CleverDonkey.com …Musings, Commentary, Opinions, and Drivel

It’s Oscar Sunday again!!
We will be posting live updates during the broadcast all night! (Well… sort of live… we run about an hour behind on the TiVo cache to capture these images for your amusement. Do you see how we bleed for you, anonymous public? Do you SEE?!)

We hear Diablo Cody is wearing diamond shoes tonight but haven’t seen them yet. However, if they do appear, rest assured that those pics and MANY more will be posted throughout the evening and into the wee morning hours. Look for extra dishiness, cattiness, and typos as we get progressively more punchdrunk and actually drunk as I start to nip into the limoncello.

Top Honors

Jennifer Garner
Okay, so I’m biased here because I we used to watch Alias (yes it’s true, okay, there, I admitted it), but damn she is just too beautiful. She looks fabulous, I love the soft messy hair, normally I would diss the black mermaid and collared necklace but she’s too great. I just love her dress! And she’s so nice, she name-checked her stylist when asked for ‘her secret’ to looking so great.

 
Hillary Swank
Rocks the Versace, also earning high marks with black sleekness and illustrating the one-shoulder trend to come for the evening.

Couples Fever

Heidi Klum & Seal
Seal & Heidi looked dashing. Seal as always dapper in a conservative tux with a special shout out for the tiny curved-point collar (I’m sure there’s an official name for it but I don’t know what it is). Oh, and the back of Ryan Seacrest’s head as a lapel pin. Heidi showed up in a Galliano stand-up collar red gown that looked a bit like she was a villaness in a Disney flick but no matter; she was wearing it so that it would raise heart disease awareness and money by being auctioned off afterward for charity. All together now…awwwwww!

George Clooney & Girlfriend
They said her name earlier but I don’t remember. But they are a dapper couple — I like how she matched her silver dress to his hair color! Seriously, though, I don’t recommend any floral prints at the Oscars, honey. You’re adorable but that dress looks a wee bit

• Leave a comment... (0)

Red, V’d, and Black

There was a trifecta trend this Emmy season — everyone seemed to either be wearing some shade of cranberry or fuschia, a deeply v’d halter dress, or basic black — or some combination therein. Satin was the texture of choice as well, with very few folks going for the old guard designers, preferring instead newer designers such as Loris Azzaro or Bottega Veneta.

Red Goddesses

Heidi Klum was the reigning red goddess in a deep cranberry tone; she was absolutely a vision in Dior, soft hair, and earrings of her own design.

Katherine Morris (of Cold Case) was beautiful from the front but a bit shocking from the back with the “Cupid’s Dungeon” version of the red satin gown that dominated many a form this evening.

Kate Walsh also chose Pamela Dennis red satin drapeyness and paired it with dopeyness — if that dress wasn’t so clingy I’d swear she had a hip flask concealed on her somewhere. She really seemed a bit out of it and loopy, and the lopsided ponytail wasn’t helping, since it looked like one of those get-my-hair-of-the-way-so-I-can-throw-up kind of ponytails. Um, not that I would know.

Ali Larter also sported bright red satin, opting for the sorority-sister-towel-wrap silhouette. And oh my gosh she could not have been more happy to be on camera, moueing and prancing at every opportunity.

Lisa Edelstein (from House) kept the red trend going. She seemed cute and happy (if a little severe) with her pulled-back hair and deep halter in red.

Felicity Huffman shrouded her shockingly bony frame in a too-revealing David Meister draped halter. Seriously, Felicity, please gain some weight. Cleavage isn’t supposed to show bone.

• Leave a comment... (1)

Weirdest Trend of the Night: Bruise Chic
So, black and blue is an unusual combo, but both Maggie Gyllenhaal and Portia DeRossi combined them with elegant results.

Maggie wears the one-shoulder well, although I’m not sure if her hair accessory is feathers or an oil slick. I guess neither is very PC, though, given this is the first environmentally friendly Oscars, eh?

Portia’s slender frame works quite well with the cutaway and shimmery fabric.

Things I Normally Don’t Like That I Liked For Some Reason

I have never ever seen a Zac Posen dress I liked… ever… until this gorgeous terra cotta pleated sheath.

I generally think Celine Dion dresses terribly and I don’t care for low-cut gowns, but this elegant emerald creation with just-the-right-amount of diamond bling was just perfect.

Ditto for Anika Noni Rose — not usually a big fan of the low cut but she looks radiant, or at the least irradiated!

I normally diss beigey neutrally colors, but this satin quicksilver Vera Wang gown on Rachel Weisz is absolutely stunning.

Stuff I Loved

Jodie Foster (also in Vera Wang) is fabulous in cornflower chiffon.

Reese Witherspoon once again proves she’s not hurtin’ post-breakup — at least not visibly — in this plummy Nina Ricci.

Love the dress on Queen Latifah and absolutely adore anything Carmen Marc Valvo.

Simply stunning. Can’t say enough good things about Helen Mirren and her ability to just look flat out gorgeous.

Cate Blanchett models one of the nicer costumes from ’300′. No, seriously, she absolutely wins top Mynagirl honors with her unerring ability to look like a bronzed (or in this case, pewtered) goddess — top notch in Armani Privé.

Although normally I ignore men’s fashion during my little reviews, I have to give a shout out to Ryan Seacrest’s Calvin Klein underpants. Britney, take note, honey.

The Everpresent “Enhh” Category

If only they could’ve gold-plated her smile… Jada Pinkett Smith’s gown isn’t horrible, but she looks wicked tense.

The flappity gold wings don’t quite work… I wish Jennifer had gone for the clingy diva look she wore onstage

• Leave a comment... (0)

Am I just getting old and crabby? Maybe the chardonnay is making me more catty than normal. Either way, enjoy.

Likes!

Kyra Sedgwick’s asymmetrical goddess gown was a delight

The Clothes-er
Living well is the best revenge — Reese Witherspoon is radiant (if a bit thin) in kicky yellow satin with some fiery red shoes

These Laboutins are made for walkin’
24′s Mary Lynn Rajskub was adorable in her white column and shoulder duster earrings

Satellite uplink achieved!
Renee Zellweger, despite looking like she always has a pillbug in her mouth, was indeed beautiful in emerald satin

Mmmbllhdbblldlds… blech
What all the Grecian cheerleaders are wearing!!

Hayden Pannettiere’s Grecian Monique L’Huillier frock and fall are lovely and young
The always adorable and fresh Kate Winslet in Ungaro

Wull Hullo Darling!
America Ferrera was lovely in Lapis-colored Brian Reyes

Georgeous America
Sienna Miller’s messy Grecian ‘do with simply lined but busily printed Marchesa gown was quite radiant on her slender frame

I will be laying down some Law of my own
This breaks all my rules — low cut, etc, but damn… she just pulls it off!! Beyonce shimmers with straight hair and a curvy gold-clad body

Ok, so the Golden Globe joke is too easy, right?
The Arquettes let their freak flag fly in leather and lace

Arque-a-licious
Hilary Swank was put together and precious as the Black Dahlia

Finally, back together again
Penelope Cruz is gorgeous and classic in Chanel Couture

Volver-ilicious

LOLs

Angelina Jolie did her best Sunny Von Bulow impression

Oh, You Have No Idea
Annette Bening looks pained in an awkwardly tailored gown/blouse/top/thingy

Wow, I forgot about the award show… good thing I had my old Christening pinafore!
Evangeline Lilly and the Amazing Technicolor Speedo Gown (by Versace)

Dammit, I told my stylist I wanted a mermaid gown!
Always good for a laugh is Sharon Stone, here shown sucking the life force out of a much younger man

Hmmm… Cruella de Ville or Gloria Swanson? You decide!!

Ennh.

Sarah Paulson’s too-safe, not-really-there, not-really-doing-anything-for-me strapless champagne left me… bored

Did I take “Sunset Strip” a little too literally, maybe?
Michelle Williams looked beautiful but she stuck with her knack of picking the wrong color for her skin

Yes it’s quite a warm shoulder
Cate Blanchett was flashing back to the 80′s in lace Alexander McQueen. We could’ve stayed in the present, but she is nevertheless radiant and adorable.

Oh Ryan, You’re so Fine!
Jennifer Love Hewitt sports a Dangerous Liaisons bodice green gold gown

Iron-clad, baby
J-Lo was not dispelling any pregnancy rumors

• Leave a comment... (0)

Oscar Arrives!

Argent de Poche

Strangely, pockets were a mini-theme this year… both Amy Adams and Sandra Bullock wore blossomy dresses with pockets, and both looked utterly relaxed. I guess a beautiful gown with pockets just makes you feel less stressed, like you’re just hanging out.

Amy Adams’s striped Carolina Herrera was gorgeous and elegant

Sandra chats calmly during the red carpet mixing

Pales in Comparison

It’s official, I will never like pale colors on the red carpet. Color, people, color!!

Naomi Watts was radiant as always, but that washed-out Givenchy did not do it for me… I actually liked the gauzy messiness of it all, but I just can’t stand that pale color on her!!

I had a really bad run-in with King Kong before the show

Naomi’s b.f. Nicole Kidman was similarly milk-toast in her ivory column.

Ice princess Nicole

Even Reese Witherspoon and Uma Thurman chose the pale look.

Reese paled it up as well

Uma… where’s Oprah?

Golden Girls

Going just one shade beyond pale were the gowns ranging from gold to goldenrod. Jessica Alba was radiant with beautiful hair and jewelry, even if her gown did make her look a titch naked at first glance. Michelle Williams’s mustardy dress wasn’t my favorite, especially with those cool, dark colors in her antique-y necklace.

Golden princess Jessica

Mustard princess Michelle

Even radiant Jennifer Garner chose an icy barely-gold sequined number.

Stunt princess Jennifer

And Bahar Soomekh of Crash is so beautiful, I was sorry she spent the night in yellow chiffon, even if it is Calvin Klein.

Persian princess Bahar

But it wasn’t just the young kids in shades of gold… Jane Seymour wore a pale gold gown that showed off her figure (perhaps a smidge too well).

I’m hoping to sub for Dolly Parton if possible

Back in Black

Of course, not everyone was brave enough to go for ivory or pale gold. Some had to get really brave and go with… black. Jennifer Anniston, Felicity Huffman, and Rachel Weisz all opted for black. Although Felicity’s Zac Posen look was a bit more daring than the other ladies.

I’m hoping to stand out as little as possible

Just in case you had any doubts from Transamerica

I think my pregnant belly leaves no doubt at all…

Charlize Theron also chose a blackish green gown whose puffy sleeve was almost matched by her hair-helmet hairstyle.

Well, I have a pillow to use if the telecast gets too boring

Color, although Not Very Much

The most colorful dress of the evening was Salma Hayek by far — in a radiant

• Leave a comment... (0)

Click here for the CURRENT YEAR’S Golden Globes Report

Wow… it looked like every guy there was going to be a groomsman in the same wedding. Nothing was a huge standout, and all the tuxes were very conservative! (I actually approve of this). The women didn’t necessarily stand out, either, although there were a few flashes of elegance. Black predominated, along with plunging necklines. I guess folks are holding out the big guns for the Oscars!! None of the jewel-tones from last year really appeared (although there was a Desperate Housewife in coral):

You’ve Heard of Washboard Abs? I’ve Got a Washboard Chest!

The trend I really loved was no bronzing!! Thank goodness nobody there felt as though they had to look as though they’d flown in from St. Bart’s. There were some absolutely gorgeous ladies with wonderfully porcelain skin. Hallelujah.

Loved:

For once Johnny Depp looked almost… handsome and dapper in a nice red shirt and pocket square with a nice suit.I’m Gonzo for Scruffy Puffs
Teri Hatcher’s golden mermaid (Atelier Versace)Hurry. I Haven’t Breathed in an Hour.
Jesse L. Martin looked quite handsome and classy in a shawl-collar and long-tie tux.I Look Gorgeous, Sensuous, Unpretentious… Outrageous!
Although I like the long gowns better, Anne Hathaway really did look lovely in her over-the-shoulder sparkly Marc Jacobs. So adorable, and I loved the unfussy close-cropped braid.If I Win, Maybe I Could Afford the Other Shoulder!
At first I didn’t like Sandra Oh’s Collette Jennigan gown, but it really was very flattering on her and she’s just so darn cute.
Forget Grey’s Anatomy… Here’s Mine!
I think on anyone else I might’ve hated Ziyi Zhang’s lime green Giorgio Armani Privé. But she looked fabulous in it, truly a frothy confection to behold.
I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Think I’m Turning Japanese, I Really Think So
Leonardo DiCaprio’s deep blue just-a-bit-shiny tux.If I Only Had a Beard…
At first I didn’t think I liked Geena Davis’ bejeweled bosom red gown, but given that she was nominated for playing the president, it was actually just the right note – patriotic and elegantly feminine at once.Veto This, Baby!
Keira Knightly was saintly in her white Valentino. Everyone there should hope to look so classic, so put-together, so utterly unfussy despite an embellished dress.
Mmm, Yes, Fascinating Darling. Is That the Buffet?
Maria Bello, another lady in white, also looked stunning in Elie Saab.
Okay, Now I Just Have To Remember Not to Lean Forward…
And I never would’ve thought I would’ve liked a velvet tux, but Clint Eastwood would look good in just about anything.Yeah, That’s Right. Fuzzy Harry.
Producer Cathy Konrad’s gorgeously simply black satin halter sheath. One of the few low-cut

• Leave a comment... (0)

Oscar 2006 Fashion Report!

Click here for the 2006 report!

Oscar 2005 Fashion Report Archive

Well, at least there was some color this year! There weren’t too many standouts – my favorite was probably Helen Mirren. She just looked utterly drop-dead gorgeous, no kidding – fun and elegant but unfussy. A close second was Catalina Sandino Moreno, who was the perfect mixture of classy and sexy with a white Roberto Cavalli and a long, sleek ponytail.

Likes:

Beyoncé, for the two seconds she was wearing her “on the red carpet” dress looked great in black velvet — almost a disturbingly hourglass figure, but she looked very elegant — simple dress, big earrings, not-too-fussy hairstyle. I was sick of her by the end of the Oscar telecast, however – they should’ve gotten some other people to sing some of those songs.

Helen Mirren looked fabulous — sexy, eclectic, elegant, put-together, and utterly beautiful. Bravo.
Virginia Madsen looked very elegant in navy blue Versace — the dress wasn’t a knockout but her overall look with hair, makeup, and earrings was just breathtaking.

Great First Timers:

Catalina Sandino Moreno, nominated for Maria Full of Grace. She looked flawless in a white Roberto Cavalli body-hugging gown with jewel-encrusted straps.
Malaak Rock in a gorgeous Pamela Dennis dress in beige with black eyelash lace (although I’m hoping that the collar wasn’t fur).
Emmy Rossum, who could easily be the new Julia Roberts, looked classicly gorgeous in a red satin Ralph Lauren with some beautiful Harry Winston rubies.(Although hopefully Emmy and Sandra Oh didn’t stand next to each other at any of the after parties, as Emmy’s and Sandra’s Michael Kors dresses looked nearly identical):

Undecideds or so-so’s:

Loved the color of Kate Winslet’s almost-sapphire dress, but the cut and decoration weren’t my faves. Overall she’s gorgeous, though.
Scarlett Johansenn’s fuzzy blond, bejeweled hair and oddly gathered black dress.

Not a Big Fan:

Laura Linney’s dress was ordinary and bland, but she did outstand in one area: her hairstyle was spectacularly unflattering.
Cate Blanchett’s too-pale yellow silk chiffon with a wow-this-does-not-match burgundy belt. She’s so beautiful, I wish she’d choose brighter colors, like the deep crimson satin at last year’s Oscars.
Similarly, Penelope Cruz’s too-pale Oscar de la Renta yellow-with-an-ugly-1987-prom-dress butt bow and train.
Hilary Swank’s navy blue Guy LaRoche dress — the backless part was okay but the swathed front left a little too little to the imagination for my tastes.
Clive Owen’s velvet tie.

Yucks:

Like I even have to say it — Johnny Depp’s freaky blue tuxedo jacket. (Editor’s note, 3/6/2005: I saw in People magazine that the collar pin, not very distinguishable on TV, was actually a Hunter S. Thompson gonzo pin worn in memoriam. Okay, that was kinda classy.)
Rene Zellweger’s emaciated Mrs. Claus outfit.
Mario and Melvin van Peebles’ bowler hats.

The Red Carpet Coverage:

Ugh. First off — they kept saying it was commercial free

• Leave a comment... (0)

Click here for the CURRENT YEAR’S Golden Globes Report

This is the 2005 report.

Likes:

Angelica Huston was gorgously wonderful in a simple long black dress with loads of diamond necklaces. It was a great look, sumptuous and very sexy.

Mariska Hargitay once again looked stunning in Vera Wang (also her choice for the Emmys), this time in a medium pink silk column with ring detail at the shoulder.

Glenn Close in a beautiful black Geoffrey Beene, worn to honor him (he recently passed away).

Jennifer Garner was classy in a bright red gown; whether or not she chose that color to synchronize with the release of Elektra is anyone’s guess.

Kim Raver from 24 looked great in a pale yellow chiffon wrap Carmen Marc Valvo (but then again I’m super-partial to this guy, seeing as how every fancy gown I own is Carmen Marc Valvo). She accesorized with a gorgeously long and sparkly triple-looped necklace — very nice.

Emily Rossum looked radiant in a white gown although I never got a good look at it.

Eva Longoria was quite elegant in a black Oscar de la Renta.

Kerry Washington from Ray was just knocked-out in a turquoise Narcisso Rodruiguez. She deserves props for dressing so elegantly at her first awards show.

Dislikes:

Joely Richardson in a too-pale aquamarine column, neck-cutting scarf, and too-severe hair bun.

Halle Berre in a mis-matched breastpiece gown.

‘Oh My God’s:

Melina Kanakaredes in a don’t-you-like-my-flat-stomach revealing gown. I guess her red silk keyhole from the Emmys just wasn’t racy enough for her. I swear, that gown is a reject from the Miss America pageant.

‘Oh My God’ Worst of the Night Special Honorable Mention:

Diane Kruger’s horrific gold lamé … towel wrap? (I’m not sure I can call it a dress). A terrible two-piece nightmare: too tight up top, showing flesh on one side, and in general, looking like she should’ve been tending bar at the Luxor. This is why I give props to Kerry Washington for looking so elegant and pulled together at her first awards show — because this is what happens when you aim to stand out.

The Coverage

As a side note, I of course switched from the E! coverage to the TV Guide channel… red carpet coverage just isn’t red carpet coverage without Joan and Melissa. However, it just wasn’t the same type of coverage as E… you couldn’t really see anyone’s dress — I think maybe they didn’t have enough booth space? The coverage seemed a bit disorganized: you could see less famous stars heading up the stairs and then slinking back down as Joan said, no we’re waiting for so-and-so, so they didn’t have handlers ahead of time making stuff work smoothly. It also seemed like a lot of the big stars didn’t really stop by, it seemed. Plus, because it is still the TV Guide channel, they still had to have a “what on what channel” ticker

• Leave a comment... (0)

In general, there were no really horrific messes this year and not too many standouts. Mariska Hargitay wins top honors for best dressed at the Emmys in a gorgeous, gorgeous, absolutely classic outfit – a beautiful apple green Vera Wang column dress-and-a-train complete with a tropical flower in the hair. She just glowed and looked every inch the classic Hollywood goddess. (I guess being a newlywed helped, she was just smiling the whole time as well).

For the most part I liked:

Heather Locklear’s wine-colored goddess dress
Portia Di Rossi’s classic Givenchy with great Diane Von Furstenburg jewelry.
Marlo Thomas’s classy white column as she accepted her father’s Bob Hope Humanitarian Award.
Drea de Matteo’s beautiful and slightly renaissance-looking black and gold frock.
Kim Catrall in a simple but fun pink Pamela Rowland – her overall look was just so simple and effortless.
Jennifer Anniston’s gorgeous white tube dress from Chanel with a very Indian gold design.
Cheryl Hines in an absolutely gorgeous Norma Linay teal beaded chiffon halter.

I found very blah:

Laura Linney’s black knee-length Prada frock.
Sarah Jessica Parker’s unspectacular yet somehow fussy black ankle length Chanel couture.
Amber Tamblyn’s too-old-for-her garnet-colored fishtail gown.
I almost-liked Debra Messing’s beautifully cut and colored beaded gown, but it was a bit too short for her (and quite see through on the backlit Red Carpet).

I thought the following were horrible!! I officially want to outlaw keyhole gowns.

Cynthia Nixon’s unflattering brown jersey sheath with a ropes-of-turquoise necklace. Even Engineerboy noticed it was less than Emmy-worthy: “What’s with that turquoise?? Did she hold up Phoenix at gunpoint??”
Mary Louise Parker’s “Hooray for Boobies” brown keyhole dress.
Edie Falco’s unflattering black Randolph Duke tulle over beige going in several directions at once.
Melina Kanakaredes’ red silk keyhole gown – not even bias cut!
Patricia Heaton’s wacky multi-colored Elie Saab… the drape and cut were nice and fairly flattering on Patricia’s body, but the colors were just a little too out-there for me.
Jane Kaczmarek’s custom made weird Randy Rohm (sp?) dress … she really does make some strange choices. It had some weird embroidery and beading. If she had this custom made, that makes it even stranger for me.

• Leave a comment... (0)

Oscar 2006 Fashion Report

Click here for this year’s Oscar report!

Oscar 2004 Fashion Report Archive

This is last year’s Fashion Report. Click here for the 2005 Fashion Report!

Wow, one month less of planning and consultation with designers makes an awful lot of difference… the 2004 crop of Oscar dresses was quite disappointing. The best dress I saw was Melissa Rivers’ on the E! pre-game show! Next to hers was probably Jennifer Garner’s vintage Valentino in a gorgeous shade of dark coral… trim, classy, and perfectly paired with some heavy Byzantine gold bracelets and a gorgeous set of gold and crystal earrings.

Beyond those two standouts, everyone’s dress was ordinary or awful… mostly just ordinary! Just like at the Golden Globes, Catherine Zeta-Jones once again chose a dress that looked like a long skirt sewed onto a 1940’s swimsuit… she definitely needs to try a more interesting neckline once in a while. Samantha Morton’s dress was more memorable, but the confused accessorization and strange dress just didn’t work. Liv Tyler looked cute and lithe in Givenchy (no surprise, since she’s a print model for them) but the 1940’s side-pin hair was a little overly weird.

The main trend was the blahness in beige… Charlize, bless her beautiful heart, looked gorgeous and radiant as always, but the beige sparkly Gucci was a tad uninspired. It could’ve been swapped out with Naomi Watts’ beige sparkly Versace and I don’t think anyone would’ve noticed. Patricia Clarkson’s way-too-close-to-flesh-toned Bill Blass column dress not only accentuated her way-too-close-to-underweight frame, it just didn’t really do anything for how classic her features are!! She’s such a beautiful woman, I wish she would’ve worn something red to match that deep red lipstick she can wear so well.

Renee Zellweger was more of a standout in an ice-cream-colored Carolina Herrera gown with a huge bow and train. Julia Roberts also looked elegant… she was also in beige Armani, but at least it was it was shimmery satin with some rhinestone accents. Not my favorite, but she was still radiant and lovely.

My least favorite outfits have to go to Marcia Gay Harden’s Star-Trek-gone-wrong violent blue pregnant frock with the strange bee hive hair helmet and Kelly Lynch’s fight with a light blue wrapping paper machine (Kelly lost). Dishonorable mention also goes to Uma Thurman’s diaphanous crumpled white mess with the weird blue belt.

All in all, I was hoping the E! pre-game predictions would come true… I was looking for spring colors: bright, fun dresses with a little dare and fun. Instead, everyone played it safe and boring… beige, pale, or black. Yawn! I guess I’ll have to wait for next year.

• Leave a comment... (0)