simpler issue: a President overruling the inexorable march of the law of insisting, in a way that resonated viscerally with millions who had not previously understood, that he was the law. Not the Constitution. Not the Congress. Not the Courts. Just him.

Just, Mr. Bush, as you did yesterday. The twists and turns of Plamegate, your precise and intricate lies that sent us into this bottomless pit of Iraq; your lies upon the lies to discredit Joe Wilson; your lies upon the lies upon the lies to throw the sand at the referee of Prosecutor Fitzgerald’s analogy. These are complex and often painful to follow, and too much, perhaps, for the average citizen. But when other citizens render a verdict against your man, Mr. Bush, and then you spit in the faces of those jurors and that judge and the judges who were yet to hear the appeal, the average citizen understands that, sir. It is the fixed ball game and the rigged casino and the pre-arranged lottery all rolled into one, and it stinks. And they know it.

Nixon’s mistake, the last and most fatal of them, the firing of Archibald Cox, was enough to cost him the presidency. And in the end, even Richard Nixon could say he could not put this nation through an impeachment. It was far too late for it to matter then, but as the decades unfold, that single final gesture of nonpartisanship, of acknowledged responsibility not to self, not to party, not to “base,” but to country, echoes loudly into history. Even Richard Nixon knew it was time to resign.

Would that you could say that, Mr. Bush. And that you could say it for Mr. Cheney. You both crossed the Rubicon yesterday. Which one of you chose the route no longer matters. Which is the ventriloquist, and which the dummy, is now irrelevant. But that you have twisted the machinery of government into nothing more than a tawdry machine of politics, is the only fact that remains relevant.

It is nearly July 4th, Mr. Bush, the commemoration of the moment we Americans decided that rather than live under a king who made up the laws, or erased them, or ignored them, or commuted the sentences of those rightly convicted under them, we would force our independence, and regain our sacred freedoms. We of this time — and our leaders in Congress, of both parties — must now live up to those standards which echo through our history — pressure, negotiate, impeach —- get you, Mr. Bush, and Mr. Cheney, two men who are now perilous to our democracy, away from its helm.

And for you, Mr. Bush, and for Mr. Cheney, there is a lesser task. You need merely to achieve a very low threshold indeed. Display just that iota of patriotism which Richard Nixon showed, on August 9, 1974. Resign. And give us someone, anyone, about whom all of us might yet be able to quote John Wayne, and say, “I didn’t vote for him, but he’s my President, and I hope he does a good job.” Good night and good luck.

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Where to begin with the Michael Vick/dogfighting tragedy? My first reaction upon hearing the allegations was “Yeah, that sounds about right”. Michael Vick has always struck me as an egostitical, idiot loser, so adding sadistic torturer to the list wasn’t that big of a leap. I won’t cover the allegations in detail here, but suffice it to say that, if true, Mr. Vick has not only engaged in dog fighting, with all the associated cruelty and barbarity that entails – he also seemed to revel in the creative and sadistic elimination of dogs that didn’t perform up to his pathetic standards.

I’m hearing two things consistently from Vick that confirm just how despicable he is. First, he’s playing the race card and stating that he’s being targeted because he’s black. Listen, dogfighting is so monstrous that ANY person of ANY color in ANY public role would be being subjected to this same scrutiny and outrage. For example, the last time I checked Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan were white. I call BS.
Secondly, Vick is claiming that he didn’t know that any dogfighting or dog training was occuring on his property. To own a property that you visit regularly, and then to claim that you never noticed the extensive kennels, rape stands, fighting pits, bait dogs, and carcasses of the vanquished is simply preposterous to the point that he’s actually giving us the finger, metaphorically. He’s taking the ‘street’ route of dealing with all inquiries by authorities with “I don’t know anything” and “I didn’t see anything” and “I didn’t do anything”. I call BS again. Either BS or Vick is actually mentally challenged.

The issue, as I see it, is that there is a sub(human)-class of people who see nothing wrong with the abuse of animals. This includes “people” involved in sport hunting, cockfighting, dog fighting, bear-baiting, bullfighting, and all of the other blood sports. As an example of this psychosis, immediately after the allegations arose around Michael Vick, he was immediately defended by two other NFL players. They didn’t defend him in the sense of saying Vick didn’t do it. They defended him by saying that there was nothing wrong with dog fighting. Really, they did. Who are these two? Clinton Portis and Chris Samuels from the Washington Redskins. Here’s an excerpt from their stunning defense, courtesy of Sports Illustrated Online:

In an interview with WAVY-TV, Portis said that if the Atlanta Falcons quarterback is charged and convicted of being involved in a dog fighting operation, then authorities would be “putting him behind bars for no reason.”

 

“I don’t know if he was fighting dogs or not,” Portis said. “But it’s his property; it’s his dogs. If that’s what he wants to do, do it.”

Portis said dog fighting is a “prevalent” part of life.

Portis, a native of Laurel, Mississippi, added: “I know a lot of back roads that got a dog fight if you want to go see it. But they’re not bothering those people because those people are not big names. I’m sure there’s some police got some dogs that are fighting them, some judges got dogs and everything else.”

“Politicians,” added Samuels, who found it hard to keep from giggling while Portis was talking.

I assume from their breathtaking oratory that they both have law degrees (as well as publicists/agents that didn’t get to them fast enough to keep them from making jackasses of themselves). You know they’ve been silenced by now, but their first, unfiltered responses open a window into the mentality of the class of people who abuse animals and simply think nothing of it. An animal is a piece of property to be used and/or abused as the owner sees fit and it’s nobody elses business.

The only tiny piece of good news in all of this horror is the otherwise universal condemnation of Vick’s actions. In a move that I almost cannot believe, the Reverend Al Sharpton, along with Defmogul Russel Simmons, have partnered with PETA to lobby Michael Vick’s corporate sponsors to drop him. Now, Reverend Al is one of the most dependable defenders of black people who are the subject of witch hunts, to the point of sometimes backing the wrong side in certain cases. However, where a black person is being railroaded by the court of public opinion, you can count on Reverend Al to be there to speak out for moderation and to steadfastly maintain that no judgment should be made until all the facts are in.

But in this case Reverend Al has immediately turned on Michael Vick. That ought to send Mr. Vick a message – even the staunchest defender of black people has abandoned him. The only support he has left is his family (one presumes), his lawyer (a paid lackey), his employer (the NFL would love for him to be able to play), and the other trogolodytic wastes-of-space who think that dogfighting is a good thing.

There are also others making a clear statement about this behavior. Nike cancelled the launch of a new shoe sponsored by Michael Vick, although they haven’t pulled existing Vick shoes (yet). Airtran also did not renew their endorsement deal which expired after these allegations came to light. The NFL has asked Vick not to report to training camp, at least not yet, and the scuttlebutt is that they’re trying to convince him to voluntarily bypass this season in an attempt to separate his trial from the NFL season. And several old white men (including Senator John Kerry and Senator Robert Byrd) have voiced their condemnation of these acts.

[Update 7/27/2007 7:27pm] Nike has announced they are suspending Vick’s contract WITHOUT pay, but not severing the relationship completely. Reebok has announced it has stopped selling Vick’s offical replica jersey. And Donruss trading cards are pulling Vick’s cards from all 2007 card packs. Beautiful, just beautiful!!!

Also, it’s not like Vick was beloved before the dogfighting issue. Prior to the publicity surrounding this investigation, sponsors like Coca-Cola, EA Sports, Kraft Foods, and Hasbro had cancelled or failed to renew their endorsement deals with this loser. So it’s not like these new allegations are somehow bursting his bubble of popularity – he’d been doing a fine job of that all by himself and the dogfighting is serving simply to seal the deal in the court of public opinion.

And to those of you who think that pit bulls are naturally violent and only good for fighting, please do some reading and maybe meet some pit bulls that are owned by educated, loving owners. The pit bull is a fantastic fighter, and that’s the problem. Jerks and idiots choose to adorn themselves with these great fighters because it supports their juvenile image of themselves. And to be sure everybody understands how tough they are (via their dog’s toughness), they torment and abuse their dogs until the dogs become mean and nasty. The same would happen with any dog of any breed subjected to the same abuse, it just so happens that pit bulls are naturally better fighters and so become the canine bling for idiots.

In a more direct example, we own a rottweiler cross, along with another dog and two cats. Our rottie is one of the most loving, caring, gentle, intelligent dogs that I have ever owned. At mealtime our cats will blithely stroll up between her legs and eat from her food bowl. She doesn’t like it, and sometimes will try to push the cat away with her snout. The cat reacts by grooming our big tough rottie’s face and then sidling off. She is a gentle guardian, and we have no doubt that she would lay down her life to protect her pack, and she would be an overwhelming obstacle to anyone bent on wrongdoing in our household.

We had an incident where a long-time friend of ours came into our house unexpectedly through the side kitchen door (he was early for a get-together and one of our family members on the driveway told him to go on in). He came in through the kitchen shouting a hearty hello to the family, but since he hadn’t come through the front door and was entering through an unexpected direction, our rottie leapt up from a dead sleep, leaped across the living room in two bounds with ruff up, teeth bared, and snarling like a devil hound. Once she saw it was our family friend she immediately put on the brakes and gave him a sheepish, butt-wagging greeting, but for about two seconds there we got to see her in full attack mode, and it was astonishing. I pity the criminal fool that ever gets to meet the business end of our dobie-o-matic. But around good folks and children she continues to be a gentle, loving creature with absolutely no malice in her heart.

And what of Michael Vick? His lawyers and publicists are certainly working overtime. Here are two pictures of Michael Vick – one is pre-indictment (street-thug, keeping it real) and the other is post-indictment (wrongfully accused pillar of the community). Can you tell which is which?

Throughout his career in the public eye Michael Vick has maintained his cornrowed, gangsta look. Through controversy after controversy he steadfastly maintained his hard-core look, never deigning to change himself for the PR value. Until now, that is. What kind of pressure could force an arrogant, ignorant prick like Vick to cut off his trademark cornrows? I’d say it was guilt and fear. Not guilt over what he has done, but guilt as in he knows he broke the law. And fear as in the fear of losing it all and being seen for the pathetic, sadistic loser that he really is.

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CNN Headline News has managed to pinpoint the difficulty we are facing in Iraq:

I mean, really, what are our troops supposed to do against an imp like that? Shooting him would seem like an overreaction, but then he just won’t listen to logic or even to threats to take away his Wi’i. Maybe the release of the new Harry Potter book will keep him occupied so that we get at least a couple of days of relief.

Note: the above image is an unretouched capture from CNN Headline News yesterday morning (7/24/2007). It was a simple mistake where the caption from the previous story stayed on the screen over the video for the following story.

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