CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

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Wow… it looked like every guy there was going to be a groomsman in the same wedding. Nothing was a huge standout, and all the tuxes were very conservative! (I actually approve of this). The women didn’t necessarily stand out, either, although there were a few flashes of elegance. Black predominated, along with plunging necklines. I guess folks are holding out the big guns for the Oscars!! None of the jewel-tones from last year really appeared (although there was a Desperate Housewife in coral):

You’ve Heard of Washboard Abs? I’ve Got a Washboard Chest!

The trend I really loved was no bronzing!! Thank goodness nobody there felt as though they had to look as though they’d flown in from St. Bart’s. There were some absolutely gorgeous ladies with wonderfully porcelain skin. Hallelujah.

Loved:

• For once Johnny Depp looked almost… handsome and dapper in a nice red shirt and pocket square with a nice suit.I’m Gonzo for Scruffy Puffs
• Teri Hatcher’s golden mermaid (Atelier Versace)Hurry. I Haven’t Breathed in an Hour.
• Jesse L. Martin looked quite handsome and classy in a shawl-collar and long-tie tux.I Look Gorgeous, Sensuous, Unpretentious… Outrageous!
• Although I like the long gowns better, Anne Hathaway really did look lovely in her over-the-shoulder sparkly Marc Jacobs. So adorable, and I loved the unfussy close-cropped braid.If I Win, Maybe I Could Afford the Other Shoulder!
• At first I didn’t like Sandra Oh’s Collette Jennigan gown, but it really was very flattering on her and she’s just so darn cute.
  Forget Grey’s Anatomy… Here’s Mine!
• I think on anyone else I might’ve hated Ziyi Zhang’s lime green Giorgio Armani Privé. But she looked fabulous in it, truly a frothy confection to behold.
  I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Really Think So
• Leonardo DiCaprio’s deep blue just-a-bit-shiny tux.If I Only Had a Beard…
• At first I didn’t think I liked Geena Davis’ bejeweled bosom red gown, but given that she was nominated for playing the president, it was actually just the right note – patriotic and elegantly feminine at once.Veto This, Baby!
• Keira Knightly was saintly in her white Valentino. Everyone there should hope to look so classic, so put-together, so utterly unfussy despite an embellished dress.
• Mmm, Yes, Fascinating Darling. Is That the Buffet?
• Maria Bello, another lady in white, also looked stunning in Elie Saab.
  Okay, Now I Just Have To Remember Not to Lean Forward…
• And I never would’ve thought I would’ve liked a velvet tux, but Clint Eastwood would look good in just about anything.Yeah, That’s Right. Fuzzy Harry.
• Producer Cathy Konrad’s gorgeously simply black satin halter sheath. One of the few low-cut dresses I loved.Well, I’ve Really Always Wanted to Direct.
• Eva Longoria looked great in a classy Bob Mackie.
  Are You Sure I Still Look Pretty Even Though You Can’t See My Boobs?
• Kyra Sedgewick looked wonderful in Bottega Veneta. At least she actually wore a color this time!Can You See Me Now?

Mediocre / Indifferent:

• Natalie Portman’s vintage Chanel black lace dress that highlighted her not only her boobs but also too-skinny frame. I know everyone says how classic and Audrey Hepburn she looked, and she would’ve if the top of the dress didn’t look like a bad bustier.What Other Choice Did I Have? I Look Like a Boy Right Now.
• Emmy Rossum’s blah-beige ruffleganza…. Overall the shape was very flattering on her, but I just can’t stand that color in a gown. It’s so … boring!I Didn’t Want to Wear Any of those Flashy, Stare-at-Me Pastel Colors
• Mary Louise Parker’s black dress with draped hair left me… bored.
  So, If I Get the Muchies During Dinner, This Gardenia is History
• Penelope Cruz’s Marc Jacobs almost-has-some-color draped chiffon was very overshadowed by the hair.
  Maybe I Could Donate Some of My Hair to Leonardo DiCaprio’s Chin
• Charlize Theron looked almost too elegant in her John Galliano for Dior. I actually kind of like the dress, and she looks beautiful as always, but… it just seems too safe. I would’ve loved to see her deep green satin or something like that.
  I Actually Burst Into Flames if I Wear a Color More Intense than Peach
• The always-a-train-wreck trying always to look sexy Melanie GriffithCan You See Them Now?
• Ah, the hazards of vintage. Reese Witherspoon in Vintage Chanel Haute Couture looked her adorable self but the dress was a bit ill-fitting.
  Maybe I Could Work out An Exchange Program with Melanie Griffith
• Felicity Huffman looked very nice but the criss-crossing on the dress just didn’t make it for me. I normally like the “Grecian Goddess” look but here it left me kind of lukewarm.Oh Man, did my Parachute Fall Off Again?
• Laura Linney looked nice in Valentino but I’m not sure red was her color. And I didn’t get the strap.It’s Actually a Matching Guitar Strap!

Not a big fan:

• Hillary Swank’s slender black column was boring and (from the side) unflattering. I will give her sympathies, though — she looked tired and barely there. Divorces suck.Girls Do Cry
• Rennee Zellweger was similarly exhausted-looking in Carolina Herrera.
  Ok, Two Carrots and a Celery Stick. No, Only One Carrot. And a Perrier — No, Half a Perrier. No Lime.
• Anthony Hopkins’ wife’s “Boobs in Bondage” criss-cross dress.Are You Sure You Can See Them Now?
• I actually almost like Rachel Weisz’s too-low-cut gold Donna Karan dress but have to put her on this list for the lipstick that looked truly corpse-colored under the stage lights.Hey Cool, It Has a Built-in Napkin!
• Scarlett Johannson proves that red is her color in Valentino, but the swimsuit neckline is kind of boring.
  If Only it Had a Built-in Napkin or Something
• Adrien Brody’s continental look with the self-important cravat was hilariously awful.
  If I Suck in My Cheeks Do I Look Even More Like a Whippet?
• Virginia Madsen’s pale blue mermaid dress was unexciting at best.Damn. Pale Blue Isn’t a Career Saving Color?
• Tim Robbins’ all-black tuxedo wasn’t actually as bad as his horrible shag.Damn, That All-Natural Earth-Friendly Minoxidil Shampoo Sure Does Suck.
• Gwyneth Paltrow’s Disney dress by Balenciaga… to quote Engineerboy “Did she lose the bridesmaid’s contest”? Although I guess she is pregnant and fashion choices may be limited. But… hmmm, not a fan.Duh…Snow White… Apple… Get It?
• I hate to put her in this category, but the puffy sleeves on Catherine Deneuve’s black gown were terribly unflattering.Well, I Was Talking To Gwyneth About Playing Maleficent
• The always-freaky and please-look-at-me Mariah Carey. Doesn’t she ever get tired of her cleavage? I sure do.Don’t Hurry. Take as Long as You Need. Breathing is Overrated.

Oh My God:

• Drew Barrymore’s “Leave Zero to Imagination… or Underwire” sheer green gownFor Ten Bucks I Can Make Them Move in Opposite Directions
• Maybe this should be the booby prize list… Pamela Anderson’s breast-swatch over the slender white column. (At least the darker color was on top). But she so couldn’t stay still up there, it just highlighted her disproportionate-ism. That may be on purpose.When You Absolutely, Positively, Have To See Them